Stuck In A Moment
by Biba79
Summary: An event tests Booth and Brennan's relationship. Booth kept telling himself that it would take time, and he needed to be patient. Will they be able to get through it? Booth/Brennan.
1. Stuck In A Moment

_A/N: I have had this story written for the past year, but I never had the courage to post it. It is complete, so hopefully I will post it frequently. _

_I just want to warn everyone that this is angst to the fullest, so if you don't like angst, I suggest you not to read it. Although, I can tell you that I do like happy endings, even though I might put Booth and Brennan through hell, there is always something good to look forward to. _

_I want to thank jsg__,__ Thnx4theGum, Angiebc, and BrainySmurf6__ for their wonderful help. _

_Also, this story goes to Laffers and LeeLee, because they begged me to post it._

_Song "Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of" by U2._

_Disclaimer: Characters are not mine, they belong to Hart Hanson._

_Enjoy!_

_You've got to get yourself together  
You've got stuck in a moment  
And now you can't get out of it_

Don't say that later will be better  
Now you're stuck in a moment  
And you can't get out of it

Chapter 1

Angela was explaining how their latest victim was killed with a demonstration on the brand new and more sophisticated Angelator. Everyone was watching carefully. They were almost done with the case, they had their suspect in custody already, and they were about to turn the evidence over to Caroline.

Booth shifted from side to side; he felt on edge. He had been feeling like this for the past four months, but today he felt apprehensive and uneasy in a way he couldn't explain.

They were reaching the end of the meeting. Everyone asked questions and added their expertise, except Brennan. She was quiet for the entire two hours they were there, didn't ask questions, and didn't answer them. She had put her findings in writing, so she didn't have to talk or communicate with anyone. The less she talked to anyone, the better she felt.

Lately, being with Brennan was like being with a bomb that was ticking down the seconds to an explosion. Booth could see that she wasn't really there; the emotions were flickering on and off her face, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the current case. He sighed deeply. He felt as though the woman he had known for twelve years was disappearing in front of his eyes just a little bit more with each passing day, and he couldn't help but wonder if the day would come when she was going to be completely gone. He used to think that it was just a part of the process, a phase that would pass, but not anymore. And he had once called himself an optimist.

Brennan had agreed to come back to work after a four-month leave of absence, but maybe it was too soon. He thought it would be good for her, that work would be as cathartic for her as it was for him, but it wasn't like he thought. She was serious all the time, there was never a smile, never a casual visit to the Hoover just to say hello. She never called his phone anymore in the middle of the day either. Never a stolen kiss or teasing banter. No more partners in stopping crime; they weren't partners at all if he was honest with himself. They weren't the center anymore, everything had fallen apart. She would only go out to crime scenes with Booth when she had to - when it was absolutely necessary. And she never went to interrogate suspects anymore; she insisted that he didn't need her there, so she stayed at the lab to do her job as a 'scientist'.

She worked as fast as she could on the platform, but she made sure her work was done correctly and perfectly; after all she was a perfectionist. Then she would return to her office and stay there alone. She never socialized with the team anymore, not even Angela. She would only talk to them if it pertained to work. She would share something related to the case they were working on, and then she would return to her office pronto.

She only agreed to come back to work after everyone begged her. Everyone but Booth told her how overworked they were. They needed and wanted her to come back, and they kept telling her how it just wasn't the same without her until she got so damn sick of hearing about it. In one of her typical explosions, she agreed to do it, just to shut them all up.

Of course, Booth had tried to persuade her to come back at first, but his attempts were only met with cold and stony silence. He knew if he persisted in asking her to come back to work she would never go back. He used to be the only one who could talk her into anything. All it used to take was a twinkle of his chocolate eyes, and she gave into him; not anymore. Everything had changed. Their relationship seemed to have disappeared too.

They barely spoke through the day, and in the evenings, somehow she always managed to make an excuse not to eat dinner with him and their seven-year old son Cooper. She would close herself in her office at home and not allow anyone else in, locking it when she left so Booth had no idea what she was doing in there. He hoped she was writing; it would do her good to express herself that way, and God knew she refused to talk to anyone. No counselors, no ministers, no priests; she couldn't bring herself to talk to them. He had practically begged her to join a group therapy or find a shrink - besides Sweets, because she refused to open up to the kid. That had resulted in one of the worst fights ever and had left Booth feeling as though maybe she was right, and it was he who needed the shrink.

Brennan would be amazed to know that after their last battle, he had gone to see Sweets alone, because he felt so lost. Funny what being at your wits end will do to you? Booth rarely ever went to Sweets alone, but he did it to help his soul and pick up the pieces of his heart. He knew he needed help. Of course, he talked about Brennan the entire time, not once touching on his own painfully haunted memories. It was better that he fooled himself into forgetting what happened - that way it could never slip out. He had to somehow bury it deep into his soul so it wouldn't ever reach the surface again.

They were living in the same house, husband and wife, but living wasn't exactly right, because they just existed among each other. It was as if they were on autopilot, going through their day to day motions as if the routine had been memorized. A couple of robots programmed to do their duties. Booth tried to talk to her, but she never seemed to care about anything anymore. For once, it was him that needed to talk; for the first time since he had known her, she wasn't there to listen. He missed her so much, and he needed her more than ever. He never in all their time together had felt so cut off and alone. He wondered if the loneliness would ever go away.

Booth kept telling himself that it would take time, and he needed to be patient. The feelings of foreboding would never dissipate, and that terrified him. This had rocked him as much as it had Brennan, and his life would never be the same. His heart would never heal completely, and he knew it. They had shared this loss together, and now he felt as though he had lost her too. So, in a way his loss was twofold, because without her he knew he could never get through this, but she didn't seem to care about anything anymore, not even him. His grief for the loss of Brennan was almost harder to bear, because she was here, right here in front of him, but he was not allowed the luxury of touching her. He wasn't able to brush away the tears that occasionally fell. It was like being tortured, having her so physically close and yet mentally and spiritually so far away.

Brennan felt his eyes on her for the millionth time during that meeting. She couldn't take it anymore. What did he think he would see? Did he think she would suddenly smile at him? Did he think that now that she was suddenly back at work, everything was normal? Nothing would ever be the same again. She felt the ache reach so deep inside her; it was like an endless hole being bored through her, leaving an open and bleeding wound. It would never go away. She couldn't shed the tears everyone insisted she should. Mostly she felt numb. When she wasn't numb, all she felt was rage. She knew she had to get the hell away from everyone, because it was killing her; it was torture to keep up the pretense of being normal.

It was time; she had waited long enough. She had to get this behind her once and for all. She had known since the first day back that being here was a mistake. She dreaded his reaction, she dreaded the looks she would get, but most of all, she dreaded the idea of pretending this place could fill the void in her life when nothing ever would.

Booth knew something was going to give. It was inevitable. The distance widening between them could not last. She hadn't spoken more than two words to him that morning. The only person she seemed to open to was Cooper, and then there was Parker when she saw him every other weekend. He would see just a small glimpse of the old Brennan when she looked at their son Cooper, a tiny sparkle of who she used to be. He wanted the fire back that was his wife, his Bones. He wanted the smiles, the rolling eyes, the fights about nothing, and the silly times. He wanted her to beg him to let her to drive his SUV to a crime scene, he wanted her to say 'I don't know what that means', and admonish him for his irrational beliefs. He wanted the warmth of her - her lips, her arms, her entire being. He wanted their lives back.

It was as though she had turned into a statue, a cold, unfeeling, inanimate object, and the only ones who could bring her to life anymore were Cooper and Parker.

Booth forced himself to concentrate on adjourning the meeting. He opened his mouth to do so, "Okay, if that's…"

"I have something to say." Brennan gathered the courage. She dreaded the reaction she knew she would receive. A part of her wanted to stop herself from inflicting any more pain; there was too much already in everyone's hearts. She saw the pain in their faces when they looked at her, especially his; she could not face that every day, she didn't want their pity. She just wanted to be left alone. Why couldn't they understand her? She wanted to crawl away like a wounded animal and deal with this in her own way. She still loved them all, but she was so lost in her own misery that she couldn't show them that love. She had to get away from the world she knew... except her son; he was all she had left now.

Booth's eyes focused on his wife. His shaking fingers nervously tapped the Angelator, and his throat went dry as he waited for her to speak. He felt as though all he was doing lately was waiting. Waiting to touch her. Waiting to hold her. Waiting to kiss her. Waiting for that smile again. Waiting for her to cry on his shoulder. Waiting for that guy hug that he desperately needed right now. Waiting to be her husband again. But he saw nothing in her eyes, no bond, no love, nothing at all. Everything they had was breaking and he felt it with each passing day. He felt totally helpless and there was nothing he could do to repair it. What could he do to bring life back into her eyes?

Booth knew this was up to her; he couldn't help her unless she wanted it, and she certainly didn't. She had made it abundantly clear to him that the last thing she wanted was him. He knew that as far as she was concerned, he was the last one she could ever turn to. He forced his attention to the present, even though every self-protective instinct he had was advising him to stop her from speaking. He stayed silent, waiting.

Brennan moistened her lips, as she delivered the crushing blow. "I want you to know that I…" She was having a hard time with her words, "this is very hard… I just… I tried to come back, but this isn't working for me. I know we are like a…" She couldn't say the word 'family'; because the family was broken, beyond repair now. "I'm sorry." She said shaking her head, and she clenched the fist that was resting on top of the Angelator. She held it together by pushing her fingernails into her palm so she could feel the pain, but the moment her nerves registered it, she opened her hand. The pain was unbearable.

Everyone's attention was focused expectantly on Brennan. Hodgins sneaked a quick glance at Booth to see if he knew where this was going, but Booth's expression told him that was not the case, that he was also clueless. He was as surprised as everyone else.

Angela's face was worried as her eyes darted from Booth to Brennan and back to him again. Cam gazed at Brennan, her eyes filled with sympathy. Cam had bad vibes all morning. She had a good reason for the feeling; the tension in the room was so thick a knife wouldn't cut it.

Brennan couldn't look at them, so she focused on her other hand which was holding a pencil. She hadn't heard a word of what was said in their meeting, nothing about the case or how the victim was killed. If someone asked her for details, she would be in trouble, and she was the one that had given cause of death. How good was she at her job lately? Not good at all. And that fact made her feel sick to her stomach.

"I've made a decision; I hope you understand. I just can't… I mean I tried… to come back…. I thought maybe it would be..., but I just can't do this anymore. My heart isn't in it." Her voice broke slightly as a lone tear rolled down her face. She wasn't really crying, this was just an automatic reaction. She knew she was letting them all down. Maybe part of her still cared about them, but not enough to stay, not enough to want to stay anyway.

"I need to quit," Brennan informed them. "I'm going to quit the Jeffersonian." she corrected herself. "As of today."

X-X-X-X-X-X

_A/N: Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think of this first chapter? Can you figure out what's going on?_


	2. Displaced

_A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews, you guys are incredible._

_Song "Displaced" by Azure Ray_

_It's just a simple line  
I can still hear it all of the time  
If I can just hold on tonight  
I'll know that nothing  
nothing survives  
nothing survives_

I think I'm turned around  
I'm looking up not looking down  
and when I'm standing still  
watching you run  
watching you fall, fall into me

Chapter 2

Booth's intake of breath was the only sound in the room. He felt as though he had been sucker punched, as though his bruises had bruises. Each time she had verbally struck out at him, he felt the black and blue marks, but he hadn't even tried to stop her. Maybe he had hoped that by letting her verbally assault him, she would somehow get to the pain inside herself. If she hit hard enough, maybe her words would ricochet off him, and maybe she would be able to feel again. But maybe he was wrong; maybe she was never going to feel again. He never once raised his voice to her; never once threw anything back in her face. He didn't feel like fighting with her; it was the last thing he wanted. He wanted his wife back. Whatever it took he was willing to shoulder it, to handle the blunt of her grief. Maybe in his own guilt some part of him thought he deserved it.

He had known she was about to do something drastic. He felt like he was on the brink of something catastrophic, but what could be worse than what had already happened? Thank God they had Cooper and Parker; otherwise she might do something... His heart broke off the thought. He couldn't contemplate any more loss. And now she wanted out. What would this do to them? He couldn't fathom the mere idea of her never being at the Jeffersonian again, never working a case by his side. They were partners! How could he go back to The Bureau and have a different partner?

"Bren," Angela's gentle voice brought some feel of normality to the room. "Don't you think it's a little rash to want to quit... I mean, we all understand that you need time to…"

"Understand?" Brennan's eyes rose accusingly, they reflected bitterness and sorrow. She didn't have control over her emotions anymore. They seemed to be on a one way roller coaster ride to hell, and she was powerless to stop them. She spewed it out sporadically, like a bubbling pot that had been simmering, reaching the boiling point, then over-flowing... spattering out chaotically every which way, hitting whoever happened to be there. Booth had taken the brunt of it, but the others had too.

Everyone had been more than patient and sympathetic, especially Booth. She knew they were devoted friends, and would do anything for her, but no one could change what happened. If only someone could.

Booth watched the torment on his wife's face. He had seen it time and time again; she had taken all the sorrow and disappointment out on him. The only time she seemed to let go of the sorrow was in the presence of little Cooper and Parker. With them, he saw shades of the soft Brennan he loved. Cooper and Parker were the only people they both had to cling to. Their son was their salvation, the anchor that kept them from giving into total devastation. He felt guilty about that too, about putting so much on one little boy, placing every hope he had left on his brave little shoulders; it really wasn't fair. For once, Booth was glad that Parker wasn't living with him, so he didn't have to see so much sadness every day. He missed Parker, but he wanted him to be around happiness, not the sorrow and sadness their home had now become. He knew how much Brennan loved Parker too, just like a son. She had known him since he was four years old, and she treated him as her own, especially after what happened.

"_You_ don't understand!" Brennan eyes stared into them all. "_You_ couldn't possibly know! _You_ haven't lost a child, _you_ don't know!" Brennan was yelling shrilly, she was hearing her voice as if it were coming from someone else. "I have to get out of here… I have to leave." The desperation in her voice was unmistakable.

Booth wanted to say something, but there was a knot forming in his stomach. The pounding fear that his life, which had felt at best like a fragile pane of glass, was now about to shatter into a million pieces stopped him from speaking. He didn't know what the hell to do anyway. There was no plan, no strategy, no rabbit to pull out of a hat. He was just lost.

"Dr. Brennan, maybe you should think this over…." Hodgins' reasonable voice incited new anger.

"There's no need to think it over. I want out." Brennan said the 'out' with such emotion, it left Booth with little doubt that she was not only referring to their partnership within the walls of the Jeffersonian. His eyes captured hers, and she looked away quickly. He felt the hot tears forming. He wanted to cry, he wanted to cry for ages, but he couldn't let himself be weak. He had to stay strong, because if he gave into tears, he couldn't help her. He would be too consumed with his own grief to ever be of any use to her. And there was Cooper and Parker too, he couldn't let them down. They needed a father to be their rock, now more than ever.

"Dr. Brennan," Cam's voice was placating as though she were speaking to a frightened child, "Listen, maybe you can take another leave, as long as you want this time, but leaving... you belong with us, we're a family."

Angela chimed in, "Look sweetie, you're right; we have no idea what you are going through, you or Booth. But I do know how much you loved Liz. I can understand that very well."Angela's eyes reiterated the words. "We loved her too. I know how devastating this has been, but Bren, you can't leave. I agree with Cam. Take all the time you need, but don't quit. We love you, both of you. As time passes, you will be able to move on…" Angela knew before Brennan said a word that she had gone way too far. The fire in Brennan's wrath wasn't anything new. This time it was more heartbreaking than scary. Angela took a step back bracing for the attack.

"Angela? Really? You tell me how that will ever happen. Tell me! Would you be able to move on? What if it was your little girl? What if you never saw Gracie again? Would enough time pass for you to be able to move from that? Don't you dare tell me I'll move on eventually." Brennan's voice was trembling with rage, "Will I ever see her smile again? Will she lift her arms to me and ask 'Mommy up?' Is she going to suddenly appear in her bed and beg me to lie down next to her and read her a story?" Brennan's voice was venomous with the bitter taste of sorrow and sadness. "She was only five-years-old damn it! You move on Angela if it's so easy for you!" Brennan spit the words out, as though they were spoiled milk. She felt the prick of her conscience. Part of her knew Angela didn't deserve the attack, so she turned it back to the person who did. "It's my fault! If I hadn't been away…" Brennan's voice faded sadly.

"Bones!" Booth couldn't stand the hopelessness in her voice. His hand hit the Angelator hard, his frustration and helplessness at an all time high. He had wanted to shake her so many times lately. He didn't know what to do. In all the time he had known her, she had always been his strength, his hope. He couldn't stand to lose that in her. He felt angry and betrayed. He knew he had to tread carefully, but he would put a stop to her craziness. He had to for his own sanity.

He knew she was blaming herself for going on the trip. He had known she would do that, and he had tried many times to reassure her. It wouldn't have changed anything, he told her over and over again.

He stood on the opposite side of the Angelator from her; he started walking to her slowly, trying not to scare her away, praying to God he could reach her at last. She had put up a barrier between them. He knew about barriers, he had been trying to get through Brennan's barriers ever since they met. He wasn't going to quit now.

"It's true… I should have never left." Her voice faltered, under the guilt of failing to be by her daughter's side. She missed her last breath. She missed her last chance to hold her in her arms, to feel the warm sweet body against her breast. She would never get to look into her eyes again. The same brown eyes as her father, those penetrating chocolate eyes that sparkled in laughter and mischief, or shimmered in helpless tears. The last chance to feel the soft golden curls brush against her cheek, to feel the little chubby arms latch around her neck... she had missed it all. It might never have happened at all, if only she had been there. She would have known mommy was there. She would have fought harder to stay if she knew Brennan was there.

She had known. Her intuition had warned her, but she had shaken it off as over-protective-mom-syndrome. She never gave it another thought... until she had gotten the mid-morning call, the call that all parents dread so much. She knew as the phone rang, and the hours that followed were the most torturous of her life.

The airport in Denver was snowed in, no flights in or out. Her baby girl lay in the hospital in D.C., fighting for her life, struggling for each elusive breath. Her little hands must have reached out for Brennan, she must have felt abandoned. Just like when her parents abandoned her when she was just a teenager. She knew exactly how her baby girl felt, because she had been through it herself. But she was worse than her parents. She left her baby girl to die. The horrifying reality, the mere idea that Liz thought that Brennan deserted her, that broke her heart. Maybe Liz gave up too easily; maybe she thought Mommy didn't care. She had relived what she imagined were the last hours. She had put herself through the most horrible possibilities over and over again, consciously and subconsciously, even in her dreams... in her nightmares, she didn't give her the privilege to dream anymore.

She knew intellectually she had done everything she could to make it to her baby's side in time. She knew it was the weather's fault.

She never had the faith that Booth had. She never would now. She had watched him in troubled times and marveled at his resiliency. She knew it was based in his faith. She stood on the sidelines watching him bounce back time after time, although never wanting to share his belief in the ultimate higher being. He believed there was a reason for everything. What possible reason for this could there be, other than to kill her, to turn her inside out, and upside down, to take all her fragile happiness and viciously attack it, ripping away one of the most precious parts of her life?

She actually thought she deserved some happiness after her parents abandoned her, leaving her in foster homes for several years. Of course, there was The Gravedigger that attacked both her and Booth, and the big scare with Booth's brain tumor. She actually believed that after all of that, they were overdue for it, and foolishly, she trusted it. Anytime a warning thought came in, telling her to guard her heart, not to believe in too much, she shoved it aside, reveling in the beauty that was her family. Booth was such a wonderful father, and the children couldn't be more perfect. She had found blissful happiness. And now it was suddenly gone. Why had she ever imagined it would last forever?

She couldn't bear it. She couldn't go on as if nothing happened. She couldn't pretend she was alive, because she was dead too, just like her daughter. Her heart was no longer whole; her mind was no longer healthy. Her body felt wasted and used, every nerve was shot. The only thing that was remotely alive inside of her was the love she had for Cooper and Parker. That was all that had survived.

Booth's hand reached out to stroke her face. When had he come so near?

Her mind kept that horrible day playing over and over again. Not one day since had gone by without the scenes filling her head. Not one day would ever go by again without her thinking if only.

Brennan tried everything. Her near hysterical tears did nothing. She pleaded and begged; she would have gotten on her knees and paid for a private jet, if she could have made it to Liz's beside. She prayed, even though she didn't believe in God. She prayed, in desperation only a mother could know, to get there in time. She would have gladly given her own life to spare her little girl's.

If they had known, it never would have happened, because she never would have left. Everything comes back to that merry-go-around. 'What if's' going on for infinity. No answers, no peace. They were left with only questions.

The only way she could deal with it was to withdraw, hide it, crawl away from it slowly so it wouldn't see her, would never find her. So she did that. She retreated to a place of numbness, a place where there was no feeling at all. The only time she allowed herself to be exposed to sensation was with Cooper and Parker. She couldn't look at them without feeling. She loved them in spite of her fear of loving anything or anyone again. Being their mother and step-mother was the only thing she had left. Their smiles and laughter took away the guilt momentarily. Their innocent sparkling eyes penetrated the defense she had erected. Her precious little boy and her adorable step-son were like a lifeline. They were the reason she existed now.

She was able to feel love when she held her son in her arms, because she wouldn't hold it back from him. She would never want to. She had to cling to life for her son and for Parker. She had to hold on for them. They had to be enough. They were enough.

But there were so many times during the day when she found herself falling, spiraling into a black abyss. Her thoughts would take her away from Cooper and Parker, to a place dark and ominous. It would be so easy to continue to that destination, if not for them.

If she could die right now, she would. She would do it, just to see her little girl again. She would go anywhere, do anything, just to have one more glimpse of that little face, one more touch of the soft delicate skin. One more time. She would gladly die for that. She found herself questioning everything she ever believed in. Booth seemed to get strength from his faith. Even now, he had turned to his church, his priest, his God. She had no faith left. Her spirit so often threatened by outside forces, managed a strength and resiliency she never knew she had, but this was way too much for her to handle. She didn't have anymore strength left; there was no way she could withstand this last crushing blow.

Booth's fingers brushed against her cheek, the back of his hand caressed her hand softly, trying to soothe her. Nothing could do that. No one could do it, not really. And she hated that he had the guts to think he could.

She felt the anger rise up again, and she pushed him back and walked away from him, to the other side of the Angelator. She had to avoid his touch. She couldn't allow him to get too close to her. If she gave in even a little bit, she would be lost. She didn't see Booth's look of rejection as she bolted to the other side, backing away from him. She was blinded by rage, her fists clenched. "I'm getting out of here. I'm quitting, and I'm not changing my mind." She said it again, and she said 'out' like never before, and she meant it.

There was no way out. She knew that all too well. She yearned to escape from all of it. She knew that if not for Cooper and Parker she would seek out a permanent hiding place, where no one could ever find her, where she could cry endless tears and mourn this insurmountable loss all alone. She wanted no one around daring to tell her it got easier. The hell it would, it would never get easier. But no, staying numb was safer, numb was better, numb was the only way to live now. With no feelings allowed, you couldn't have the pain. But the anger never seemed to end. That was the one feeling that broke through the frozen tundra in her heart. She had never felt so much anger in her life, not even when her parents abandoned her, or when she was buried alive by The Gravedigger.

The only things that kept her from running away forever, were Cooper and Parker. Not her husband, not her friends. Only those two boys.

She knew Cooper and Parker were suffering too. They had loved Liz as well. All three of them were very close - they all loved each other deeply, hardly fought with each other. Cooper was suffering at such at a tender age, and Brennan hated that he had to learn what it was to lose someone so soon. Parker was sixteen years old and such a good big brother, to both Cooper and Liz, and he had cried so much for a teenager when he had found out. He loved that little girl. She truly was the light of the family, the one who brought everyone together, and now everyone was falling apart. Parker had promised himself that from now on, he would take care of Cooper and be the best big brother he could, even though they didn't live in the same house, and they only saw each other every other weekend. He made sure to call every other day to check on his little brother. Parker was only eleven years old when she was born, and even though he knew that Cooper saw her every day, that didn't stop him from loving her any less. His heart broke when he found out he lost his little sister.

Brennan had watched Cooper's face as he looked around the house, lost without his little sister. He missed Liz. He would burst into tears at night asking over and over when his little sister would be coming home. He was only two years old when she was born. Even though he was young, he was her protector from day one. The moment he walked into the hospital room to greet his newborn sister, he became her guardian angel, her champion. He would watch her in her bassinet, marveling at her every move, informing Brennan of anything that might be amiss. He retrieved the lost pacifiers, and he flung toys as she grew older; he was the quintessential protective older brother. He was very proud of his little sister, bragging rights were all his when company arrived. It tore Brennan apart to have to tell Cooper and Parker that she had died, somehow expecting them to understand it when she herself couldn't.

Booth's soft voice interrupted her thoughts. Her mind had been racing lately; it was never still, it was never at peace. "Bones, please, let's talk about this! You… you don't have to go!" Booth's face was pale; the stress lines around his eyes had deepened. In the last four months, he felt like he'd aged twenty years.

Brennan looked into those eyes that used to make her feel invincible. They had been her compass, her shining light. She saw no refuge now. She saw nothing but pain reflected in them. He looked like he was going down for the third time, about to drown, yet she couldn't reach out and to pull him up, because she was going under too. It was unbearable.

"We need to go through this together." His voice was a soft, almost pleading, whisper.

"I don't need you!" Her voice was full of contempt, she felt that ire rising. She hated him. She had to hate him; she couldn't afford to love him anymore.

Booth couldn't believe she said it. He wondered many times over the last few months, and now to have his fears confirmed was too much. He found himself staring at a stranger. They had always needed each other, depended on each other, even when they were partners back in the old days. Their deep, loving, understanding kept them afloat and centered. Now everything was off kilter. The invisible thread that held them together through countless tests and trials, it tattered and frayed.

"I don't need this place that drains the life out of me every day. I see death every day, and it keeps reminding me of what I lost. Just last week, I had to identify a little girl. She was about Liz's age. Do you know how hard that was for me? Losing her has changed my perspective on the job. I don't want to be here anymore. I need to get out of here, to leave this place behind." Brennan was serious about this. Her eyes focused on the buttons on his shirt, her tone was hard and cold.

"I think we should give them some privacy," Cam said motioning to the others to get out. For once, even Angela didn't make waves, although she couldn't stop herself from looking back once. Cam pulled her forcefully out of her own office. Angela had no idea how she could help her best friend, but she let Cam drag her out. She bowed her head sadly and walked away, hoping that Booth could save Brennan.

The door shut with a deafening thud. Booth and Brennan were alone on the opposite sides of the Angelator facing each other, although she wasn't looking at him. The chasm between them was widening.

X-X-X-X-X-X

_A/N: So, there you have it. Most of you guys were right. Let me know what you think so far? Good? Bad? Reviews are very much appreciate it. _


	3. Already Gone

_A/N: Thank you guys for the reviews and alerts. I know this is a tough story to read, but please have faith in me, I know where I'm going with this. _

_Song "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson_

_Remember all the things we wanted  
Now all our memories, they're haunted  
We were always meant to say goodbye  
Even with our fists held high  
It never would have work out right, yeah  
We were never meant for do or die  
I didn't want us to burn out  
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop_

_I want you to know_  
_That it doesn't matter_  
_Where we take this road_  
_But someone's gotta go_  
_And I want you to know_  
_You couldn't have loved me better_  
_But I want you to move on_  
_So I'm already gone_

Chapter 3

Booth stood still, he was petrified. He couldn't utter a word. She was putting him in solitary confinement. Why did he feel like someone else was dying? He was about to lose another precious piece of his life. The truth was he had already lost Brennan that fateful day four months ago. He had to see that now; he couldn't fool himself into believing she would ever be the same. He couldn't possibly expect things to be okay again, no matter how much he wanted it.

Brennan walked over to Angela's desk, away from the Angelator.

"Bones, tell me what you're feeling, maybe I can… maybe we can…"

"We can't." She turned on him. "No more! I can't be here for you now. I have to have breathing room. I feel like you have me under a microscope, like you analyze everything I do and say every single time I turn around your eyes are dissecting me. I need to breathe Booth!"

"I don't mean to do that!" Booth started the familiar mindless pacing, his hands expressed his frustration.

"Well, you do!" Brennan's voice was accusing.

"I'm worried! You're my wife! You… don't even seem like you anymore! You don't want me to care about that?" Booth's edgy tone set her off.

"No! I don't want you to care!"

"Why? How can I not care? My God Bones! Why are you pushing me away? We've always turned to each other! We were happ…" Booth's throat chocked on the word.

"Well, we aren't now. I need you to back off!" She hissed.

Booth's eyes flicked in denial. "Why? I'm your husband. I'm trying everything I know to be patient and understanding. I keep hoping you'll see how much I love you. I need you!"

"Well, I don't need you!" Brennan threw it in his face. She wouldn't be moved by his compassion. She had made up her mind.

"Since when? We were doing just fine. You didn't indicate anything was wrong before… and now when we should be holding each other and clinging to each other, you say get out of my face?"

"Everything is so easy for you, Booth." She shot back.

"Fine, then tell me what I didn't see!" Booth challenged.

"I don't owe you an explanation. And I don't owe you my presence at the Jeffersonian either," Brennan snapped. She knew what he said was true - they were probably the most happy and communicative they had ever been prior to Liz's death. After all the stresses, fears and worry, things had finally seemed to be going right for them, but now it was all over.

"Fine, you aren't going to be a Forensic Anthropologist, whatever!" Booth threw his hands up in the air in defeat. "So, what are you planning to do with all your time?"

"I'm going to be a mother to my son!"

"Well, Bones, he's in school. So exactly how is quitting this job going to help you accomplish that? You could go down to half days and still be there for our son!"

"This is what I want Booth!" Brennan wasn't about to be railroaded. There wouldn't be any compromises.

"Okay, fine! But Bones, that doesn't take away the fact that I'm very worried sick about you!"

"I don't need your concern, I need… I need to breathe, Booth!" Brennan said it with such conviction and yearning that Booth's eyes closed in surrender.

"Okay, whatever you want, Babe." He finally gave in. "You can stay home. But Bones, if we're having problems, we can go to a marriage counselor or a group for grieving parents… the books, they say…" He had read them all in desperation, searching for a way to touch her, to get her to talk to him. He ran out of options, there were no more things to suggest, because no matter what he said, it fell on deaf ears.

"I don't think you're getting this." Her voice was cold and condescending. She faced him, her legs were barely holding her up as the enormity of what she was about to do settled in the pit of her stomach.

"Okay?" Booth backed up a little bit; he needed the distance for what was coming. His eyes pleaded with her to come back to him.

"I want out of our partnership too."

He couldn't hear this, he wouldn't face it. He fought the temptation to cover his ears. "You can't mean that."

She looked up at him and felt beaten. She was war-torn from too many battles for survival. She took one last irrevocable step towards him. It was best this way; she needed to be free of it once and for all.

"I meant it." Her eyes left him no doubt. "I want to take some time out from the marriage too." Brennan said it fast, as though she could hardly believe it herself.

Booth's face registered the heartache she had just inflicted, but she was hardened to it. She would not let him get too close again. This was the end of the road for them. They had nowhere to go but their separate ways. She should had done this a long time ago, before… if she had, maybe there never would have been Liz… her guilt at even considering that possibility stopped any further thought of 'what if.'

Booth found his voice; his fighting spirit, though badly beaten, was not dead, "No, this is no way to deal with our loss, Bones, We have a son!" Booth reminded her needlessly, he was all she could focus on now.

"We had a daughter too!" She screamed. Brennan's tears fell. Why couldn't he just let her go and let her be? "I can't be with you right now. I can't give you anything anymore. I just don't have it in me, it's too hard, and it's too much. Please… Let me go Booth? Just let me go…" She pleaded with him to make it easy for her.

Booth couldn't think straight. What did he do wrong? Did she blame him for all of this? She had told him over and over not to blame himself. She would never know how much he did. In the first few days after Liz died, she had been more open, more willing to reach out to him as they lay sobbing in the dark. The bed held two broken hearted people who needed each other to keep breathing, but after the initial shock, things began to change. They helped each other those first days, leaned on each other, trying to make it through without falling apart completely, but he saw now that she had fallen. He hadn't been able to catch her; he had let her fall without noticing it. Now his hand was outstretched wanting to pull her back with all his strength, but she wouldn't lift a finger to help herself. All that was left was to watch her slip away from him.

Booth had opened his heart to this woman; he had given her the key to unlock every emotion, every feeling. Under her touch, he had been able to let down all the walls. She was inside of him, she knew everything about him, every detail. How could she just cut him out as though he were some kind of cancer? How could she let this happen to them, without even trying? His fury rose like a tidal wave inside; he tried to control it, because he knew it would only send her further away. How could she do this to them?

He took a long breath forcing it back. In a voice much calmer than he felt, he cajoled, "Bones, I love you. I need you. Do you think I care about anything other than you and our sons right now? Don't shut me out, please. I know what you are feeling. I know! The others, they have no idea, but do you think I don't feel this as much as you?"

"I don't care." Brennan's voice was devoid of emotion.

The wave was rolling back over him, blinding his vision, choking his breath. "You don't mean that." Booth stepped in front of her, as if to block her words.

"I want to move out… I need time to…" Brennan's words faltered as she saw the wrath forming on his face.

"What? And take Cooper?" Booth's mind could not wrap around that possibility. He wouldn't even consider it.

She remained quiet; she just nodded slightly.

"_No_! I'm not going to be separated from my son! It's enough that I only get to see Parker twice a month, now you are taking Cooper away from me too? How can do that now?" Booth wouldn't miss one minute with his little boy. He knew how precious time with him was.

"He needs me! Booth, you are never there, not enough anyway. You have been working too much, and I won't be working, and Cooper needs me!" She begged.

"But you can't do this!" Booth's voice was filled with anger.

"Living with you isn't working. I know we both lost her… but…"

"Bones... don't blame yourself!" Booth decided to put it out there. "Or do you blame me for her… it was on my watch." His voice was a hoarse croak.

"I don't have anyone to blame. I missed it. I missed saying goodbye. I missed it. You got to tell her everything." Her tears raced hotly down her cheeks. "You got the chance to say what was in your heart. You touched her, and held her. You said how much you loved her. I never had the chance to do that. She wanted me, you won't tell me, but I know! She asked for me, didn't she?"

Booth remained silent. He stepped back and leaned against the wall for strength; his legs felt wobbly, his heart felt skewered.

"I wasn't there! I was there when she was born." Brennan was pacing wildly as her brittle voice broke with memories. "I've been there every day since, and at that last moment, I wasn't there! I can't be there for you now. I can't make this less than it is, and say 'Hey, we still have each other'! Not again. Not this time. Surely you can understand that."

"No." Booth understood nothing anymore; everything was a mess.

"I should have been there. She was my baby girl! She was only five years old, and she needed me!" Brennan's voice was like steel.

"What? Is this about the fact that you went on the trip instead of me? You know that if I could have gone I would have, but Cullen made me stay and be there for the Martinez case. You were the only one who could have retrieved the bones and bring them back here. That's why you blame me, isn't it?" Booth asked trying to understand what was going on with his wife. Lately, she was a mystery of emotions.

"I told you I don't blame you, Booth!" Brennan answered, but Booth couldn't believe her, not when she wanted to leave him and take their son with her.

"Tell me then! Why in the hell are you doing this to me, Bones?" Booth's voice was racked with pain; he couldn't stand the thought of losing her too. Why was she punishing him this way?

"I'm not doing this to you, I have to…" She threw her hands out then brought them up to her neck as if she was chocking herself. "You smother me. You are always there." Brennan's hands indicated how inescapable it was. "I can't be your sidekick now. I can't be the person you lean on. I don't want to be. I need to find a way to go on with my life. I wish I was dead so I could be with her!" Brennan's voice cried out the truth.

The horror of finally hearing her thoughts scared the crap out of him. His fears were confirmed. "You still have us, you still have Cooper, Parker and me, and you don't mean that!"

"I do! I do! I want to be with her… so she isn't all alone! I don't know where she is." Brennan's hand went to her mouth trying to hold back the grief that was threatening to consume her. She had let it come barreling back. The numbness was gone, and she felt claustrophobic. The anguish was too much for her to bear. She tried to hold it back, keep it in the dark recesses of her mind and her heart, but it was coming out… No! She couldn't allow it to escape it now, especially not in front of Booth.

Booth made a move towards her, wanting to hold her.

Brennan flashed a warning look, and he stopped immediately. "You say she's in heaven! You keep telling Cooper that all the time, but I don't believe it Booth! I just don't!"

"If you don't believe she's in heaven, then where is she?" His words came out in the I'm-right-you-don't-know-what-you-are-talking-about way that she absolutely hated.

"Nowhere! She's nowhere!" The hopelessness resounded in her voice. The idea of her little doll gone forever, sent stabbing pain into her head. She couldn't tolerate this empty ache any longer. She had to stop it, bolt it out of her life. Booth was part of it. She couldn't deal with it anymore. He was connected to all the pain, so he had to go too. Shoving him away was the only answer. It was the only way the numb comforting illusion could stay.

"Bones…" Booth kept trying to reach her; he needed her to be with him. "I don't care about the job, if you never want to be a Forensic Anthropologist again, I don't give a damn about the Jeffersonian! But our marriage? How can you just leave? Leave me? You expect me to let you go without a fight? And what about Cooper? Don't ask me to live without him, not now! I'll do anything… anything! Don't do this to us… we can get through this." Booth's hands pleaded with her as his eyes denied this cruelty.

"I can't!" Brennan cried out. There was still a small part of her that wanted to bury her head in his chest, and cling to him forever. Another part that was motivating every move, every reaction, took over. That was the part that was cold and unfeeling, becoming filled with bitterness. And yes, blaming him for what was entirely not his fault. But she had to blame someone more tangible than God.

"You don't love me anymore?" Booth asked. Now, when he needed her so desperately, how could she turn away from him?

"I don't feel anything…" Brennan told him the truth.

"You… You don't?" He asked shocked. "I do… I love you… I feel like everything inside of me is dying all over again. We lost our little girl, and now I'm about to lose you too, Bones? Why? Why are you doing this to us? We're a family! For God's sake! Talk to me! Yell at me if you have to! Kick me, I don't care! Just don't walk away!" His voice broke. The look on her face told him it was useless to beg, but he couldn't' give up.

She looked at him, giving him one second of the old Brennan, "When my parents abandoned me, I thought my life was over. Then years later, I found out my mother was murdered, and that was the most painful thing I had ever faced. I didn't think anyone could ever go through anything worst than losing a parent, but I was wrong, there is nothing worse than losing a child, and you should know that too." She shouldn't need to explain that to him; he knew how painful it was to lose their little girl.

Tears formed in his eyes. He reached for her in one last ditch effort to save her, to save them, to save his family. She saw the agony on his face. In spite of the fact that she felt nothing but the need to escape him, she allowed him to pull her into his arms.

He let it all go at last. He had put up the strong 'I'm a man front', and he had allowed himself little emotion after that first day. To give into it would be his ultimate downfall. Once he allowed the tears to start, he knew they would never stop. His body shook with sobs as his head rested on hers. She hugged him out of habit, not out of mutual need, not even sympathy, or empathy. It was a mechanical gesture, not the love of a wife trying to be there for her husband. She couldn't remember the last time she felt that.

Booth's sobs subsided, as he felt the distance still separating them. He stepped back, not letting go. Brennan's arms dropped to her side. She stared up at him, expressionless.

"What's happening to us?" His voice was raw with emotion.

"I don't know." Brennan answered woodenly.

"I love you!" Booth said it, meaning every word. "I know you love me too. I know you do!"

"Do you? Well, then I guess everything is just perfect!"Brennan shrugged off his arms from her shoulders, stepping back and took an irrevocable step away from him. "I want a legal separation." She wouldn't look at his eyes. Those damn eyes of his. She hated them. They reminded of her little girl. Emotions wouldn't stay buried if she had to look into those eyes everyday. She wouldn't be able to escape them, and she was determined to never face them again.

He felt it again. The urge to shake her, to grab her and shake the living daylight out of her. His own anger escalated as the realization of what she wanted hit him. She was deserting him! She, who had stood by his side from day one, was now turning her back on him, and taking the one joy he had left - his son.

"So you want to end all of our partnerships. Why do you think not coming to work every day, not facing me every day is going to make this easier? It won't. Trust me, Bones, it won't. This is not the answer. I know you are hurting now, I know you want to punish yourself. I've seen you on this path, hell bent on destroying everything. What is it, babe? You think destroying me is the best way for you to pay?"

"This isn't about you, Booth. Not everything is about you! I'm doing this because I need to for me."

"Is this for our son too? You think he's better off without me too?"

"No, of course not, you can see him whenever you want." Brennan's voice softened.

"I want to see him every day! Every morning, every night when I get home from work, and all my weekends. I want my son to live with me." His voice cracked in misery, just picturing those days and nights without his son was too much to handle. He couldn't imagine being without him, not after his sweet little Liz. "I miss her, Bones. Please don't take him away from me too."

"I need time Booth."

"Okay, time. I can give you time… but not distance. The house is huge. I can move to the guest bedroom, if you want. I will leave you alone, I won't push, and I won't expect anything. Bones, please don't make me leave! If I've been too close, it's because I'm terrified for you, for us, for our son!"

"It wouldn't work… Booth, you push even when you don't know you are. This is how you are, and I can't deal with it anymore. I have to do what's best for me. You just never seem to understand that." Brennan was speaking from years of frustration over trying to get inside of Booth's head. She tried so hard to find out what made him tick that she had forgotten what made her happy. He took too much energy. She was exhausted. She just couldn't play the game anymore. It was over.

"I… I just wanted you to turn to me. I'll do anything, Bones… Anything!" Booth was pleading, he would fall to his knees and beg if he had to, and he wouldn't let her go that easily.

She knew she could give in again, but happy was over. Now they were going through the motions. She wouldn't put him first anymore. She had happily in the past, but maybe that was why she was so lost now. Making anyone the center of your universe was a mistake, the sure road to unending heartache. She needed the air to breathe and the space to heal, if that was even possible.

"No" She said with finality. "You have to go, or I will. I'll wait to file the separation papers, but it's…" She couldn't hurt him anymore. Some part of her protected him in spite of her resolve to be selfish. Nothing made any sense anymore.

"As for Cooper, you can see him anytime; you can take him with you for overnights. I have to do this, Booth. I'm not sure for how long, or if I will ever want to go back." Brennan knew she would never go back; she could never open herself to any more devastation. Enough was enough.

Booth bowed his head. Digesting this was like swallowing a vial of poison. He felt it snaking its way into his body, contaminating him inside and out.

She finally glanced up into his eyes, then looking down quickly. "I have to go. I can move out by the weekend."

Booth answered as if in a trance. His voice sounded as if it was coming from a tunnel, a very dark tunnel. "No. I will move out. Cooper needs familiar surroundings now. He's already lost his sister, and now I won't be there. He needs to have the security of his home."

"FINE." Brennan answered too fast and then she remembered her manners, always be polite. "Thanks." She felt strangely relieved, like a big weight had fallen off her. She had decided over a week ago, and now it was done.

Booth watched as she left Angela's office. He tried to think of something more to change her mind, and yet he was too numb and unable to open his mouth to utter a word. He felt the fight go out of him, and suddenly she was gone.

As the door shut behind her, Booth couldn't breathe. She took the air with her, and he was choked by the constriction of his chest. He sank into Angela's chair, burying his head in his hands. Now he had lost everything. He heard the door softly opening, and he had no illusion that it was Brennan coming back, changing her mind, saying that she wanted him back, that she needed him, that she couldn't do this alone, and that she couldn't take Cooper out of his life.

The soft hand massaged his shoulder, quietly whispering to him that all was not lost. "It's going to be okay Booth. She will come back." Angela soothed him, like the dear friend that she had always been to him, to both of them. But now, no one could help them. Brennan had isolated herself. She didn't want anyone's help, and no one could save her.

His tearful eyes sadly rejected her words.

"She asked me to move out. She asked me for a legal separation."

_A/N: Thank you for reading. Please tell me what you think by so far? Good/bad? Sad? I would love to hear what you guys think. Another chapter should be up soon._


	4. Slow Motion

_A/N: Thank guys for the reviews. I know this is a tough story to read, so I appreciate that you guys are sticking around. Hopefully it won't be as hard to read from now on. _

_Also, Happy New Year to everyone. Lots of happiness and love to you all. _

_Song "Slow Motion" by David Gray_

_While I was watching you did a slow dissolve  
While I was watching you did a slow dissolve  
While I was watching you did a slow dissolve_

Did I imagine or do the walls have eyes  
Did I imagine they held us hypnotized  
Did I imagine or do the walls have eyes

Life in slow motion somehow it don't feel real  
Life in slow motion somehow it don't feel real  
Life in slow motion somehow it don't feel real  
Snowflakes are falling I'll catch them in my hands  
Snowflakes are falling I'll catch them in my hands  
Snowflakes are falling now you're my long lost friend

Chapter 4

Brennan knew this was the day he was coming to get his things. She knew she would breathe much easier once he was gone. She would take Cooper out and try to keep his mind occupied so he wouldn't dwell on the fact that Daddy had been gone all week and that today he was moving out.

Brennan would let Booth explain it to Cooper. She couldn't tell him herself - she felt like a coward, but she couldn't be the one to break his heart. She would let Booth take the blame and the tears. She would let him deal with their son and the tantrum. Why not? She knew inside she was being selfish, but a part of her couldn't care less. She would let him take charge one last time.

She roamed the house before his arrival, thinking back to the day they decided that this would be their home. They had been so happy then. They were thrilled at the prospect of making new memories and having a family. Now it was over. No more memories for them. It should have made her sad, but it didn't. She was so numb now. So broken, the only thing she had now was regrets. She regretted setting eyes on Seeley Booth. She knew she shouldn't have agreed to work with him back on their first case. Falling in love with him had been the beginning of the end. So many regrets.

X-X-X-X-X-X

He let himself into the house. He looked around, saddened by what his life had become. The emptiness surrounded him. No sound of running feet or giggling laughter as both of his kids ran into his arms when he arrived from work. He would hoist Cooper up onto his shoulders and perch Elizabeth on his hip. He would try to listen to them both chattering in his ear. He would smile at all the stories only wide-eyed children could tell.

His eyes rose to the beautiful circular staircase. Booth and Brennan had argued about the color. Brennan had won the decorating fights. She was right, light peach was perfect in the circular room. He had thought it should have been green. So Brennan, to humor him, had let him pick the wall-paper - to include him in the decorating. Of course, he had picked fights over decorating only because he wanted to have those little banter matches with her. In the end, he trusted her with everything in their house. He closed his eyes remembering all the wonderful compromises they had made over the years. He didn't realize he was going up the stairs until he stood in front of the door.

He hesitated for a moment and took a deep breath. He pushed open the door. The setting sun was glowing in over the window seat as Brennan had predicted it would, sending rays of golden light over the white rocker. It was a beautiful room; only missing one thing. Booth closed his eyes as he pictured her in here - having a tea party for her dolls, begging him to twirl her around and around until he was the one who got dizzy. He loved her; he loved the softness of her skin, the innocence in her eyes and the way she looked at him with a 'Daddy's girl worship' smile on her face that reminded him of her mother.

He walked around the room, tears falling unnoticed. As he was remembering everything about his little girl, he felt as though she was watching him, giggling at what a funny guy Daddy was. Only Daddy wasn't funny anymore. He looked back over his shoulder as he heard the echoes of her giggles, the tinkling sound of her laughter, and he was sure she must still be here. But she wasn't. His heart broke a little more as his eyes took in all of her favorite things. She cuddled her favorite teddy bear, Mr. Buggy, each night. There was her music box, a present from Aunt Angela. He picked up Mr. Buggy and held him close to his chest as he remembered every funny face, every gesture unique to his little Lizzie. Quiet sobs racked his chest. It was too much. It was just too much for him to handle. He missed her too much.

He stopped in front of the replica dollhouse they had designed for her fourth birthday. It matched their house perfectly. They had so much fun surprising her. She had called it The Mirror House. When he asked her why, she said, "The looking glass Daddy." She took him to the mirror and said, "There's two - just like the house."

He stayed by the dollhouse, staring at the perfect little make believe family. The Mom, the Dad, the teenaged boy, the little boy, and the baby girl. Those little dolls were all chosen by Brennan to resemble their family as closely as possible. Now his family was breaking apart at the seams, when just a few short months ago it all seemed so perfect. He buried his head in his hands, trying to get control of his emotions. He swore he felt Elizabeth's hand pat his shoulder as she sometimes did when she sensed he needed comforting.

Finally, he moved slowly towards the room he shared with Brennan. They had put so much thought into the perfect house, with perfect rooms. He took in the peaceful appearance, the inviting colors, the fireplace, and the master bath, and of course, the huge walk-in closets.

All of his perfect suits were lined up in perfect order. The quilt and pillows placed on the absolutely perfect bed. Everything was so perfect, too perfect. He should have known it wouldn't last.

He slowly opened his suitcases, placing them next to each other on the bed. What was the proper etiquette for leaving? Should he take some now, and send for the rest later, or should he clean his presence out of the house entirely? Brennan would prefer the latter, no doubt. He saw it in her eyes the last time he spoke with her. The conversation had been strained and stilted.

"You told Cooper?" Brennan asked curiously.

"Yeah, he knows." He answered sadly; he hoped he would never see that sadness in his little boy's eyes again.

"How did he take it?"

"How do you think?"

"Did he cry?"

"Yes, he cried." And Booth had cried with him.

"Well, does he understand?"

"Oh hell yeah Bones, he's not even eight yet for God's sake!"

"Don't shout at me!"

"I'll damn well shout if I feel like it!"

"You do what makes you feel good Booth, like always."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means I'll be out Saturday, all day; feel free to get your stuff!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!" Brennan shouted and stormed out, leaving him with another piece of his broken heart.

As he returned to the here and now, he saw that somehow his luggage was filled, and he'd done another excellent job of auto-piloting. He shut the suitcases. This was it. Here he was after seven years of marriage, left with two suitcases and a broken heart. He wondered if he would ever live here again. The thought of walking out and never returning nearly made him change his mind, but he had no choice. This was what Brennan wanted.

He wouldn't stay where he wasn't wanted.

X-X-X-X-X-X

After Brennan had dropped the bomb that she was quitting and had gotten into a fight with Booth in Angela's office, she had grabbed her purse and left the Jeffersonian in a hurry. She didn't want to stick around any longer that day. So, unfortunately, she had to come back to turn in her letter of resignation and to pack her office.

Cam had called Booth to let him know, and he had made some excuse just to see her. When he arrived, he kept his distance and went to the platform to stand by Cam and the others, but he watched Brennan. He ached to reached out and go to her and beg her not to do this, but he knew she needed some time.

He would always remember her last day at the lab; he watched her pack up her last cardboard box. Twelve years thrown in a box haphazardly, as though the years had never happened. It was as though they had never had fallen in love and worked side by side. Day after day, she was disregarding him completely.

Booth decided that the best defense was to withdraw. He wouldn't let her see that this was killing him. It was a slow, torturous death, worse than anything he had ever had to face or imagine. He tried to hide within those walls that had protected him, before he had let them down for her, but he couldn't blot out the pain anymore. He felt the excruciating sensation of his family dying.

He watched silently from the platform as she made her way to everyone except him. She hugged them and told them she would keep in touch.

She made no promise to him, barely a glance at his direction, and then she was gone. He stood there, staring at her empty desk, for what seemed like hours. The others tried to stay quiet, allowing him the time to let the realization sink in.

Finally, he turned without focusing on his friends; he made his way to her office and shut the door. He didn't want to take any calls, so he turned his cell phone off. He wanted to relive all the memories he had with her, all the Thai food they had shared over the years, all the cases they had solved together. There were so many good memories. So he lost track of time. and he didn't come out until everyone else had gone home for the night... or so he thought.

As he prepared to leave, he felt a strong hand touch his shoulder in a gesture of comfort. Hodgins had stayed late, probably on purpose. They had become really good friends over the years. Hodgins would never forget how Booth had saved him from The Gravedigger, but this wasn't about repaying a debt. This was about one friend needing another.

"Hodgins."

"I know. You want to close up inside and just let her go. I remember feeling that way when Angela…" Hodgins finally had his attention; Hodgins had gotten back together with Angela, even though they weren't married back then. "You guys have been through so many things already. You're survivors Booth, and this is just another storm. I don't believe it's over, not for you, and not for her either."

"She's different now Hodgins. You see it too, don't you?"

"Of course, but Booth, she… you've both suffered an irreplaceable loss, and even though she left the Jeffersonian today, it was just papers. You know when she wants to come back, she can. None of us accepts that this is it," Hodgins tried to reassure him.

"What if it is? What if she goes through with the separation? I mean she agreed to put it off for now… but … she's like a loose cannon. I could get the divorce papers next week. And you know the worst part?" Booth ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head sadly.

Hodgins listened; glad Booth was willing to talk to someone.

"I don't even know what I did. She hates me, but she won't tell me why." As he said it, he realized how much she might hate him if she knew the whole truth.

"I know you're dealing with a lot of pain right now, and maybe this is her way of dealing with hers. You have to give her time to work through it."

"What about me, Hodgins? How do I work it out? I need her in my life! I can't get past the grief as long as I've lost her too. I can't understand why we can't be a family. I mean I know it's not the same anymore, but my son needs his…" His voice broke, and he couldn't finish.

Booth felt Hodgins' brotherly hug and he clung to it. He had tried to keep the pain from all of them as best he could, running things as normally as possible. He had taken two weeks off right after Elizabeth's funeral, but it drove him insane to be in the same house with Brennan. She snapped at everything he did or didn't do. She would come in and swoop Cooper out of his arms whenever he was relishing the free time to spend with his son. So he went back to work - burying himself in it was his only escape. Going back to work had turned out to be the best thing he could do. He caught the bad guys to make sure no other little girls died on his watch.

Booth moved out of the embrace. "I'm scared," he confessed.

"Of course you are. Who wouldn't be at a time like this?"

"I know. I remember feeling like this when I found out I had the brain tumor." Booth had never talked to anyone about this, not even Brennan. He had no idea why he was opening up to Hodgins, but it felt good to talk to someone. "I was afraid to die, but specifically I was afraid to die without telling her how much I loved her. So I survived, I told her, it was a miracle that she felt the same way. She loved me. Can you believe that?" Booth asked, surprised that he ever had the courage to ever tell Brennan how much he ever loved her. Then she got pregnant with Cooper. Booth had asked Brennan to marry him when she was five months pregnant, and she told him she would think about it. Even though she didn't believe in marriage, she did believe in him. After a month and nine days, she accepted his proposal. They married two weeks later. Elizabeth came two years later, their little girl.

"Yes, everyone could see that you two only had eyes for each other. It was obvious."

"Not anymore - she doesn't love me now, she doesn't want me." The sadness in his eyes was evident.

"Maybe you need more time off," Hodgins suggested.

"To do what? I'm living in a hotel for God's sake… I couldn't go back home, after she told me she doesn't want me," he said it again, feeling even more lost and hopeless.

"Why don't you move in with me and Angela for a while?"

"What? No." Booth shook his head. "I think I need to be alone right now… I wouldn't be good company… but thank you. You have been a good friend to me these past few months." Booth forced a smile.

"The offer is always open if you change your mind. You know Angela and I are always here for you if you need us." Hodgins knew there was no quick solution to his friends' problem. "Booth, let your friends help you… don't be afraid to talk to me, or Angela, or Cam, or anyone here. We are here for you both, you and Brennan. You're family. Don't ever forget that."

"I won't… Thank you." Booth gave his friend a sincere smile.

Hodgins left the Jeffersonian, leaving Booth in front of Brennan's office, sadly lost in his memories.

_A/N: Thanks again for reading. Please let me know what you think? Reviews are very much appreciated._


	5. Broken

_A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing. Hopefully from now on, it won't be as dark, but it will still be a little sad. But remember, at least there is an end in sight. I appreciate all the reviews._

_Song "Broken" by Seether_

_I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away  
I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again  
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away  
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Chapter 5

Brennan walked into the house, and she could feel his absence. She knew he had come and gone. The house felt emptier, but she needed to be sure. She told Cooper to head to his room to change for bed.

"But I miss Daddy's stories, and I can't sleep without a hug," he wailed. He had spent the afternoon moping and angry. She tried her best to reassure him that he would see plenty of his father, but nothing seemed to calm him down. "I won't go to sleep without a Daddy hug," he cried.

"Do as I tell you!" Brennan snapped, immediately regretting it. "I'm sorry baby, I know… I know… I promise I'll come in and read to you… and I'll lay next to you as long as you want."

"Really?" He asked skeptically, not completely pleased with the results of his complaints.

"Really, now get a move on." Brennan followed him up, reaching her room - what used to be their room. She opened the door and immediately smelled his cologne. She felt a stab of pain as she forced herself to his walk-in closet. His suitcases were gone. Her favorite shirt was gone - the one he let her wear whenever she was a little too scantily clad after an evening of lovemaking. Her eyes closed to shut it out. The bare hangers held the few things he left behind. Apparently he agreed they should make a clean break. She would send him the rest. Seeley Booth was history. She shut the door, leaving what was left in the darkness.

She walked into the master bathroom, seeing that his side was bare. She smiled bitterly - it didn't take much to make him go. Maybe he wanted to go and was afraid to say so. Maybe all the pleas were empty and insincere. Maybe he knew, as she did, that any chance for their happiness was lost. So she had made it easy.

She took one last glance around the spacious room, blocking the memories that threatened to overtake her. She turned out the light and headed to her son's room.

Booth was finally out of the house, out of her life.

She paused outside Cooper's door; and she saw that the door to Elizabeth's room was ajar. She walked over to it, swiftly shutting it tightly. She stared at it, tempted to change her mind and go inside. Maybe one day she could go in, but it was just too painful. She couldn't go in alone.

She walked slowly towards Cooper's room.

"Mom." Cooper sat up eagerly, but his smile changed when he saw her sorrowful face. "I miss Liz too." He said it knowing it wouldn't do any good. Brennan's memories bombarded her again, the nickname bringing back the first day of her daughter's life. They had been overjoyed to have a girl.

Booth had missed Cooper's birth because he was following a lead on an important case and had been unreachable. No one had predicted that Brennan would go into labor a month early, so he had gotten there an hour too late. Booth had more than made up for his lack of involvement with Cooper's birth when it was time for Brennan to deliver Elizabeth. He had held her hand and whispered words of encouragement. He had rubbed her back and fed her ice chips as their precious baby girl made her entrance into the world. He had cried as much as when he had met Parker and Cooper, maybe even more. Brennan had touched his face, wiped his tears, and then her own, as she presented him the perfect anniversary gift. He cried again as he picked up his baby girl. The love shone in his eyes.

Elizabeth had stuck only briefly. The day they brought her home from the hospital, Cooper had given the name his own special spin. 'Lizard!' He couldn't pronounce Elizabeth, and it didn't take more than a few hours for him to start calling her 'Lizard.'

Brennan hadn't given a lot of thought to what a two year old could do to a long name. The thought sent chills up Brennan's spine. No way. Her daughter would not be known as 'Lizard', because she knew the nickname could only get worse from there, and she would be teased later in school. Booth and Brennan quickly decided that 'Lizard' would be better if shortened to Liz. That was the name that stuck.

"I know you do," Brennan nodded. Cooper was the only one she felt she could confide in; the only one she would show her feelings to. She wouldn't let anyone else in.

"Tell me again why you decided to call her Liz?" He asked, loving that story. Finding comfort in the validating that Elizabeth had been here. His Liz had existed and always would in his heart.

She told him again, knowing full well how it would end.

She wondered if he had been getting secret instructions from his Auntie Angela. For a brief moment, the grief was left behind as she giggled and tickled him back, enjoying the freedom he gave her to relax, to be innocent and playful. It wasn't wrong if you did it for a child, but any other time she felt too guilty. What right did she have to ever be happy again?

She hated seeing the sadness in his big innocent eyes. Why did someone so little have to experience so much?

"Mom, will Daddy come home soon?" Cooper was scared. Scared of how little he had seen recently of the loving, teasing relationship his parents had once shared. Daddy was gone, nothing was the same. He didn't understand anything now. His Daddy simply said he had to leave for a while, he knew by his father's face that he didn't want to leave.

"I don't know, Cooper…. I don't know." Brennan would always be truthful with him.

"Why did you make him go away?"

Brennan felt her anger rising. "Did Daddy say that?"

"No! He didn't want to go, I could tell. He said he had to! But Mom, he was crying. The only time I ever saw him cry was when Liz died. He must be sad about leaving home."

"Coop, it's just a hard time for Daddy and I right now. We both believe it is best if he's not here. Sometimes grown-ups have to have some time to work things out."

"Why?" Cooper's innocent curiosity left Brennan stumped. Sometimes children asked the toughest questions.

"It's just been… we have things to sort out…"

"… And then Daddy can come home?" Cooper asked hopefully.

"I think we need some time… Cooper… maybe we just need some time." Brennan kissed his forehead and, in deference to Booth's ritual, she recited the evening prayers with him.

At the end, he always asked God to bless Mommy and Daddy and Liz, and on, and on to every person and animal he knew. This time he didn't say Liz's name. Brennan needed to know what he thought and what he believed.

"Cooper, why did you leave out Liz? Do you think she doesn't need prayers anymore?"

"No, Mom. Angels don't need prayers. I pray to her now. She's one of them."

Brennan's chin trembled as a few tears fell.

"Daddy cried when I told him that too."

"She is an angel… and so are you Cooper. My beautiful little angel."

"Don't worry, Mom. I won't leave you, not ever!" Cooper brought Brennan down for a tight hug.

Brennan's voice caught as she whispered to him, "I'll hold you to that, Coop."

Cooper lay there looking up at the woman who used to be so happy. He wanted his family back. He missed the nights his Daddy would sneak into their rooms, first gathering Elizabeth, then him, for piggy-back rides. They would hit Daddy's waist lightly, telling him to giddy up, and he would try to maintain some element of surprise. He would ride them right to wherever Brennan was working. She would act all surprised, even though Cooper knew she always saw them coming. Moms had eyes in the back of their heads, she often assured him. Then Daddy would buck like a wild horse, tossing him and Elizabeth into Brennan's waiting arms. They would all have so much fun together, laughing and carrying on. He missed that so very much. He longed for his little sister to come back and play with him and their Mommy and Daddy again.

She pulled his covers up and reached to turn out the bedside light. He cuddled up against her, and she waited until she heard the rhythmic breathing, then she let the tears fall. She was grateful that he wouldn't sleep alone.

She had not been in their bed for a week. Booth had never come home after that day in the office when she told him of her intent to separate. He had simply packed his things and left a few days later. She knew he had gotten a room at some hotel, but she never made it her business to find out which one. She had the number on the fridge, just in case she needed it. She couldn't bring herself to go into the bedroom for more than quick changes; she showered and put her makeup on downstairs.

She doubted she would ever be able to sleep there again. Not without Booth. She held the pain back, not wanting her quaking body to awaken Cooper. She wasn't going to allow anyone to see how torn to bits she was. It was good that Booth was gone. She might have given in eventually, because he was the only one who knew how to break down her barrier. She could never afford to do that. She couldn't afford to let anyone in ever again.

_A/N: What do you guys think of Cooper? _


	6. Needs

_A/N: __Song "Needs" by Collective Soul_

_All around me I see what weakness has made  
Too much tomorrow I think I'll take all today  
Am I a poison, Am I a thorn in the side  
Am I a picture, perfect subject tonight_

I don't need nobody  
I don't need the weight of words to find a way  
To crash on through  
I don't need nobody  
I just need to learn the depth  
Or doubt of faith to fall into

You're all I need  
When the water runs deep  
You're all I need  
Now I cry my soul to sleep  
You're all I need

Chapter 6

It had been one month since Booth had moved out.

He had left her alone. He had reached for the phone countless times, wanting to hear her voice, but he never gave in.

He hated the single life. He hated the solitude.

He wasn't meant to live alone. He hadn't known that until Brennan came along. Honestly, he never thought he would marry her, though he knew he loved her from the moment he saw her. When he proposed, he was surprised that she said 'yes.' But she did, and he got used to going to bed with her each night and waking up by her side every morning. He was blessed to be sharing a home with her, a family.

Now it was all lost.

He felt like the old Booth - never leaving work, spending nights at the office. He was sick of take-out and room service. He hadn't found an apartment yet, hoping that she would change her mind. He knew that he couldn't stay in that crappy hotel forever, though.

He longed for home-cooked meals and a familiar bed. He longed for his sons. He got to see Cooper as much as she promised - every other night and on the weekends. It still wasn't enough.

He had only seen her twice in all the times he had been at the house. She made herself quite scarce. She would avoid him at all costs.

He had seen Sweets twice and that didn't help him feel any better, so he stopped going altogether.

Father Michael urged Booth to speak to a counselor again about the grieving process, but he was wary of sharing his grief with anyone. He tried, and where did it get him? His priest said it might help to get other perspectives. A new therapist might have a greater understanding of the way Brennan had decided to cope with the grief. Booth knew what grief did to you better than anyone. He knew how it could turn you inside out and upside down. But why did it have to be without him? Why did she believe that tearing them apart was the way?

X-X-X-X-X-X

One day, Booth stopped at the church to see Father Michael. He needed to talk to someone, and he always found it was easiest to talk to the priest. Father Michael was someone who had known him a long time and wasn't related to his work.

"Seeley, she loves you. I know that… and you know that too." Father Michael put a hand on Booth's shoulder. "Let her be for now… and let her heart find the way back to you," he tried to reassure Booth.

Booth shook his head. "I'm afraid she will get lost on the way…" Booth admitted his deepest fear – that she would never come back to him.

"It's in God's hands, my son." Father Michael said simply, as though it would make everything alright.

"I have been so close to losing everything before… with the Gravedigger, my brain tumor... every time we came through, together." The grief on his face was evident - for his daughter, and now his wife. "Now… I'm not so sure she will."

"Try to keep the faith Seeley. I know it's not easy, but you know the reasons you keep coming through as well as I do."

Booth had nothing left but faith.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Angela thought she had the power to control her feelings, but after watching Booth's anguish, she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't be stoic, she couldn't stay objective. What Brennan was doing wasn't fair to either of them. Angela didn't understand how Brennan could treat Booth so coldly after everything they had been through together. She knew she had to do everything in her power to help both of them.

She decided that if Booth couldn't fight, than it was up to her to step up. What were friends for, right? She would go to Brennan and state Booth's case for him.

Angela called ahead first; big mistake. Brennan was coolly polite and unwilling to meet.

She wasn't one to take no for an answer.

The quick determined knocks on Brennan's front door disguised any nervousness Angela was feeling. This was it.

"Angela?" Brennan's voice was irritated, as the artist barreled her through the door.

"I had to come. You and Booth… I had to come." Angela walked in further as Brennan stepped back and closed the door.

"Nothing you say will change anything," Brennan attempted to stop her useless pleas. She didn't invite her to sit down. She kept Angela in the foyer, hoping this wouldn't take long.

"How can you do this Bren? Don't you know how torn apart he is? He loved his little girl too. How can you just turn away from him, and take his son away too?" Angela took a deep breath. "And don't tell me you don't love him anymore, because I was there in the beginning, and I know you love him, and I know he loves you."

"Things change, Angela. There was never a guarantee that Booth and I would love each other forever." Brennan's attitude had changed so much ever since Elizabeth had died, not that anyone could blame her, but now she seemed like she didn't care about anything else anymore.

"Stop it. You love him, and you know it. This is just grief talking."

"Where does it say I have to stay with a man who makes me totally miserable?"

"Your husband has been through everything with you, and that's how you repay him?" Angela said a little too forcefully. She didn't want to fight with Brennan, but she knew this wasn't going to be easy.

"So, that's the reason I should stay with him? I don't think so."

"Was it Booth who did this to you Bren? Was it Booth who kidnapped you, or abandoned you when you were fifteen… no! And now you are abandoning him. You should know how that feels. And it certainly wasn't his fault that Liz died. That was a tragedy, but it was no one's fault. No one could ever have known that your little girl would be taken away from you, and he is just as devastated as you are. Whatever you are angry with him about, it can't be that you blame him for this."

"You have all the answers, don't you Angela?" Brennan was getting frustrated.

"No! I don't... but I know firsthand what this does to a kid." She decided to appeal to the mother in her friend. Brennan was such a natural, loving mother. Maybe if she worked from that approach, her friend would soften some. Angela's eye implored Brennan, "Don't make him suffer anymore. Let Booth be his Dad. Booth hardly sees Parker; you can't take Cooper away from him too."

"I have never said that Booth can't see him. I wouldn't do that to either of them." And she really wouldn't. She wanted Cooper to have Booth there for him at any time.

"I know you think you wouldn't Bren, but when there are hard feelings, things happen. What I want to say is that I hope you two work this out. You belong together. I know it. I have seen it since you first met. You went from best friends to being a couple, and it looked incredible to the outside world. I refuse to believe it's not strong enough to withstand this. You have to get through this together. The best thing for Cooper, for all of you, is for you to stay together."

Brennan was touched by how much people cared, but they didn't understand that she just couldn't do this now. "I appreciate that you care… but I really wish…" She stopped looking for the right words, "I have to handle this in my own way." Brennan stood up to show her out.

"Okay, okay." Angela put up both hands in defense. She wasn't about to leave just yet. This was not her best friend. She remembered countless intimate conversations with Brennan, who was in love with Booth, who was so devoted to him. This cold-hearted, walled-up version wasn't the Brennan she knew, at least not anymore. Angela couldn't let this happen to her best friend. She couldn't let it fall apart like this.

"Don't do this to yourself Bren," Angela insisted.

"I'm doing what I have to do for myself, Angela. I don't have the energy to waste on talking about this anymore. Now please accept my decision, and leave it alone." At least she was being polite and wasn't yelling.

"Don't ask me to accept this! Don't ask me to stay out of it! I care about you! We all care about you, Bren. Booth loves you. You should see him; he's so damn lost right now. Don't you even care? How can you not care? He's the father of your son. The son you profess to love so adoringly, yet you take his father away just when he needs him the most." Angela was angry now. She didn't understand this at all, and maybe it was coming from a wounded place in her own heart, but she knew there was a part of Brennan that was being unreasonably selfish, and someone needed to tell her.

"I'm doing what is right for me and my son. I need time...and space. Don't you understand that?" Brennan's voice was as hard as marble.

Angela could see she wasn't getting anywhere, and she might be making things worse. "He loves you Bren, that's what I understand."

"Well, I can't accept his love right now… and you can tell him that for me, and tell him to stop sending our friends to change my mind. It won't work."

"He doesn't know I'm here. He didn't ask me to come and talk to you. I came here because I wanted to help you." Angela knew this wasn't working. Her sadness was overwhelming.

"Good." There was a tingle of disappointment in learning that Booth didn't ask Angela to come. She couldn't be with him right now, but deep down she wanted him to fight for her.

"Is it, Bren?" Angela couldn't resist one last question as she was ushered towards the door. A surge of love for Brennan came over her. She felt like she was losing her best friend, and she had no idea what else to do to help her. "I brought something for you, and I hope you use it, because I think it might make you feel better." Angela handed her a bag full of panting supplies: canvas, brushes, and paints. "I know painting is not your thing, but ... I just thought that if you couldn't write or think about anything else... I don't know...maybe painting could help you heal slowly. Just think about it okay?" Angela put the painting supply bag on Brennan's couch.

"Alright, I will think about it." It was the least Brennan could do for Angela, who was trying so hard to be a good friend.

"I'm here if you need anything - you or Cooper." She gave her a quick, uncomfortably unreturned hug. The old Brennan would have hugged her back.

"Goodbye Angela." Brennan saw her out and leaned against the closed door. Tears started to fall; she missed her little girl so much.

_A/N: Thanks, you guys have been amazing? Still with me? Another chapter in two days. _


	7. The Time Comes

_A/N: __Thanks for reading again._

_Song "The Time Comes" by Nina Gordon_

_I wait for the day to break me  
I look up to the sky__  
I look back on the life that graced me  
When you were mine_

The times comes The time comes  
And then it goes and then it goes  
Then it goes Then it goes away

Don't try to read the silence  
Don't try to live it down  
'cause I learned a thing or two about patience  
And I have found And I've found

Chapter 7

Booth entered Deputy Director Sam Cullen's office and sat down on the chair Cullen indicated for him.

"Sir, did you want to talk to me?" Booth asked nervously.

"You aren't in trouble, Agent Booth."

Booth's eyes showed his relief, but he managed to cast them downward. He had been worried something else would go wrong.

"Director Cullen, what can I do for you?"

"How are you doing?"

Booth sighed, "Just hanging in there, Sir. Taking one day at a time."

"I know how hard it is. I know that when my daughter passed, the pain was indescribable. You try to move on, and I can honestly say that it gets better," Cullen tried to reassure him. They hadn't talked much since Elizabeth's passing.

"Thank you."

"If you need to talk, let me know Booth."

"Was that all, Sir?"

Cullen sat up straighter; it was back to business now. "Well, no. You may have heard that I'm retiring soon."

"I heard about it, but what does that have to do with me?" Booth's mind tried to come up with an appropriate successor to his favorite Deputy Director. He would surely miss him, even though he hardly ever saw Cullen at work. They had their ups and downs, but no one had his respect more than Cullen. Booth looked intently at the other man.

"Booth, it's you. I need you," Cullen informed him, waiting for his reaction.

If he had been ejected out of his chair and sent into outer space, he would have been less shocked. "Me?" he stammered. "Is this a joke?" Booth couldn't really fathom anyone would want him to be Deputy Director right now, especially after he had turned down so many promotions in the past. "You want me to be Deputy Director?"

"Yes. You, Booth. Is that a yes, or do I need to ask someone else to take my place?" Cullen was never one to beat around the bush.

"I'm so grateful that you want me, and to be honest, I'm more than a little surprised." Booth smiled - it seemed like he hadn't done that in quite a while.

"I don't want your gratitude; I want your answer, Agent Booth." The sly old Deputy Director gave him a point of his finger for old times' sake.

"Why me?" Booth had to ask. "I'm not fishing, I just need to know."

"Fair enough." Cullen folded his hands in front of him. "I thought long and hard about this, and I want you to know that I thought I was having a stroke when I kept coming up with you."

"Gee, thanks." Booth grinned.

"Well, I have to admit Booth, It's hard to forget that you have turned down every offer to become Assistant Deputy Director. I feel like this would be skipping a step. But you are the perfect poster boy for truth, justice and the American way. You fight for your victims. You leave no stone unturned when seeking the truth. Who better to take my place than you? " Cullen was waiting for a reaction.

Booth bowed his head, not letting Cullen see how his words affected him. To be in this position felt so good.

"I would think it's time to get out of the field, but that's your decision. I would think this couldn't be coming at a better time in your life. So, Booth, I need your answer."

Booth laughed, wondering why it took him until this very second to make up his mind. He wished he had Brennan to help him make the decision, but he had a feeling she would approve. If only things had been better for both of them. But he knew that this was a really good thing in his life right now.

"I guess. Okay."

"Are you saying yes?" Cullen smiled approvingly.

"Yeah. Why not?" Booth finally agreed.

"You still have a month or so to get prepared and get used to the idea."

"I'll take the offer on one condition, Sir."

"What is it?" Cullen's gruff response covered his own emotions at the thought of how much he would miss being Deputy Director.

"Do you promise to be here in case I ever need some advice?"

"Anytime. You just have to call," Cullen said it so quietly that Booth knew he had hit a soft spot in the old man.

Booth smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Sir." He shook his hand proudly.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Cam took a sip of her drink while she waited for Booth to arrive. He had called her, and she was mighty curious as to why. Booth hadn't made any efforts to keep in touch since Brennan left The Jeffersonian, at least not about anything personal. She had called him a few times, but he was never the one to initiate a visit. She hoped it was good news, God knew he could use some.

She had tried to stop mourning Elizabeth and the problems Brennan and Booth were having, but for some reason when she thought about everything that had happened to him, she always cried. She worried about him, partially out of habit, but also because she couldn't imagine him with anyone other than Brennan. She couldn't imagine him out there all alone. When he married Brennan, she knew he believed it would be for life.

She had wanted to reach out to Brennan so badly, but she knew she would be met with resistance because of her closeness to Booth. She loved both of them, but she had to continue to protect him. She was his best friend after Brennan, and it was her job to look out for him.

When all hell broke loose, she was determined to get to the bottom of it, to somehow make Brennan see what a big mistake she was making. They had a child together. How could they just give up?

She knew Brennan would never agree to listen to any advice she gave, so Angela volunteered to go instead. The results were quite disappointing.

Brennan claimed she felt nothing for Booth. How could that be? Cam shook her head and she thought back to when they started dating and that adoring love she saw between them. How could so much have gone so wrong? She loved Brennan as much as she did Booth, but she felt powerless to help them.

Cam wondered if she would have tried a little harder, or interfered a little more, if things would have gone differently.

She sighed, taking another sip. She couldn't help but tear up at the thought of Booth out there all by himself.

The subject of her sadness appeared around the corner, walking towards her.

He looked… not unhappy.

"Hey, Cam. I'm sorry I'm late."

"That's okay. I started without you." Cam smiled, her hand indicating her drink.

Booth settled into his seat, smiling at her almost empty glass.

"I take it I picked a good day for drinks?"

"Any work day is a good day for drinks!" Cam agreed, a little disgruntled. He was the cause of her dissatisfaction at work.

"Uh oh… are things not going so well at the Jeffersonian?" Sometimes it seemed surreal that he was no longer part of it, or part of their team. The driving force behind it was no longer driving.

"Booth, this is all your fault!"

"Whoa." Booth gazed playfully at this watch. "Hmm, only twenty-five seconds, and you have found a way to blame me for the lab. I know old habits die hard Cam, but I'm not there anymore." Booth grinned.

"Oh shut up!" Cam grumbled.

He laughed.

"Seriously Cam, you are not happy at all?"As far as Booth was concerned that the lab would always be a little part of him, and he of it, so he wanted the best for everyone there. He wanted it to shine; he was like the father who let the child go, knowing it was time, but always in a looking-out-for-the-baby-mode.

"It's just not the same anymore." Cam sighed sadly. "I think I need to leave," she admitted. She knew pretending with Booth was useless.

"It's that bad?"

"No… maybe… I think I just need something new… and don't you dare tell anyone this!" Cam warned him.

"What?" Booth asked innocently.

She gave him the I'm-not-saying-a-word-till-you-swear-look.

"Okay. Okay. Scouts' honor."

"I kind of miss… Zack." Cam was nearly choking on the admission.

Booth's eyes softened. "Yeah. Strangely enough, I miss him too."

"Yeah, and now he's doing good, and I'm glad he's out of the hospital and was finally able to do what he wanted with his life."

Booth laughed. "He sure grew up on us, didn't he?"

"Yeah, and it's not the same there, without all of us together."

Booth couldn't help getting a little emotional. "The good old days!"

"Booth, why did we lose it?" Cam's voice was regretful.

"I don't know, I guess too much happened too fast, and somehow we all drifted apart. I think it all started when Liz…" He choked and couldn't finish his sentence.

Cam nodded remembering the moment she heard about Liz's death. "We won't drift apart, will we Seeley?"

"Never, Camille," Booth promised, knowing he would try as hard as he could.

"So, are you going to tell me why you finally called me after so long?" Cam asked curiously.

"Yeah." Booth wasn't ready, his nerves had been jumping like rabbits every time he so much as thought about his promotion. He decided to procrastinate and turn the conversation back to the lab. "But what about the others? Angela and Hodgins? How are they doing?" Booth hadn't seen them in a few weeks, and he knew Hodgins was struggling a little with his absence too.

"Hodgins! I miss the days when he would yell 'King of the lab' for everyone to hear. He's been so grumpy lately. It's not the same. And Angela… well, you know how she is. She's trying to be there for everyone by staying strong." Cam shook her head.

Booth laughed, knowing it was exactly how he expected it to be.

"Sure, laugh all you want. You get to be alone, enjoying the peace and quiet," she teased him.

"It's too quiet," Booth admitted looking down into the swirling amber liquid.

"You don't know when you have it good," Cam mumbled.

"No, you are right. I sure as hell don't."

Cam looked up, chastised. Of course he was dissatisfied with his life. His daughter was dead, and his wife had left him. What possibly could be worse than that?

He looked at her seriously, "I like the feeling of starting over. Working with no partner is very different. I miss having her there every day, but I guessed that would happen eventually. That's not the worst right now. Work wise I'm fine, the cases… I love the cases I have now…"

"But personally?"

Booth groaned and swiped his hand over his hair. "I want what I had back so much. If I don't get it…" He stopped himself, realizing that he would never get back what he once had. "I know nothing will ever be the same without Liz, but I want my wife back." Booth needed to talk to someone about this, and Cam was his natural choice.

Cam reached across the table and took his hand in hers, comforting him. "I know. I wish there was something I could do for you."

They said quietly for a few minutes reflecting on life.

"There's something else I haven't told anyone," Booth admitted, knowing he needed to tell someone, even though he wished that someone was Brennan.

Cam's ears perked up. "Goodness, you are full of news today. What else?"

"Don't laugh… promise me, you won't laugh?" Booth's expression became vulnerable.

"I promise." Cam couldn't imagine what could possibly make her laugh right now.

"Sam Cullen wants me to replace him… sort of… it's not like I could replace him... "

Cam's jaw dropped. "Could you repeat that?"

Booth rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I could, but you would hear the same thing again."

"Booth!" Cam's smile was wider than the sky. "That's so amazing. How long have you known about this?"

"Not long. I think it's taken me a while to believe it."

"You will be a great Deputy Director." Cam grinned as though she was responsible for his promotion.

He smiled at her enthusiasm.

"Deputy Director Booth." Cam tried it on her lips. "That actually sounds good."

"I don't know," he seemed disappointed. "I already said yes, but this doesn't feel completely right."

"Why would you say that?"

"Bones... she doesn't know. I wish I could talk to her, but every time I call, she doesn't want to talk about anything other than Cooper. I feel like I should ask her opinion on it. Everything's changed so much, and this is one more thing that is going to change. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that."

Cam's eyes closed at the thought of Booth turning his back on this opportunity. "You can't look at it like that. Maybe this is the start of something good for you. You can't turn it down, Booth."

"Yeah, I know. It's just that I wish she was a part of this."

"When do you start?" She wouldn't let him turn this down. This was a huge opportunity for him, especially right now.

"In about a month."

"Congratulations." She smiled at him happily.

He smiled back as they treasured a friendship forged so long ago.

_A/N: So, I thought Booth needed a friend to support his decision… or just a friend there for him. What did you guys think of Cam and Booth's scene? More to come soon._


	8. Lately

_Song "Lately" by David Gray_

_That the sky would lift  
That I'd find my place  
That I'd see your face in the door  
And the sun would glint  
An a time well spent  
An a time that ain't no more_

Taste the broken hearts  
In the vacant lots  
See the fruit that rots on the trees  
Try to turn my head  
Leave it all for dead  
But it's in my mind always

Honey lately I've been way down  
A load on my mind  
Honey lately I've been way down  
Load on my mind

Someone tell me where did it go  
Darling I'm damned if I know  
I seen that look in your eye  
No-one ever gave it a chance  
I could have said in advance  
You saw it all at a glance  
And goodbye

Chapter 8

Booth had withdrawn into a shell of sorts after being away from Brennan for two months. It had only been a week since he had taken over as Deputy Director, and not having Brennan there to support him was disappointing.

Even though Cam had hardly seen him in the last month, she had noticed how different he had seemed, and it concerned her. She wanted to help him get his family back. Her protective nature wouldn't allow her to stand by and watch it all unravel.

Cam stood outside Brennan's house. This should still be his house too. She couldn't bear one more day of the emptiness in Booth's eyes. He was listless and restless, and even his enthusiasm for his new position was ebbing. Cam sensed trouble when she visited him at his new place twice and found him half asleep with an empty bottle of whiskey sitting close by. She was afraid for him.

She kept thinking that Brennan would decide to come back, that she would somehow emerge from the dark place she had entered, but it never happened. She expected Brennan would at least keep in touch with some of them, but she hadn't. No phone calls, not a word since she walked out of the Jeffersonian.

Cam wanted Brennan to know that their friendship did not end with her leaving. They all truly cared about her, and they always would. She honestly thought that was understood. She wanted and needed to make damn sure Brennan got that.

The door opened slowly, and Cam did a double take at Brennan's appearance. She had lost weight, her face was deathly pale and her eyes were lifeless. She was a shadow of her former self. No make-up, no hairstyle – it hung limply around her face like a shroud.

"Cam, what are you doing here?" Brennan held the door mostly shut, blocking any chance of an entrance.

"I miss you, Temperance." Cam tried a sweet smile. "I thought you promised to keep in touch. It's been a while. I wanted to know how you were doing." She didn't want Brennan to see the shock she was feeling.

"I'm fine." Brennan wanted to leave it at that. She figured Booth had put Cam up to this.

"I can see how fine you are." Cam pulled no punches.

Brennan swiped her hair back with her hand. "What do you want? Did Booth send you to do his checking up?"

"Booth doesn't know I'm here."

Brennan said nothing. Cam wondered what had happened to Temperance Brennan. Where was she? This certainly wasn't the Brennan Cam had known for so many years.

"I'm fine," Brennan repeated.

"May I come in? I would love to see Cooper."

Brennan felt the urge to shut the door in her face.

"Please, Temperance, I miss him too. It's been ages since I saw him. I bet he's grown so much."

"Okay. He's upstairs. Come in." Brennan held the door open. She had always loved Cam, but she couldn't really trust anyone anymore.

"Thanks." Cam smiled gratefully.

Brennan hated having any company lately. She didn't go out unless she had to and when she did, she would take care of business and would return home as quickly as she could. She had her groceries delivered. She didn't call any of her friends. She wouldn't allow herself the luxury of a friend.

Cam looked around the once cheerful and bright home that now looked dark and eerie. All the windows were shaded, and the rooms that were airy and light before, were no longer inviting. The house felt cold and empty. She wondered how Brennan could stay there that way.

Brennan called to Cooper, who appeared out of his room. A huge smile brightened his face as he saw his 'Aunt Cam.'

"Hey, buddy." Cam grinned, opening her arms as his little body catapulted into her hug.

Brennan stood by watching. She wanted to grab him away, but she knew Cam loved him.

"I've missed you Coopie," She teased him.

"I've missed you too Aunt Cammie," he teased back. They had their own little nicknames. Cam had taken him and Liz quite a few times when Brennan and Booth had needed some 'couple' time. She had loved them both so much. Cam looked into Brennan's eyes, making a decision.

"Why don't you take a break, Temperance? I have some time. Cooper and I can play, and you can get some fresh air."

"No!" Brennan's clipped response was almost a shout.

"Why not? You need a break, you look…"

"I'm fine! I don't want to go out, and I don't need anyone to tell me what I need." Brennan took a look at Cooper's stricken face and relented a bit. "Look, I'm sorry. You can spend time with Cooper, but I don't need you to babysit." Brennan turned to her son. "Cooper, why don't you take Cam up to your room and show her the new computer game Daddy bought you?"

"Okay… come on Aunt Cammie." Cooper grabbed Cam's hand and led her upstairs.

Cam gave Brennan a worried glance as she climbed the stairs to Cooper's room. Brennan quickly walked towards the room she spent all of her time in once Cooper was in bed at night. She had taken Angela's suggestion and started painting. She had transformed half of her office into a studio. She had felt liberated when she painted, even though she wasn't good like Angela. She had even bought more canvas and paints, though she hadn't told Angela about her new pastime. She took a fresh canvas out and began a new painting.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Booth was sitting at his new desk when Cam walked in without knocking. His secretary was right behind her.

"I'm sorry Director Booth; I told her you were unavailable. She just walked in," Margaret said apologetically.

"It's okay, Margaret, she's fine."

Margaret left the office, leaving Cam and Booth alone.

"Why don't you come in, Cam?" Booth asked sarcastically.

Cam didn't waste any time. "Booth, I haven't wanted to interfere…" Cam shut the door quietly.

"What's going on?" Booth heard the doubt in her voice.

"I went to see Temperance and Cooper today. I miss him. I hope you don't get angry, but I miss them." Cam sounded like she was about to cry.

"I'm not angry, Cam. I know you love them; it's okay to miss them," Booth said simply. He leaned further back into his chair bracing his heart for her lecture.

"I'm so worried about them. What's happening is not good. She seemed more closed off than ever before. I don't think I've ever seen her like this."

Booth lifted his sad, tired eyes. So many things went through his mind, and he wanted to tell someone. God, he needed to talk. But he didn't dare. No one could ever know, no one would ever understand.

"I know it's hard for all of you to understand. I know you mean well, but this is what she wants. Maybe she's right. Maybe I did put too much pressure on her. I didn't mean to, but I guess I just needed her too much sometimes. I should have known it would scare her away."

"Oh, Booth…" Cam's heart broke for them.

"It's okay, Cam. She needs this time, she will be okay." He had told himself this so many times, and yet he was no closer to believing it.

"No! Booth! There is something different in her eyes. She has lost weight. She isn't fighting. She's giving up. She's like… it's as if she has thrown in the towel."

"I don't think so." Booth stared straight ahead. "She's still grieving, Cam. There isn't any set pattern to how that is supposed to happen. We deal in different ways. I can't really understand why she is doing this, but she doesn't believe in the same things or in the same way I do."

"Booth, there is more…" Cam said with concern in her voice.

"What?"

"Have you seen her lately?"

"Hardly at all. She sends Cooper to the door when I pick him up on the weekends. I go in the evenings, and the house is dark when I get there."

Cam didn't have the heart to tell him it was that way during the day too.

"Cooper is in his room, and I go up… she isn't ever around when I go there. I let myself in. She doesn't want to see me Cam." His voice broke as he rested his head on his closed fists.

"Ohhh, Booth… I don't even know what to say to you… I wish…"

"I know. Me too."

They sat in quietly for a moment.

"So, how's the new job so far, Deputy Director Booth?" Cam changed the subject, not wanting to leave on a sad note.

"Good, overwhelming and stressful so far. But I suspect that's what this job is all about."

"Well, you have only been here for a week; at first it's always overwhelming. I'm sure you are doing great."

"It's not the field that I miss. It's her," he said sadly.

Booth's phone rang, and Cam knew she had used enough of his time. She said goodbye and promised to keep in touch. She left as quickly as she came, saying a prayer for the family that was once so happy.

_A/N: Thank you for reading. I know that this isn't a very easy fic to read, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel for them, and don't forget I have already written all chapters. But this is the last chapter I will be posting until I came back from surgery, which is Monday. So, hopefully it won't be too long before the next update. Please let me know what you think of this so far, reviews are always welcome and appreciate it. _


	9. Absolute

_A/N: I'm sorry it took so long to update, but I had a complication during surgery and I had to stay way longer in the hospital than I expected, but I'm good now. Healing slowly. Now back to updating this frequently. Hopefully twice a week, but we will see how that goes. This is a sad chapter, so tissues are needed. _

_Song "Absolute" by The Fray_

_Is this all we get to be absolute_

Quiet but I'm sure there is something here  
Tell me everything cause I want to hear

All we are and all we want  
40 years come and gone  
All we are in photographs  
Will never be taken

Chapter 9

Another month passed, and Booth was losing hope. He was also losing his own composure. He had been losing his fighting edge for quite some time. How could he continue this day-to-day existence? Somehow, he woke up every morning. He shaved. He ate. Whatever it took, he certainly didn't know or care how he did it.

The only time he felt as though he was himself, was when he was with his sons. He tried to tell himself that what he had done was right; there was no other choice. Anything else would have been cruel, and he couldn't stand to see Brennan in any more pain than she already was. He had witnessed her pain far too many times. He had to protect her at all costs.

The deception had cost him dearly.

He thought back to that day, the worst day of his life.

He was at a meeting at the Hoover, one he couldn't miss. Brennan was supposed to be home with the kids. He was the one who was supposed to be going to Denver to do interviews for their case, but he was meeting with Deputy Director Cullen, and he had already re-scheduled the meeting twice. They really needed to solve the case fast; the governor of Colorado had been found murdered in Maryland. Since Booth couldn't go to Colorado, he had sent Brennan to do all of the interviews of family members and the governor's employees.

Ever since Cooper was born, it was clear they could no longer continue to chase bad guys; it was too dangerous for both of them. So the decision had been made, and they were planning to eventually move out of the field. Their eventually never happened; they kept putting it off.

Since he couldn't re-schedule his meeting, Brennan offered to go to Denver instead of him. Booth insisted on sending Agent Payton Perotta with her. They left both kids in the care of their nanny, Maddie.

Booth remembered the feeling in the pit of his stomach when Caroline came running in to interrupt their meeting. She told him the news, and he didn't even remember what he had said to Deputy Director Cullen at the time. He raced out of the Hoover and drove as fast as he could to the hospital.

When he called Brennan, his voice was shaking with the fear he felt. He tried to control it, but he couldn't.

She told him she would meet him at the hospital. He had spoken to her once more as she called from the plane hours later to let him know that she was finally on her way.

That was the last time they had talked. Booth was sitting in the waiting area with his head down, sobbing like a baby.

He waited there all alone, knowing the hours had passed by, but not how many. She finally arrived. She was out of breath, and her face was deathly pale. She knew. One look at Booth, and she knew. His eyes were bloodshot from crying. His legs shook as he stood to stop her. He caught her as she murmured a soft agonized "No! Please no!"

He held her as her body rocked against his own quaking body. They clung together. She finally broke away. She cried, "I have to see her… please?"

Booth wrapped his arms around her, holding her up as he guided her into the room.

She walked up to the bed slowly. She gazed down at the little girl's face; Liz looked as though she was dreaming peacefully. Brennan reached out her hand to touch her delicate face. Breaking down, as she realized that her little girl would never wake up again.

Booth watched as silent tears were falling fast. He opened his mouth to tell her.

Brennan sat on the bed stroking back the curls and talking softly.

"I wasn't here baby. I'm so sorry. Mommy tried. I really did. I would never have left if I'd known… I'm so sorry Liz. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She collapsed on the bed throwing her arms around the little girl, holding her as though she would never let her go. She cried over and over, telling her baby how she should have been there for her, should have kept her from being afraid or cold or alone. Then she looked into Booth's eyes. "She had you. Maybe… it… she had you." Her arms wouldn't let go of the little lifeless body. Booth had to pry her away, and he told her there was nothing more they could do. She had turned on him then, eyes blazing, warning him to let her be.

He had stayed quiet. He let her unleash it on him. She never asked too many questions, and he never provided any answers. The doctors had given the autopsy report. Heart failure, Liz had a defect that could never have been known or detected. Nothing could have been done to prevent it from happening.

Later that night, Booth had called everyone to inform them of what had happened.

The next few days were a total haze. The funeral had to be arranged. He had done that with Angela and Cam's help. His memories of that time were a blur.

They had to know why their little girl was taken from them. They needed to know where they had failed as parents. But they hadn't, it wasn't something that they could have prevented. "Sometimes it just happens," the doctor said. So they made the arrangements, and he kept quiet. He got through the funeral, and he kept himself together - for her, for Parker and for Cooper.

But now he was alone, and everyday he faced it alone. He lived with it. He told no one. He would take it to his grave. The way he felt inside, that might not be so far off.

Liz. He thought of her little face, the life she brought into the family, her own unique brand of charm. She always made him feel like a hero, like the best dad she could have asked for. She would look up at him with such love in her eyes. Her little hand would curl up inside his big one, trusting him to always take care of her. He had tried to do that. How had he failed so miserably?

So, he did the best he could. He suppressed his feelings to make sure he was there for Brennan and his sons. He couldn't fail his family again, but the secret had eaten away at him, leaving him more and more vulnerable. There was nothing he could do about it now.

X-X-X-X-X-X

They had all been so wonderful to him and Brennan. Booth knew how much they were loved. He held little hope of anyone changing Brennan's mind. He wondered what his life would be like without her. He pictured the awkward meetings at Cooper's school functions. A new fear crept in as he wondered if someday he would be shaking the hand of Brennan's new spouse. He shook his head, fighting off the chill that entered his body.

Booth rejected the idea that she could ever be with anyone but him. If he accepted that, he would be lost. But how did he get her back? She said she needed time; it had been months and nothing had changed. Would it ever go back to how it used to be? Unfortunately, one of those meetings was next week. He dreaded facing her like a complete stranger, but he promised Cooper he would be there. He never broke a promise to his son.

He felt like his whole life was on pause. He wondered how long he could life that way. How long until he lost hope completely? Did she even care about him anymore?

_A/N: I know this one was a tough one to read, but I really wanted to show what happened. So, what did you guys think? _


	10. Hope For The Hopeless

_A/N: Thanks for reading, I know this fic is a tough one to get through. _

_Song "Hope for the Hopeless" by A Fine Frenzy_

_Making the best of it  
Playing the hand you get  
You're not alone in this_

_Running against the wind  
Playing the cards you get  
Something is bound to give_

There's hope for the hopeless  
There's hope for the hopeless  
There's hope

Chapter 10

Daisy couldn't believe that it had been four months since Booth and Brennan separated.

She was now one of the liaisons with the FBI, meaning she was at the Hoover regularly and would sometimes run into Booth.

He was not the Booth she knew. He was different now. She missed the guy who could be a pain in the ass at any given moment on any given day.

"Good Morning, Director Booth." She smiled at him in the elevator, thinking back to how he used to shout at her. She actually missed that. He had not bothered to get that emotional in a long time. She could tell that his life was slowly draining out of him.

She had grown to love Booth, even though he was always telling her when to dial back all her excitement. Brennan had been a little harder to get close to, but Daisy loved her too. And of course she loved the adorable kids. Liz reminded her of herself as a little girl, and to see her life snubbed out so cruelly was heartbreaking.

Daisy had to help. She had held back long enough. Even if he yelled, she would gladly take it. If only she could do something to help bring back the sparkle in his eyes.

She stopped to talk to her partner, Special Agent Charlie Burns, about their latest case. Daisy and Charlie had been partners for two years, and surprisingly they worked perfectly together. When she was done talking to Charlie, she decided to stop by Booth's office.

"Hello, Margaret." Daisy said as she stopped by Margaret's desk. "I know I don't have an appointment with Director Booth, but I was wondering if I could talk to him. I swear I won't take long, it's just important because it's kind of personal, and I would like to…"

Margaret interrupted her, "Daisy… I think Director Booth has a few minutes before lunch."

"Thank you." Daisy smiled.

She stood in the doorway, expecting him to sense her presence and become irritated, the way he always did, but he was lost in his own world. She wished it was a happy world, but she knew better.

"Director Booth?"

"Yeah, Daisy? What is it?" He straightened slightly and glanced up.

Daisy walked inside the office slowly, "I was hoping… I would really like to speak with Dr. Brennan. After marrying Sweets and being his wife for five years, I'm pretty good at helping people."

"Daisy, I appreciate your concern…" He stopped. "Bones wasn't… it's not the same thing."

"I know, but maybe she would talk to me. I know she has had something very precious ripped away from her."

Booth's eyes moistened.

"You have too. But I know you're doing okay. I mean…" Daisy wished she could take it back when she saw the pain she caused him. "I don't mean…"

"I know what you mean, Daisy… and while I appreciate your thoughts, I still don't..."

"I have to do something. Director Booth. I was there before the two of you got together. I must admit I was a bit jealous back then, but it was just a school girl crush, and now I have Lance. I know now…"

"DAISY!"

"I'm sorry! You know what I mean. I saw how you were then, without her and I saw you after you were with her. And I see you now. It's not right. Someone has to tell her. Besides I love you guys… you know that. I can't sit here and watch. Don't expect me to. I want to help." Something in Daisy's eyes reminded Booth of Liz. In a weird way, he loved her too. He knew that even though Brennan grumbled about Daisy from time to time, she also was very fond of the sassy girl.

Booth smiled tactfully, "Daisy, you and Bones don't exactly get along, even in the best of times. I know you mean well, but…"

"Let me try. I can't stand by and do nothing. You taught me that. I've learned from you and Dr. Brennan over the years. Please, let me… I want to see you guys happy again. Besides, you never know, I might just irritate her enough to get her to call you." Daisy's final argument was delivered with a sheepish smile.

Booth shook his head; never had he needed her humor more. He looked up at her, smiling sadly. "You can try, but don't push."

"I promise. I'll be Ms. Tact and Diplomacy." She turned on her heels, excited to have a chance to do something nice for them.

"Daisy, I'm not asking for a miracle." Booth said as she left his office. But he knew he was asking for exactly that. He really needed his wife back.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Daisy felt the sting of the cool fall air, but it was nothing compared to the freeze she had experienced a few minutes before.

Brennan had kept her arms folded firmly across her chest, so Daisy tactfully mentioned the body language. You would think she had told her she had warts on her nose. Daisy tried to laugh, but instead her eyes filled with tears. She had seen this pain before, and she wanted to throw her arms around Brennan and tell her how much she understood, but she at least had learned you never say 'understand' to Brennan.

She didn't want to go back to the office and report a total and complete failure. She knew she would see more pain settling in his eyes. She wasn't giving up. This was round one. Daisy was on a mission.

X-X-X-X-X-X


	11. Calling All Angels

_A/N: Thanks for reading._

_Song "Calling All Angels" by Train_

_I need a sign to let me know you're here  
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere  
I need to know that things are gonna look up  
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup_

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head  
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

And I'm calling all angels  
I'm calling all you angels

I won't give up if you don't give up

Chapter 11

Booth was standing in Cooper's school classroom, the little desks and the brightly colored finger paintings doing nothing to lighten his heart. He knew from the message she'd left with Margaret that Brennan was bringing Cooper tonight. Every communication he'd received from her had been through the impersonal messages from Margaret on those damned pink notes. That was his life with Brennan now, pink message pads.

He glanced at his watch, trying to stop gazing at the door. She was late. A part of him couldn't wait to see her, but another part dreaded it. It was so surreal; his life felt like a nightmare.

Booth felt a tap on his shoulder and found himself staring into the soft brown eyes of an attractive, sort-of-familiar looking woman.

"Hi, are you Seeley Booth?" Her lilting voice was strangely calming to him; he hadn't thought anything could calm his nerves tonight.

"Yes…" He answered not really paying complete attention; his eyes were firmly aimed on the entrance.

"I'm Nick's mom… I teach music here… our boys play together sometimes…" She extended her hand to shake his. "I'm Emma Foster."

He involuntarily accepted the gesture.

The name rang a bell; Nick was definitely one of Cooper's little friends. He knew he had given Nick a ride home once or twice.

"Hi…" He tried to make a mental note of her features, so he wouldn't forget her next time. She was about five seven, dark auburn hair, and she had delicate features. He tried to focus on her, but his eyes couldn't help but drift to the door. No Brennan or Cooper.

"Look, there is no easy way to say this… but I wanted you to know how deeply sorry I am…"

Booth didn't want to hear this. They'd had a private funeral and a burial for immediate family and friends only. He wasn't able to cope with the idea of wading through a bunch of pitying stares. He wasn't good at funerals. Hadn't been when his mother died, and certainly wasn't when his daughter died. Why did people think they could come up and say the perfect something that would take the loss away? He hadn't wanted to hear it then, and he couldn't deal with it today. It would be enough just to speak with Brennan after all the time away from her. He was a wreck inside. So much for the calming voice.

"Mr. Booth, I'm truly sorry." He heard it, but he didn't want to.

He began to nod, his eyes darkening as he turned away, but her hand grasped him arm making him want to shout 'not now.'

"Mr. Booth, believe me, I wouldn't approach you here or at all, if I didn't think… I know what you are going through…" Her voice was full of emotion. "… I lost a child, a son, three years ago."

He turned back to her when he heard her words. It hit him, and he noticed now her eyes held a poignant sadness. He knew he wasn't the only one, but the idea that he was actually meeting someone who knew what he was going through... it was both repelling and intriguing. If he was able to speak to someone openly and honestly, it would be freeing, and he knew he needed that. This was a stranger, but she knew what it felt like. He found that fact irresistible.

Booth gave her his full attention. He saw kindness and sympathy in her eyes, where he saw pity in everyone else's eyes. The way she looked at him meant she understood him. He could certainly use that now.

"Look… maybe you don't need, or even want… but I do understand…"

He nodded, knowing that she really got it. He sighed deeply, wondering if he should say something to her about her loss.

"Look, Ms. Foster, I'm deeply sorry for your loss too…" His eyes implored her to let him go. He didn't feel strong enough to face this yet. He needed Brennan to do that and without her, it would never happen.

She nodded gratefully. "I know you don't want to hear this, and believe me, I didn't either, but it gets… less painful as time goes on…"

"I appreciate it." Booth didn't realize her hands were still on his jacket sleeve. He suddenly looked down knowing to shrug her off would be rude.

"I just wanted you to know that I'm here. If you and your wife need to talk, here's my number. I don't know what I would have done without someone who knew what it was like. People who have never been through this can't understand, at least not the same way. Call me if you ever need to."

He looked so devastated that she didn't have to imagine what he was going through. Her heart went out to him and Brennan. She was hoping to see her too. They were only acquaintances, because of their children - they arranged play dates, and helped out with car-pooling. Brennan didn't even know Emma well enough to know about her loss. But she liked Brennan, and hoped she could reach out to her too.

Booth listened intently; he closed his eyes bracing himself - for what he wasn't sure. He just knew that bracing himself was a habit now.

"How did you… what did you..." He couldn't ask the right questions, but having another parent who had gone through this, maybe if he talked to her, she could shed light on Brennan. She was a mother too, who had lost a baby.

She saw he was willing to listen. "It was a car accident… Ben was just five years old." She knew his little girl was five when she was taken too.

"I'm so sorry." Here he was uttering the same feeble words to someone else, words he dreaded hearing.

"Thank you. It's one of the hardest things I have ever gone through… and I know you can't do it overnight or even in a few months. It's going to take you both sometime…"

"I would like to talk to you sometime." Booth made the decision. Maybe there was a ray of hope. Maybe Emma would know what to do to help Brennan.

"Where's your wife? Perhaps I could speak with her too…"

"We're separated… she needed some time." Booth hadn't said it out loud before and to actually say the words felt bizarre. Why was he telling this stranger that Brennan chose the separation?

"It must be very hard for you now…" Her heart went out to him even more with the idea of having a crumbling marriage while dealing with the grief. "Mr. Booth, don't lose hope. Grief is a multi-faceted process, and sometimes we do things we don't even understand ourselves. I'm sure your wife is handling this the only way she knows how to… and that once she gets through a part of the grieving, she will come back to you… just don't give up…" Emma tried to console him.

"Thanks." Booth wasn't sure he would ever call her, but he wasn't sure he wouldn't either.

She hugged him warmly, trying to give him some solace. He accepted her hug gratefully; he had so little comfort lately. When they finished the hug and bid each other good bye, Booth looked up to the doorway, and there stood Brennan holding Cooper's hand. She was over half an hour late.

Brennan saw the little exchange and the card in Booth's hand. Looked like Booth was here for more than parents' night. She didn't give a damn. Let him have his little black book; that would keep him far away from her.

Cooper saw Daddy standing there all alone and broke his mother's grasp to run to him.

"Hey Buddy." Booth held him greedily. He couldn't seem to get enough of Cooper lately. As he was hugging his boy, he took a good look at Brennan over Cooper's shoulder. The sight of her sent a cold shiver through him. He wouldn't have recognized her. She had lost a lot of weight and her eyes were dull and lifeless - no beautiful blue sparkle in them anymore. Fear surged through his body as he saw Brennan slowly self-destructing before his eyes.

He managed to swallow the fear. He needed to know her mental state. If the physical was any indication, her mental state was really bad too.

He should have listened to Cam. He had thought she was over-reacting, but she obviously was telling it like it was.

"Hi Bones," Booth greeted her determined to be civil for Cooper's sake. He noticed the wall clock behind her. Brennan was never late for anything. She hated to be late... or at least she used to.

"Hi." Brennan answered grabbing for Cooper's hand the moment Booth set him down.

"There are a lot of parents here tonight." He tried to make some excuse not to stare at Brennan's hollow cheekbones and waif-like appearance.

"It's parents' night." Brennan tried to control the urge roll her eyes. She also tried to control the crush of emotions that threatened to drown her upon seeing Booth. She shrugged it off, she wasn't about to give in now.

Booth forced a smile; Brennan didn't bother.

"Coop's got some great artwork up on the bulletin board."

"I know, he bought it home first. I have seen it."

Booth struggled not to bring up the reason why he hadn't seen it before.

"He takes after his mom."

Brennan's eyes flickered in question. How did he know about her paintings? "What makes you say that?" Brennan's voice was a tad defensive.

Booth gazed into her eyes, trying to read her the way he had so many times before.

"I just mean he's good, talented, like you." Booth wanted to reach out and hold her to his chest. She looked like a lost little girl. She was so fragile, and he could see this solitude she desired wasn't doing her any good.

Brennan decided to change the subject. "What did Nick's mother want?"

"Hmm…" Booth realized he was still holding the card. "Just some advice about FBI recruits." He couldn't tell her, not now anyway. Besides, if he wasn't ready to talk with Emma Foster, he knew Brennan might never be. She was so closed off, and he had never seen her go this far before. He was concerned about the emotional welfare before, but that concern was mild compared to what he felt now. "She gave me her number," he said absently as he swallowed back the urge to cry.

Brennan could tell Booth was lying. He was not good at it, especially not with her. She knew Emma was a single mother, and she knew from experience that women liked Booth. Married or not. She wasn't jealous, facts were facts. Woman tended to be very obvious when it came to Booth.

"She gave you her card? If she was asking for your help, wouldn't it be more likely for you to give her yours?" Her sharp inquisitive eyes told him she knew better.

Booth was saved as Cooper was approached by his friend and asked to join them at the playground.

"Is it okay?" Cooper's anxious tone was directed at his mom.

Brennan hesitated, but had no choice. Booth was there. She couldn't let him see her fear; he would think she was being irrational. "Yeah, but not for too long Cooper."

As they watched him trot off with his friends, they slowly turned back to each other.

"So… what else did Emma Foster want?"

"Why do you care?" Booth couldn't keep the irritation out of his response.

"I was just making conversation Booth, trying to be…"

"What? What are you trying to be besides a skeleton? Bones, do you realize how much weight you have lost? My God. Are you eating at all?" Booth was heartsick to see her like this. He couldn't hold back his anxiety.

"I eat. Is this how you let someone breathe Booth? I'm not your concern anymore," she reminded him uselessly.

"I have given you time to breathe, Bones. I haven't called or nagged you; it has been four freaking months." Now he was the one about to make a scene, but he was desperate for an answer. How much longer was this separation going to continue?

"Oh, so you are making up for lost time?" She wouldn't be under attack. "This is how you are, the minute you get the chance; you just can't leave me alone."

"Well, last time I checked you were still my wife, granted in a very limited capacity, but you are still my son's mother, and I think that makes your welfare a great concern to me."

"Oh really? Is that why you are taking phone numbers from lustful single mothers?" She regretted the outburst instantly. She didn't want him getting the wrong idea.

Booth's eyes did a double take, and he wondered if Emma Foster had separated from her husband after the accident in which she lost her son. Brennan misread his reaction.

"What difference does it make what I say? You will believe what you want, and you know what Bones, for someone who couldn't get rid of me fast enough, you are pretty damn curious about my life." Booth hoped he was hitting a jealous nerve.

"Don't delude yourself, Booth. I am only looking out for Cooper. You know, seeing you with Emma Foster could be confusing…"

"For him, or for you?" Booth wasn't about to let her wiggle her way out.

"I don't give a damn what you do, or who you do it with, as long as our son is a priority for you!" Brennan wasn't about to show she cared. She wondered what her life would be like after she finally divorced Booth. Would he marry someone else and forget all about his son with her? Would he have more children and put them far ahead of Cooper? Would Booth someday fade away from Cooper's life? The idea her son would lose out because of her decision was heartbreaking. Cooper deserved a dad, no matter what.

"Cooper and Parker are and will always be the most important things in my life. How could you even question that for a moment?" Booth was hurt she would think otherwise.

Brennan didn't want to keep this up; too many emotions were threatening to take over. She wouldn't let them in, she couldn't let him in.

"I hope so."

"Don't worry Bones; I will never lose contact with my sons." His life was fragmenting into unrecognizable pieces. First Liz, now Brennan... he would never let go of his sons.

She felt a twinge of guilt. He'd lost a child already; what in the hell was she thinking, accusing him of ever forgetting his boy? "I'm sorry… I guess… I'm sorry."

Booth calmed down. "I know. It's okay."

He wished with all his heart he could sweep her up and take her home. He wanted to take care of her, to treasure her. He wanted to get her to eat and sleep and to take care of herself. He wanted to be with her so badly it hurt. But there wasn't one sign she wanted the same. Their separation remained indefinite, like being in a purgatory. Booth couldn't stand this much longer. His heart sunk further as he realized his life with Brennan was all but over. The protective father in him wouldn't rest, though, until he knew his son's emotional welfare was being cared for. If Brennan was this far gone, how could Cooper be living with her when she was so depressed? He would probably have to take matters into his own hands, whether she liked it or not.


	12. Breathe

_A/N: __Thanks for reading._

_Song "Breathe" by Anna Nalick. It's one of my favorite songs, and it just fits perfect to this chapter. _

_Yeah__, we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes  
Like they have any right at all to criticize  
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason_

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable  
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table  
No one can find the rewind button, girl  
So cradle your head in your hands  
And breathe, just breathe  
Oh breathe, just breathe

_There's a light at each end of this tunnel  
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out  
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again  
If you only try turning around_

Chapter 12

It had been a month since parents' night. Brennan had decided after that night that she needed to keep a closer eye on Cooper and had taken him out of school. There was no way she would let anything slip by her. He had been to every type of doctor imaginable. He had a clean bill of health, but Brennan didn't trust the doctors after what happened with Liz. So, she kept her little Cooper out of school; she decided it was not safe to have him in such an uncontrollable environment. She saw so many children with runny noses during parents' night, and it was best that Cooper not be exposed to Emma Foster too much.

She didn't like to admit it, but another reason she'd kept him out of school was to keep him away from Emma Foster. She didn't miss the fact that Emma's eyes kept seeking her out all through the reminder of parents' night. Brennan managed to avoid her. She wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk to Booth's latest admirer.

What if Emma chose to use Cooper to get to Booth? She wouldn't have anyone using her son. She would devote her entire life to him. She would spend every waking moment with him. At night, when he was tucked in safe and sound, she would retreat to her office, now part studio, to paint. She seldom slept more than a couple of hours, and when she did, it was in the guest room right next to Cooper's room. She had to stay close to her son.

She had all but moved out of the master bedroom. She couldn't handle the damn memories that snaked their way in, leaving a longing deep inside, making her want desperately to see Booth, to touch him or lay her head against his comforting chest.

She would not give into it, or him. Not that he had made any overtures - she had taken care of that. She would watch him come in and make his way to Cooper's room. She would watch him leave from the upstairs window. He never asked to see her, and she never came out either. It was easier that way.

She would answer Cooper's constant pleas for family outings like they used to have with, 'I can't, I have a lot to do.' He would cry and whine about it sometimes, but she always managed to do something to distract him with. She hadn't expected him to be content with it, but it was the best she could do.

He had protested when she broke the news to him about no school, and she told he could return in a year or two. She had insisted that it was for the best, that Mommy needed to be with him, and didn't he love the idea of being at home with her? He, of course, had agreed. She would not fail to protect him as she had Liz. She would never let anything hurt Cooper.

Now she wondered if Daisy would ever give up. She kept coming back, and she didn't realize she wore out her welcome the first time. Daisy had accused her of retreating to her own world. Brennan knew that her world was gone. The nerve of that girl. What did she know?

She wanted to call Booth to have him call her off, but she knew he would be of little help, and she didn't want to talk to him either. So, she made up her mind - the next time Daisy came, she would give her the performance of a lifetime. And hopefully Daisy would never come back.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Booth let things stay status quo. He was afraid to rock the boat. He was on the outskirts of Cooper's life. He would never ever get used to it. He only got snippets of things out of his son, and he noticed the change in Cooper too. The once boisterous and mischievous little boy had become quiet and withdrawn.

The phone line buzzed, and Margaret informed him of the caller.

"Hello, Seeley Booth here."

"Mr. Booth. Good. I have been trying to get your wife, but I get the machine every time. This is Mary Johnson. I'm Cooper's teacher, or I was his teacher. I don't mean to pry, but since Dr. Brennan missed our scheduled meeting, I thought maybe you could shed some light on the situation. I mean, we miss your son. He's such a great little guy. I thought maybe it was something I did…"

"What… no… I mean…" Booth had no idea what Mary Johnson was talking about. He realized he had made no decisions about anything having to do with Cooper in far too long. He was his father, for God's sake. Why did Brennan miss that meeting? If she couldn't make it, why didn't she ask him to go instead?

"I realize this is a difficult time. I'm so sorry for your loss." The sympathetic voice brought the tears. He had never been so ready to cry at the drop of a hat. He seemed to be doing it all the time lately.

"I… Dr. Brennan and I are not… I'm not sure what happened with the meeting, maybe she forgot. I will call her and get back to you."

"Thank you, Mr. Booth. It's probably just some misunderstanding. I was really looking forward to having Cooper in my class. I'm not sure what happened, but I thought maybe after a couple of weeks, Dr. Brennan might change her mind. It's understandable considering… if there is anything we can do to have him come back, please let us know."

"I will. Thank you, Ms. Johnson. Goodbye." Booth was totally shocked. Why was Cooper not in class? Why the hell not? They had him on the waiting list for that damn school for months. Brennan was worried sick he wouldn't get in. After all that, she took him out? He was going to make sure he found out why.

Booth sat back, wondering what the hell was going on. He took a brief moment to compose himself. Then he grabbed the phone, his fingers pounded the number in, and it felt strange to know that the place he was calling was no longer his home. Home had become a barrenly furnished two-room apartment he rarely went to. It was so close to what he did in his lonely bachelor days, he couldn't stand the thought that it was where he was going to remain. He felt the constriction of his throat as he waited. This wasn't supposed to happen. Was she making all the decisions about Cooper now without consulting him? He let the phone ring, but no one answered. He called twenty times in a row, desperate to get some answers, but no one ever picked up. He slammed the phone down. He blew out an aggravated sigh and had just come to the conclusion that he needed to go to the house and get those answers personally when his office door flew open.

Daisy came in, a bright smile on her face. She had just arrived from a Brennan session. She pranced through the door eager to share the news. She wasn't prepared for the look on Booth's face. He actually looked angry and strangely enough seeing that widened her already luminescent smile.

"What?" Booth was exasperated and impatient. Couldn't Daisy see he was upset? Why in the hell did she think that was something to smile about?

"Dr. Brennan, I saw her today."

"Daisy! I told you to forget it!" Booth did a double take. "You did? You saw her? Did the phone ring while you were there? I have been calling for over an hour."

"No! I mean that's the exciting part. Dr. Brennan agreed to go out to a coffee shop to talk, and we even went shopping too."

"Where was Cooper?" His anxious face took away the triumphant look in Daisy's eyes. Booth failed to see the reason for her excitement.

"He came along."

"Why? Did she say why he isn't in school?"

"Well, yeah. It was some kind of private holiday I have never heard of, but then those upscale snooty schools probably make up reasons so the kids won't have to go."

"Bones said it was a holiday?" Booth knew better; Brennan had lied to Daisy to keep him from finding out. "What else did she say?"

"Haven't you spoken to her? I figured you already knew everything from what she said."

"Why, did she say we had talked?"

"Yeah, she mentioned... wait… you haven't talked to her?" Daisy's face fell with the realization that she had been tricked. "I thought she was better. I could have sworn she had a breakthrough." Daisy's eyes misted as she realized she had been wrong.

"More like a breakdown." Booth realized things were quickly whirling out of control. He knew nothing had changed; whatever Daisy saw, it wasn't the truth. Could it be true that Brennan was really losing it? "She acted differently today? How so?"

"Oh yes. Up until now she has been reclusive. I have tried to get her to go out every time, and she refused, but today was better. She was better," Daisy insisted.

If that was true, then Booth couldn't go there and confront her about it. If she was having one good day, he wouldn't spoil it. First, he needed some answers, because he didn't know what to do next. Should he drag his son away from her and put him back in school?

"Thank you for taking her out Daisy, and I'm sure Cooper enjoyed it too," Booth offered sadly.

"Just don't give up," Daisy said as she left him to his thoughts.

He started to realize how little he had observed. He tried to remember everything Cooper had said to him lately and there was definitely s nothing about him leaving or missing school. Was Cooper afraid to tell him, or had Brennan told him not to say anything? Maybe he was afraid of making Brennan angry. The silence between them was unbearable. Did he really believe he couldn't tell his father? The quietness Booth had chalked up to the fact that maybe Cooper was going through the pangs of missing his sister... but what if it was more? What if he was going into the same shell Brennan had gone into? Maybe she was dragging him down right along with her.

He was tempted again to go to the house and demand Brennan confess the truth, but something told him it would do no good. He longed to get inside her head so he could understand where this stranger was coming from and exactly where she was headed. His mind went back to the last time he saw her at the parents' meeting. He should have known, he should have done something, but he had been afraid to do anything for the fear of pushing her further away.

A familiar pair of understanding brown eyes came to his mind. Maybe the answer he had been praying for had been here all along. Emma Foster. He searched his wallet for the phone number and got upset when he couldn't find it. Then he remembered that she taught at Cooper's school, or at what had been Cooper's school.

He glanced at his watch and stood up decisively. He made a solemn resolution to swallow his pride and ask for someone's help.

He shrugged off the excuse that Emma Foster was a stranger. Who better than someone who had walked a mile in his shoes?

_A/N: I would love to know what you guys are thinking? I know this fic is hard to read, but feedback is very much appreciate it. Thanks again for reading it._


	13. Learning To Crawl

_A/N: __Song "Learning to Breathe" by Switchfoot_

_Hello, good morning, how you do?  
What makes your rising sun so new?  
I could use a fresh beginning too  
All of my regrets are nothing new  
So this is the way that I say I need You  
This is the way that I'm__you and you alone can break my fall  
I'm living again, awake and alive  
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies_

Learning to breathe  
I'm learning to crawl  
I'm finding that

Hello, good morning, how you been?  
Yesterday left my head kicked in  
I never, never thought that  
I would fall like that  
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

_So this is the way __that I say I need You  
This is the way that I say I love You  
This is the way that I say I'm Yours  
This is the way, this is the way_

Chapter 13

Booth leaned against the classroom doorway and was relieved to see that she was still there. Luckily, the haunting piano music he heard as he walked down the hallway had led him to the right door. He stood there listening for a moment, but she didn't notice him because she was lost in her music. Her eyes were closed as she played the piece by heart.

He smiled as he realized she was quite good, a natural musician. He waited until the end, not wanting to disturb her private moment. The song was sad, and as he listened to it, he realized this was the way she expressed her sorrow. He closed his eyes knowing that now was probably not a good time. He felt self-conscious intruding on her privacy. He nearly decided to make a quick exit, but something had brought him this far, and the same thing kept him from leaving. He had to help Brennan before she retreated into herself forever.

The music swelled to its soulful ending, and she looked up, feeling his eyes on her. She blushed a little because she hadn't realized she had an audience. It was not often that she played for anyone but her students.

"Mr. Booth." She wondered what had finally brought him here, but she was glad he came. She could see his hesitation and the tortured confusion in his eyes. She knew those feelings well. It was only recently, after so many years, that she had come to terms with her loss. She got up off the piano bench and walked over to him and extended her hand to him.

He took it gratefully.

"I'm sorry, I should have called, but I lost the card… I only came because…" Booth felt like a child, stammering and shy.

"It's fine. Have a seat, please?" She indicated one of the miniature flip top desks, smiling inwardly as she pictured him trying to manipulate his tall body to fit. She decided he was suffering enough. "On second thought… looks like everyone has gone home… how about a walk?"

Booth nodded gratefully, knowing the chances of him not ending up on the floor while trying to sit in the miniature desk were nil. Emma went to the fridge in the corner, extracted two juice boxes and tossed one to Booth, who caught it instinctively. He glanced first at the funny carton, then at the teacher.

"I have to bribe my students every once in a while," she explained.

"Hmm… Thanks, but I'm not thirsty." He offered the strange contraption with the straw clinging to it back to her.

"Oh no… I'm not drinking alone." She teased him, trying to get him to relax a little. She could see the tension in his posture and the set of his jaw. She now suspected the reason he was here had something to do with Cooper's unexpected withdrawal from school. She had heard rumors and wondered if they could be true. She preferred not to engage in idle gossip.

Booth shrugged, holding the drink cautiously, wondering what in the hell he should do with it. He followed her out of the stuffy room into the courtyard, then onto the playground. She sat on the edge of a swing and opened her carton by puncturing it with the straw. Booth tried to do the same out of politeness, but only succeeded in bending and twisting and nearly mutilating the poor straw. Emma's tinkling laughter reminded him of Brennan's. How he missed listening to her laugh. He smiled sheepishly as he took her offer to give the damn thing to her. She gave him hers for the moment as she expertly inserted the straw and returned it to him.

He took a tentative sip, not realizing squeezing said carton was a big no-no. The juice squirted up and hit him in the cheek; he stepped back not expecting the liquid attack. The laughter that greeted his latest klutzy display was contagious, and he found himself joining her. He was actually starting to feel better, and they hadn't even spoken yet. Then he remembered that he had no business laughing. He sat the juice on the bench.

"The first rule of drinking from cardboard with a straw is absolutely no squeezing." She grinned charmingly.

"Yeah, I kind of figured that out." He smiled in spite of himself, swiping the pinkish drops from his cheek. The smile faded quickly, as if it was a mistake to have allowed it in the first place.

"Mr. Booth, there is no crime in laughing. I know I used to feel guilty if I so much as cracked a smile, but it's okay to feel happy when you can; the ones you've lost would never want to see you unhappy. Your daughter loved your laughter and your smiles, so you have to give her peace; let her know you are okay. I'm sure she loved you very much."

"How do you know that?" Booth asked, his eyes registering the deep wounds of his heart.

"Because I had a Dad I loved dearly and all little girls loved their Daddies like no one else." Emma's eyes saw a lot more than he realized he was showing.

"I loved her too, like no one else." He bowed his head as he struggled to hold back the threatening tears.

"I have no doubt of that, Mr. Booth." Emma wanted to cry for him.

Hearing that his baby girl loved him uniquely touched him, because he knew it was true. He felt her sometimes, like she was looking out for him... like she was sad because he was sad. She was such a sensitive little thing. He had no doubt she knew exactly what was going on now, and his heart ached when he thought of how sad she would be to see her beloved parents and brothers so lost without her.

"Seeley, you should call me Seeley."

"Okay, Seeley. Then please call me Emma." He smiled a tiny tentative smile, feeling a little more on equal terms. Booth's eyes perused the playground, and he recalled his son's happy laughter on parents' night. While he had enjoyed seeing Cooper so full of life, Brennan seemed to want to smother him with over-protective admonishments. Booth had never seen her so stern with him... but he could guess where it was coming from.

Emma watched him as he gathered his thoughts. "Seeley, I know you feel like you don't have the right to be whole anymore, but you do; trust me, you do."

"I don't even know why I came… I mean you probably just offered because…"

"I offered because I see the sorrow in your eyes, and I know what helped me was talking to someone who understood. I hoped that you or Temperance would take me up on the offer. I promise this isn't an intrusion. I'm glad you came." Emma smiled honestly.

"Thank you. I'm not here for me… I mean…. I am, but…"

"You are worried about your wife?" Emma knew now that the rumors were probably true. She hated to believe they could be true, but his face was pretty much an open book. He looked totally exhausted and disheartened.

"Yeah." His voice broke. He couldn't believe he was sitting here crying so easily. He didn't know Emma, and she didn't know him. How was it that he felt secure in revealing so much so soon?

"I didn't tell you everything about me the other night, Seeley. That accident took my husband too." Her eyes misted a little. "He was driving when an intoxicated driver hit them, they were all killed." The initial shock was gone, but the after-shocks would never end.

"I'm…" Booth stopped short. There should be better words. There were never the right words.

"It was excruciating. I felt like my life was over. Even though I had another child…. It didn't matter." Her eyes filled with tears as she recalled the most awful moments of her life.

"Of course not." Booth agreed.

"I love Nick with all my heart and for a while the only thing that kept me alive was him. I would have… at times I even considered that he might be better off without me. That's how depressed I was at the time. I really just wanted to die." Emma had seen Brennan's face, and she had recognized those expressions in her own mirror not so long ago. Hardened. Pinched. Blank. Agonized. Lost. She could see why Booth would be concerned. He had every right to be. "I wanted to be with them. Even more than I wanted to be here."

"You did?" Booth was surprised. She didn't strike him as ever being lost. How had she made it back from a place that scary?

"Haven't you?" Emma asked gently.

"No!" He realized that he was telling the truth. As much as he loved his little girl, he could never allow the thought to even pass through his mind. He couldn't because of Brennan, Parker and Cooper.

"But you think Temperance has?"

"Yes… maybe… Yes." He couldn't protect Brennan now. She said she wished she was dead, so she probably thought about it. "Emma, I don't know what to do. She shut me out, she refuses any suggestions of therapy or counseling, and today I found out she took our son out of school without consulting me."

"Why do you believe she did that?" Emma asked, hoping he would see it wasn't out of selfishness. She had wondered when she heard if Booth knew or approved.

"I don't know. I guess because she wanted him with her, she's probably afraid…"

"I'm sure she is. I ran away with Nick when it happened. I thought that if I isolated us, or if we lived in our memories and locked ourselves away from the rest of the world, I wouldn't have to take anyone's advice. But the world comes with you; you can't run far enough away, because you can't be with them anymore, no matter where you go." Emma sounded like she knew exactly where Brennan's mind was, but he couldn't burden her. After all, she had been through a lot and talking about it made it all come back. He wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.

"I guess you can't really help me. I mean, you did it all alone. You didn't have anyone to share your… your husband too." He stopped, feebly trying to imagine her grief.

"We are not so different Seeley. I lost my husband, yes. But you don't really have your wife to share this with either. I want to help you if I can, I really do. I can't stand by and not do something. I want some good to come out of all this." Her voice faded quietly.

"I can't even imagine losing Bones that way… but…" Booth swallowed the lump in his throat. She was right; he would be lost without Brennan.

"I know you are probably angry with Temperance for pushing you away."

"I just wish I could understand why," Booth concurred.

"But you can't anymore than I could, and it's so natural to be angry. I was so livid with Jeff for leaving me and taking our son too. I have never felt such rage in my life."

"What made you… how did you begin to heal?" Booth couldn't say 'how have you gotten over it,' because he knew no one ever did. He knew the pain changed, but it never went away.

"I had a son to take care of. I had to make decisions, for both of us. I had a cousin who had lost her husband to a heart attack around the same time, so that got us closer. We did a lot of talking. It was a slow process. One day at a time, and sometimes one minute at a time. And here I am. I know my life will never be what it was, but I do believe that I have learned about myself, about my capacity to get through the darkest, most devastating times and make the best out of it."

Booth listened. She was an amazingly resilient woman.

"My days aren't perfect, not by a long shot, and there are times when Nick retreats too, because he misses Ben. They were pretty close, but his friends and my family are helpful. Don't isolate yourself from anyone Seeley; you need people. You can't get through this alone, no matter how tempting it is. You just can't, and neither can Temperance. It's very important to stay in the land of the living. You're still here."

"It doesn't feel…" Booth shook his head.

"No, I know. It feels empty."

"Yeah."

"You can't stay empty, you can't forget your son needs you to be whole. Temperance needs to be too - otherwise, how will he ever be?"

Booth nodded guiltily. "I'm thinking maybe… I need to take Cooper away from her. Not permanently of course, but for a while, until she's more stable. I'm worried out of my mind about both of them."

"You do get to see your son though, right?"

"Yeah, but it's never enough." Booth sounded so disheartened.

"No. You can never have enough time with them. Time is so fleeting."

"I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to hurt her anymore, but I can't afford to let my son be hurt by her fears either."

"Seeley, let her do what she has to for a little while. Don't push too hard. You don't know how fragile she is inside, and you could really… she might go over the edge. I know you are upset about Cooper not being in school, but you know, Temperance would never willingly hurt him. She would protect him with her last breath. He's what is keeping her sane now. Believe me; don't take him away, at least not yet. If anyone had tried to take Nick from me, I would have… I don't know. Just give it some time, and be patient. Be there for your son. If you can't be there for her, if she won't let you, there is not a lot you can do until she is ready to face the loss and to see that it has nothing to do with you. She must know that you are suffering every bit as much as she is, and she needs you to get through it. On some level she must know that, but she isn't there yet. She isn't ready yet."

"I'm not so sure that will ever happen, and how can I let her isolate my son like this?"

"I'm sure it's temporary. She will see. Right now, she's living for your son. Seeley, in time she will put him back in school, and she will start to heal."

"You really believe she will get there by herself?" Booth asked doubtfully. "She had other traumas, but this is the worst one by far. Bones has bounced back before, but I'm not sure if she can again. This one may be the one to break her. She's strong and very brave, but this was her baby girl… our baby girl."

"I know." Emma's heart broke for them.

"Bones has had more than her share of grief and…" Booth didn't want to have to go into the gory details.

"I know a little." Emma's hands gestured her understanding, and her eyes spared him reliving more anguish. "The city is small when it comes to gossip."

"Yeah… we've made the front page a few too many times." Booth said sadly.

Emma knew. She'd read all the newspaper accounts and she remembered thinking what a beautiful couple they were when the Gravedigger character came around. Then she read in one of the reports about Brennan being a foster child, and she remembered thinking that other people had just as much anguish. She certainly wasn't alone. And now this poor man was sitting here dealing with more than one person should ever have to.

"I can't tell you what to do, and I don't pretend to have all the answers, but it seems like taking your son away from her would be the worst thing you could do to her right now. What would she have to live for?" Emma asked empathetically.

"Maybe you are right, maybe I'm being rash. I mean he isn't in school, but that doesn't mean he can't have friends. And Bones is brilliant, he surely won't lack in his education."

"No, of course not and maybe teaching him will be a good distraction for her. When the time is right, I'm sure he will be back. I was at the staff meeting this morning and a vote was taken. The head administrator will keep Cooper's place open; we all felt that it was the right thing to do. He won't be rejected when he wants to come back."

"That was kind. I will have to thank them later. I'm really grateful to you too - for your time today. I'm sure you need to get home to your son." Booth wished he could go home to his.

She nodded, blinking back a few tears for him.

"You are a good Dad, I can tell. Just talk to him about it. I'm sure he will tell you how he feels. You two seemed close at parents' night."

"Yeah. We are." Booth's eyes filled up with tears again, and he didn't withdraw when Emma covered his hand lightly.

It felt good to talk to someone who understood, and having someone to listen made all the difference.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Brennan was surprised when Booth didn't overreact to her removing Cooper from school. He called, and his tone was clipped and his conversation short, but he seemed okay with the fact that Cooper was going to be home with her.

That he hadn't fought her was a relief. She had dreaded the big confrontation with him. Maybe Booth didn't give a damn really and was just going through the motions. She wondered if he'd called Emma Foster back. She told herself she didn't give a damn about her. She had way too much to do to worry about Booth and all the legions of woman who would be beating down his door.

_A/N: Thanks for reading. So, what did you think of Emma Foster so far? _


	14. Bad Day

_A/N: _

_Song "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter_

_Where is the moment we needed the most  
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost  
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey  
They tell me your passion's gone away  
And I don't need no carryin' on_

You stand in the line just to hit a new low  
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go  
You tell me your life's been way off line  
You're falling to pieces everytime  
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day  
You're taking one down  
You sing a sad song just to turn it around  
You say you don't know  
You tell me don't lie  
You work at a smile and you go for a ride  
You had a bad day  
The camera don't lie  
You're coming back down and you really don't mind  
You had a bad day

Chapter 14

It had been six months since Booth and Brennan had been separated, and only a month since he started seeking help from Emma.

Booth felt drawn to Emma. He felt he could speak without being judged, and God knew that he needed someone to talk to. He was incredibly lonely and lost. Everyone tried to help, but they couldn't know how he felt, and they couldn't begin to understand. Emma knew, and he needed to able to express himself to someone who was impartial, who would say whatever they believed to be true... someone who didn't know and expect a certain behavior from him or Brennan. Because neither he nor Brennan were the same anymore, and they would never be the same again.

He missed Brennan and her calm manner that had always brought him quiet consolation. Emma had that persona too, and he found himself calling her at first once a week, then twice, and sometimes he stopped himself from bothering her a third or fourth time. He learned she had a multi-faceted personality, a great sense of humor, and an effervescent quality he found was a great lift to his desolate nights.

Tonight they planned to meet for a drink. He found himself twenty minutes late and stuck with a damn flat tire. He cursed fiercely and called her to cancel, though he wasn't about to admit that one of the reasons he was most upset was that he wouldn't get to see her tonight.

He picked up his cell phone to call her.

"Hey… it's Seeley. I'm sorry, but I was running late and then I got this damn flat tire. I guess we should cancel… it's going to take at least an hour for the tow truck, and then I've got to have the tire fixed."

"Well, why don't we just move the drink to you? I will bring the soda; just tell me where you are?" Emma heard the total aggravation in his tone. She didn't want to miss seeing him; she had grown to enjoy their twice-weekly meetings. He wasn't talking all that much yet about the things that mattered, but she sensed he needed the company.

"Are you sure?" Booth sounded a little relieved.

"Of course I'm sure. Please, just tell me your location."

He gave her the information she needed. "I will call the tow truck and if you don't mind waiting…"

"I don't mind at all, Nick is being looked after by a neighbor, and she's very dependable. I will give her a call, and I will be there in less than half hour."

"Emma…" Booth was going to thank her, but she had already hung up.

He sat waiting and glancing at his watch. His mood had not improved; there was a huge traffic accident on the other end of the freeway, meaning his car wouldn't be towed for over two hours. He never should have agreed to Emma coming to stay with him. Now her whole evening would be screwed up too. He felt like kicking something.

He heard a light tapping on his window, and he looked up, wishing he had never agreed to this damn idea. What was he doing? Why were a few hours with her the highlight of his week? He was married, and seeing her like this, in those jeans and a horrendous Pittsburgh Penguins jersey was just wrong. This wasn't helping his resolve to stay distant. He should never had told her to come. He probably needed to stop seeing her altogether.

He opened the door, and a part of him wanted to shoo her away. He knew he better do it soon, before he forgot that he needed to at all.

"What the hell are you wearing that shirt for?" he barked angrily.

She jumped back, startled by his obnoxious attitude. "Not your team?" She guessed sagely.

"You got that right." He puffed trying hard to stay angry. Why didn't she yell at him? He was being a total ass, and he knew it.

"Well, you will have to give me a list of proper T-shirt etiquette," she teased. "I mean really, what would happen if I wore one you actually liked?" Her brown eyes cajoled him to stop the stupidity already.

"I'm having a shitty day." He exclaimed too pissed to appreciate her sarcastic teasing, or thank her for the out-of-the-way sacrifice.

He was ready to ditch his car and have the tow truck come the next day. One of the cases he was overseeing didn't go as he planned, and he had lost his cool with one of the agents earlier today, and now he felt like his shirt was wearing him, and on top of all of that, his back was killing him.

He wished she had just stayed home and let him cancel. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to her. His life was a holy mess. He didn't need more complications, and he also knew that she didn't either.

"So, you want to punch me out?" Emma asked, feisty as ever. She stood there, the traffic whizzed by her. Her pretty brown eyes slightly amused by his belligerent attitude. She dodged to and from as if she was waiting for a good left hook. "Come on Seeley Booth; give me your best shot." Her eyebrows rose challenging him. "I know you want to."

He stood there staring at her, trying hard to keep his resolve to be a brute to her; he wished he could send her away for her own good. But she was right in front of him dancing around like such a silly nut, dodging his imaginary punches, and he couldn't do it. He rolled his eyes to heaven, and the smile she had been trying so hard to get magically appeared in his eyes and on his lips.

She stopped as she saw he was mellowing a little. "Ah ha! Just as I thought - you are a big chicken at heart." She grinned triumphantly.

"I'm sorry…. I had a really bad day… I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm really sorry."

"Well, not sorrier than I am for wearing this unacceptable shirt," she quipped. "What are you, a Flyers fan?"

He blushed. "Yeah, you could say that."

"Your bad day is going to turn into a bad season," she teased him.

He ran a few fingers through his hair. He really enjoyed her personality. She was an upbeat person, in spite of all her sorrow. She didn't let it bring her down.

"You know, you shouldn't have come. The tow truck is not going to get here for another hour and a half," Booth warned her. "With the mood I'm in, you are not going to have a good time," he warned her again, this time a little more playfully then he intended. He couldn't stay angry; he couldn't stay unhappy when he was around her. And he didn't want to anymore.

"I will take my chances… are you thirsty?" She grinned, knowing he was softening spit of himself.

"You didn't bring juice in boxes, did you?" His eyebrows rose cautiously.

"I think you needed a schematic to open them." Now it was her turn to give him a comical look.

"Yeah… yeah… who the hell decided to invent that straw contraption? I bet it was the dry cleaners association," Booth quipped.

She shook her head, amused. She ran back to her car, producing two harmless, screw-top soda bottles. He grinned approvingly.

"Well, your car or mine?" Booth asked. "We've got a long wait."

"Yours I guess, but why are we waiting?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, what on earth do you need a tow truck for, Seeley? It's a flat tire; don't tell me you can't change a tire?" She chuckled at the idea of this capable man unable to handle a simple tire change, or a harmless juice box. She found it kind of endearing.

"I can too." He felt like sticking his tongue out at her. "I just don't happen to have a tire to change…"

"You don't keep a spare?" Her admonishing look made him feel like he was being sentenced to the corner of her classroom, complete with a dunce hat.

"Of course I do, but Bones was the one that had my car last time, and she… we never replaced it… after all the… I just forgot." His voice faded from righteous, humorous, indignation to sad, self-recrimination.

Now Emma wished she had never brought it up. She would rather wait twenty hours for a tow truck than see that look in his eyes. She decided it was not going to stay there. He had a hard day, and she was not going to let his night go the same way.

"Well, Seeley, today's your lucky day, because not only do you have a master blue ribbon and trophy winning tire changer friend on your hands, but you also have a tire."

He looked at her, perplexed.

She put her hands out in _walah_ style. "Notice, we have the same size tires, so I'm going to be a really good sport considering the greeting I got tonight and the fact you are tire challenged, and I'm going to let you have my tire."

"I'm _not_ tire challenged, I can change it," Booth groaned. It was not a sincere groan, because as fast as his spirits had dropped a minute ago, her sweet, silliness had raised them back again. That was why he was afraid to allow himself to spend too much time with her, because she had that effect on him all the time. When he was with her, he forgot he was supposed to be sad and broken. The rest of the time, when he was not with her or his sons, he was too sad and too broken to care.

"I wish we had two flat tires, and two spares, then we could race… because this is something you are going to have to prove, since I have my doubts." She looked at him shaking her finger. "I bet you don't ever get your hands dirty. I mean, what would your FBI buddies say?" She didn't seem to think that what he did for a living was enough to dirty his hands; she never condemned him or gave off any condescending feelings. It was one of the many qualities he admired in her.

"I can't let you change my tire… I've rebuild cars before; I will prove to you now that I can do it." He walked to the trunk and opened it, looking for a jack. The only problem was that his bad mood was keeping him from doing a good job to begin with.

She watched, shaking her head, and grinning from ear to ear. His blush widened and reddened to epic proportions.

"Seeley, it's okay. This one's on me. Time it," she advised him as she went to the back of her vehicle to take out the unexpected present, complete with a jack.

"I will replace yours," Booth promised as he watched the rarely seen double twirling, jack wielding expert.

He was awed by her in so many ways, and he was afraid to let her friendship go, because right now, he needed the positive reaffirmation of life she gave him. At least he knew now that someone had made it back from the walking dead.

They ended up making it to the restaurant, and they had that drink, and he cherished every moment spent in lighthearted with her. He needed her, and he couldn't deny himself such a small luxury. His soul needed rejuvenation, and his heart needed to feel hope. She gave him hope, because she had been where he was, and she wasn't stuck there anymore.

_AN: Thanks for reading. _


	15. Not Out

A/N:

Song "Not Out" by Greg Laswell

I'm not gonna fall down today,  
Instead I will buckle my knees and sway  
Against sweet memories  
Against memories

I've gotta get outta here today, today  
There is too much room in this bed where I lay  
The street buzzes for me, below, buzzes for me

And if the breeze blows me down  
I'll take my time to come around,  
But I'm not out, oh, I'm not out

Wish I could pull you down today,  
From that storm high up that's taking you away  
What would you say to me?

And I'm sure that I am tangled up in things you said out loud to me  
So recklessly, and it's easier to sing the things I wanna say to you,  
So I'll sing, you're losing me my love,  
You're losing me my love,  
Are you losing me my love?

Chapter 15

After the tire fiasco, he stopped making excuses as to why he couldn't see her, and he started to call her three and four times a week. They would see each other at least twice a week in person. Sometimes, late at night when he couldn't sleep, he would reach for the phone, tempted to call her again when he had just finished talking to her. He knew if he called again, she wouldn't mind. He couldn't imagine what it would be like without her. He didn't allow himself to think about what it had been like without Brennan. He couldn't go there, couldn't dwell on it, or he would succumb to the deep depression that went with it.

He found that he was more eager to see Emma every time. She was the only one he felt accepted by. Other people had expectations; he felt the pressure of their belief that he would reconcile with Brennan eventually. It just served to drive the wounds deeper, knowing he may not fulfill everyone's dearest wish; that he might not be able to salvage the ruins this time. It made him like he was letting everyone down.

It was like now they wanted him to bounce right back, where before if he would suffer some trauma and go about his normal business the next day, they would all look on him disapprovingly. Strange how he finally did what they expected and they didn't like it. He couldn't pretend it was all okay, or that he was okay now. He couldn't do it anymore, and he had no idea if he would ever get back with Brennan again.

He had never really been okay before; he had only pretended he was okay. He was too tired to act anymore; he was too spent to fight. They would never settle for that, and they would never leave him alone if they knew how ready to give up he was. Brennan might never come back to their marriage, and he was beginning to believe her office would stay empty forever too. His heart couldn't stand the thought of such incredible, excruciating loneliness.

Emma was like a lifeline for him. She was rooting for his marriage and his well being, but not in a demanding or expectant way. She was just there. And she made it all better. She was a wonderful listener, and he felt so comfortable confiding in her. He needed desperately to trust in someone, and maybe because she was a woman and a mother, he felt a little less lonely when he was with her. Lately he had been with her a lot, and he had been expressing some of his feelings. He felt freer, but not absolved. There was only one person who would ever be able to give him that, and she was not interested in giving him the time of day. He stopped the meandering thoughts as he saw Emma approaching the table.

"Hey Seeley. How is everything?" She smiled as she greeted him at the restaurant; it was a Saturday breakfast. He figured he at least wanted to buy her a meal. Eating out all the time sucked, but eating alone was worse and doing this in the day time for a change felt so good. He was not as exhausted as he normally was, so maybe he could give her a nice morning. She surely deserved a nice morning after everything she was doing for him.

"Hey, Emma. Thanks for coming."

"Sure. Are you okay?" She asked, concerned.

"Yeah. No. Let's eat, then maybe we can walk outside. I don't really want to talk about it in here." Booth wasn't sure he would ever have the nerve to tell her. He would miss their talks so much, and if he told her, she might decide he wasn't worth helping. "If that works okay for you?" He was always mindful of her son.

"Okay… yeah, it's fine. Nick was at a friend's house overnight so I don't have to pick him up until noon." Emma seemed a little less animated than usual, but Booth didn't question it. Everyone had an off day once in a while.

"That's lucky for me…" Booth grinned appreciatively. He wondered if this was why Brennan called the office leaving a message that Cooper couldn't be with him until late Saturday.

"Yeah. Me too. It's good to see you." Emma said it softly, realizing how much she was growing to depend on these meetings. Her eyes wandered off, and t Booth watched, wondering why suddenly her face had gone so pale.

He started to ask if she was okay, but the waiter came to take their order. She asked for more time, and the waiter walked off to do something else. Booth noticed she hadn't even opened the menu. He was about to ask her what was wrong when she spoke quietly. "It was three years ago today… the accident."

Booth's mouth fell open, he hadn't had a clue. How selfish could he be, expecting her to listen to him when she was the one suffering. "Oh my god. Emma. I had no idea. I'm so sorry. How insensitive of me."

"Seeley, you couldn't have known. It's okay really." She tried to reassure him, but she was fighting back throat-closing tears.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Booth offered.

She looked away battling the wild emotions welling inside. "No… I'm okay. It's just some of these days - anniversaries, birthdays - it's hard, and I saw the tray the waiter carried…" She sniffed her sorrow back quietly.

"Of course it isn't okay." Booth's hand went over hers, comfortingly. He caressed it gently as she forced the tears away.

"I'm okay." She assured him.

"No, you are not… and I bet you are not hungry either."

She shook her head, barely holding onto her composure. Booth threw some bills on the table and quickly ushered her out, his arm protectively around her shoulders. She inhaled deeply, getting a hold of the outpouring emotions.

Booth grabbed her hand, leading her to a nearby bench. They sat quietly, still holding hands, as she cried for a few minutes.

"God, some help I am." She exclaimed, berating herself.

He took her into his arms tenderly, letting her cry on his shoulder. He knew her pain, and he had some inclination of her loneliness. He wiped away the stray tears with a tissue she produced, her hands shaking too much to do it herself. He administered the care - loving the chance to be needed, to feel necessary to someone - and he let her take the time she needed to experience the sorrow and to get past the agonizing memories.

She closed her eyes as she leaned her head on his shoulders; it had been so long since she felt that masculine security. She missed it too. She missed Jeff so much… and she felt guilty being with Booth. She wouldn't admit to herself how happy she was to hear his voice on the phone inviting her to go to breakfast. She'd almost refused because it was three years today, but something stopped her, something needy she had been ignoring for so long. And now here she was in his arms. He was married and he was hurting too. She had no right to be here.

She slipped out of his arms, straightening her shirt and clearing her throat. "I'm sorry Seeley, this wasn't fair to you… you weren't expecting to be my shoulder… you shouldn't have to be… you have your own…"

"Hey… don't worry about fair… I'm fine with this. I'm happy I can be here for you for a change… you have helped me how many times now?" He asked, his eyes soft and caring.

"I'm not sure I have been any help, though." Emma shook her head.

"You are more help than you know," Booth told her honestly.

"Seeley… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come today. I thought I was fine… it's so silly. I saw the pancakes with the clown faces being delivered to that table, and I lost it. Ben loved those, and Jeff always made them on Saturday mornings…I haven't ever made them for Nick since… I tried once, but I ended up crying so hard I burnt them, and then he cried too." Emma laughed sadly.

Booth let her talk. He liked hearing about her life and what she lost, because it gave him a more complete picture, and he understood the shattering pain she had fought for three years. He admired her strength and her honesty; he wished he could be as forthcoming, but he wasn't about to burden her today. He gave her a quick hug and he kissed her lightly on the cheek - a friendly, understanding kiss. Nothing more. She felt his lips on her cheek, and her heart zinged insanely. This couldn't be happening, she wouldn't let it happen, she wasn't ready, and she knew he wasn't available. Why him, of all people? She regretted ever walking up to him at the parent's night. But there was a part of her that was indescribably happy she had.

"You feel up to a walk now?" He asked.

"Yeah, good idea," she agreed, and they strolled towards the park.

"Did you get to say goodbye?" Booth wanted to know more.

"No." She looked at him, her eyes were moist and reddening a bit more. "It was instant… no pain." He heard the catch in her voice. "I wish I had gotten to tell them… it was really hard not having that chance."

No pain, who the hell were they kidding when they said that. Booth's eyes teared up. He remained silent. If they knew how much pain it caused when they said that. Sure they did it to spare you, but it was so untrue, there had to be pain, just the pain of separation was torturous enough. He wondered how Liz felt when she woke up in heaven without Mommy and Daddy or Parker and Cooper. He wondered if she cried the way they all had.

"I have gone over in my mind a thousand times what I would say to them, if I had one more day, one more hour, or even a minute."

"What would you say?" Booth felt the need to be her sounding board, and maybe if she said it to him, it would help her let it go.

"I would thank them for being the best part of my life, for loving me the way they did and for being with me, even if it was for too short a time, because I can't imagine my life without them at all. And I would tell them how deeply I still and always will love them." Her eyes were watery pools as she looked into his. He opened his arms to her again, and they both sobbed like lost little children who didn't know the way home.

Booth felt deeply for this poor woman who had so much heartache. "Bones didn't get to say goodbye to Liz either." He couldn't get the words out without stammering.

"Ah… that is a big part of the anger and the denial… when you don't have the closure. How is Temperance doing now?"

"I wish I knew," Booth whispered.

"And Cooper?"

"He's okay. He seems okay with not going to school; I imagine there aren't many kids who wouldn't be happy about that." He grinned, but his heart ached because he knew Cooper was putting up a brave front.

"Well, he's a good boy, and he has a great Dad." Emma knew Booth wasn't opening up as much because he was worried about her. "A really great Dad." She said it again. "Who isn't telling me why we almost had breakfast this morning."

"Aw, it's not important. Not today. Emma you need time to cherish your memories and share if you feel like it, whenever you feel like it. I would like to return the favor anytime."

"You already have Seeley. I'm glad to have a friend like you." Emma wouldn't let him see she had felt things she never thought she would feel again, and she wouldn't let them flourish, because the man was so in love with his wife and because he was vulnerable and so very lonely. But she couldn't turn her back on him either; something in her knew he was experiencing an untold amount of suffering inside, and she hoped he could express it to someone. She really liked him, and she prayed with all her heart he could get his life back. "Things will get better Seeley… for both of us." Emma smiled hopefully.

"Well, they can't get too much worse now, can they?" Booth said teasingly. He wanted to lighten her day and bring more of those smiles to her face. She really was a lovely woman. She deserved some happiness too.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Brennan answered the phone; after leaving it to ring a few times, she realized whoever was calling wouldn't be giving up anytime soon. She hoped it wasn't Daisy.

"Hello," she said guardedly.

"Temperance? It's Payton Perotta… How are you doing?" Brennan's eyes widened then rolled. Sure they had gotten closer over the years, but they weren't best friends, and Brennan knew that Perotta must have a reason to be calling. Brennan couldn't forget that Perotta loved to gossip. Just what she needed. She would have never answered the phone if she'd known it was her.

"I'm fine." Brennan hoped her curt tone would end the call soon.

"Oh, Temperance, you don't need to keep up that brave front. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. It hasn't been a year yet… and he's already… well, you know."

"Who's already what?" Brennan's head throbbed just trying to follow the insinuations.

"Well, I wouldn't have believed it myself, but I saw it with my own eyes… I know the two of you are separated, but really, flaunting it the way he is. Men." Brennan's eyes turned glassy as she heard the subject of the gossip. She held the phone tighter as she ignored her heart's little lurching twinges.

"I don't really know what you are referring to…" Brennan didn't want to hear this, she wanted to hang up, but a morbid, almost masochistic, curiosity got the better of her.

"Booth and Cooper's music teacher… well, former music teacher. It's a good thing you took him out when you did... oh my, did you already know? Of course, that's why. Surely you must have known."

Brennan mind warped into all different scenarios. She told herself she couldn't care, she didn't care, and she wouldn't care.

"I really don't have the time…" Brennan's mind went crazy, and she resisted the urge to cry. It was just a knee jerk reaction, not real emotions she was feeling. She didn't give a damn about him.

"We saw them at the restaurant having breakfast, but I guess they weren't hungry because they left before they even ate. He was holding her hand, and then we saw them outside the window. They were embracing and carrying on like nobody's business. You must be livid. I mean, I thought I should call you and see how you were doing. I can't imagine how hard… I mean after losing Liz and all… maybe it was just his grief, and you know men. I'm sure it's temporary… it will pass. You can't take it to heart, and after all you are separated, so maybe he's just having a fling."

"I really can't talk right now…" Brennan fought the dizzy sensation. It was not because she cared; it was because of no food in her stomach. Booth's breakfast with Emma meant he could have been with her the night before. No, she didn't give a damn. She wouldn't even think about it. She wouldn't worry about him anymore.

"Listen, I won't tell another soul Temperance, but I thought you should know, and I'm sure she's just using him."

"I'm sure." Brennan said absently as she slowly put the phone back down.

She waited for a moment and when the phone rang again, she quickly picked it up and set it down off to the side, letting the chattering gossip talk to the desk drawer as she moved towards her office, slamming the door.


	16. Cry

_A/N: _

_Song "Cry" By Mandy Moore_

_I'll always remember  
It was late afternoon  
It lasted forever  
And ended so soon, yeah  
You were all by yourself  
Staring up at a dark grey sky  
I was changed_

In places no one will find  
All your feelings so deep inside  
Was there that I realized  
That forever was in your eyes  
The moment I saw you cry  
The moment that I saw you cry

_I'll always remember  
It was late afternoon  
In places no one will find  
All your feelings so deep inside_

Chapter 16

It had been a month since the disastrous breakfast with Emma. Booth was glad he got to find out more about her life and that he got a chance to comfort her the same way she had comforted him.

Booth was sitting at his desk trying hard to concentrate on the files in front of him, but his mind kept going back to Thanksgiving, only a few days ago. It had been horrible - no family, no friends... not even Emma. He spent the holiday completely alone. Usually his house was full of family members and friends, but this year he didn't want to be surrounded by them. He didn't want to be reminded of how happy everyone was while he was miserable. So, he sat at his desk, trying to work, when there was a light tapping on his office door.

"Excuse me Director Booth, your two o'clock is here," Margaret announced.

Booth closed his paperwork, "Okay, send them in."

Margaret left, and Hodgins walked in.

"You are my two o'clock Hodgins?" Booth asked, amused.

"This is the only way I could actually talk to you," Hodgins replied and sat down in the chair in front of Booth's desk. Hodgins had made an appointment, because otherwise Booth would always say 'I'm too busy,' and they would end up going months without talking. They had been friends for a long time, and Hodgins had seen Booth through many ups and downs, and vice-versa. This time, he knew that it was by far the worst Booth had ever been. Hodgins' heart twisted every time he saw Booth's face. Hodgins was Liz's Godfather, and he felt a certain responsibility to keep Booth's spirits up. He knew how much he missed his little Goddaughter, so he could only imagine how Booth felt.

Booth looked up, his weary eyes resigned. It had to happen sooner or later, and it would probably be better to get it over with. Apparently Hodgins was not buying his excuses anymore. "Fair enough. What's going on?"

"I'm concerned. I know you don't want to talk about it, and I know you don't want to hear anything from any of us, but we are like a family, you know we are, and you always said that, so I'm a concerned family member."

Booth frowned, knowing where this was going.

"If we are like a family Booth, how come you are not turning to your family in times like these?" Hodgins understood Booth's tendency to go inside himself, but he didn't think it was good for him to do it now.

"I turned to you. I asked for help in some really tough cases that I normally would have had my agents handle." Booth didn't want to go there. He wondered what Emma was doing right now. He glanced at his watch, knowing she had two o'clock choir. He wished he had a two o'clock anything to avoid this talk with Hodgins.

"That's not what I'm talking about, and you know it." Hodgins said, far from placated.

"Yeah, I know." Booth bit his lower lip, a habit he'd picked up from his wife.

"Well, so?"

"So what?" he sighted deeply. "Hodgins, say whatever it is you want to say." Booth felt instantly guilty. "Look, I know you mean well, and I know Cam and Angela mean well, and even Daisy means well, but I don't want to talk to any of you about this."

"Why? You have to be eaten up inside, and Brennan too. Why the heck can't you two get together and help each other? You are married for god's sake. Married couples are supposed to help each other; they aren't supposed to turn their backs on each other at a time like this. Maybe if Father Michael…" Hodgins wasn't as religious as Booth, but he knew Booth had his faith and parish.

"Hodgins, Bones is the one who doesn't want me around, and Father Michael, well, all he can do is pray... a lot of good that did us." Booth was angry and upset, and he wasn't high on his faith. He doubted he would ever believe in anything the same way again. This test was the one that broke him.

"Booth, you know there are reasons we just can't see…"

"Oh, please Hodgins, give me a break. Give me one good reason why my daughter is dead? Tell me you understand why your Goddaughter, the little girl you doted on like a second father, is gone? You got an answer to that? Because if you do, please tell me what the hell it is." Booth's anger was getting louder and louder.

Angela came in, quickly shutting the door behind her. Her eyes were flashing at Hodgins. "What did you do? I'm having a meeting with Caroline a few doors down, and I could hear everything." She pointed towards the conference room. "What did you do to upset Booth like this? I told you not to bother him." She wanted to smack Hodgins on the head.

"I didn't do anything. Booth was already upset," Hodgins said in his own defense.

"I wasn't upset until you just couldn't leave it alone," Booth argued.

"I can't stand by and watch as you let this eat you up from inside out." Hodgins' sensitive heart showed plainly on his reddened face.

"Well, what the hell do you expect of me?" Booth was tired of trying to fend them all off. He was tired of all their well meaning platitudes and looks, tired of the stares and the awkward moments when someone said Brennan's name. He was just so sick of everything.

"I just wanted to show you we care and that you need to find a way to make Brennan see that you care too… you are her husband."

Booth laughed at the irony of his words.

"You are," Hodgins insisted.

Angela saw Booth was getting more and more fed up.

"That's enough now Hodgins. I'm sure Booth knows how much we all care."

"Well, I'm not finished. He's a married man, and his wife is sick with grief, and he's all alone... it just shouldn't be like this." Hodgins got out his own frustration, tears forming in his eyes. He turned to Angela. "I had to tell him that."

"Well, not here. Hodgins, this isn't the time or the place, maybe we should all take some time after work… Booth then you could…"

"I don't intend to share my grief like some banner or billboard you all get to view. Okay? I will deal with this in my own time and in my own way, and the sooner you all get that, the better off I will be." Booth was not yelling, but his emphasis on the words was enough to make Angela and Hodgins take a few steps back.

Angela motioned to Hodgins that it was time for him to leave, but she made no move to do so herself. After the door to his office closed on Hodgins' way out, she gave Booth a moment to calm himself.

Booth looked up guiltily. "I know you all love me, and I know you all care."

"Do you Booth? It's not easy to sit by and watch you and Bren suffer like this. Hodgins is right in his own weird way. You and Bren belong together, and you need each other, but I feel like you have given up. You are not even trying to fight anymore, Booth. We see it in everything you do. It's not you, Booth; you are the one who always has the strength to fight." Angela wanted to cry, because she could see Booth was not going to listen to her.

"Maybe I'm just too spent to fight anymore Ange. You know every warrior gives up the battle sometime. I guess when you have been mortally wounded, you just figure maybe it's time…" Booth's voice was dripping in disgust. How could they think he felt like fighting anything. He was practically dead inside, didn't they already know that? Didn't they know Brennan took everything he had left? "It's too late. I want to get Bones whatever help she needs to survive this. I haven't given up on that, but as for us, I think we have had whatever happiness we are ever going to have."

Angela shook her head. "You have a wife who needs you now desperately and two sons, who worship the ground you walk on, if that's not worth a fight…"

"Please Ange, just leave it alone. If Bones needed me before, she doesn't need me anymore. She made that all too clear. I'm not going where I'm not wanted or needed. This isn't the time to fight, it's the time to surrender. Maybe it's just too much, over too short of a time. I mean, what married couple gets this many hits and survives it?"

"Booth…" Angela's heart broke for him.

"Ange, please just let it be, and tell the others… I appreciate it. I understand how you want to help, but I don't want you to keep looking at me, expecting what I can't give you anymore. I'm not the same man, and I will never be." He begged her with his eyes to let it go. "I can't pretend I didn't suffer my daughter's loss, and I can't pretend it isn't going to change me forever." He entreated her to hear him, and she did, bowing her head in agreement while sadly fighting off tears.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Booth had Cooper for the weekend, and Parker had just left to go back to Rebecca's house after spending a fun morning with his father and younger brother. It was hard to schedule a time when he had both of his sons, but when he did managed, they had a good time.

Booth took special care to find things to do with Cooper. They had just come off another nausea- inducing ride at the amusement park.

"Oh Daddy, I feel like I left my tummy up there." Cooper pointed to the top of the ride.

"Me too, Buddy. I guess we should have skipped lunch with Park." He smiled at the little innocent face.

"Can we go home?" Cooper asked.

Booth looked at him, instantly worried. "You want to go home to Mom early?" He hoped he hadn't done anything to disappoint his son.

"No!" Cooper's eyes got big and wary. "No, I want to go back to your house, because I just want to be with you. I just need you Daddy. Can we cuddle together, and maybe you can read me a book like you used to at home?"

Booth's eyes got teary as he heard what little it took to make his child happy. He had been foolish to think that Cooper needed amusement rides and presents, when all Cooper wanted was to be with him. Booth needed his son just as much.

"I would love to read to you and spend quiet time with you, Coop."

"And maybe we could get ice cream cones on the way home? We haven't had any ice cream since Liz…" Cooper stopped, he didn't want his Dad to feel bad, and he knew the minute he said her name, everyone cried. "Can we Daddy, please?"

"Yeah, of course we can. You haven't had any ice cream in months?" Booth couldn't believe even the simplest pleasure of eating ice cream had been taken from his son. What in the world was Brennan doing to him?

As they got back to Booth's apartment, Cooper was smacking his lips with delight over the simple treat.

After Booth read him a couple of stories, they sat quietly cuddling on the couch. Slowly Cooper began to open up. They really didn't discussed Brennan, or the reasons for the separation.

"I love spending time with you, Daddy." Cooper gave his Dad a huge hug full of love.

"Coop, are you doing okay? You and Mom are okay?" Booth started out carefully.

"Yeah, I guess." Cooper's eyes reflected his own doubt.

"How's the not going to school?"

Cooper's innocent eyes registered uncertainty. "Mommy says it's silly for me to go when she is home, and she can teach me anything I need to know."

"Are you okay with that? You seemed to love your school when we went to see it. All of your friends go there."

His little face crumbled into sadness. "It's okay Daddy. Mommy needs me now. I can go back next year."

"Okay, Coop." Booth's heart broke for his son.

"Daddy?" His little voice was hesitant and fearful.

"What is it Coop?"

"Do you still love Mommy?"

"I will always, always love Mommy. Don't ever doubt that. She's having a really hard time now, you know? Sometimes you have to go through things on your own when you are older; you will understand more when you grow up. Right now, I know things aren't the same, and it's not a lot of fun for you. Coop, I would love to be with you every day if I could, but Mommy is doing what Mommy thinks is best. We have to let her be right now. She's very sad about Liz. All you can do right now is give her those big hugs like you just gave me, and you will see - Mommy will get better. We will make sure Mommy gets better, okay?"

Cooper seemed to accept the answer. He burrowed his face into his Dad's side for a minute to hide the tears of relief, then he took another deep breath.

"Can I come live with you, Daddy? I don't want to leave Mommy, because she would be sad, but I want to be with you too. Why can't we all be together again?"

"I don't have an answer for that right now, Coop. I only know that both your mommy and I love you so much, and she needs you. Like you said, she would be so much sadder without you, Buddy. You don't want her to be any sadder, do you?"

"No. She's very sad," he said tearfully.

"You make her smile, don't you?"

"Yeah, she smiles and cries… sometimes at the same time."

"But you are the one who brings her the smiles Coop, and we can't let Mommy stop smiling. So you need to be there for her right now. Okay?"

Cooper nodded solemnly.

"Buddy, I want us to be together, I really do. Can you give me some time?" Booth looked at him with pride. What other little boy would have held this all inside? Cooper never complained and never said a word against his mom. He protected her and watched out for her. Booth wanted his son to have everything he wanted, but for the first time, he couldn't promise him what he wanted the most. He had to give Cooper something to hope for, though; he couldn't send him back to Brennan without reassuring him. "I promise things will be better, just give me time."

Cooper nodded, accepting that his Dad would keep his word. His arms curled around his father's neck lovingly, and he rested his little cheek trustingly against Booth's shoulder.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Later that night, he was talking to Emma on the phone. He had been worried about her since the three year mark of Ben and Jeff's deaths. He didn't know if something major like that would set her back. He knew he had so many setbacks when Pops and his mother had passed away. He hoped to God Emma wouldn't, because he knew how hard it was to get past this incredible, choking grief.

"Hey, it's me. How are you?" Booth asked.

"Hi Seeley, I'm good. How was your day with Cooper and Parker?"

"Parker is good, but Cooper… he's not himself Emma, and I have no idea what Bones is doing to him, but he says he wants me home. It kills me that I can't be there for him."

"I can understand. Oh Seeley, isn't there any sign from Temperance that she's making some progress?"

"No progress. I don't even talk to her. I think since the separation we have spoken twice on the phone. I wanted to tell her about you, and what you have… are you sure you are okay?" He remembered why he called in the first place.

"I'm okay. It was a hard day, but having you to talk to makes it better. A lot better." Emma confided honestly.

"I'm glad if that's true." Booth wanted it to be true. If he could at least be there for her when she needed someone, he wouldn't feel as bad taking up so much of her precious time.

"It's absolutely true. You were a Godsend."

"Funny, I think of you as an angel…" Booth smiled gratefully into the phone.

"I have been thinking, Seeley. What if I were to call Temperance and just leave her a message? I could just let her know I'm willing to talk… maybe just knowing that I would understand her grief would help.

"I have no idea how she would react, Emma. I never told her about you, because I don't think she would react positively, but if you are willing, go ahead."

"I'm totally willing. I want you to have a chance to get your life back, Seeley." Emma absolutely wanted him to be happy. Maybe if she successfully approached Brennan, and Brennan had someone who knew her feelings from mother to mother, she could start to recover a little. If therapy or parent's groups were repugnant to her, maybe one on one with Emma wouldn't be that bad.

"I don't know how I will ever repay your kindnesses." Booth said humbly.

"You don't have to. I will be happy just knowing that you are happy too."

Booth's eyes got teary because it was something Brennan would say; in fact she had said it to him many times. Now he doubted she gave a damn if he was ever happy again

"Thank you, Emma."

"I will let you know if I get to talk to her or if she calls me back."

"Thanks, I will talk to you soon."

"You're welcome, Seeley. Take care."

_A/N: That's only 10 more chapters left. So we are almost done. Please tell me what you guys thought of this chapter. Reviews are always welcome. Thanks for reading._


	17. Push

_A/N: _

_Song "Push" By Sarah McLachlan_

_Every time I look at you the world just melts away  
All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections  
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am  
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land_

_You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together_  
_You're the one true thing I know I can believe in_  
_You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me_  
_You're the one true thing I know I can believe_

_I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe_  
_No matter what I say or do 'cause you're too good to fight about it_  
_Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go_  
_You won't stoop down to battle but you never turn to go_

Chapter 17

Brennan hit the erase button on the answering machine viciously. "I just bet you would love to talk to me. We have so much in common. No thanks. I don't need to have any help from you, Ms. Foster. You want my husband, help yourself. I have no intention of having a sordid fight with you over Booth." She was angry, but deep down there was some sadness to it as well. She decided she should call a lawyer soon and skip from the separation papers to the divorce papers.

She stormed back to her office where she had been spending most of her time in the last few months. She had transformed it into a studio slowly, and now there were canvases and paints everywhere. She still hadn't thanked Angela for giving her that first set of supplies. She wasn't good, especially compared to Angela, but when she sat in front of a canvas, it relaxed her. She sat down on the stool, picked up a brush and continued what she was painting earlier, leaving behind the frustration of Emma Foster and Booth.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Booth was disappointed. He'd had some hope that Brennan would at least accept a phone call from Emma. Two women sharing the loss of a child would be heart-breaking, but therapeutic for both of them. He could see Emma and Brennan becoming good friends. He would even give up his friendship with Emma for Brennan's well being. She needed Emma more than he did, but he didn't want to give too much thought to what he would do without her, because he knew she filled a profound need in him too.

He had never been with such a light spirit before. She had no awful personality traits, unless he counted that Pittsburgh Penguins jersey. She was a wonderfully devoted mother, and he knew just by seeing her a little in the classroom, what a patient teacher she was too.

He was always around people who had so much loading them down. There was always heaviness in his life, because of the nature of his job. With Emma, it was not so heavy. She didn't let the world bring her down, and he needed to learn that from her. He needed to figure out a way to stay out of the darkness that was so close to taking him over sometimes.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Booth had come to the school with a little surprise for Emma. He waited until he heard the dismissal bell and watched the torrent of kids leaving to go home, then he caught her packing up her papers.

"Hey…" His face held a half grin, and his eyes were twinkling a little.

"Hi… what a surprise." Emma smiled happily.

"Yeah… well… I'm a little last minute… I know."

"Last minute?" She knew they hadn't planned to meet today.

"Yeah… you know that concert - the one with that guy whose voice you are so enraptured over? The one you said you had missed the last time he was here, and you were too late when you tried to get tickets this time?"

She gave him an inquisitive look.

He produced two tickets between his fingers.

"Seeley!" She was thrilled. "How did you get those?"

"Well, you know, people owe me some favors." The thief he bought them from unfortunately didn't price them that way, but he wouldn't tell her that. She deserved something good. Maybe he was doing this because if he could, he would have taken the tickets to Brennan just to get one of those smiles out of her. But he couldn't, because he knew she would slam the door in his face, so why not make Emma smile instead? She had been so good to him.

"You didn't pay a scalper, did you?" Emma shook her head doubtfully.

Booth shrugged. "I think I owe you a nice evening, and so this is my way of saying thanks for everything you have done for me."

"Seeley, you don't owe me anything," Emma said seriously.

"Yeah, I do. Remember my piss poor attitude on the flat tire night and my horrible timing inviting you to breakfast?"

"I have long since forgiven you for all of those transgressions." She chuckled.

"Oh really? So, you don't need these tickets then?" He went to put them back in his pocket.

"I didn't say that." She tilted her head appreciatively. "That was very sweet of you, but is it tonight?" She asked thinking of how little time she would have to get a sitter and what in the world would she wear.

"Yeah, it's tonight at eight o'clock."

"You were right about the short notice part."

"But?" He asked smiling anticipating a definite yes.

"But… I would probably be crazy to say no to this."

"Yeah, I would have to agree with that analysis. After all, I did get them especially to make everything up to you, and you do love his voice."

She smiled, a little embarrassed at the school girlishness of this crush of hers.

Booth saw the happy twinkle in her eyes, and he knew she had decided. "Okay then, it's settled. I will be picking you up at seven tonight. We can get some dinner after, that way you won't be so rushed."

"Sounds like you really know how to apologize," she teased.

"Well, it beats getting on my knees, doesn't it?"

X-X-X-X-X-X

Booth arrived promptly at seven o'clock. He was in a dark blue suit, and he felt strangely nervous waiting for her to answer the door. When she did, he was taken by surprise. He had only seen her in casual clothing and school appropriate attire. Tonight she had her lovely dark curls pinned up softly, and she was wearing a simple but elegant black dress. He grinned, wowed a little, because this was the first time he had really noticed how exotically beautiful she really was.

"Whoa teacher, no sign of chalk dust tonight. You clean up nice."

"Well, you are always too clean, so I'm not going to say that to you, and chalk is obsolete Seeley. We use wipe off boards now."

"Oh… okay…. I didn't know you were going to quiz me. And I will let that too clean remark pass, if you give me some extra credit."

"Well, let's see how you do this evening, and I will think about it." She was being a total imp with him, but she could tell he enjoyed it.

"Is Nick all taken care of?"

She loved that he asked every time, making certain he was not infringing on her mommy time.

"Yes, my sister is an angel."

"Ah, a sister after my own heart."

"You would have made a nice big brother."

"I am a big brother, you know. Jared is younger than me."

"I meant a big brother to a sister," Emma said, feeling very little like she was with a big brother now. Her heart was dancing a little too happily, and her skin sighed when he helped her with her wrap. This was the only time she would accept an invitation that smacked of an actual date, she promised herself. She couldn't afford to pretend that this was more than what it was.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Booth and Emma decided to go out for a drink during intermission. They got their champagne and stood in the lobby for a few moments.

"Thank you so much for getting the tickets, Seeley. I love it, but I can certainly see that this is penance for you."

"Uh oh, you figured out I'm not the operatic type?"

"Yeah, by about the first cord of the first song." Emma was grateful he would go out of his way like this for her.

"Well, I promise not to snore from now on." They both shared a good laugh, unaware of the blasting bomb approaching. They clinked their untouched glasses, smiling as one of them tried to come up with an appropriate toast.

"Here's to…"

Booth's arm was suddenly whacked hard. Luckily, he'd had the champagne glass in the other hand. He turned, knowing this whack wasn't from someone just bumping him by accident - it was a very familiar smacking indeed. His eyes popped as he saw he was quite right.

"What in the hell are you going here, Booth!" Cam was livid. She gave Emma a scathing look. "…With her?" She pointed, forgetting all ideas of polite introduction.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Booth asked, exasperated to have a great evening so instantly and totally screwed up. Since when did Cam attend these kinds of concerts?

"I'm here with _your wife_. She's in the restroom with Angela, and she's going to be coming out any minute. What the hell are _you_ doing here?" Cam shouted under her breath. Only Cam could shout quietly.

"Bones? She's here?" Booth's eyes registered shock. He didn't want to run into her like this. He felt overwhelmed. His eyes went to Emma's, and then he looked at Cam again, guilt written all over his face.

Cam was holding her hands on both hips, ready to kick him where it hurt. No wonder he had been looking a little less wounded lately... and to think she'd been happy to see it. Well, that wouldn't last when she took care of him tomorrow. She intended to find out exactly what in the hell was going on with Booth.

Emma saw the alarm on Booth's face, and she could only imagine what this would do to his already crumbling marriage. No matter how innocent it was, Brennan would see what she wanted to see - grounds to proceed with a divorce.

"It's okay Seeley - you and I should leave. Temperance won't have to see us."

"I…uh… I…" Booth felt horrible.

"Get the hell out! If she sees you here like this, you are going to lose her forever, Booth!" Cam ordered, taking the decision out of his hands. She grabbed their glasses, elbowing him in the back, hoping to God she was getting him out fast enough.

"Okay, I'm going, I'm going." He agreed, almost glad to be led by two wiser women.

"And I will be talking to you tomorrow." Cam glared as she watched Booth and Emma scramble out the exit. She couldn't believe this was happening. Cam and Angela had finally gotten Brennan to get dressed up and out of the house, and she ran into him with little Miss Brown Eyes.

She turned just in time to see Brennan was right outside the restroom door with Angela. There wasn't any difference in the expression on her face; still the stoic, uninterested Brennan, barely alive and certainly not well. At least she missed Booth and his friend. Cam pasted on a happy smile walking over to her friends and offered what she was sure was Booth's glass. She had no choice. What other explanation could she give for having the drinks? Brennan took the glass staring at it for a moment. Cam hoped to God she got the right glass to her, because drinking out of the other woman's glass would be totally humiliating if Brennan knew. Which she didn't, but if she did... she would never do that to Brennan in a million years.

Brennan gave Cam a funny look then promptly took the glass, pouring it out into a tree. "I'm really not thirsty Cam, but you drink up. It looks like you need it." Cam did as she was ordered, because she really did need it.

"I guess we should be getting back, it's going to start soon," Cam suggested nervously, wishing she had another glass of bubbly.

"Yeah, good idea," Angela said, knowing something was up, but deciding not to bring it up because of Brennan. She would find out later.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Booth and Emma made it all the way to the car without a word. He was reeling from the idea that he almost bumped smack dab into his wife, and that he had to actually make a run for it to avoid seeing her. The ridiculousness of the whole situation was unbelievable.

"Oh my god. I am so sorry. Bones being here, I had no idea. I swear." Booth was falling all over himself making yet another apology to poor, unsuspecting Emma.

Emma was a little shaken too. She hadn't thought of herself as the 'other woman.' It was obvious Cam, whoever she was, certainly did. She was blushing, a little humiliated.

"No, no! I should have never have agreed to go…"

"Why? I wanted to take you to something you would enjoy, and you were enjoying it, you said you were. Now you are missing it because of me." Booth was really upset her night was spoiled. She needed a break too. "I know this was something you were looking forward to…"

"I was, but it's okay Seeley, I can listen to him anytime… it's not a big deal… really. Maybe you should just take me home…" She knew he was probably struggling with all kinds of feelings.

"No. I'm not going to let Cam or anyone else wreck this evening even more. I didn't know she would be there. I didn't think she was doing much of anything with the others…" He stopped and thought for a second. "…but this is good, right? Her being out is a good sign?" Booth asked hopefully.

"Yeah, it's very good. It's nice that she's going out a little."

"Yeah…"

"But if she had seen you with me… Booth, we should be more careful. I never really considered, but anyone would think…"

"Oh, Cam's not anyone. She's my best friend, and she and I go way back. She looks out for me like this all the time. Cam and Bones kind of butted heads at first, but now they are really good friends too. I think Cam and Angela getting her out was just the help she needed, unfortunately they didn't see fit to let me in on it." Booth was exasperated.

"It's okay. It just seemed like she thought I was some sort of distraction to you, of the cheap and vulgar kind. She seemed pretty upset, Seeley."

"Emma, it wasn't you. She was upset with me. She thinks you are some kind of illicit escape for me. She doesn't know about you. I haven't told anyone about you, or about our talks."

"I see. Well, it's good to know I'm not an illicit escape." She found the humor, as always.

Booth grinned, because her tone was playful, and he felt the tension in his back easing.

"Hey, do you have a CD of Mr. Wonderful?" He loved that she blushed when he teased her about her crush at the start of the concert.

"Yeah, more than one. Why?"

"I just think we shouldn't totally let your evening get screwed up because of me…"

"Seeley, it's okay. You don't need to do anything else…"

"Yeah. I have done enough, I hear you."

"I didn't mean it like that," she assured him.

"I know, I know. I really want to do something to salvage whatever we can of my good intentions." He laughed self-deprecatingly.

"Really? Well, what did you have in mind? A nice tar and feathering?" She giggled at his unappreciating look, but she was warming to the idea of not ending the evening on such a sour note. She was a music teacher after all; staying away from sour notes was a must in her life.

"How about some Italian take-out and a bottle of wine?"

"You are not doing bad so far."

"We can go by your house, pick up that CD and play it while we have a moonlight picnic in the park?" He looked proud of his idea.

"Seeley, I liked it all the way up until you wanted to freeze me in this weather. Are you kidding me?"

He laughed at the picture. "You have a better idea?"

"We get the food and the wine, and we go back to my place…" she offered, holding her breath a little hoping he didn't get the wrong idea.

"Yeah, that definitely sounds cooler." He grinned, and they got in the car heading for the closest, best Italian food they could find.

X-X-X-X-X-X

"Mmm… this is really good," Emma said as they shared a tiramisu for dessert.

"So, have I salvaged the evening a little?" Booth's eyes scrunched in mock humility.

"Well, on a scale of ten, the first part was a ten, up until intermission anyway. I would have to give the second part a good eight." She laughed.

"Only an eight? You gave him a ten, and you gave me an eight? That's hardly extra credit," Booth whined.

"Well, you have never sung for me, so to be fair, I would have to hear that first to give an honest rating."

"Sing?" Booth's eyes went into denial. "No! I think I will settle for that eight."

"Okay, then you leave me no choice." She got up, putting on her favorite CD. She sat back down and put up 10 long fingers, smiling blissfully.

"You really like that guy, don't you?" Booth knew a challenge when he saw one.

"What's not to like? He's tall, dark, has wavy hair, gorgeous eyes, and a voice to die for." She realized she wasn't thinking of the baritone blaring from the CD at all, and the fact opened her eyes wide.

"I'm sorry you are missing him. I wish there was some way I could make it up to you."

"Isn't this what got us here in the first place - you making something up to me?" Emma ribbed him, delighted to see the comical expression she got in return.

"Okay. How about a dance? I won't sing, don't ask me, but I will dance." He stood up and walked over to her.

"Really? You dance?" She seemed surprised.

"Only on your feet," he quipped back.

They stood tentatively apart then slowly his arm went around her waist and his hand locked with hers.

They moved swaying to the music, getting their rhythm first, and then they relaxed into each other's care. They let the music move them quietly, enjoying the harmonious wave that propelled their movements.

"This is nice… it has been ages since I danced," Emma said softly.

"Me too…" He closed his eyes letting the peaceful lifting music penetrate his worn body.

The music stopped, and neither noticed. Emma head rested against his shoulder, and Booth felt his hand around her waist tighten. He didn't want to let her go just yet. It felt so good to hold her.

Another song began playing, and they stood that way, barely moving to the music. They were just holding one another, content to relax and share a quiet moment.

She felt his heart beating against her breast, and she felt her breath catching as she noticed how wonderful it felt to be so close to him. His touch was so sweet and tender. She couldn't get over the sensations stirring deep inside, awakening her heart as she basked in his strong, gentle arms. She didn't want the night to end; she didn't want to feel his arms leave her body ever. She closed her eyes against facing this incredibly complicated situation. She just wanted to be with him always and forever.

Booth felt the dynamics changing; he felt his platonic feelings for Emma flying out the window. He felt the urge to hold her like this for eternity. He didn't want the night to end; he didn't want reality to close in on them. He could stay here, and he would be happy. He wanted to shut out his need to be careful or cautious. He wanted to be right where he was. She made him feel better. He needed this, and he needed her.

Finally the CD stopped. The music died. Slowly Booth and Emma opened their eyes.

"It's over…" Emma said, looking away. They parted quickly, but there was a totally different feel to their gaze now. Booth felt it, and he knew she felt it too. "Would you like some more wine?" She asked, going quickly to pour it.

"No… I… I should go." He looked at her half hoping she would say 'don't go.'

"Yeah, I didn't realize how late it was getting…" Emma was nearly breathless as she struggled with her desire to beg him to stay.

"Well…"

"Thank you, it was a lovely evening."

"An eight?" He smiled hesitantly.

"No. You get a ten." Emma's eyes shone brightly with the realization that he was a twenty, an absolute twenty.

"Good Night, Emma." He couldn't resist the urge to kiss her. So, he kissed her lightly on the cheek just like before. Only now he wanted very much to kiss her lips. He had to get the hell out of there now, before he did something they might both regret.

_A/N: I know some of you guys must hate me, but there is a reason this is happening, so I hope you guys will hang in there for a little while longer. __Go on, review or throw tomatoes at me. Either way, I just want to hear what you guys think. Thanks so much for continue reading and reviewing. _


	18. Look After You

_A/N: I know I just posted yesterday, but the reviews have been amazing and I couldn't help but post today too, besides, I promised __**Rankor01**__ I would post today. Thank you so much everyone for the reviews, I know some of you are worried about Emma, and some of you don't like her, but I can tell you that Emma will be the catalyst of it all, just hang in there and you will be glad you did. Thanks for all the support, you guys are amazing._

_I want to thank __**Angie (angiebc)**__ and __**Hannah (**__**BrainySmurf6**__**)**__ for their amazing help and beta-reading. They are just awesome, I couldn't have asked for better betas. Thanks ladies. Also, I want to update the last few chapters as fast as possible, but the latest chapters are with the beta, so you guys can blame __**Angie**__ for taking so long to update! Luv ya Angie. Haha!_

_Also, a little promotion for my fantastic beta __**Jen (jsq)**__, she just started a fic, and it's so freaking amazing that I can't help but help promote, so people read it. So, please take five minutes of your time and go read it, it's really good, you won't regret it. Although mind the ratings and read the warning, the fic is not for everyone._

_http:/ www. / s/6782070/1/ The_Light_Through_the_Dark (Just remove the spaces)_

_I'm sorry for the long Author's note._

_Song __"Look After You" by The Fray._

_If I don't say this now I will surely break  
As I'm leaving the one I want to take  
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait  
My heart has started to separate_

_There now, steady love, so few come and don't go_  
_Will you, won't you be the one I always know?_  
_When I'm losing my control, the city spins around_  
_You're the only one who knows, you slow it down_

_If ever there was a doubt_  
_My love she leans into me_  
_This most assuredly counts_  
_She says most assuredly_

_It's always have and never hold_  
_You've begun to feel like home_  
_What's mine is yours to leave or take_  
_What's mine is yours to make your own_

Chapter 18

Booth received a message to pick up Cooper from Angela's house. Now he realized why. Cam and Angela obviously had hatched the get-Brennan-out-project together. In spite of the near catastrophe, he was really grateful. What he didn't expect was a firing squad, complete with Cam, when he arrived to Angela's.

"Cam, what are you doing here?" Booth asked, surprised to see her.

"Why do I feel like it's last night all over again?" Cam shook her finger at him, and her eyes did that thing that made him cringe. "What am I doing here? What do you think, Booth? What in the hell are you thinking?"

"Keep your voice down. Cooper will hear you." Booth glared at her in frustration.

"I'll take them to the kitchen for some milk and cookies. You two keep it down until I've taken care of it," Angela instructed.

Angela soon had both kids in tow, but Cooper spied his Dad.

"Daddy!" He ran to him, delighted to see him. Booth loved these first moments of their reunion, and he hated them too, because there shouldn't be a need for reunions, they should be with each other every day.

Grace, Angela and Hodgins' six-year-old daughter, an affectionate and sweet little girl, couldn't resist getting a hug from Uncle Seeley. As soon as Booth set Cooper down, she flung her little body happily against him. His arms flew around her; a rush of sorrow hit him as he held her, shattering his heart into a million pieces. He remembered Liz's little, chubby arms hugging him like this. He remembered the feel of her so close, the smells of the scent that was her. For a moment, he felt as though she was back, she had come back to Daddy. He became tortured by the memory.

Angela saw immediately what he was going through, and she let him hug Grace for a moment more, knowing how horrible it must be hugging someone else's little girl. She didn't want Cooper to have to witness his Daddy totally falling apart. She quickly rescued Booth by taking Grace gently away. Booth kept his back to his son, and Angela whisked the children off to the kitchen, chattering animatedly, intent on taking the focus off Booth and distracting the children.

Cam was crying openly by the time they were out of earshot. She approached him, instantly forgetting what she was mad about only a few moments before. She kneeled next to him patting and rubbing his shaking back.

"Oh God! I wasn't expecting… I should have known… Grace is such a cuddle bug too…" Booth cried.

Cam sniffled, placing a quieting hand on his shoulder.

He turned into her arms slowly, hugging her tightly as he composed himself.

"I'm sorry." Booth said sadly.

Angela returned to the room and felt totally compelled by the scene to do something, anything, to take the heartache from Booth.

"It's okay Booth, I'm the one who's sorry, I didn't think…" Angela apologized.

He put a hand up to stop her. "No. It's good. I'm fine." He swiped his betraying eyes. "I just… miss her." He stood on wobbly legs, and Cam stood with him, still clutching an arm to support him.

"Booth, we know you miss her. I know you don't think we understand, and I know we can't ever completely understand, but… we love you… we care about you and Brennan so very much." Angela reassured him, wanting him to feel loved, to help him heal if she could.

"I know you do…"

"And we care so much that we decided to get Brennan out of the house last night…" Cam was back on track. No matter what he was going through, he had some explaining to do.

Booth nodded gratefully.

"But what the hell were you doing there too, Booth? And with that woman?" Cam couldn't keep the genuine admonishment out of her voice.

"I'm learning how to get past the worst time of my life…" Booth explained sadly.

"By having an affair?" Angela asked disapprovingly.

"I'm not having an affair."

"What then were you doing out on a date?" Cam asked.

"It wasn't a date! I was taking a friend to see an artist she loves on concert. Thanks to you not choosing to tell me you and Bones were going, she missed it!" Booth said irritated.

"Well, I wasn't expecting to see you there with a date!" Cam barked back. "Especially a woman like that."

"She's not a date, I keep telling you, and as for 'a woman like that'? Where do you get off?"

"And she dates married men!" Cam argued. Angela wisely stayed quiet. She knew better than to interrupt Cam and Booth.

"I'm not dating her, will you listen? I'm seeing her because she _knows_." Booth emphasized it with his hands.

"She knows?" Cam was not about to be placated. It was such a close call. She couldn't believe that he was defending his actions. "What does she know? That you are lonely and vulnerable and conveniently available? Please!"

"Yes, I'm all of that. Okay? I am and _she_ is too."

"And that makes it okay to date her?" Cam couldn't believe her ears.

"I'm not dating her. I'm going to her for therapy okay? She is helping me cope. She knows what it is to lose a child." Booth was upset that he was under suspicion; he already felt a bit guilty over the incredibly wonderful feeling that he'd had while dancing with Emma the night before.

"She's…" Cam couldn't even finish it.

"She lost her husband and her five year old son in a car accident three years ago. She's a teacher at Cooper's, what used to be Cooper's school. She isn't a home wrecker. She's an honest-to-God survivor of this horror. Do you have any idea what it's like for me to try and talk to you? You guys can't understand. I know you want to, but you just don't. I can't talk to Bones. I can't even see her. What am I supposed to do? Emma offered to talk to me, and she offered to listen in spite of the fact that it brings back all her pain."

He saw his firing squad had put down their hands. They were listening intently; expressions of sympathy obviously replaced the ire of a few moments before.

"I was a total jerk to her twice, and I felt really badly. She's been like an angel to me, and I have been moody and testy, and she's put up with me because she understands. She doesn't judge me. You guys expect too much. I can't do what you seem to expect of me anymore. I am not just going to pretend it didn't happen, because every single day I think about it, and I know it did. I can't pretend that I'm going to be okay, and Bones is going to be okay, or that we will ever be okay again, together or apart. You guys just don't know, and thinking it can be fixed… it just can't. It won't be fixed."

"You can't confide in us? We love you, Booth. You have always turned to us. We are your family." Cam wished that she was enough for him to confide in. She had never _not_ helped him before, and she didn't find it easy to stand aside and let someone else, a virtual stranger, do it. If she was a licensed therapist that would be one thing, but the fact that this woman was hurting and lonely... she just didn't get a good feeling about it. "We are all here for you, Booth."

"I have to have someone who doesn't expect anything. Who isn't totally focused on reuniting me with Bones. Bones doesn't want me. Did she even mention my name last night, Cam?"

She shook her head sadly.

"See, what am I supposed to do? I can't share anything with the only person I should be able to. I can't talk about it with you guys. You think this is easy?"

"No, of course not, Booth," Angela said gently.

"It's like being in some horrible nightmare and not being able to wake up," Booth tried to explain.

"So, you are seeing this woman…" Cam started.

"Her name is Emma Foster."

"You are seeing Emma because…" Cam wasn't so sure she was satisfied.

"She loves music; she's a music teacher, like I said. I got her tickets and took her because I wanted to thank her. That's what you saw me doing. I was thanking Emma for helping me get through this a little bit. Do you want to know why I'm seeing her? It's to get some perspective on why Bones is doing what she's doing. Emma has been in Bones' shoes and then some. I started to talk to her because of Bones, and now I'm talking to her because I need her too. She even tried to call Bones, but Bones is in such a dark hole, Emma can't get her to return even a phone call."

"She's willing to help Brennan too?" Cam asked softening.

"God yes. She knows the hell Bones is in, she knows that she could get to her mother to mother in a way no one else can, but Bones won't let her."

"Booth, why didn't you tell us?" Angela asked.

"Because of this…" He pointed to them. "You guys would think and believe the worst of me, and because you don't know what it's like. Bones was right when she said that months ago, you can't know. As much as you love me, you will never know, and I hope to God that you never have to find out."

Cam wiped a tear again. "I'm sorry, Booth."

He nodded, knowing they meant well.

"You got Bones out of the house. How in the hell did you do that?"

"It took a little persuasion, and it took getting Angela to get her to agree to Cooper staying here last night."

"So, how did it go? Did she agree right away?"

"Well, only after I told her that if she didn't, I would tell you, and I would help you and support you to file custody papers to take him away…"

"Oh God! What did she say?" Booth felt pangs of fear. They shouldn't do anything without consulting him. He didn't want her to shy further away… not that she could.

"She was angry that we threatened her, but she let him stay, and she came, so I would say that's progress…" Cam offered him some hope, slim as it was.

"And did she like the concert?"

"_Like_ is a strong word." Cam's eyes indicate that she didn't.

Booth looked down sadly. He got no hope from this information. "Please, I appreciate what you are trying to do, both of you; but please, no more moves on Bones without letting me know. I don't want her to be afraid of losing Cooper. It might send her completely over the edge. We just have to be careful."

"Okay, Booth. But you be careful too. I mean, you are lonely and vulnerable, and she must be too, poor lady. I'm sorry I snapped at you and jumped to conclusions. I don't always think the worst, but this is the worst situation ever, so I mean… a part of me wouldn't blame you…" Cam was speaking honestly; how long was he supposed to stay away from Brennan and not want comfort from somewhere else or someone else? Emma, who was so in tune with where he was and what he needed, how could she hold it against him? Right now she was grateful to anyone who could help him or Brennan. "I really couldn't blame you…" Cam said it again sympathetically.

"I would blame me, Cam. I love my wife, or what's left of her." Booth's eyes got teary again as he shook his head hopelessly.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Brennan got her twice-weekly-without-fail-phone-call from Russ. Russ had been fully in a protective big brother mode since he heard the news. He had offered to come home a zillion times, but Brennan would not hear of it. Russ accepted a job the day after Liz's fifth birthday. He had cried and laughed, but he couldn't turn down this chance, and his sister had given him the final push to say 'yes' by confirming Russ' thoughts that offers of jobs like these in California did not come up every day.

Russ thought that things had settled down and that life was normal at last, as normal as it could ever be. At least Russ knew that she was going to be okay because she had married Booth. He packed up and moved to California to begin the newest phase of his life with his family.

But now as they spoke on the phone, Brennan couldn't help but wish that she hadn't been so quick to give Russ the loving nudge. There was a little longing for the brother and sister days, when they shared just about everything, and there was nothing the two of them couldn't talk about. Their relationship had grown immensely over the years.

"So, how are you doing, Tempe?" Russ asked, torturing himself over not being there for his sister. Russ had moved to D.C. to be near his family when Cooper was born, and he had a wonderful time being close to his family. He shouldn't have left D.C. and taken the job in California. Knowing what a horrible time Brennan was having only made the fact that he loved California and his new job that much more guilt ridden. If anyone should have had happiness now, it was Brennan and Booth. He just couldn't believe that they had separated and that he hadn't at least tried to get Brennan back.

Russ knew from the few conversations he'd had with Booth that he was just as broken as Brennan was. He wondered if he should just quit the damn job and go home to be near his sister, but Brennan and Booth assured him it would make no difference.

There were no magic solutions to this chasm because there had never been a tragedy this big before.

His heart ached when he thought of going back to D.C., visiting them and finding Liz gone. Russ could escape the tragedy in California; he could lose himself in the job and in his family.

Russ had been there for Brennan for most of her ups and downs after they had come back into each other's lives, and he even managed to eavesdrop from another room when Brennan finally told Booth that she was three months pregnant with their little girl. Brennan didn't want to tell anyone about the pregnancy too soon. She had wanted to wait, after all the misfortune they had with two miscarriages after having Cooper. He remembered hearing Booth's whoops of delight and the laughter as he spun Brennan in the air. Neither of them knew Russ was there; he had snuck in through the kitchen entrance with his own key. He helped himself to a glass of wine and some snack before making his presence known.

Russ pled the fifth when Booth's eyes still hopelessly twinkling gave him the third degree about spying on their private moment. He shrugged, knowing he wasn't really angry… The three of them toasted gleefully.

That's the kind of family they had become, but now there wasn't any of that happiness. It had all vanished with Liz. Russ could hear it in the dead tone in Brennan's voice. The only time there was any emotion was when she spoke of her son. Booth's voice had been equally disconsolate. Russ didn't have the heart to push either of them, and they had to deal with it in their own way. He knew that they would make it back to each other like they always did.

"How are you?" Russ asked just as he did with every phone call; they had it down to a boring routine.

"Fine, Russ. I promise you I'm fine."

"Uh huh… what about Cooper?"

"Great, wonderful. He's the best little boy…" Brennan answered lovingly.

"And Booth? Has anything changed between the two of you?" The hope on his voice was not lost on Brennan.

"I told you the last time we spoke to stop asking. Nothing has changed or ever will, trust me. It's over. I'm not going back. It's good now - we don't fight, there isn't any tension, and we don't have to worry about lack of communication. He gets to see Cooper whenever he wants, and it's just easier."

"That's bull, Tempe." Russ was tired of hearing this dreary explanation. "You can try to fool everyone else including yourself, but just don't try to pull one over on me. You know and I know that it's not easier. The only reason you're not fighting is because you are not talking anymore. That doesn't mean that you have solved your problems, it only means that you have run away from them."

"Oh and what do you call you going to California? You could have stayed. Don't lecture me Russ; you're not exactly the shining example of facing your feelings."

"This isn't about me, this is about you. You are married to Booth, and both of you lost that little girl. She was part of the both of you, and I know you are both hurting more than I can ever imagine. Why are you doing this, Tempe? Why are you pushing him away? What did he do? He doesn't even know what he did."

"Russ, I told you, no interfering, long distance or otherwise, if you keep this up…" Brennan's tone was threatening.

"What? You will punch my lights out? I don't think so. Unless maybe, you and Cooper get your ass on a plane and come here." Russ would love to see them. He would love to have some time to get Brennan to admit that she was pushing away the man she loved, or to admit that she blamed herself for losing Liz.

"No! I don't want to travel now, Russ. My last plane ride…" She choked on her words. "Really, you have to stop. You are way too busy to entertain visitors, and I'm way too busy to leave."

"Busy? With what? You are not working. Tempe, was quitting your job really necessary? Do you even know what you are doing? You love that place as much as anyone else."

"Not anymore. Russ, I have to go. There is something in the oven…"

"Well, geez. I will wait Tempe. Go ahead and take it out." Russ knew when he was being ditched.

"I have other things… I have to go Russ." Brennan got frustrated; having someone know you as well as the two of them knew each other was a pain in the ass.

"Yeah I know. You are so busy. I will be calling again on Friday, like always. Tempe, next time we chat, you are going to do some talking."

"Okay," Brennan agreed just to placate him.

"I love you Tempe. You know that if you need anything, you can just call me, okay."

_A/N: Good news is, no Emma in this chapter. So that has to be a good thing, right? What did you guys think of Cam and Angela's talk to Booth? And Brennan and Russ' talk? Please let me know what you guys think. Review away._


	19. Walk On

_A/N: _

_Song "Walk On" by U2_

_And love, it's not the easy thing_  
_The only baggage, that you can bring_  
_Not the easy thing, the only baggage you can bring_  
_Is all that you can't leave behind_

_And if the darkness is to keep us apart_  
_And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off_  
_And if your glass heart should crack_  
_Before the second you turn back_  
_Oh no, be strong_

_Oh, oh, walk on, walk on_  
_What you got, they can't steal it_  
_No, they can't even feel it_  
_Walk on, walk on_  
_Stay safe tonight_

_Home, hard to know what it is_  
_If you never had one_  
_Home, I can't say where it is_  
_But I know I'm going_  
_Home, that's where the heart is_

Chapter 19

Dinner was served, and Booth felt a little guilty. For the first time while spending an evening with Emma, he caught himself thinking about her in a new way. In spite of his words to Cam and Angela, something had definitely changed. She looked even more beautiful than the night of the concert. Tonight her dress was a deep red and her long hair fell in soft waves over her shoulders. He was not supposed to notice these things; he was not supposed to feel what he felt, but he was powerless to fight it.

She amazed him. Her spirit was enchanting and lovely, and she did something to him and for him that he couldn't reject it. Something in him needed her more than he cared to admit. Maybe it was all connected to Brennan's rejection. He couldn't be sure about anything; he only knew that spending time with her was very healing. God knew that he needed to heal. He couldn't be what his family needed without being healed.

He had taken precaution this time, and they had driven a little outside of DC to have dinner. It was a new place; he couldn't even think of going to one of the places that he had taken Brennan to. Why did he suddenly feel awkward? Was it because the loneliness was settling in so keenly that he questioned what this was, or was it because he was giving up on Brennan? He needed to be sure of what he was doing before he screwed Emma's life too. He loved Brennan, he wasn't lying to Cam and Angela, but the hope factor was falling fast. And without it, he couldn't trust his promise, or his instincts to be careful.

"Are you okay, Seeley?" She asked, watching him.

"Yeah. I just feel… maybe… Cooper was asking me if I still loved his Mommy the other day and I…"

"You do, of course you do," Emma answered softly. She forced herself to say the right words to him.

"Yeah, I know I do." Booth nodded, seeing a flicker of something guarded on Emma's face.

"Well, I'm sure your assurance made him feel better."

"I'm not so sure… I mean, I do love her so much, and I will always love her, but lately it's been so hard…" Booth's doubts were clearly expressed in the confusion of his eyes.

"Seeley."

"He's so withdrawn. He's not the kind of kid to be solemn and quiet, but he's sure as hell acting more like me every day... or at least every time I see him." Booth finished the thought, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh Seeley, that's not a bad thing, your sons being like you, not a bad thing at all. You always seem to think you are a bad person - don't you know how good you are?"

Booth smiled fondly, forgetting the self-recriminations for a moment. She was so good to him. "I guess that I haven't heard that in a long time."

"Well then, I will have to tell you more often." Emma felt sad tonight, and she wondered if he would ever open up completely to her. They talked about Liz a lot, but he stopped short of letting go completely. He was guarded and afraid to express too much.

"I don't know what I would have done without you these past few months…" Booth didn't really believe he would have made it this far without Emma. She had been a blessing he never expected. If not for her, he would have found it hard not to withdraw from life completely. With her he found a reason to hope, a reason to believe in life again. When he saw Brennan, all he saw was death... not that he saw her much. He couldn't live in death, and he couldn't let his son live that way either.

"You would have been okay, Seeley. With or without me. You are a strong man." Emma's heart stirred again; she couldn't handle this. She wanted to tell him how being with him made her feel, and she wanted to take the pain out of his eyes. But she couldn't; she shouldn't ever tell him.

"No. I'm telling you, I wouldn't have been… I don't even want to think about what it would be like without…" He stopped himself. He was crossing a line that should never be crossed.

Emma sat back. It was too difficult, hearing him speak like that. Booth paid the check, and they headed to his car. He opened her door and then went around to get in on the driver's side.

"Do you want to take a drive, or do you need to get back?"

"Let's drive… Nick is at his grandmother's for the night." Emma wouldn't let her lips offer the words her heart wanted to offer so desperately, 'come home with me and stay the night, I will show you how incredibly happy you make me feel.' She wouldn't say them out loud, but she couldn't keep from wanting exactly that.

Booth felt strange again, as though he was cheating somehow, as if being with Emma was something disloyal and unfaithful. It hadn't started out this way. He felt good with Emma - he felt less empty when he talked to her, and he felt as though it was okay to have feelings again. It was okay to talk about Liz, and it was okay to smile and laugh. He was always afraid to smile and laugh around Brennan. And he knew on some level, Emma needed him... it felt so good to be needed again. She was still working through her grief and her loss. If he could help her the same way she had him, then he had to try.

"Seeley, can we stop? Maybe up ahead on the hill?"

"What? Sure." He did as she asked. They pulled up to the spot she requested, and there the city lights of DC danced romantically in the distance. But this wasn't why she asked him to stop. She wasn't here to get romanced, as much as she would love nothing better.

"What's wrong, Emma?"

"Nothing..." Her words faded as she gazed into his eyes. The light from the full moon filtered into the car. His eyes were so telling.

She wanted to forget the heaviness she was about to embark on; she wanted to share a laugh or just a sweetly quiet moment with him gazing at the stars. But she couldn't, she had to broach the subject of no return. It was what he needed, and she had to put that above her own selfish attraction and desire.

"You don't look like you have nothing on your mind. Why did you want us to stop?"

"You never told me what happened that day... with Liz. You talk all around it, but you never really talk about it."

"I don't… please, don't make me do this… I know what you are trying to do, and you can't. No one can. Just please, let's enjoy the night. Please?" Booth looked out the window at the city lights sparkling below. He knew that he needed to confide in someone, but what she was asking... he couldn't. He shook his head as the emotions twisted inside his gut.

"Seeley, enjoying the night is good for a time, but when the night is over, and a new day arrives, you will be exactly where you are now."

"I'm fine right now… I can't go there." He said it adamantly.

"Yes, you can, and you need to. You need to tell me."

His eyes pleaded for her to leave it alone. "Please Emma, don't."

"Just talk to me, Seeley," she urged softly. "Just start, tell me about that morning, the morning of the day that she died… tell me what the day was like before… was it normal? Had she been ill at all?"

"No. I was in an important meeting. She was fine when I left. Nothing was wrong."

"So, what happened?" Emma heard the suffering in his voice. She wanted so badly to hold him; but she couldn't. He had to go through this.

"I left - she was smiling and laughing and blowing me kisses goodbye." Booth's throat gurgled with the tears that came as he thought of Liz's beautiful grin and her innocent eyes. "I had no idea… I never would have gone to work at all if I had known."

"Of course you wouldn't have," Emma consoled him.

"It was my fault; I was supposed to be the one out of town, not Bones. I should have been the one who had to wait hours to get on a plane. Hell! If I was the one gone, maybe nothing would have happened, because Bones would have known what to do. She would have had instincts and been close enough to do something." Booth was crying openly now, his eyes filled with self-loathing and shame.

"But Seeley, you said once that they couldn't have detected Liz's heart problem ahead of time; how is it possible that Temperance could have?"

"She was her mother. Bones always knows things about the kids. She knew when I had no clue that Cooper was going to get sick on the vacation we took when he was two, and she knew that Liz was going to love dancing. She used to call Liz her little ballerina when she was pregnant because she knew."

"But she wouldn't have been able to stop it, any more than you could. The doctors said that - you both have to understand that it wasn't your fault. Yours or hers." Emma wanted him to acknowledge this, because neither Brennan nor Booth could ever heal if they kept blaming each other or themselves.

"I feel so guilty. Bones was out of town when it happened because of me. I was going to accompany the bones back to the lab, but she went in my place. She missed getting back home on time." His words were stilted and punctuated by long gasps in between as he relived the horrible tragedy. "Her heart gave out. Can you believe that? Someone so sweet and so full of love could have a bad heart?" His body sagged as he confessed how horribly wrong it was.

"No, of course not, Seeley. It's very unfair." Emma felt his pain vividly.

"She was a total joy. You had never seen a more beautiful little girl." The wretched loss was etched on his face.

"I saw her once… when she came to school with Cooper; she was adorable. She was clutching a little stuffed bunny, and she had a pretty frilly dress on."

"Yeah." Booth sputtered, broken-heartedly. "Mr. Buggy. She named the stuffed bunny Mr. Buggy. She got it from her Aunt Angela, and she never left the house without it. She loved to dress up; Bones had fun shopping for her." Booth was nearly whispering as the strain of these memories took away his voice.

"Of course she did. Temperance loved her too… and I know that she wouldn't want you to blame yourself this way." Emma hoped that was true.

"Why then? Why is she turning her back on me?" Booth asked plaintively.

"I don't know… have you asked her?" Emma hated being in the middle of this, she never set out to be emotionally involved, but she was... more than she ever thought possible.

"Yeah… over and over again. I begged her not to make me move out, not to leave the Jeffersonian, that's where we… it started there, she and I… I thought that maybe it would be for a few weeks, that she would come to her senses, I _hoped_. But it has been over seven months now, and nothing has changed. If anything, we are closer to divorcing than before. I'm not even sure if she cares at all. How do two people who were once completely in love change this much?" His hand loosened his tie, he felt a chocking sensation and he couldn't breathe easily.

"I don't know… Seeley, I don't have the answers…" Emma rubbed his shoulder lightly. She knew how it felt to be in this much agony. "Tell me some more about what happened… I know that you are holding on to something, and I know that if you don't tell someone, it will eat you alive."

"Alive. I'm not alive Emma, don't you know that?" His eyes revealed so much, they entreated her to see how much heartache dwelled in him. "You of all people know that." He shook his head despondently. "I lost my daughter, and now I have lost Bones too. I don't know how to be here and feel alive anymore. I'm going through the motions, that's not living. I'm not even sure why I'm still here. I wish God had taken me and not Liz. _Me_." He held his fist up as if the anger would never be vanquished, and he punched his chest. "It would have been better if I had been the one to go."

"Seeley, Temperance would be in a horrible state, no matter what. She loves you. You are her husband; she's just lost right now. She doesn't know what she is anymore, but she would be lost if you had died. Please, don't say that." Emma spoke softly but forcefully.

"But Liz would be here. She was the liveliest little girl… and now she's dead, she's gone, and she's never coming back. She will _never_ be here with me, holding my hand or looking at me the way that she did. I didn't protect her. I wasn't… I wasn't…" He didn't want to be here anymore without his Liz.

Emma felt as though her heart was being torn out of her chest again, ripping through the scars that had just barely begun to heal. She couldn't bear to see him so distraught. She wanted to help him heal more than anything on this earth. She wanted to see him smile and laugh.

"If you would just talk to Temperance..." Emma wanted to hold him, but it was not her place, he needed his wife; he had to have her to get through this.

"I have been seen too much of her pain, and now she can't get past it - and who can blame her? I thought I had found heaven with her, but it has been hell for her."

"You didn't make that hell, Liz's heart defect did. God, Seeley, it wasn't you, it could never be you. You are too hard on yourself, and Temperance is too hard on you too. You don't deserve this." Emma couldn't stop the welling of emotions; she couldn't hold back her true feelings for him. He needed her - he needed love, and he needed healing. She didn't understand how Brennan could do this to him. He was obviously broken-hearted about his loss and his marriage. "She doesn't know what she has in you. She's not thinking like a wife - she would never let you go through this if she was, I would never let you go…" Emma stopped; her eyes registered the shock of her having spoken that way.

Booth's mouth opened to speak, but the look in her eyes stopped him cold. Tears were still coursing down his cheeks, and his breathing was erratic. He had this wad of crushing pain inside, and he felt as though he was sinking into a black hole, but when he looked into her eyes, eyes that held clarity, he saw a ray of light, a promise of hope. "Emma?"

She didn't flinch from his questioning gaze; something inside her couldn't let him suffer anymore, and wouldn't let him think he wasn't worthy of love. "I could never see you suffer this way… and let it go on." She couldn't stop her feelings for him, she had only known him a few short months, but it didn't take more to know what she knew. His eyes met hers, tears falling on her hands now firmly holding his.

"Seeley, I care about you. I know that you have more hidden inside than you are willing to tell me or anyone, and it's going to kill you if you don't get it out… and I can't be… I can't watch you do this to yourself; I know that we haven't known each other long…"

"I feel like we have." Booth's voice was raspy and soft.

"Me too… it's so funny how the first time I saw you… you have to know…" Emma stopped.

"It wasn't like we were strangers…" Booth filled in the blanks.

"No, I have never felt like I didn't know you... it's like you are someone that I was destined to meet…"

"I know." Booth nodded.

"That's why you can tell me anything, I will never think less of you, Seeley; I will never judge you, or make you feel…"

He knew it was true. "She was the light of my life, you know. I lost my mother when I was seventeen, and I love Parker and Cooper with all my heart, but Liz… Liz was like getting a piece of my mother back. I know that sounds weird, but the bond we had, the father/daughter love…" Booth missed her so much he couldn't put into words. "I think that she took care of me better than I ever took care of her. She looked out for me, and it reminded me of my mom - the way she totally loved me. I can't even explain what it felt like to be loved that way again. I mean, it was almost like she came to watch over me, and I couldn't look at her little face enough. She totally captivated me. I could watch her for days and never get bored. When I was sad, she always sensed it; I never said anything, but she knew. She would pat me on the back as if to tell me it would be okay. How did a tiny girl know that about me?" Booth sobbed hard. "I miss her so much, I can't breathe properly anymore. I can't function. I let her down. I should have watched over her the way she watched over me."

Booth kept sobbing.

"I would have done anything to keep her here. Anything." He cried harder and hopelessly.

Emma moved across the seat, and he fell into the waiting arms. He sobbed his heart out; he didn't know that he had any tears left. She held him tenderly, stroking his hair and crooning softly into his ear. It was healing him; he had missed someone else's touch too much for too long. They have been separated for over seven months, almost eight, and Brennan was making no moves to renew their relationship. He was lonely beyond loneliness and he was torn apart beyond words. As he pulled back, looking deeply into Emma's eyes, he saw something there, and he felt something in him.

Gently her fingers traced the corners of his eyes, wiping away the remaining of the tears. Then slowly she moved one lone finger down his cheek and around his lips. Sweetly and tenderly, she whispered the redeeming words that he needed desperately to hear.

"You didn't do anything wrong. You are a loving and devoted father. Stop blaming yourself. Do you really believe Liz would want you to do this to yourself? She would be so sad to see you like this. Oh Seeley, someone as full of life as she was, she would never want to watch you suffer. She's gone, Seeley; but you are still alive and breathing, and you deserved to be loved," Emma murmured softly.

She was never going to do this; she was never going to make it hard or awkward for him. She would never come between him and his wife, but the longing in his eyes for comfort, the naked grief and pain emitting from his soul was too much. It was all too much. She caressed his agonized face with her hands, and her lips moved to his as she whispered to him tenderly. "You are here, and I want you to be here so much."

She kissed him yearningly. Her lips electrified his body with the love she had for him. He felt the current passing between them; he felt the awakening that she gave him, the beckoning of her soul to his to live again. To be loved again. "I know she's gone. Your little girl is in heaven, but you are alive, Seeley. You are still here, and I'm so grateful that you are." Her kisses were soft and sweet and tearful, and he found his lips responding hungrily. They fused together, two broken-hearted people coming to the realization that life did go on, that when you are lost, there was a way home, there was someone who cared, there was love and love was the substance of life.

"I'm here…" Booth murmured against the sweetness of her lips. His mouth opened to hers once more. He couldn't stop the urges that he felt - he needed to feel something again, it had been so long. They deepened the kiss, desperately needing each other in ways that they never dreamed were possible.

For the first time in ages, Booth felt needed and wanted, and he felt the stirrings of emotions that weren't despondent or despairing. His hands cupped her neck, and his eyes caressed her face. She made him feel like someday he would be whole again. And with that thought came irrepressible guilt. He pulled away, his eyes questioning.

"You are alive Seeley, it's okay to be here. You are supposed to be here, and you are supposed to feel good about it again." She didn't care if she was out of line, she didn't care if it was hopeless, or crazy. She always played it safe and did the right thing. But she had lost way too much to take a chance on losing him too. She wouldn't let him go through it alone; if Brennan didn't give a damn, then she would. "You are here, and I need you."

"I'm here." Booth echoed, almost believing it. Hearing someone actually acknowledge that he was not dead to them made him feel like maybe it was true. "I'm alive," he repeated, as if it was a chance to be reborn.

"You are, Seeley. You are." Emma smiled lovingly. Kissing him was more than she had dreamed of - holding him so closely, knowing she was bringing him some solace, made her incredibly happy. And she knew how incredibly selfish it was too. But she had to give him this one moment to feel again, before she could let him go. She had to let him go... how in the hell was she ever going to do that?

Booth cried softly as Emma kissed him more to validate his words. He held her too him like a lifeline, but there was a little thread of trepidation as he realized he couldn't do this... he couldn't let this happen. If he did, he would be lost.

He pulled away suddenly, his mouth cemented in a shocked _oh_.

Emma knew before he even uttered the words.

"Emma… I…"

"I know. Oh God, Seeley, I never thought I could do this. I'm so sorry. I just wanted you to be whole again. Maybe it's because I need to be too." Emma confessed, her tears escaping. This was a horrible mess. How could she let it happen? She gazed at the sparkling platinum band on the third finger of his left hand, and she felt as though she didn't know herself anymore. She knew she shouldn't be feeling what she felt, and she knew she had no right, but she felt it anyway. "Seeley, it's…"

"I would… you have to know that, if there wasn't… Bones, I love her so much. I care for you, but…"

"I know. Seeley, please don't say anything anymore. I know." Emma scooted back towards the passenger side.

"I have taken advantage of you. It wasn't fair." Booth felt the onslaught of new guilt. How could he have let this happen?

"No. I wanted to be with you, I didn't expect this to happen. I didn't know. I never expected to feel this way," Emma promised him.

"You?"

She looked at him honestly. He needed to know... it wouldn't be right not to be honest, and she knew it wouldn't make a bit of difference because he didn't feel the same way. "I'm falling in love with you." She looked down, mortified. He was married, and he was not free.

"I only wanted to help you get through this, I swear. I never anticipated, but whoever does?" Emma felt humiliated and powerless to deny her unrequited feelings. "I love you, Seeley, more than I thought that I would ever grow to love anyone again, and even if it's totally wrong and awful of me, I can't stop it." This was a total nightmare.

"It's not totally wrong or awful, you could never be anything but wonderful… it's me…" Booth couldn't believe he had done this. On top of everything else, he was hurting Emma now too.

She put her hand up to stop his words, but he had to say them.

"Emma, I'm sorry, I have been so wrapped up in my own…"

"No, you don't get to be sorry, you have had enough sorrow. Oh God, I'm the one who's sorry."

"No, this isn't your fault, but I'm still married."

"I know, please, Seeley; I'm sorry. I'm sure she does want you, I just spouted off without thinking. I'm feeling too much." Emma tried to explain it away.

"No, she doesn't want me, that's just it, she doesn't. Why am I still married? Good question…"

"Seeley, no, don't do this."

"Why not? She wanted this; she asked for it, I didn't."

"Seeley, she's…"

"She's my wife, she's wallowing in grief and pain, and she's not herself." Booth supplied the words Emma was going to say.

"She is your wife, and I have no right to say it, but someone has to, Seeley. How much longer? How much longer are you going to let this go on? How many more months and years are you going to let her torture you this way?" Emma couldn't help it, a part of her totally resented Brennan for what she was doing to the man, the man she had grown to love deeply.

"You said that she would get better. I thought that she would get better, that she would start to heal, and we would have a life again. Not a life like the one we had, but a life. I clung to it. I have been waiting so long for it. I tried to be there for her, but she shoved me away. If she never comes back…" If it was true that Brennan wouldn't ever be back, he didn't know what he would ever do with himself.

"What if she doesn't? Seeley, what if she never comes back to you? What if you end up without her? What will happen to you?" Emma was fighting for him - he didn't seem to have any fight left, and she knew that he had never run from a fight before. He had told her about his days as an FBI agent, and how much he fought for what he wanted. "You, Seeley, what will happen to _you_?" Emma was shivering now, she felt so damn cold.

"I can't… I don't know." Booth whispered. He saw the shivers as her body shook slightly, and he took off his jacket placing it gently around her shoulders. She wanted to weep for all of them - for Brennan, who was too lost to see the man she had; for Booth, because he loved someone who didn't even care that he existed; and for herself, because she had fallen so totally in love and lost all perspective and objectivity.

"Emma," He whispered closing his eyes. It would be so easy to take her love and never look back. Brennan didn't care about him anymore; she had made that abundantly clear. Emma loved him, he felt it every time he was with her, and now that she had said it, he knew. He could just cut his loss, cut out Brennan the way she cut him out. He could leave it behind - all the pain, the agony, the guilt. But this was Brennan, his Bones, and in that emaciated over-wrought body was the beautiful heart that he had fallen head-over-heels in love with the first time he saw her. He just didn't know how to find her anymore. That scared the hell out of him. It would be easier to move on, to find a life without her; because if they went on the way it was, he would go back to going through the motions, probably for the rest of his life. But he couldn't do it; he couldn't turn his back on the woman that he had loved longer than he could remember.

"Emma… I…"

"Don't say it, please don't say it."

"I'm married, I have a wife and whether she wants me or not, she needs me." Booth realized that someday she would probably need him again; and as long as that was possible, he would be there for Brennan. "She needs me."

"I need you," Emma told him. "If you think that she needs you so damn much, then why are you here with me?" Emma asked the tough questions, and it killed her to do it.

"I'm here because you and I are friends." Bu he knew that it was more than that, saying they were merely friends was a lie. He knew that he should spare her, but in a strange way, he wanted her to know that she was not being foolish at all. "No," he let out a humorless sigh, "we are more than friends; I'm the one who's the fool, not you. This could happen, you and I." Booth confessed his feelings, feelings he had no right to hold. "It could happen…" He whispered unbelievingly.

She took a deep breath afraid that she wasn't hearing him right.

Booth closed his eyes, cringing at the admission. "But it won't."

Her breath stopped midway.

"Seeley, when you say it could… are you saying…?"

"God, Emma. I'm not in the place to make any declarations, but being with you is healing for me, it's fantastic, and I could forget everything with you, but then I wouldn't be the man that you say that you are falling in love with. You and I both know that, and if we went through with this, you wouldn't be the woman I could love…" Booth looked at her longingly. He wasn't free… He hadn't given up all his hope for Brennan yet; he wouldn't believe that his marriage was over, no matter how dead it seemed.

"You are right. I know you are," Emma conceded. "What are you doing to do?"

"You know that if I knew…" Booth's eyes closed in misery.

"Fight!" Emma said it under her breath with gritted teeth. "Fight for her." Her voice was filled with tears, but when you love someone you had to do the right thing. "It's time for the old Seeley to come out and fight like hell. If you want your marriage, you need to show her. Don't sit back and let her..." Emma's tears were smearing the little that was left of her mascara. "… Lose you while she's losing herself."

He looked at her shell shocked; first, she said she loved him, and now she was telling him to go get his wife back.

"But I can't be here for you anymore, Seeley, not now." Emma cried softly. "Fight and give it everything you have. Fight. It's the only way that you will know, and it's the only way that you will ever be happy. " Emma couldn't stop the hard sob that escaped her.

"I'm not sure I even know how to fight anymore."

"Seeley, you do. You are just afraid to lose. Think of Parker and Cooper, and you will remember how to fight. Your love for them will give you strength and courage."

"Do you know what an incredible woman you are?" Booth asked squeezing her hand gently.

She bowed her head weeping softly.

"Do you know what an incredible man you are?" She looked into his eyes intently knowing someone had to tell him, so he would find the faith to believe it.

"Emma…" It was a sad, sorrowful whisper.

"Just come back, if it doesn't work out… please, say you will?" Emma was afraid to hope, but if there was a prayer, she would take the chance that he would be back. "Promise me?" She knew she was asking a lot of him, but she wanted her chance if things didn't work out.

"Emma…" Booth looked down into her eyes, and he knew he wouldn't go anywhere else. "I promise." His eyes shone with uncertainty, but Emma chose to hear the promise and ignore the doubt.

_A/N: How much do you hate me right now or Emma for that matter? I hope this chapter gives you hope, even though it was not what you were expecting. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading._


	20. This Is How It Goes

_A/N: Woah. The reviews for the last chapter were incredible; you guys have no idea how shocked I was. Thank you so much. You guys are freaking awesome._

_How awesome was Thursday's episode? I'm still hyper because of it. _

_Song "__This Is How It" by Goes Aimee Mann_

_This is how it goes  
One more failure to connect  
With so many how could I object  
And you, what on earth did you expect  
Well I can't tell you baby  
When this is how it goes_

Chapter 20

It had been a week since that night, since he had seen Emma last. Booth had been reeling back and forth with his feelings. He was tempted again and again to go for what he knew was safe; he was drawn to her, her spirit and her inner beauty. But he couldn't stop thinking about Brennan and the radiance of her soul, he knew her soul and her heart, and he couldn't turn his back on her, from his soul mate, his lifetime partner. If there was a chance that she would ever come back to him, he would take it. But he was frightened; he didn't know what the battle would entail and his reserves were low. He didn't know if he could keep them both above water if he tried.

Booth had Cooper with him for the weekend, and he was not focusing where he should. _'Think of Parker and Cooper, they will give you what you need to fight.'_ Emma's words came back to him, and he knew if anyone or anything would give him a reason to want to fight, it would be his sons.

He watched for a moment as Cooper threw down his legos, a huge pout on his face and a single angry tear running down his cheek.

"Hey bud, I'm sorry that Daddy had his mind on some other things, I didn't mean to ignore you. Are you upset about something?" Booth looked deeply into the mirror of his eyes.

"I miss Jake, Mike… and Nick. We were making some spaceships with legos and it's been so long, I bet that they finished without me."

"You don't see any of them?" Booth felt alarmed. "Didn't you go to a sleepover with Nick a few weeks ago?" Booth thought for sure that had to be a reason that Cooper didn't come to him on his usual Friday.

"No, Daddy. The only time I see anyone is when you come and we go out, and that one time at Auntie Ange's house."

"I'm sorry, Cooper. I think your Mom is tired and it's hard for her to have a lot of company right now. Things will get better, I promise."

"Daddy?"

Booth nodded listening to his doubtful voice.

"I want you at home, will you ever come home?" Cooper's eyes pleaded for that, it was his dearest dream.

"I hope that I can." Booth wouldn't give him false hopes. "Cooper, even if I don't, I promise you will have all the fun you used to, just like before."

"It used to be so much fun when we went to the beach all the time. We never have picnics anymore, or go to the zoo or splash in the puddles when it rains. I want you to come home, Daddy." Cooper's stubborn little voice made it an order, and not a request.

"I want to Coop, I really do." Booth felt like crying. He wanted to, more than his son would ever know. "I just can't yet."

"All Mommy does now is paint." His sorry little face was so pitiful, Booth felt the double entendre rising as he heard this again.

"Well, I heard that Mommy likes to paint now, and it has been helping her, Buddy."

"No!" Cooper denied it vehemently.

"Why do you say that, Cooper; I'm sure that Mommy paints beautiful pictures."

"Ugly and scary, I hate them." Cooper grumbled.

"I don't understand… why do they scare you?"

"Monsters." Cooper's eyes were big as saucers. Booth's arms opened as the little boy fell against his chest.

"Monsters?" Booth was still at a loss.

"When I go to bed at night, the nights you don't come, she goes in there and she paints. I wanted to ask her something and I went in there, and I saw them, Daddy. They look mean, I don't like them." Cooper rubbed his eyes hard trying not to cry.

Booth felt Cooper tug at him tighter. Cooper had always had the monster under the bed fear. But this seemed to be very real to him.

"I'll talk to Mommy about the paintings. Cooper, I'm sure that she would never want to scare you. She loves you."

"I love her too." He stifled a sob.

Booth closed his eyes. Fight! He would fight one last time, he would get out the armor and he would battle for his son, but if she rejected him again, he would be done. But she was going to hate him, because his son wasn't going to grow up afraid and alone. He would do whatever he had to save his son, no matter what it did to her. Brennan in her right mind would never want to hurt their son; but she wasn't well, and Booth wouldn't allow him to stay in the seclusion that she was enforcing on him.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Booth was pacing in his office. He knew that he felt like a caged animal today, and he wasn't surprised when Cam walked in.

"What's going on, Booth?" She asked never one to shirk the issue.

"I'm not sure…" Booth confessed looking up guiltily.

"What's going on?" Cam asked again. She read his body language and somehow his mind. "Oh no, I told you to be careful."

"Cam, how do you always know before I even tell you anything?"

"You are a man, aren't you? What happened?" The weary voice did nothing to calm his nerves.

"It's complicated."

"I don't think it is, Booth. You have a wife. Please, don't tell me you slept with her." Cam cringed.

"No! Oh God, no! I would never… you know that I wouldn't."

"Then what's eating you? Something's up."

"Emma and I…" Booth wouldn't put this on Emma alone; he had to be as honest as he could. "She's important to be, Cam."

"How important?" Cam asked softly.

"More than I thought anyone ever could be, after Bones of course." Booth confessed.

Cam slapped him in his right arm. He could almost see the steam coming from Cam's ears. And he sure as hell could feel her fury.

"Hey, you said you wouldn't blame me." He was like a pouting kid rubbing his injured arm.

"Well, I lied. Damn it, Booth. What did you do? And don't you blame this on me saying that I wouldn't blame you." She slapped him again. "I blame you. I warned you."

"I know, I know." Booth tried to sidestep a third arm whacking.

"So, Emma has feelings too?" Cam's eyes closed. What in the hell did she expect? Brennan was like a zombie and Emma knew Booth's pain and she was alone too. What else would happen? She felt for him and she wanted to throttle him all at the same time.

"Yes, she's… she knows that she shouldn't, and I know that I shouldn't… we both know, okay? You can't slap me any harder than I have slapped myself."

"Do you want to bet?" Cam threw up her hands. "Booth."

"Don't, please. I need to talk to someone and I need you to listen. Please, Cam?"

"Okay, Okay. I'm listening." She knew that he had gone through hell and back lately and her soft side wanted to tell him go for it, but her mother-knows-better side couldn't.

"I didn't know that it was even happening, and neither did she, honestly." He shook his head. "I love Bones, I really do. But she's not here, she's living in some zone I'm not allowed into, she has made grief her life, and… and she doesn't want me there to share it. If she did, I would probably do it, even if it meant being half dead forever, I would do it." Booth knew that he would with one little inkling that Brennan cared, he would be there for her.

"Then if you feel that way…?"

"I don't want to anymore, Cam. I have had so much pain in my life, and ironically it was Bones who walked me out of it, held my hand and took me all the way to a place where I thought I would be forever happy…"

"But…?" Cam swallowed back the tears.

"But now, I don't even know who she is anymore, and she doesn't want me to know her, and that hurts more than you can imagine, it hurts."

"I know, but Booth, you are in pain already, what you are thinking of doing will only…"

"I know. I know that now I have Emma, so vulnerable already, and I'm going to hurt her if I… but she wants me too…?

"She wants you to what?" Cam could only imagine.

"She wants me to fight for my wife. That's how much she loves me, Cam. That's why I know I could love her. I think that I already do in a way." Booth's voice faded as he admitted for the first time the truth out loud.

"Oh my God, Booth…"

"I know… it's so unbelievable. Everything that's happening is unbelievable."

"Booth, are you sure?"

"Yeah… we kissed. It wasn't what you think. It came out of my grief for Liz, and Bones. I'm mourning my wife, and she's not even dead, Cam."

"I know Booth, I know."

He bowed his head. "I felt like I was dead too, but Emma has a way of making me feel like it's okay to be here."

"Oh Booth, of course it's okay. I wish you would talk to me. But she told you to fight for Brennan, even though she's in love with you?" Cam asked surprised.

"Bones and I… it's possible that it's truly over, and that we will never be able to go back, I have to face that fact Cam."

"I wish…"

"I know what everyone wishes. I know what everyone expects… I know that I'm being selfish to think that I could be happy again someday… without Bones by my side. And I don't even want to admit that to myself in some ways, but I know I feel things for Emma that just won't go away because you want them to or you need them to. She's in love with me, but it's way more than that, Cam."

"Oh Booth…" Cam's heart was breaking for him.

"When I'm with her, I forget… I don't have to forget Liz, because she loves it when I talk about her, she encourages me to have those memories. Bones just doesn't understand."

"Booth, your love for Brennan… it's always been there, how can it not be there now?"

"It's not gone, but I think it has changed. I mean, I can't love someone who won't let me, not the way that I need to love…"

"And you love Emma as much as you loved Brennan in the beginning?"

"It's… you know that I would never love that way again, Bones was the first really true love of my life. I had never loved anyone the way I loved her, and I will always treasure that, what we had…"

"It's not over yet. Booth, you can't love Emma that way either. I know that you want to, but how can you…?"

"Because she understands me, she knows what my family means to me… and because she loves me, Cam. If I had any doubt, she never fails to take them away. You know, the way Bones used to do. She makes me feel again. Cam, I need to feel again. My son needs me to feel again. I can't be in this hell anymore. I can't stay here waiting for the rest of my life…. For something that may never happen, and then let Emma go…"

"Booth, think about it. You go off with Emma, and at some point, Brennan realizes that you have gone away from her forever and she knows she had made a horrible mistake, then what happens to her? I know you still care about her. How could you do this and not even try? Emma is right, you need to fight. I know up until now you were too worn out to try, but Emma is right."

"You aren't angry at her?"

"Angry at a woman who reaches out to you and makes you care about something again? Angry at a woman that tells you, in spite of her feelings, that you need to try at least to get your family back. No. My heart hurts for her, because I can only imagine her grief and then loving you when she knows you are taken. I can only imagine what she's going through." Cam's brown eyes flash into Booth's.

"I wouldn't hurt her for anything... except…"

"Except for Brennan…" Cam filled in the inevitable blank.

"Yes…. Bones. Not the ghost she has become."

"You are the only one who can get her back, Booth, we have all been praying you would see it, and hoping she would let you bring her back."

Booth knew the answer; he knew it before Cam walked in. He knew it as he was promising Emma to come back to her, he knew it now too.

"I have to try."

"Yes, you do, Booth."

"I promised Emma that if it didn't work out…"

"Oh Booth."

"I couldn't say no to her… I didn't want to. I know that I shouldn't have made her any promises because if I do this and it doesn't work, going back to Emma after wouldn't be fair to her, she would have to pick up the pieces all over again. I don't know if even she could." Booth admitted the heartache would be too deep; he would have to face a loss he wasn't prepared to admit to or to fathom.

"You made her a promise, but how can you do that and fight this fight with everything in you, when there's going to be a part of you that wants to back out and go back to Emma? It's not a fair fight that way, Booth. You know that it's not. And Brennan needs it to be, more than anything else in the world, she needs you to be there, totally and completely."

Booth closed his eyes facing the truth that he knew inside.

"Booth, just see how it goes, don't put pressure on yourself to be anything more than you are, you always do that, and you think that we expect more or that we are disappointed, but you are the one who expects more, you are always the one who thinks that you are not good enough. But you are, and Emma sees that, and Brennan knows it deep inside. Go to your wife, and don't put expectations on yourself. Emma will be there, if she truly loves you no matter how many pieces you crack into, she will be there, isn't that what she said?"

"Yes… it's exactly what she said." Booth's eyes implored Cam to understand.

"But you can't promise you will fall back on her, it's not fair to her either. She needs you to know that you are not coming back for any reason but that you love her, and only her."

"I guess, but I can't say that yet."

"No, you can't. And if you can someday, then I will understand. We will all understand, and Emma obviously loves you enough to understand too."

"I know that you are right. I think that's what I have been so upset about... knowing that I could retreat from Bones at any time, and be safe. I don't want to be that selfish. Bones needs me… to do this with my heart totally on the line."

"Yes, she does. She will know if it's not and you won't reach her Booth, you know that you won't."

"I know." Booth felt wasted already. How was he going to get through this?

"I'm with Emma. Fight hard, one last time. Booth, you would never be truly happy if you don't try."

"And what do I do with these feelings I have for Emma? What does she do with the love that she has for me?" Booth was inconsolable about hurting Emma.

"She's a survivor, Booth; and so are you."

"Surviving, is that what it's called now?"

Cam felt his desire for life to be more. She couldn't help but wonder if he had more with Emma, maybe he and Brennan had run their course. And if that was so, and Emma did make him happy the way that he deserved to be happy for so long, then she would stop trying to fight for his marriage and let him do what made him happy. God knew it was time. If he couldn't bring Brennan back out of her shell, no one would ever. And that was too scary of a thought to entertain.

"Okay. I will fight."

_A/N: Thank you again. So, what did you guys think of the conversation Booth had with Cooper and Cam? We are almost to the end of this fic (6 more chapters and 1 epilogue), which makes me sad. More coming soon, I promise. Please, let me know what you thought._


	21. Stay

_A/N: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. You guys have been incredible. _

_Song "Stay" by U2. _

_Red lights, gray morning  
You stumble out of a hole in the ground  
A vampire or a victim  
It depends on who's around  
You used to stay in to watch the adverts  
You could lip synch to the talk shows_

_If I could stay..._  
_Then the night would give you up_  
_Stay...and the day would keep its trust_  
_Stay...and the night would be enough_

_Faraway, so close_  
_Up with the static and the radio_  
_With satellite television_  
_You can go anywhere_  
_Miami, New Orleans_  
_London, Belfast and Berlin_

_And if you listen I can't call_  
_And if you jump, you just might fall_  
_And if you shout, I'll only hear you_

Chapter 20

Booth couldn't believe that he was here, because he knew he should stay the hell away from her. She didn't need the kind of heartache that he was giving her.

"Seeley? What are you doing here?" Emma's voice was breathless. Seeing him did nothing to quench the ache in her heart. She knew it was too soon for it to be what she was hoping for.

"I'm sorry. I should have called, but I was afraid you would say no."

"Come in. Nick's in bed, so we will have to talk quietly." She offered him a seat.

"I'm here… because I have been thinking about everything that you said, and the thing about fighting. I know you are right; I have to go in with an open heart, Emma." He shook his head not wanting to disappoint her. "I can't make the promise I made to you and pretend that I'm going back to her with everything that's in me. If I have you in the back of my mind as some kind of refuge, it wouldn't be fair to you or to Bones, or even to me."

She nodded, blinking back the tears.

"I don't know what's going to happen, I don't even know if I will get past the damn door. I can't do it knowing that you believe that if I fail, we would have a life. Because if I fail, it will be like breaking in two all over again. You don't need someone to put back together again. You have yourself and your son to take care of. You are such a beautiful, caring, loving woman, and I would be so lucky; but I'm not ready for you. I wish…"

"Seeley…"

"I can't let you wait, I can't promise you. It was wrong, and it was unfaithful. The kisses and the thoughts, I'm not free. And if I ever were to come to you, I would have to be free or… I wouldn't come."

Her chin quivered and her lips trembled. "I know. That's why I love you so much. And it's okay. Trust me. It's okay, Seeley."

"It's not okay. Because I know I could fall in love with you, too." Booth confessed. "I'm so sorry about this, Emma. I'm sorry that I can't. I still love her so much. I have loved her since the first day we met, the kind of love that I have for her, it doesn't end. It won't ever be gone. If I told you that it would, I would be lying to you, and you deserve to be first. You know it and I know it. I'm not saying that we couldn't have had an incredible life together, but you were right. I would compare you to her, the way that she was, the way that we were. She's the love of my life and that is the truth. Sometimes, you don't know how much I wish it could be otherwise."

"Don't wish for that! Even I can't bring myself to wish Temperance away because I know how much you two love each other." Emma's voice cracked.

"You have made me see where I need to go from here. You have brought me back to life, and now I have to try to bring her back…"

"Yes, you do." Emma whispered.

"So, I guess that I came to tell you that I'm fighting, I'm going to do everything humanly possible to get her back."

"I'm happy for you. I hope that you get everything that you want." Emma looked up at him through the blur of tears.

He couldn't leave her like this. His hands went out and she leaned against his chest sobbing. She didn't know how to say goodbye to him. Finally, after showering his shirt to dampness, she stopped, looking at his eyes one last time. "If you ever need me… even if you can't come freely. I will be here, Seeley, because I have to be. Don't be afraid of hurting me. I want you to feel that you can turn to me if everything doesn't work out. I won't expect anything. You don't have to promise, just know that I'm here if you need anything. Please, know that a part of me will always, always love you."

Booth stood, his eyes stained with tears too. "And if you ever need anything…"

"I know." Her voice ended in a deep sob.

"Will you be okay?" He had to know that he hadn't ruined what was left of her life.

"Yeah, and I hope with all my heart that you are okay too, and that you win the fight ahead of you. I will be praying for that."

"You and Nick… I hope… he's a great little guy."

"Yes, he is. And I'm one lucky woman." The tears cascaded down her face as she said it. "I'm never going to regret meeting you and knowing you, Seeley; never."

"I won't either." He said it. It was killing him to know the pain that he was causing her.

She walked him to the door, and he knew that if he touched her, he would lose all his resolve, because he couldn't bear to be the one hurting her so deeply.

"Goodbye, Seeley." She said it for him.

"Bye, Emma." His voice was a ragged whisper.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Booth was with Cooper again, he hadn't made any moves on Brennan yet. He wanted to know what to expect. He wanted to know what was going on with her and his son first.

"Hey Coop, it's just about time to go back to Mom." Booth said it gently.

"Do I have to?" This was the first time that Cooper had protested in all the long months that he had been enduring the back and forth routine; his face wasn't stoic, it was full of dread.

"Why don't you want to, son?" Booth's heart hurt double for his boy.

"Because she's not the same anymore, Daddy. She looks awful, Mommy was so pretty but she looks sad and sick all the time. And she tries to be happy with me, she smiles and plays games, but it's like she's not there, Daddy. I think she misses Liz too much and she's always thinking about her." Cooper's wisdom amazed Booth.

"Yeah, I think so too." Booth nodded and hugged Cooper to him.

"What about your friends, have you seen anyone lately?"

"Only Aunt Cammie and Aunt Ange when they come to visit, and Daisy, but Mom hates it when she comes."

"You haven't seen a friend or gone to anyone's house still?"

"No."

"Okay, you know what? I think you are long overdue for another sleepover. Let's call Angela and see if Grace would like some company tonight?"

"Really?" Cooper's voice squeaked.

"Yeah, really."

"But what will Mom say? I'm supposed to be back."

"You leave Mom to me. You get to have some fun, let me worry about everything else, okay?"

"Thanks, Daddy. You are the best." His happy face was all Booth wanted to see. A little boy should not be wracked in heavy emotions and a frightened existence.

Booth went into the kitchen and called Cam, Angela and Daisy. He got the same answers. Brennan had been cold and unreachable. She refused countless invitations for Cooper and she had kept completely to herself ever since the one fateful night she went out with Cam and Angela.

"She says no all the time?" Booth felt a sick ache in his stomach. Had he stayed back too much? Had his guilt caused this? He never should have left; things had escalated and become worse. What was he thinking agreeing to her demented idea that he step back and leave her alone?

He noticed the progressively quieter uncommunicative little boy. He remembered the kids Cooper normally had play dates with. Booth would drive him over to a friend's or they would have them over to the house. Almost every weekend a buddy would be there for an overnight visit. He decided to do his own research. He made a few calls asking innocently if Cooper had by any chance left his baseball cards or electric remote card, or whatever Booth could think of to worn an answer out of the unsuspecting parent. All the answers were unanimous; Cooper had not been over to play in months. He had been invited but all the invitations were refused without explanations. What was she doing to him?

X-X-X-X-X-X

When Angela came to Booth's apartment to pick up Cooper, he asked her to make a call. She hung up the phone biting her lower lip.

He looked up hopeful.

Angela merely shook her head sadly.

"What did she say?" Booth's eyes shimmered in fear.

"She said she had a very busy schedule and she really couldn't make a date for him right now. She said maybe another time." Angela closed her eyes regretfully.

Booth looked at his watch. "Angela, it's time for me to get back into my son's life. Can you keep him until I call you?"

"You know I can Booth."

"I don't know how long this will take?" He wasn't certain Angela realized he was going into a war zone.

"Take whatever time you need, my babysitter can watch them both when I go to work tomorrow."

"Thanks." Booth was so grateful to have these friends.

"Good luck. I will be in your corner." Angela told him sincerely.

Booth hugged her hoping that he came out a winner; this was the most crucial battle of his life. He couldn't lose. He couldn't let Brennan fade away forever, and he knew that was where she was headed too. He couldn't let her go so easily, she was ingrained into his heart, his soul and his life. He felt a surge of energy infuse inside, he would fight this fight for his sons and for Brennan and most of all, and he knew he was fighting for Liz too, because he knew she was watching. He felt her little sweet hand patting his back encouragingly; helping him to get the strength that he needed to save what was left of his family.

_A/N: Next chapter is coming soon, especially because I know it's the one you guys have been waiting for, or at least I think so. Thanks again, what did you guys think? Review away, please?_


	22. Dirty Little Secret

_A/N: People have been asking me if I had lost a child, and I haven't, I don't even have kids yet. But this fic came to be because a friend of mine lost their newborn and I just thought that it would be really interesting to explore about Booth and Brennan and what they would do in a situation like this. _

_This is the chapter I have been waiting to post forever, I'm actually nervous about it. I'm sorry for the very long chapter, I was going to make it into 2-3 chapters, but this chapter is flowing well so much better as one, so I decided not to. So, hopefully this isn't too much for all of you._

_Thanks to __**Angie**__ and __**Hannah**__ for their wonderful beta help._

_**Warning:**__ This chapter is very emotionally draining. You should have tissues close by; you may shed a tear or two._

_Song "Dirty Little Secret" by Sarah McLachlan_

_If I had the chance, love  
I would not hesitate  
To tell you all the things I never said before  
Don't tell me it's too late_

_Cause I've relied on my illusions_  
_To keep me warm at night_  
_But I denied in my capacity to love_  
_I am willing, to give up this fight_

_I've been up all night drinking_  
_To drown my sorrow down_  
_Nothing seems to help me since you went away_  
_I'm so tired of this town_

_Where every tongue is wagging  
When every back is turned  
Their telling secrets that should never be revealed  
There's nothing to be gained from this_

_But disaster  
Here's a good one  
Did you hear about my friend  
He's embarrassed to be seen now  
because we all know his sins_

Chapter 22

He arrived at his home, his and Brennan's home. As he opened the door, it hit him. Before he had a single purpose, to get his son to spend time with him in his room, it was always at night. And when he picked him up during weekend days, Cooper would meet him in the driveway. He hadn't seen the inside by day in a long time. He smelled the scent of death as he walked in; the heavy-laden stale air was unmistakable.

Now he saw the house that had once been filled with golden sunlight in the day, laid as though a huge shadow was hovering over it. He looked at the darkened rooms wondering how he had been so stupid. He saw the dust settling over everything like ashes. He saw the living room, family room and dining room have not been used in months. The monopoly game that he began playing with Cooper and Parker still laid out as it was partially finished, the properties purchased and tucked under the edges of the board, the dice at the double three after the last throw that signaled Cooper's bedtime. All those months and not even touched or played? Could she be that far gone?

She had a child to take care of, and she still had him. How could Brennan be doing this to Booth? How dare she do this to him! He looked around the house that used to be his home, walking through it as if it was a haunted house. He felt the desertion of life echoing in the walls, he felt the abandoned happiness crying to be resurrected. He felt his heart longing to hear the laughter of his family, the joy of being together. He couldn't let them go; he couldn't let this happen to them. He wouldn't let her do this anymore. Enough was enough.

A surge of the long needed anger coursed through him and he found the impetus he needed to take action. He was going to end this now. He wouldn't sit by and watch his treasured family die.

The renewed fighter in him took over. He began to raise all the shades and open all the windows. He went from room to room loudly clattering them hoping to make her come out.

His plan worked.

He heard her scurrying down the stairs, and he braced himself for what was coming. He turned as he heard her feet hit the foyer floor. His eyes gazed into hers, blazing with stubborn resolve and decisive intent. But as he saw her, he was taken back; he had never seen her like this. His mind momentarily retreated to shock mode as he took in her appearance.

He saw it so clearly now, she was totally lost. What she looked like on Parents' night months ago was nothing compared to now. She was a ghost, a member of the living dead. And it killed him to see her like that. He hadn't been able to face this because watching her die like this was inconceivable. He had hidden himself from observing it, and by doing so, it was exacerbated.

This was his fault, he had been blind to anything, but his pain, he was responsible for the frail broken woman she had become. He felt as though he had already lost her. What had he done? What had he ignored? How did he bring her back from this now? What if it was too late? He was terrified that she had already retreated too far away from him to ever reach her again. He couldn't believe the woman that was once so vivacious and energetic and so amazingly radiant was standing in front of him looking like that. That wasn't his Bones; whoever she was, Booth barely recognized her.

The dark circles under her eyes, eyes that were once vibrant with life, filled with mirth and mischievous fun and now were dull and so empty. Her beautiful hair once was shiny and shimmering, now hung limply around her pale face. Her clothing was old and drab, not the usual chic carefully chosen garments. Her once beautiful figure was gone, the skeletal remains made him long to have his Bones back, his wife, his love.

The old sweats and oversized shirt that she wore were splattered with black and gray paint. The clothes hung on her like oversized dress up clothes. But what caused him the most concern was her once gorgeous face. Her cheeks were gaunt from the loss of weight, her skin pale and unhealthy looking. He stopped the impulse to run to her. He could see her disdain at finding him there.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She asked, gracious as ever.

"This is my house too, Bones." His eyes flashed his anger and his fear.

"We had an agreement, Booth." Even her voice wasn't the same. It was brittle and aged. This wasn't her. What happened to the woman he loved?

"I never agreed to this. You have turned this place into a crypt, it's time to crawl out of the grave and get back to the living." Booth shouted while pointing an accusing finger.

"SHHH, Cooper will hear you. You have no right to barge in here." She walked around the couch to the windows pulling them shut. "Why didn't you just drop him off as usual?"

"Because I'm not about to let my son live this way anymore."

"You have no right." She pulled another window shut, and he felt the months she shut him out. He felt the darkness descending, and he wouldn't let her do that to him anymore. And above all, he wouldn't let her do this to their son.

"No, damn you. You let the sun in again, Bones. Or so help me, I swear to God, I will take your son from you. I won't let you bury him along side you and Liz."

Her face blanched at the mention of her little girl's name. Brennan looked up. "Where is he?" She knew that Booth would never yell like that if he knew that Cooper could hear. "Where is he?" Her voice rose in panic.

"He's spending the night with Angela. He's fine or at least he will be fine." Booth's face was seething with his contempt for her and what she had done to their son. And his heart was freezing in fear because he would not be able to pull her out, or give her the help that she needed.

"I want him home now." She demanded. "You are not keeping him one extra day."

"NO! The hell I'm not keeping him, he needs to _breathe_, Bones! The poor kid needs to get out! What the hell are _you_ doing?" Booth went to the window that she had covered again and loudly opened the wood blinds! "No more! Do you hear me? I want this house to live again. No more death. Enough!"

He yelled loudly and commandingly because he wanted her to be moved, he wanted her to feel his anger, he wanted her to feel his rebellion for what she was doing to herself, and most of all he wanted her to feel anything as long as it was real honest to God emotion.

"Leave me alone, Booth!" Her voice was deadly as she turned her back on him walking up the stairs to her office.

He took off his jacket and tie to be more comfortable, he knew this would take a while! He was so ready. He would not let her go without one hell of a fight!

He stood in the doorway of her office looking at the easels in horror. _Who the hell was painting this? Not his Bones?  
_  
No wonder Cooper was afraid.

Her soul was coming through the paintings, there was no beauty. She snuffed it all out. How could she? How could she obliterate the happiness of their family? This was an abomination. He stepped in quickly grabbing the brush out of her hand viciously, throwing it at the wall, it clattered hard then fell.

"What in the hell is this? More funeral drudge for God's sakes! What has happened to you?" His anger mixed with his intensely growing fear. He had to shake her up. He had to get her to see! She needed to feel again!

She stood back. She had not heard him follow her. Now her face showed no emotions; she was like a stone statue. This was what scared him and infuriated him most; she had to feel something, anything!

Booth made the move. He could make her angry; he had always done that without trying. He started towards the monstrosities on the easels. Grabbing the first one, he broke it in two, tearing it over his bent knee. The fresh paint ran over his black slacks making a miserable morbid stain down his leg. His eyes glared at defiantly; he waited to see if she was aware of what he is doing.

She stood there. No reaction. He couldn't stop now; his own anger and frustration wouldn't let him. Booth was a human wrecking ball. He shoved the canvases off the easels and hit them hard with the heel of his shoe, stomping on them and damaging them beyond repair. His breathing was labored as he savagely destroyed all the dark and dreary menacing images before him. He wanted to get rid of it; he has to obliterate it from her. If he destroyed it all, maybe he could save her. She looked on as though she was watching some maniac, wondering what in the hell had gotten into him! Her mouth was partly open but no words were expressed.

Booth looked up at her still standing there blankly; there was nothing in her eyes. She made no move to stop him! Brennan would have fought him tooth and nail. His forehead beaded in sweat from the effort it took not to go and shake this horror out of her too. He would abolish this darkness. He mutilated anything and everything that he could get his hands on that indicated sorrow or darkness. And when he was done and there was nothing left, he saw that it had done nothing to motivate her, nothing to incense her, nothing to enliven her spirit.

"Where are you, Bones?" His voice was a strangled cry.

"Get out." She didn't shout it, like the old Brennan would have, she didn't have that fighting spirit that she used to. She didn't even look at him the way she used to. He couldn't handle how it made him feel to see her so empty, so bereft of emotions or feelings. This was not her! He felt the fear consume him; he had to do something to get her back. He knew she was here hiding in this stranger. How would he find her again? He stared at her desperately longing for an answer.

"I said get out." Brennan turned to walk out the door. He was frantic; she was acting like she was drugged or comatose; he had to wake her up. He grabbed her around the waist and pushed her towards the master bedroom, shoving her through the doorway, dragging her emaciated body into the bathroom.

"Let go of me." She screamed at him, at last with some of the ire that he was used to hearing when he was inciting her wrath. She was fighting furiously, and he wouldn't let her go. At least she was fighting his hold on her, and he would do whatever it took to make sure she kept fighting.

He fought her resistance until he was in front of the full length mirror. Something was guiding his actions; he was not thinking. He was so filled with rage, fear and desperation; his emotions had taken over. He pushed her towards the mirror. "_Look_ at yourself! What the hell is wrong with _you_? Look! You are as good as _dead_. Wake up before it's too late, Bones."

She was panting with the effort of warding him off, and she struggled even as he ordered her to look. She didn't give an inch, her face was turned away, but he wouldn't allow her _not_ to look! His body held her from behind and his hands went to her face twisting it towards her reflection.

She saw the man holding her and forcing her to look, she saw the woman, and she didn't recognize her own face. She wasn't even sure if he was really there. Maybe she was dreaming again, all her dreams were nightmares, so this could be one too. "Look at yourself, God damn it!"

She heard his hissing voice, but it didn't move her; nothing would. She could feel his anger a little, but she didn't care. She fought again to get out of his grip. She wanted him gone. She had gotten rid of him. Why was he back?

Booth could see her lack of response. He looked around the room desperate for something! His soul cried out for a way to reach her. He moved without thought, grabbing her along as she pushed and struggled to get away from him. She was screaming at him, kicking wildly. She felt the bruises start to form on her  
arms, and she felt his strength holding her back.

"I hate you! Let me go, _you bastard_! Let me go!"

He settled her against him, holding her back against his chest. They were in the bathtub and he hardly knew how they had gotten there. He pulled her down into the tub, holding her firmly. His hand reached out turning on the cold water. It gushed forth from the shower head drenching them both, hitting them hard with spatters splaying every which way, drowning out her screams and his shouts.

"Get the hell out of my life!" She shouted her voice bedraggled and raw.

"No! You don't get to call the shots anymore. I'm calling the shots now, you are my wife, damn it! You are _not_ going to crawl into some hole of self pity and die alone. I won't let you!" Booth panted with effort as the plopping water hit at them furiously sending down reverberating chills.

She squirmed around somehow, the fight in her spurred on by the shock of cold frigid water soaking her clothing. She struggled as the water drenched her hair and her shirt. She sputtered it out of her mouth, as she desperately clawed at his body trying to find a way to get away from him. She shrieked obscenities at him, calling him every name in the book, savagely wanting to hurt him to the point that he would let her go. But he held her, shouting right back at her.

He told her that he was disgusted by her; he couldn't believe she let herself fall apart. Where in the hell was the Temperance Brennan he fell in love with? What the hell was she doing? He chastised her in every way he could to get her to come alive, to get her to feel, to get her to hear and to see herself. She would never believe this could happen to her if she could see it; she would be mortified. She was such a scrapper, a fighter, a contender; and no one would best the Temperance Brennan he knew. He wouldn't let her be defeated now, no matter what it took; he wouldn't let her succumb.

She was exhausted and shivering. Booth felt the trembling through his own soaked clothing, he held her against him, his arms basking in the joy of holding her again, no matter what the circumstance were. His body held hers feeling the bones that had taken over the once lovely curvaceous figure. He rolled them over so she was under his body in the spacious tub, he didn't want to harm her physically, but he couldn't let her go on the way she was! The water was partially stopped up by a hand towel that has fallen into the tub during their battle.

He reached forward, still locking her to him, and changed the water to warm. Now it pelted them softly like summer rain spraying over them, chasing the chills away. The little bit of warmth penetrated her skin awakening something inside of her. He sensed a change as he turned towards her. His eyelashes were a dripping fringe over the blue intensity of his gaze. She stopped screaming finally and began to cry softly. He held her dearly to him as though she was some fragile work of art. She was so vulnerable and so broken; he only wanted to make her whole again, to bring her back to life. How he wanted her to be alive again, because being here without her wasn't living. He couldn't live like this anymore, and he couldn't let her die like this. His shouts turned to heartbroken gulping sobs. Their bodies clung together shaking with mutual grief and heartache.

Their faces were covered in a mixture of tears and water droplets. "I won't let you go." He said it over and over again, until it was merely a whisper, that melded with the beat of the water. "I won't let you go. I won't let you go."

Booth grabbed the towel out of the gurgling drain, he wanted the warmth now; he wanted her to feel warm. He took the towel in his hand and gently he wiped away her tears and the smudges of paint he had gotten on her face during the struggle. "It's okay, baby... it's okay... don't do this to yourself anymore... God please, Bones, come back... be here with our son and me. Come back... I need you to come back... I can't let you go... I won't let you go... I won't let you go..."

She saw fear in his eyes, as he repeated it as a sacred vow. His hand slowly released the vice grip on her; he knew now she wouldn't run. She was listening; they were both sobbing with all the emotions held back for too long. The shower tiles echoed with the throbbing, excruciating sorrow emitting from them. They didn't see the last of paint rushing off their clothing as the rivers of black and gray joined swirling and circling into a whirlpool descending down the drain.

The last of the hideous colors vanished, Booth hit the stopper with a single finger, and the water slowly filled the tub immersing them in the comforting warm cocoon. He knew she was ready to feel the warmth; she needed to be warm again so the blood could flow now, and she could feel again. He sensed a change in her.

Her hands grasped him to her now; they didn't battle him any longer. They gripped on to him, imploring him for solace and understanding. How she needed him, she realized how lost she had felt without him. Booth, he was here, he was really here, and he came to bring her back; she had been so afraid to come back. She felt him holding her, and she heard him telling her that he wouldn't let her go; he wouldn't ever let her go. She was so confused and heartbroken, she knew she was evaporating, vanishing, sometimes she had a little awareness of it, but she felt too weak to stop it. She thought it would just be easier to give in and let it take her. But now, she knew he was here, and she wept in relief that he had come; she had been sure he would never come. A part of her knew if he came, she would be all right, she would make it back, she wouldn't just fade away.

"Booth... oh Booth!" She sobbed, hiding her face in the comforting security of his chest, basking in the feel of his arms. Slowly she looked up into his eyes; the water was flowing over them calming the storm within.

Their eyes locked for what seem like eternity, she listened as he whispered tenderly into her ears.

"I'm here, baby. I'm here... I should have never left...Oh God, Bones. I never should have left! Forgive me. I didn't know, I didn't see, I was hurt. Bones, I was hurt." His voice broke in regret.

"I let you go... it's not your fault." Her voice was raspy as she found her caring love for him resurfacing.

"Yes, it is! I... You needed me… you did... I should have known..."

"I didn't want you here... I wanted you to be gone..."

"Why? Bones, Why?"

She couldn't speak, she couldn't tell him; it didn't even make sense to her. She was so exhausted and being in his arms was good, so very good. "Don't talk... Booth, please..."

She needed him; she felt this overwhelming desire for him again. His eyes glowed like blue flames into hers igniting something she thought was dead forever. The soul within shone in her eyes as she gazed at her reason to love again, to be whole again. "Please..." Her soft whisper wasn't needed because he longed to do as she asked. Sensations began that had lain dormant for months, little shivers that had nothing to do with the water ran up their bodies, familiar longing desires emerged in their fingers.

His blue shirt was suctioned to his body making little air pockets where the water had not drenched in completely.

Her own body was suctioned to his, her braless shirt once baggy, was now clinging transparently to her. Her breasts swooshed against his chest, creating a stirring of familiar feelings deep within him.

Her hands moved lightly over his shoulders, he felt her awakening to him, to them. He gasped as he felt her touch; he had longed for it more than any other sustenance in this world. He had almost forgotten how much he needed her touch to live.

His fingers slowly made their way up her back teasing and tantalizing her starved-for-affection-body. He saw her eyes change, deepening into passionate expectation. He was filled with desire for her, and only her. He changed his exploration to the front of her shirt. Slowly and tentatively, he caressed her, afraid to do more.

She laid her head against his shoulder as he gently continued to explore. Slowly, they broke apart looking deeply and longingly at each other. The water lapped against them like mini waves pulling them closer and closer, ebbing and flowing against them, beckoning them to touch and caress and love one another without end.

His hands cradled her face as his head bended down pulling her beloved face up to his. She could not tear her eyes from him, she felt as though someone had just thrown her a life preserver and that someone was him. He was finally here, her soul had been calling for him, her heart had been yearning even while her mind and her body rejected the idea she was nothing without him. She loved him; she would always need him, and would always love him, through hell and back again!

"I love you. Come back to me… Bones, come back… Please?" Booth said it so close to her ear that even the pounding of the showering droplets and the quietly swooshing water could not drown it out. "I love you, Bones!"

His mouth crushed against hers, siphoning out her pain as he passionately conveyed to her, the absence in his heart, and how much he needed her to fill it. She found herself responding for the first time, she didn't fight it. She leaned against him, bodies melding together as pain and the anguish were temporarily eradicated by the soft surrendering moans resounding in the tub.

He still moved carefully sensing things were still precarious between them. His fingers found their way to the front of her shirt. One button opened then two. Brennan felt the glazing of his fingers against her bare skin, she wanted this with everything she had; she wanted him to take away the sorrow, to take away the emptiness.

She wanted it, she longed for him, she longed to be a part of him again, to be alive with him again. Her eyes held his, it could happen, it had to happen. She wanted it to happen, she needed it to happen. But a  
scolding voice penetrated into her head. She couldn't let it happen! Not ever again! She pushed him away.

"No! Get out!" Her voice was filled with painful sobs, as everything came crashing around her again, she took his shock at her rejection as her chance to escape him. She shoved him off her hard, and as his hands dropped she took her moment to flee.

She hopped out of the tub and backed away against the wall. She slowly sank to the floor; her once tingly body was now shivering again, chilled instantly by the realization his motives were not pure. Her body rejected his touch as she remembered what he had been doing during these months of separation. Her eyes deplored looking at him. She was filled with excruciating pain and immeasurable fear. She couldn't let that happen, there wasn't supposed to be any more pain. Slowly, she retreated, she moved her arms to hug her body, and she felt the bones jutting out, not even recognizing her own form. She saw him kneeling over the tub reaching his hands out for her, she wouldn't let him have her, and she wouldn't let him get near her. Her head shook with her silent resolve.

Booth felt as though he had lost his last chance. He saw the curtain falls back over her eyes again. The black shroud of nothingness. He knew she had to choose him. Choose life, choose them. He could not force her or make her. This had to be her choice. He wanted to beg her to pick him; he couldn't imagine his life without her now. How much more could they wait? He would wait a lifetime, but this was up to her.

"What are _you _doing here?" Her tortured voice asked plaintively. "You don't want me, you're having an affair. How dare _you_ come striding in here acting as if you want me! What happened? Did she figure out you're nothing but a heartache too?"

Booth's eyes opened as wide as his mouth. "I'm not having an affair! Who told you that?" His arms were still outstretched longing to hold her again.

"Oh Come on, Booth, I saw you with her, in spite of Cam's best efforts to save your ass, I saw you with her. She's very beautiful; you make a striking couple... just your type. " Brennan's voice was hoarse with the aching throbbing intensity of this confrontation.

"_I haven't had an affair_!" Booth denied it vehemently. His hands dropped, he could see that she wasn't about to let him touch her now.

Cam was right, if he wasn't here one hundred percent, she would never come back. But he was, now that he was able to hold her again, he knew no one would or could ever be; what she was to him, he had been fooling himself to think anyone could.

"No? What do you call it then? Dating, kissing. I'm sure you've at least kissed her!" Brennan was in touch with her intuition when it came to him, and his eyes twitched away quickly so she knew.

She laughed. "I know you so damn well!" The pain was infiltrating her body, her heart and her soul. Her mind needed to take over and banish it forever, but she couldn't seem to stop it, no matter how hard she was trying, she couldn't stop the feelings snaking their way into her already defiled heart. "I know you! I know what you do! I know how you handle your problems! You ran right into her arms! Just like that!" Brennan flicked her fingers to show him how fast he did it and how disgusted she was by him.

"No, you don't. You don't know a damn thing!" He swiped back his wet dripping hair. "Okay, you are right. I did, I kissed her once, because my wife whom I thought loved me more than anything else in the world, didn't love me anymore. You shut me out, you left me to grieve all alone, you wanted to breathe, Bones, but you suffocated yourself. I decided for the first time in my life not to suffocate, not to wallow. I wanted a way to live again, I wanted to feel loved, and whole and appreciated and most of all, I wanted to be needed. Emma wasn't a tawdry affair; she was a lifeline for me."

"You can't even grieve for our daughter without being selfish. That's you, Booth. What? Are you pretending it never happened? That's what you always do." Brennan felt the heart-wrenching pain.

"How dare you accuse me of not grieving for my daughter? You don't know anything about what I feel. You don't know. If you did…" Booth's face was wretched with his grief, although Brennan didn't see it.

"You're pathetic, you have an affair and then you accuse me of not caring about you! Why should I care? Go have your damned affair!"

"She is not an affair, trust me, Bones. If I walk out that door and I go to her, I won't be coming back. So, you better be damn sure you really want me to go!" Booth's eyes blazed with the challenge. He knew it was not the truth, he knew now he could never walk away. His heart was Brennan's; it couldn't be anyone else's. He had just forgotten how good it was. He wanted what he had because it was beautiful and perfect.

"You've slept with her!" Brennan could see by his eyes he had not been bluffing.

"No! I told you, it's not an affair the way you think it is!"

"Call it what you want, it was still infidelity."

"I haven't done anything... I'm sorry about the kiss... okay, I know I shouldn't have let them happen… but my God! What do you want from me? I'm supposed to just sit around and wait for you to become whole again! What was I supposed to do, Bones? How was I supposed to grieve? You left me no choice!" His hands gripped the edge of the tub to keep him from getting out and going to her. He was afraid she would run or throw him out.

She laughed now, a harsh bitchy laugh. "I left you no choice now. You're blaming me for your unfaithfulness!"

"It never would have happened if you let me in, if you let me take care of you and love you. Damn you for shutting me out. _Now_ you pretend you care! I don't think you give a damn about me!" He knew she did; he felt it in the tub, he saw it in her eyes, and he felt her responses. God, he wished he had done this a long time ago, but he had been too afraid to try.

"So, do you love her?" Brennan asked with her voice hardened, heart stilled for the response.

"I have feelings for her. Yes!" He didn't intend to soft pedal this, this was a matter of life or death, their marriage hung in the balance.

"You have feelings..." Her heart ached at his confession. "Well, then by all means, Booth, trust your gut feeling." She sniped at him.

"I don't want them… okay. I didn't ask for them, they happened, I didn't set out to…"

"To what? Fall in love? You're in love with her!" Brennan's heart stopped.

"I love you; I've always, always loved you! I still do, I want my wife back, I want my life back. I want to be with you and our son! That's why I'm here!"

"I don't believe anything you say! You go to her, Booth! Just... just get the hell out and go to her, she must be something if you've fallen so hard so fast!" Brennan tortured herself with the idea he had already made up his mind; he had only come here out of guilt.

"I started seeing her for _one_ reason only, and that was _you_!"

"Oh really, I thought it was because she needed advice about FBI recruits! Please, Booth, stop lying! You don't even remember the last ONE you told!"

Booth was silent, he remembered, God, how he remembered.

"See I knew it, you're so transparent. Why haven't you taken her to bed? A man like you, passionate, as you are, what's stopping you?"

"I'm married to you! I haven't forgotten that! Though you sure as hell did! I want to stay a married man; I want to be with you! That's what stops me, that is what will ALWAYS stop me! I swear to you, I began to see Emma for you!"

"Oh God! You just don't stop do you? This was something you did for me! Booth! Please spare me the details."

"She knows what we're going through, she understands it."

"There is no _we_! We're not going through anything! So what can she possibly know about it!"

"She lost her son three years ago in a car accident, he was three and her husband died in the accident too."

Brennan's mouth stopped the insult she was about to hurl at the woman, because she knew just how devastated she must have been. She always thought Emma was just a single mom, making her own way, taking care of her son. She had never known Emma was ever married or had another child. My God, it struck so many people. Losing a loved one, and God forbid two!

"When you saw us on Parents' night, she was offering to help us both through it. I went to her to get help to understand you. But I got the help, I got what I needed, someone warm and caring and understanding, who wanted to hear how I felt. You didn't. You haven't the whole time, you didn't want me, and you shut me out. What in the hell was I supposed to do?"

"I don't care what you do. Go to her. Be with her. If she made you feel so damn good, then be with her."

"I want you back, Bones. I want our life back, not a life with her, a life with you."

Brennan looked at him wanting to believe it, but not daring to.

"What do _you_ want, Bones?" For the first time, Booth realized he would probably have to let go. She would probably never be whole again, she would probably never let him in again, she did for a few minutes and it was bliss to have Brennan, the Brennan he loves back. But he wouldn't be able to live with her remains, he couldn't sit by and watch her wilt away.

"I want you out. I want you to _go_! I don't want this anymore! We never have anything but pain! I can't take it anymore... I won't open myself up again. Not to be filled with so much agony! I can't… You need to let me go! I want you to!"

"You wanted something very different, just a few minutes ago, I know you did." Booth couldn't give up.

"You need to hear this once and for all." She wiped her hand over her lips as if to erase that moment of weakness. She reached for her open shirt buttoning it as if to close the door on him. "Go Booth, leave now! I don't care! Go to her! I don't… I can't…" Her emotions spilled out, all that stuffed down came out overflowing.

"It's never stopped, not since we've been together… first… it was the gravedigger… I could recover from that… it wasn't easy. I was scared to death for so long. But I made it."

"We made it…" Booth countered softly.

"Then you got kidnapped by the gravedigger too, and I thought you were dead. I thought I'd lose you forever! And it killed me a little inside, while you were missing, a little of my heart died thinking you might _not_ come out alive or we would never find you. And even when we got you back and you survived... I lost some part of me… but I tried to get it back. And then you had your brain tumor, and I was so sure I was going to lose you that time. Tragedy only strikes the same person so many times, and I was running out of mine, you survived again. We had another chance. We got married and I thought 'okay now it's going to be good.' I knew it wouldn't be easy… not with us… never with us! But I never expected how good it was, so perfect!" Brennan's eyes regretted losing that perfection. "It was so good, and then we got pregnant with Cooper and it was better, everything was good again. I didn't think it could be any better, and just when I trusted it would be... I almost lost you so many times."

"But we made it through all that, Bones… don't you see?" Booth's voice was cajoling.

She continued talking not willing to hear him. "Then finally the baby came, Cooper, so beautiful and sweet and everything was good. But every time we started to breathe easy. Booth, every time! Enough! I was ready to fight… for our life for our happiness."

"Then fight now, damn it, fight now." Booth's pleas went unanswered.

"Cooper is the best part of us. And we began to be so happy, I mean really happy again, gut-wrenchingly happy like you like to say." The emotions that she had held inside all this time came whooshing out and filled her eyes. The old Brennan was talking now, not the stranger with any emotions, tears were making tracks on her cheeks as she spoke. "I figured we couldn't have much more joy! And that was okay, I was content with what we had. But then we found out about Liz coming. I was so thrilled about her... but I didn't even tell you right away, I was so afraid to trust that things could be so blissfully perfect. And then when I began to trust it again, I told you, because I wanted you to feel the way I did. And you did, your face the night I told you... we were going to be the family I always dreamed about secretively, a family that could NEVER be broken. But Liz..." Her eyes showed the pain that saying her name brought.

"Bones…. " Booth felt his own pain more deeply.

"No!" Her woeful cry was heart crushing. "Liz! Losing her… after everything… I can't handle anymore. Maybe you and I are the reason, maybe we are NOT meant to be happy, at least not for long. You know maybe it's a good thing you've fallen for someone else… Maybe you're right; maybe I did push you to her. It would never have worked anyway if we stayed together… we'd manage to find a way to be miserable, and if we didn't find a way, I think it would find us! I can't do it anymore. No more! I want you to go and don't ever come back! Do you hear me? It's over!"

"I haven't, I haven't fallen for someone else… not the way I _love_ you, _never_ the way I _love_ you. I just needed her. Because I needed _you_! I've always needed you before I even knew it. And I still do! God, Bones, I'm begging you! I didn't want this! I didn't want to go, I never wanted to go, and I didn't want this! All I wanted was _you, _baby! I _needed_ you, I need _you_!" Booth pleaded with tears cascading down his cheek.

"Don't! Don't ask me for what I don't have anymore…I can't give anymore. I'm drained. I'm tired. I need peace. I just need peace!" Her voice was a high-pitched plea.

"I need peace too! You are never going to have peace the way you're going, Bones! You're dying. You're killing yourself with grief! You can't keep doing this!"

"I can't stop. I don't want to stop, if I stop thinking about her, if I forget… I have to keep her here." Brennan touched her head with her hand. "If I let her go… she'll be gone… I can't LET her go… I can't live without her! She's my baby! She's my baby!" Brennan's motherly cried wrenched Booth's heart in two.

"I know…. I know, baby! But you have to let me help you, you won't lose her ever, she'll always be in your heart, the way you, Parker and Cooper are in mine, will always be in mine. We need each other, Bones, we always have and we always will!" Booth pleaded for his life.

"No! That was true once, but it's not anymore! We just aren't meant to be anymore, I know it, you have to know it too, a part of you does, or you could never have kissed someone else… you don't love me anymore… you only feel guilty, that's not love!"

"No! Don't you see, Bones? We are meant to be together. For all the reasons you are saying, not because we have so much pain, but because we need each other to get through it, together. Not apart, we were meant to be. Nothing and no one will ever convince me that we are wrong… ever!" Booth's eyes were on fire with his conviction.

"No!" Her voice broke and she put her hands up to stop his approach to help her up. "It's over and the sooner you accept this, the easier it will be on every one, Cooper included."

"I won't let you take my son with you on this path to disintegration! No way, if I go, he goes with me!" Booth's eyes bored into her, he meant every word. All the fear and anger he was feeling took over.

"You won't let it happen? Who the hell are you to decide? You've been unfaithful, or as close to it as it gets! No judge in the world will give you full custody!"

"The hell they will! And let me tell you this, if my kissing someone is unfaithful, then tell me what you have been. You've been unfaithful too, by shutting me out and shoving me away! You turned your back on me! I'd never have been anywhere but by your side, going through this nightmare with you! You didn't want me! You blame me but I didn't bring this on us! I didn't ask for this anymore than you did!"

"I only have enough love left for our son, do you get that? I'm empty, Booth. When she left, she took so much of my love with her... I don't have anything left for you."

"Really, you don't have anything left for Cooper either? Because the _mother_ you were is gone! You're not the loving sweet woman you were, Did Liz take that too? I can't do this anymore; I can't allow my son to suffer the way you're making him suffer! I won't have my son torn in two!"

"I would never hurt him. How can you say that?" Brennan's voice shook as the cold consumed her.

"You hurt him every day! You have isolated him here in this mausoleum that used to be a home! Look at what you are doing to him!" Booth needed her to hear him; he needed her to feel something again. He had almost gotten through to her, he couldn't let her go, not after touching her again, holding her again, feeling her lips on his one more time. How could he ever let that go?

"I love him! You won't take him from me!" Brennan found some strength in needing to protect her son.

"That's where you are wrong… I will take him. You want to know, fine. You go ahead and cut me out of your life, Bones. Then you'll see what I'll do!"

"You wouldn't be that cruel. That's not you!"

"Try me. Cooper deserves better than you!" He wanted to bite out his tongue when he saw the pain he inflicted at those words.

Brennan's sobs reached the base of her throat as she held onto the sink for support. "Get out!" She told him so quietly.

He lifted his hand to reach out to her, but he remembered the agony he felt at her every rejection, and his hand dropped.

"Fine… yeah I'll go. Goodbye, Bones." His words hissed at her with all the anger he had held inside for months. He no longer wanted to try; he had his own pain, his own loss to deal with. "You're as good as dead, I don't have a wife anymore, and the woman I knew is dead!" He couldn't stop the final crushing blow of words.

He walked out about to head down the stairs. His hair was plastered to his head still dripping, his slacks made sloshing noises as his soaked shoes made squeegee sounds along the floor. But something propelled him to her door. One last look was all he wanted. He wanted to feel close to her again.

He stood in front of the door much as he had months ago the day he had moved out. His hand reached for the handle, and he found it was locked. Something inside of him exploded. His dripping shoe kicked at the door. In ONE furious shove, he plowed through it. No one would keep him from feeling close to her, no one could deny him what little was left of his little girl.

He ignored the splintered door, as he walked in slowly. The room was dark kept in the grave, like the rest of the house. Not his little Liz, she couldn't be in the dark, not ever. He went to the windows and opened the shades, letting the light rays filter in.

Brennan heard the crashing door. She sat slumped down on the bathroom floor crying softly. She listened for more banging, knowing Booth was filled with anger and rage. She rose slowly, walking across the now flooded floor, and risked further inundation by leaning in to turn off the still running shower. She walked out the doorway towards her bedroom to change when she heard his harsh tortured sobs. She stopped, listening to them, unable to block the sound of his grief from her heart.

She took a few tentative steps then she heard him speaking, taking gulping breaths as he cried out.

"I'm so sorry, baby… Daddy is sorry. I never meant to let anything happen to you… I was supposed to protect you! That's what Daddy's do."

Brennan took a few more steps to the broken room, what used to be a room filled with love, laughter, giggles and nightly tickle sessions.

Booth was on his knees by the bed as if in prayer. His hand was wrapped around the white bed post, for support as he rocked on his knees, his body wet and shivering as he continued to talk to his baby girl.

"I loved you… I was in a meeting… and I didn't have a phone on me…" He gulped as his words were muffled. "I would have been there sooner, Liz… I would have… God, I would have!"

Brennan was standing a few feet away. Booth didn't hear her.

"I was on my way princess. I swear I was… the damn traffic. I got out... I ran and ran...I wanted to be with you so much… I wanted to save you, but I couldn't."

"Booth…"

He turned slowly, not really registering her presence.

She took in his haggard face, the droop of his shoulders.

"You were right, Booth," her voice broke at the thought of going on without Cooper at her side. "You should take Cooper… you were right…. I'm not fit to take care of him, not now anyway! I wasn't there for Liz… "

Her teary voice incriminated herself as her thoughts had continuously. "I wanted to be so much…. I can't  
give Cooper what he needs…. I'm not even sure he knows how much I love him. I wonder if Liz did."

Booth heard her recriminations, he couldn't bear to see her so unsure of the love her children had for her. He managed to compose himself a little.

"Bones, she knew. How could she not?" His voice was raspy with emotion. "You showed it to her every day. I remember you would comb her hair and put in her favorite butterfly clips." He smiled through the tears as he remembered. "She would smile that big, big grin. After she would look at herself in the mirror, then I would see her eyes looking at you, when you didn't notice. They were full of love for you."

Brennan was softly weeping leaning against the jammed door.

"She loved you. Every time you sat on the floor and played dolls with her. Don't you remember how she would suddenly burst out with 'I love you, Mommy! Can I kiss You, Mommy?' Don't you remember that, Bones?"

"Yes." Brennan walked a little further into the room. Her eyes took it all in. The shelves lined with all the books and trinkets Brennan had painstakingly chosen, making sure everything came together, a symphony of color and light to make her little princess happy. She had loved every moment with her. How she had cherished her baby girl! How she longed to see her in this room again, to hold her, to cuddle her and teach her everything. So much was left unspoken, so many things yet to do together. The sorrow of being in this room without her was almost too much.

"You are the best Mom in the world! No one would have been better for our children. No one could have loved them more or better. No one."

"Then if that's true, why do you want to take him away from me?" The torturous look in her eyes made it impossible for him to hurt her. He didn't want to take anything more from her, she had had enough taken.

"I don't." Booth's eyes told her, his hands wanted to touch her so badly. He fought to stop them from moving involuntarily, instinctively he knew how she felt. He had memorized each soft curve, and he longed to return to her.

"Booth… I wasn't there." Brennan looked at him defying him to say that it was okay. It wasn't okay, it would never be okay. He was silent. He wouldn't look into her eyes, she wondered again why whenever she said it, he couldn't look at her. Was it because he blamed her too?

Booth heard all the aching blame in her voice self directed. He could hardly stand it anymore.

"And now with Cooper, I know I'm screwing it up, but I can't stop. I have to protect him. You don't  
understand; you were there. You are handling it. You will survive it. I'm not so sure I can. Not even for my son!" She said it again. "You were there. I couldn't be there." The devastation of that day would never leave her. "I hate that you were there and I wasn't. I wanted to be the one!" Brennan admitted the most horrifying truth of all.

Booth's eyes registered shock. He knew he had to tell her. He shook his head, as he was about to enter his own coffin. This would bury them forever. He had done it out of love and love only. But would she ever understand that? He got to his feet feeling as though he was in another realm, this couldn't really be happening.

"I lied, Bones." His eyes stared straight into her soul; he was facing his final judge and jury. He had done it out of love.

"What are you talking about?" She had no idea.

"I didn't tell you everything about the day Liz died." Booth's throat was parched as he tried to find the courage to tell her. Knowing he would be making her worst fears a reality, hoping she would understand how much he had tried to protect her.

"I didn't make it." He swallowed the lump that had been growing in his throat ever since that fateful day.

Brennan's eyes widened in shock as she realized what Booth was saying. She inhaled in a deep gasp as she came to understand what he meant. "What do you mean you didn't _make it_?"

Booth head was downcast but he forced himself to look straight into her eyes. "I wasn't there… she died without either one of us." The heartache he had been hiding cracked in his voice. The anguished tears fell down his cheeks. He stopped wondering if she had heard him.

"How could you let me think… Oh… you let her die alone?" She was furious.

"Yes." His one gasping breath of confession and truth hit her like an avalanche.

"She was _alone_?" Brennan's felt his betrayal as if the knife handle was sticking out her back. "How could you _not_ tell me? Our baby died all alone? How could you not get there! Booth, was that meeting so important? You Coward! Not telling me, all this time… you bastard!" She backed away feeling the most protective blinding fury at the knowledge that her daughter had not had him either! She went away all by herself; no one to hold her hand and to say goodbye to. No one to tell her everything would be okay.

"I'm sorry, Bones. I'm so sorry." His voice broke with all the pent up emotions, he had held for months, he was prepared to hold for years to protect her, forever if it was necessary.

"She had no one!" Her eyes consumed his, wanting answers.

"I tried, God… I swear to you, I tried!"

Brennan's eyes emitted the betrayal she felt. Her heart broke as she realized her worst fear had happened, her baby had been alone. No one to hold her or whisper words of love; no one to wipe away the beads of fever from her brow. Only strangers, no family, no loved ones. She had come into their world to be greeted by joyous cheers and happy smiles. She had been cuddled and treasured beyond words. And now, to find she had left their world with nothing, no one to make the transition easy or to help her go without fear...

"Why in the HELL didn't you tell me?" Brennan was feeling a rage she hadn't felt before; she didn't think it was possible to be angrier. But she was crazy with rage, white hot fuming fury!

"I had to call you and tell you Liz was sick." Booth's eyes were haunted by the memories. "You were gone because of me. I was in at that stupid meeting, Caroline had to come and tell me, when Maddie called but she was already at the hospital with Liz. I don't know how much time passed before Caroline got the call and got to me. It was maybe an hour before I even got the message. I ran to my car, I got on the freeway to get to the hospital. There was a traffic jam, awful, maybe it was a pile up, I don't know."  
He was talking fast because he had to get this out once and for all and it was as if he was so shaken inside it was spewing it at long last his deception was over!

"I called the hospital to tell them and they told me to hurry." Booth's voice was cracked and raw with emotion as finally he admitted what he had needed to share with her.

Brennan stood there her hands molded into fists as she heard his confession. Her eyes on him were cold, and unyielding.

Booth looked around the room, eyes not focusing as he was drawn back into the nightmare. "I got out of the car so fast. I don't think I even turned it off. I could hear people yelling and screaming and horns honking, but I didn't care. I ran. I cut through all the damn cars; I didn't know what to do. I just had to get  
to the hospital. I had your car, so I didn't have any way to get to the hospital faster. I finally found a cop car in the middle of the mess. I explained that I need to get to the hospital. I don't remember what the hell I said exactly, but he believed me. He was able to get me out of the mess, and he called the traffic helicopter to take me to the hospital. I got to the hospital, I ran to an elevator. I was so relieved to be there, I thought everything would be okay, it had to be okay."

Brennan felt the weakening in her legs as she heard the truth.

"I got off on the floor where they said she was. I was yelling telling them I was her Dad! They wouldn't let me in. I didn't see their faces, I was going crazy. If I had looked into their eyes, I would have known." His eyes were dripping with tears as he relived the most heartbreaking moment of his life.

"Finally, two of the orderlies held me back, and they told me." His face reflected the same horror he felt in those moments. "They told me that Liz was gone!" Booth's cries of desolation rang in Brennan's ear as she heard the words. "I was too late. She was gone. They couldn't save her!" He moaned as the pain reverberated over him once again.

Brennan wanted to reach out to him to comfort him, but her anger at his deception was too strong. How could he have kept this from her, she had every right to know.

"I went into shock, I couldn't believe it. How could she be gone?"

Hot tears were coursing down Brennan's face.

"How could she leave us?" Booth questioned for the millionth time.

"I called you from the plane." Brennan's own memories were fresh and raw as if it was only the day before.

"Yeah, I knew then." He looked up into her eyes, his head tilted in sorrow, his eyes asking for mercy. "I couldn't tell you, not on the phone. I mean you were going out of your mind as it was. I knew that you would be alone. I couldn't let you know when you were alone!" Booth shook his head as he remembered the call and how he barely managed to utter the lie that he knew would hold her together till she got there. 'She's not responding to treatment.' It was as close to the truth as he dared to get, and even then he was afraid she would see through it. "I wanted to be there to hold you; I wanted to be there for you. I wasn't there for her." His guilt sounded so familiar, she knew it so well.

"This is the most callous cruel thing you have ever done! You let me believe I was the one who failed her! You let me hold on to all this guilt. You never said a word!" She backed further away from him. "How can you even look at yourself in a mirror? You are a hypocrite!"

Booth felt the force of her anger. It was almost a relief to hear her yelling at him again, even if it was over. It was a relief. His eyes stared straight ahead she knew now, no more secrets. But now he couldn't look at her, he couldn't face the wounds he had inflicted yet again.

"I couldn't, I just couldn't. Do you think I want you to have anymore pain? Do you think I don't know what you've been through? I know, I caused some of it, the things with faking my death, I know I did. And this time, I could spare you; I could be your protector for once. There was nothing I could do for our baby girl, but for you, I had to do it for you!"

"You should have told me, I don't need you to protect me!" Brennan wouldn't listen. "You were the one protecting yourself, not me. How dare you say this was for me? I have been going through hell."

"You have been going through hell?" His anger returned at her words. How could she be so cold? "What about me, Bones? Do you really think this has been a walk in the park for me?"

Brennan remained silent, her eyes boring into him waiting for him to tell her the rest.

"I wanted to tell you then and there, but you asked to go in and see her! Remember? I hadn't gone in yet. I knew if I had gone in to see her. If I spoke with you over the phone, you would know. I wouldn't have been able… " His voice crumbled at the heartbreak renewed inside him. "I knew. I could never keep it from you."

"You knew she was already dead when I called… you knew!" Brennan didn't get his logic. She had a right to know about her little girl! How could he have let her go on hoping when it was over? How could he let her believe when there was nothing left to believe in?

"I was going to tell you, but you were, Bones, it was too much for you to handle. You were on the plane for God's sake, what would you have done if I told you? It wouldn't have been right."

"Who the hell are you to decide what's right?"

"I'm your husband! You were alone; I wanted to tell you myself in person, not on a damn phone! Hate me if you want, I don't care. I would do it the same way again! I did what was best!"

She felt the tears burning in her eyes.

"You don't remembered everything, Bones. There is no way you could." Booth informed her.

"Suppose you tell me what happened then, Booth that I have forgotten." Brennan doubted very much she had forgotten one moment of that nightmare!

"We were in the waiting room and you asked to see her. I took you in, you were hysterical. You grabbed her into your arms and you wouldn't let her go." Booth's eyes focused now on her face, he saw how intently she was listening. It gave him a ray of hope. "You held her; you were talking to her about how sorry you were not to be there. You were insane with grief. Then you looked at me and you said it over and over. 'Daddy was here. It's okay. I'm so sorry, but you had Daddy. I'm so glad you didn't go alone.' You were in bad shape, Bones. The doctor had to sedate you to get you to let go of her. I couldn't take that away from you. It was too much, I was afraid you would have a breakdown if you knew."

Brennan vaguely remembered what he told her. But the memories were foggy. "Go on." She wanted to know everything.

"I wanted to hold her too! I wanted to say how sorry I was, I wanted to, but I couldn't. You believed I already had, so I let you go on. I decided not to ever tell you when I saw how much comfort you took in believing I was there. I wanted to harbor you from it, I wasn't protecting myself I swear it. It was for you, Bones. I couldn't protect Liz anymore. I had to at least try to protect you, baby." Booth's eyes implored her to believe him.

She remembered the times he had gone way overboard, and how much it had nearly cost them. She knew this was Booth; take him or leave him, it's him.

"Bones, _I love you_. That's the reason for everything, my love for you. You have to believe that. No matter  
what pain I have caused you, no matter what we have gone through, even Liz. I wouldn't trade one moment of my life with you. I wouldn't." Booth's voice trailed knowing she didn't feel that way.

"You lied to me that day, I understand why, but it's been _months_! You've kept the lie, the deception. Did you really think I'd be able to forgive you after all this time?"

"The doctors were very concerned for you; they said you needed to be kept as stress free as possible, not to expect too much. No stress! They recommended grief counseling. I told you, but you refused. You fought everything I tried to do; it was like you already knew! The way you treated me sometimes, it seemed like my just punishment."

Brennan remembered all the fights well. She was glad she punished him, he deserved every bit! He let her go on believing the lie, and he knew what it was doing to her. He let it continue so he could escape.  
And what better escape than a good old-fashioned affair with someone who would give him the sympathy he thought he should be getting from her!

"I had to protect you. Losing Liz... " Booth's voice was a whisper now. "I couldn't bear to lose anything else."

He laughed somberly. "I've lost everything now, but I would do it again in a heartbeat. Because I love you, Bones. If you never believe another thing I say, you should believe that! You, Parker and Cooper, I don't have a life without my family."

"No!" Brennan wouldn't give him what he wanted. She couldn't, and she wouldn't ever be able to forgive him for this! "I hate you for doing this to me. You should have told me. There's no excuse for this, I had a right to know about it. You had no right, you lied to me. You didn't do this for me; you did it because you are so damn guilty. And now you have gotten yourself another woman, who understands your grief. So, get the hell away from me and be with her. I don't need your kind of love and I never have." Brennan was panting with the wrath of her hate, she would never forgive him.

"No, Bones. No!" Booth felt like the floor was opening and he was being swallowed by one hundred hungry monsters. He fell to his knees. This couldn't be happening; she was doing what he had feared she would do all along. She had trusted him; she had taken his word. And he had lied. In the name of love, he had kept up the pretense. He hadn't realized it would hurt her in the long run; he had never wanted to hurt her. "I didn't do it to hurt you. You have to believe that!"

"And you didn't _kiss_ Emma Foster with that in mind, I'm sure. I mean what's one lie on top of another? For all I know, you've slept with her too! I can't believe anything you tell me anymore!"

"I love you. I love you, Parker and Cooper and I wish Liz hadn't died." Booth was despondently hearing her say she hated him, it took his spirit away. He feared that the most. He couldn't live with Brennan hating him.

"Yeah, well, we can't all get what we want, can we Booth?"

"Don't do this, Bones. Please, I didn't do anything willingly to hurt you; I didn't want to leave this house, leave you or Cooper and I still don't!"

"You get the hell out of my house." She screamed until her body was trembling with the effort.

"I don't want Emma, I want _you_."

"You don't get to choose me, because I don't choose you. I will never choose you again. You have worn out your welcome here. It's over. I want you out of my life, and if you try to take my son away, I will fight you with every last breath I have. And make no mistakes, Booth; it will get dirty. Don't forget I know things about you no one else knows. You are unfaithful, not a year after our daughter's death. What kind of moral example is that for raising a child? At least I'm honest about my feelings, Booth. Get out of here, and don't ever come back." Brennan's eyes were burning with hatred. "I'm glad Liz is not here to see what a sniveling coward her father is. I'm glad she can't see you now. She looked at you as though you were her hero and you let her down. You let us all down. Don't make me drag you through the mud, Booth. Because it will get uglier than you can even imagine. There are witnesses, neighbors who have seen you in public with Emma. And there's Cam. I will subpoena her." Brennan took a deep breath to control her sobs, "You could have told me a hundred times, and you didn't. I find that reprehensible and unforgivable. Get out. I hate you." She cried out over and over again.

Booth got to his feet slowly, he felt like he was in a drunken stupor, all the emotions have left him drained and exhausted. He stumbled past her through the broken doorway, heading down the stairs, leaving Brennan all alone just the way she wanted. She crumbled on Liz's bed holding the comforter to her mouth to block out her wailing sobs.

_A/N: I know it seems like the end of the world, but it isn't. You all gotta trust me on that. I made a promise and I intend to keep it. Please tell me what you thought of this chapter? I'm anxiously waiting to read your reviews, so review away and thanks for reading it, we are almost to the end. _


	23. Shelter From The Storm

_A/N: Thank you all for reading and continuing to support my writing. The reviews for the last chapter were fabulous and I hope that you guys enjoy the final leg of this journey. _

_I was going to update earlier, but since my computer broke, I couldn't. But here is the next chapter. I'm also going away for five days and I should update again when I return. _

_Thanks again for reading and reviewing. _

_Song "Shelter From The Storm" by Bob Dylan._

_I was in another lifetime one of toil and blood  
When blackness was a virtue and the road was full of mud  
I came in from the wilderness a creature void of form  
"Come in" she said  
"I'll give you shelter from the storm"_

Chapter 23

He didn't remember driving. He didn't even know what time of night it was. He only knew that he had to see her, because he needed to see her to feel like he was not dead again. He knew in some abstract part of him, he was being a selfish bastard, but he didn't care. The little lost boy in him needed her.

She opened the door knowing that it was him. She couldn't think of anyone else who would come at two in the morning. She saw that he was trembling and soaking wet.

"I'm sorry," his voice was a hoarse whisper. "I tried to fight… it didn't go so well." His eyes implored for mercy.

She grabbed him by the arm guiding him into the living room. She picked up the blanket from the end of the sofa and covered him trying to take off the chill from his body. She realized the chill wasn't just from being wet.

"Oh… Seeley… what happened?"

"I told her. I told her everything… I told her…"

"What did you tell her? Tell me, Seeley. What have you been hiding?"

"She hates me, I knew that she would." Booth looked into Emma's eyes. "She knows about us too, about the kisses and our feelings. She hates me, she _really_ hates _me_."

"Oh my God, why did you tell her about you and I? Seeley, we haven't…"

"She knew… she saw us that night at the concert… she just didn't let Cam and Angela know that she saw us."

"Oh my God, no wonder she hates you…"

"No! I think she hates me more for what I told her…. What I finally had the guts to confess to her." Booth held the blanket but his body was shivering uncontrollably.

"What is it? Seeley, I promise that I won't hate you… I won't." Emma said it with conviction.

"I don't think it's fair of me to be here…" His glazed eyes looked into hers sadly.

"You let me worry about that Seeley. I told you that I'm here for you, no expectations and no conditions. I wouldn't have wanted you to go anywhere else."

"I went in there like a wrecking crew, I opened windows, destroyed all her art; her art was so ugly and so dark… that's where she's been, in an ugly and dark hell and I tried so hard to get her back. The tub… the water… she was so close, we were so damn close."

"Seeley…" He was in a trancelike mode, not hearing anything, only seeing what played out between him and Brennan.

"She was almost home, but she let it take her over again. The pain is too much; I told her that she was as good as dead to me…." He sobbed harshly as he mourned her.

"Oh Seeley…"

"I started to leave… but Liz's room… the door was locked and I kicked it open…. I broke it." He confessed totally broken himself. "I broke it open, I let in the light… she would never have wanted her room to become a tomb."

"Of course not…"

"Then she followed me there…. And we had it out. I told her what I did; she looked at me as though I was a monster. I've felt like a monster all these months… like a lying, deceiving, and heartless monster."

"Tell me what you told her, Seeley? Tell me what you have been holding inside for too long?"

He looked at her as though he was just seeing her. His eyes warmed a little as he gazed into hers; the chill over his body had a sudden penetrating heat.

"Ah… Cam warned me to be careful, she told me that I was too lonely and too vulnerable, and I know that I was… and now there's you and Bones, and she hates me. She's always going to hate me. You, you love me now, but you are going to hate me too someday?" He sounded so lost and so confused.

"Seeley, Temperance may have said that she hates you, but I know that she doesn't. As much as you love her, I doubt she could ever hate you."

"You don't know that. When I tell you what I did, you might hate me too…"

"I'll never hate you. Whatever you did, you did for a good reason, I trust you. Tell me, please? Trust me… I'll still be right here after you do."

"I never told anyone. I never told her until tonight."

What Seeley… just say it."

"I didn't get to Liz on time." His face screwed in pain and misery. "I let Bones believe, I let everyone believe that I did…"

"In time?" Emma didn't understand from his broken words.

"Liz, my little girl died without Bones or me. She died alone, and I never told Bones the truth until tonight."

"_You weren't there_?" Emma realized what Booth had nearly confessed to her in the car right after their dinner. He just couldn't bring himself to do it, and now he had told Brennan. She understood so much more about what he had been doing to himself and how horrible this had been for him. "Why, Seeley? Why wouldn't you tell her right away?" There was no judgment and no harshness. Emma was soft and sweet, as much pain as he and Brennan had gone through, she still remained unscathed.

"Because Bones needed to believe that she wasn't alone, and I needed Bones to stay whole. I was going to tell her right away but when she found out that she missed Liz's death, she fell completely apart. It was like watching her die too. Her agony was worse than mine, because of everything we had been through, she couldn't have handled it then, so I stayed quiet and I let her believe our baby wasn't alone. But she was, she died alone… Oh God!" He collapsed weeping bitterly. "She was all alone. I tried, but there was so much traffic and the helicopter. I tried so much to get to her, I thought that I would have a heart attack trying to get there, my chest felt like it was exploding and then when I got there, she was already dead." He was sobbing so hard that Emma had to hold him; she couldn't _not_ comfort him in a moment like this.

"I lied to Bones on the phone, I told her… I let her believe while she was heading to the hospital on that damned delayed flight that our baby was still alive. I let her believe it all the way home, and I wasn't even by her side. I lied about all of it. I never felt so helpless in my life. My daughter died without Daddy or Mommy."

"It's okay, Seeley. You did everything you could. You loved her. She knew that and she knew that you were coming, both you and Temperance. Seeley, she wasn't alone, I'm sure an angel like her from heaven came to take her home. I believe that, I believe that they were there for my Ben and Jeff too. She wasn't alone." Emma was crying for him, now that she knew what a horrible secret he had had to keep. She also knew that he never got to say goodbye. All this time, she had thought that he had, but he must had been wracked with guilt and sorrow so much that he couldn't divulge it to anyone. "She's with the angels now, Seeley. She's not alone. She will never be alone. She's always going to have a place here…" her hand rested on his chest.

Booth heard her comforting words, but his heartbreak was too deep to be consoled. He couldn't get Brennan's face out of his mind or the final words that she spoke. "She hates me… she said that she was glad Liz… Oh God. I let them all down. She said she will never forgive me, and why should she?"

"Well, she is upset, Seeley. I don't hate you, and she won't either once she thinks it through. With the other things about you and I… it was a lot for her to handle all at once. She doesn't hate you, I'm sure some of her reaction was hurt about us. Oh Seeley, I'm the one that you should hate."

"I could never hate you, Emma. None of this is your fault, none of it is."

"I should have been…"

"What were you but kind, sweet, generous and loving…"

"Too loving." She exclaimed self-condemning.

"Never too loving, perfectly loving." Seeley was still cold, but Emma's hands pushing back his hair made him feel a tiny ray of warmth.

"Maybe you should get some rest here, Seeley. We will get you some dry clothing. At least I have some old hunting stuff of Jeff's, is that okay?"

"No! I don't want you to have to dig it out, that would be too hard."

"You're not going to sleep in wet clothing and I'm okay. Stop worrying about me and just let me take care of you…"

"You still want to care for me?"

"You are so stupid, Seeley; don't you know me by now?" She laughed sweetly.

"Yes, I'm… totally." He agreed. "And yes, I know you…"

Soon, he was in surprisingly well fitting jeans and a soft long undershirt. She made him lay down, taking off the soggy socks and covering him with a couple of warm blankets.

"Sleep, Seeley. Rest and everything will look better tomorrow."

"Tomorrow Bones will still hate me."

"Things change, you don't know that."

"Yes, I do. She will never forgive me for this. She thinks that I made her suffer more by not telling her. She hated me already because she thought that I got to say good bye; and now, she despises me because I didn't." Booth's voice was low and hopeless.

"Seeley, close your eyes and rest, please?"

"You will be here, you are not mad at me?" He couldn't help it, he _needed_ her.

"Yes, I will be here when you wake up, and I'm not angry with you. I think you did the most unselfish thing you could do; you didn't do it to hurt her. You did it because you love her." Emma knew it before, but now she knew the total depth and height of his love. She knew that he would always love her, just the way he said he would.

"I love her…" He repeated it sadly, soulfully and staunchly.

She waited until he was snoring softly. She sat there for hours just watching him, the steady rhythmic beat of his heart, the funny way he huffed and then sort of talked as he slept. She knew that in his heart he belonged somewhere else, with someone else. She knew it was time for her to see Brennan. She waited until early morning, and then she picked up her little bundle and deposited him across the hall, whispering thanks to her neighbor. She closed the door to her apartment knowing as exhausted as Booth was, he would stay asleep for a while.

She had no illusions about what this meeting would be like, but she knew it had to happen. It was better before too much time passed between Booth's revelations to Brennan. She wanted to strike while the nerves were raw and the heart was still hurting terribly, before Brennan could make a retreat back into her lonely shell.

_A/N: I know a lot of people didn't want him to go back to Emma, but trust me, there is a purpose. But what do you guys think of this Emma chapter? Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks again for reading._


	24. Fade Into You

_A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews, alerts and favorites, you guys are fantastic. _

_I have been waiting forever to post this chapter, it is my favorite chapter of the whole fic, and it was probably the hardest chapter to write, so I really hope you guys enjoy it. I would love to hear what you guys think._

_Thanks to __**Angie**__ for doing all the beta work for this chapter, you are awesome. _

_**WARNING: **__You might need tissues for this chapter as well._

_Song "Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star._

_I want to hold the hand inside you_  
_I want to take a breath that's true_  
_I look to you and I see nothing_  
_I look to you to see the truth_  
_You live your life_  
_You go in shadows_  
_You'll come apart and you'll go black_  
_Some kind of night into your darkness_  
_Colors your eyes with what's not there._

_Fade into you_  
_Strange you never knew_  
_Fade into you_  
_I think it's strange you never knew_

_A stranger's light comes on slowly_  
_A stranger's heart without a home_  
_You put your hands into your head_  
_And then it's smiles cover your heart_

Chapter 24

Emma arrived at the house, where she had only seen the entrance when picking up Cooper or dropping off her son. She wondered if Brennan was still sleeping too. It had no doubt been even more of a traumatic evening for her. She noticed right away the front door was somewhat ajar. She felt a surge of fear.

What if Brennan had done something? What if what Booth said about her being dead had become true? No. She wouldn't allow her mind to go there. She refused to believe that would happen. She tiptoed inside, listening for signs of movement, but there were none.

She saw Booth's jacket and tie still splayed across the floor, and the opened windows were letting in a chilling morning air. The house was filled with an eerie brightness, and she could feel the echo of the torrid emotions from the night before bouncing off the walls.

She thought about calling out to Brennan but she didn't want to scare her if she was asleep. She was in a fragile state, and she knew all too well how edgy the nerves got. She tiptoed up the stairs, spying the wreckage in the office. She couldn't help herself. She saw the ruins of Booth's work. She saw the black and the gray, and the darkness in the torn paintings. But she knew that Brennan painting her emotions was a good thing. It was like her playing the sad, melancholy music. It was the same as when she played the sad, melancholic music. It was a way of removing the pain from one's heart and one's soul so one could go on, day to day, moment to moment. But she understood why Booth sought to destroy it.

She saw their bedroom; cold and empty, no sign that anyone was occupying the space, and no sign of Brennan. She went by Cooper's room peeking gingerly, feeling like an interloper, but also feeling the need to make sure Brennan was okay. She found another empty room and then hauntingly Booth's words turned in her mind. _'The tub, the water.'_ She backtracked to the master bedroom, this time she didn't hesitate to go in.

She admired the beauty of the room, and she knew this house was decorated with love and happiness. In mind, this was where Booth and Brennan had lived together as husband and wife. He had a wife, a beautiful, damaged wife who he loved more than life. She saw the wet spots on the carpet and noticed the flooding bathroom floor. She couldn't take a chance. She hesitated, afraid of what she could find. She went in, holding on to the sinks, so as not slip on the slimy, wet floor.

There was water all over the place; but thank God, no Brennan. She could only imagine how totally desperate Booth must have been when he brought her here. She stopped the urge to sit and cry for him because she didn't have the luxury of time.

As she exited their room, she noticed the blaring sunlight filtering to the hallway. She held her breath as she saw the splintered doorway, just as he described it. Emma pictured him half crazy with fear and heartache as he broke it down.

She went towards the room, afraid but intent in doing what she had come here to do. And there, at last, she found the mother of the little doll that used to occupy it, brokenheartedly clutching to her baby's quilt. She was not asleep, but she was not totally awake either. She was in some place that was almost unreachable. But Emma would try, she had to try. For Booth, for Brennan and for herself; because she couldn't watch him go through anymore devastation.

"Temperance," she whispered softly from the doorway.

Brennan blinked showing Emma she at least registered the sound.

"It's Emma… Emma Foster." She and Brennan had spoken politely several times because of their sons.

Brennan's eyes revealed the hatred she felt at hearing that name.

"I think you and I really need to talk… " Emma continued gently.

Brennan roused from the fog that surrounded her to make sure she wasn't having another nightmare. She struggled to focus on the direction the voice was coming from. Her eyes opened suddenly as if electrical shocks had hit her. "What are _you_ doing in my _house_?" Brennan's face showed every bit of the distaste and revulsion she felt.

Good, her emotions hadn't locked up again.

"The door was open. I was worried. I wanted to make certain you were okay, so I came in. I'm sorry… I never meant to upset you."

"You never meant to _upset me_?" Brennan laughed strickengly.

"No, I have wanted to help you. From the very first moment I heard about Liz, I wanted to help you..."

"Well, you obviously decided you wanted to help yourself to _my husband_ more." Brennan found the strength to get up and stood still, holding fast to Liz's blanket.

"I know what you think happened…"

"You don't have a of clue what I think or how I feel." Brennan's eyes were tormented.

"You're wrong. I do know. I know exactly how you feel…" Emma showed her with loving, empathetic eyes, she did know.

"Really? Well, let's see, Emma. When your little boy died, did you have someone come after your husband? Did he have an affair with another woman… while you were grieving for your child?"

"You sent Seeley away, and no. How could my husband have had an affair? He died with my son, and you know what Temperance? It was like that. Here today and then gone." She snapped her fingers. "Think about it, what if Seeley had died with Liz, what if it had been in an accident like my family. What if you lost him that way?" Emma's voice got harsher, Brennan needed it. She needed to see what was slipping through her fingers.

"He'd be dead instead of having an affair," Brennan sniped back.

"And that would be better? You would rather see him dead than happy?"

"Are you saying _you_ make him happy?"

"I don't know what I make him, except I know when he's with me, we have fun, we talk, we cry, we laugh, we tease each other…"

"Do you believe I really want to know what you do with _my husband_?"

"Yes, I think you do. I think you're desperate to know. I think you love him so much, but you don't feel it now the way you did before this tragedy. You're so afraid of losing him that you feel paralyzed. You won't allow yourself any happiness, because you blame yourself for all of it. You told him to leave, you told him you didn't care anymore and you told him last night you hated him."

"He went straight to you, didn't he?" Brennan knew it. She knew where he was and who he was with. "I don't care. I don't care where he goes or what he does anymore."

"But you do. Why do you keep sending him away when all you want is for him to stay?" Emma saw the phony denial. She saw how deeply Brennan did care by the way her hands moved as she tried to  
deny it, by the flash of anguish in her eyes when Emma confirmed whom he had gone to, and where he still was. "Why won't you let yourself _love_him?"

"Love is a chemical reaction… I don't love him." She denied vehemently again. "I hate him for what he did. Did he tell you?" Brennan looked at Emma's eyes and instantly she knew. "Of course he did. He  
told you first, right? He told you and you both cried together. He didn't come to me. He went to _you_ first."

"No, Temperance. Seeley told me last night after he told you. You're the only person he wanted to tell. He's been holding this inside for so long. He's been dying inside himself because he's known Liz had neither of you, but you didn't. That was what mattered to him; he would have kept it from you until he died. He's been terrified for you; he's had such an incredible load. And so when I came along, he felt so isolated from you, the one person who could listen and who would understand his loss. He lost so much that he needed me to help him from withdrawing the way you did. He needed to stay strong and whole, in touch with reality, for your son. I know he's done everything out of love, out of pure, unconditional love for you."

"Really? Was that what the kisses the two of you shared were about? Unconditional love for me?" Brennan shook her head.

"I can tell you how those kisses came about, I can tell you why they happened… and yes, if you need to know, it was unconditional love. My unconditional love, not his."

"Right," Brennan replied, her voice low and steely cold.

"He lied to you about Liz, because he loves _you_. You have to stop blaming him and see this for what it is." Emma implored her.

"I see what this is and who you are. As for blaming him, that will never change."

"Well, that's really too bad. You're bound and determined to lose everything, aren't you Temperance?" Emma could see right through her.

She knew the depression, the hopeless despair. She recognized it all too keenly. She could feel Brennan beginning to go into that shell, as if she was the one going. She couldn't let it happen.

"He loves you. He's married to you. He wants to be with you." Emma knew it would matter, even if she didn't act like it, she needed to hear it.

Brennan's eyes drifted to the doll house. "It doesn't matter anymore, he didn't tell me when it happened. He wasn't honest with me for the first time in our lives. She was all-alone. My baby was _all alone_." Brennan's voice broke as she walked over to the dollhouse. Kneeling down, she picked up the little baby girl in her hands. She wept uncontrollably as she thought again of those horrifying moments  
when her little girl was leaving the world with no one who she loved by her side. "She needed us, and we weren't there." Brennan wailed as if she had committed the most unforgivable sin known to man. "My mother left me and I hated her for it. And now, I have done the same thing to my daughter, only it's worse because she died when I left her."

Emma's heart broke for Brennan. "No, you weren't there. But Temperance, I wasn't there when my son died either. It was instantaneous; I didn't get to be there either."

"But his daddy went with him." Brennan's anguished eyes pleaded for Emma to see, it was not the same. "He had his daddy, our Liz had no one. I wish I could have gone with her, I wish I had… "

"You didn't. Okay. You are here, and it's the way it is. We don't have the answers; we are only left with questions, so many questions. But we also have love; we don't lose the love, or the memories of their voices, or their smiles. We can hear them and see them in our hearts whenever we remember."

"I want _more_." Brennan shook her head as though it was not acceptable.

"I know, I know, me too." Emma's heartfelt compassion shone in her eyes.

"Why? What did we do to deserve this? Why her? Why now? Why after everything else?" Brennan asked the unanswerable questions.

"I don't know. I only know that we can't change it, we can't make the pain disappear either. We do have beautiful little boys here who need us, Temperance, and who depend on us. They don't deserve to have less in their mothers because of our loss, they need us even more."

"I can't be a good mother anymore. Booth is going to take my son, and he should, he should. I don't deserve to have him. I'm not whole; I'm not able to…"

"Yes, you are. You are grieving, Temperance. You love him more than anything, I know. You are his mother; no one else could ever be as good for him as you are. But right now, you have to heal."

"I won't ever heal enough."

"Yes, you will." Emma could see the turmoil churning within Brennan. She felt for her because she understood her words.

"I told Booth that I hate him," Brennan confided in her most unlikely confidante.

"But you don't hate him, Temperance. You could never hate him anymore than I could, because you love him way too much, so much that you sent him away rather than subject him to your grief."

"Why are you here?" Brennan wouldn't trust her, she couldn't trust the threat she represented. She had forgotten for a moment because of their common bond, but she remembered now. "Why do you care about me? Doesn't it strike you as odd that you are here when you're in love with Booth?"

"I'm here to tell you that I know your pain, the child being lost forever to you is horrible. I know you can't go anywhere and find her and bring her home, though you long to desperately. You can't hold her anymore. Your arms will never feel her again. Your fingers will never ruffle through her downy soft hair. You'll never see her get taller, or watch her change from a baby to a child, from a child to a crazy teenager, and then at last from a teenager to a woman."

Brennan stayed silent rocking back and forth on her heels as she listened to the truth, the truth she had wanted to die over.

"You'll never have a quiet talk about love and life before she gets married. You'll never know the joy you once had ever again because she is gone. Your life feels as though it's on a collision course with hell. No matter how much a part of you wants to continue living, the other part is dead and will always be dead. You don't know how to cope with losing such a huge part of you. You're afraid, so terrified of losing anyone else or experiencing any more pain."

Brennan's eyes watered as she heard all the feelings she had been struggling with, her heart broke as she heard another mother speaking of such an insurmountable loss; and for the moment, she forgot Booth was between them. She got to her feet and walked towards Emma looking into her eyes, sharing for the first time with someone who knew the utter obliteration, who had experienced total devastation. She saw her tears reflected in another mother's sorrowful heart. She didn't have to speak or try to impart the pain because this woman shared the same pain. Even more pain because she had lost her husband too.

"Why does it have to always hurt so much?" She didn't know she said it out loud.

"I don't know, but it does. I know how much it does." Emma told her fervently, and Brennan knew she was speaking from her heart.

"I'm sorry. I am truly sorry. It's awful. It's the most horrendous thing I've ever felt in my life. I can't talk to anyone, no one knows, and even Booth doesn't know."

"I know. You carried her inside you for nine glorious months, she was so much a part of you that you didn't know where her breath ended and yours began. She kicked you, and rolled around in your tummy, waiting to come to you, and you waited too. It was so blissful the day she finally arrived." Emma knew exactly where Brennan's soul was.

"Yes. Yes."

"You'd been there every day and every night since for her, doing everything you could to keep her safe, warm and free from danger. And you loved like you've never loved before, with every instinct in tune, honed to protect and to defend this life you'd been entrusted with."

Brennan nodded weeping openly.

"Then one day, she's ripped away so cruelly that you can't even fathom it, and your heart is torn to bits. You stop feeling anything but guilt because you didn't know, you couldn't have known, and you weren't there. I wasn't there either, Temperance. They were here with me; and in a matter of seconds, my life as I knew was over. I had Nick, and I wanted to sweep him up and hide him from the world. No one else would take one of my babies. " Emma breathed it as though it was law.

Brennan saw that Emma did know. "No wonder Booth needed you."

"He needs you," Emma said softly. "He needed you all along. I was just there for him to talk to because you weren't. Temperance, he's dying inside just as much as you."

"He said he has feelings for you… " Brennan couldn't help the doubts that ran inside her mind. He kissed this woman; he had been spending all his time with her.

"Yes, I believe it's because we are both grieving and the bond became strong. We've had a mutual loss, because my husband died; and in some ways, so did his wife. The woman he treasured turned him away when he needed her the most; she wasn't there for him. He lost a child and a wife, the same as I lost a child and a husband. We have that in common. Only you're not dead, Temperance, you are alive. You have another chance; he has another chance if you let him. My God, what I wouldn't give if Jeff walked through that door and I had one more chance to be his wife. What will you do, Temperance, if Booth walks through that door and gives you one more chance to be his wife?"

"I don't know… I can't…"

"You can, you know you can."

"He's already falling for you," Brennan argued.

Emma closed her eyes. "No. I fell for him. He's finding something in me that he misses getting from you. Temperance, it's all about you. Every day we've spent together, every hour we've talked, it's _all_ been about you. Booth and I were like healing partners. And do you want to know about the kisses?" Emma knew it would hurt but she also knew Brennan wanted to know.

She stood very still, having heard that it really did happen, that Booth's lips touched and kissed another woman. It hurt deeply, horribly. But she needed to know why. She needed to know how and when and what he said. She didn't want to torture herself imagining it, she would rather know. She nodded disconsolately.

"I think you know that Seeley holds a lot inside, and you know what he was keeping. I knew there were things he hadn't told me, and I knew there was something holding him back from talking too deeply about the day Liz died. So I asked him to talk about it, and of course he broke down many times. He tried to tell me, but he wanted so desperately to share it with you. He needed to get it out and he tried, but he couldn't. He couldn't tell anyone but you, so as he was talking he sort of hyperventilated, he could hardly breathe. He was talking so despairingly about not wanting to be here. He actually said he wondered if you'd be happier if he had died instead of Liz."

Brennan's eyes registered the shock she felt hearing that Booth had been thinking this way.

"He said he wished he had died, so you'd have her back. He would gladly trade places with her to make you happy. That night I had to let him know it was okay to be alive, and in those moments while I assured him you would never want him dead, that you loved him, that he is worthy of being loved, I kissed him. I told him he was loved, and he was needed here. But I'm not the one he's here for, you are. He's here for you. He kissed me back because he was lost and alone.

I couldn't bear to watch him devalue his life, and what it means to the people who love him most. That's when I told him that I loved him too, because I do, Temperance. I didn't set out to have it happen or even expected him to love me back, but I do love him. Loving again, no matter how crazy it is, feels so good. It's life affirming, and Booth needed his life to be affirmed that night; more than anything, he needed that. You weren't there, so I did it. I had to."

Brennan's eyes closed as she swallowed hard. She opened them guardedly. Could she trust anything Emma said when she obviously wanted Booth?

"I love him and I want you to know one thing. I will not let you drag him down into that black hole with you. I will be there for him if he walks through that door." Her finger points to the downstairs entrance. "You reject him again and all my good intentions and resolve to do the right thing are going out the window. I will be there for him again; and this time, it won't end with a few kisses, it won't ever end at all."

Brennan felt the chills screaming along her skin. She couldn't let it happened, she couldn't give Booth up to someone else. Even if someone else obviously loved him a great deal.

Emma saw her words were having some effect.

"I will wait for as long as it takes for him to get over you because I do love him, and I won't let him suffer because you can't see how unique and wonderful he really is. I know you think he betrayed you, about his presence at the end, but he was protecting you. He was broken and half crazed with grief; he couldn't do that to you, and he couldn't risk breaking you into more pieces. Not then and not now. He's been so patient, and he's been waiting and waiting for you, but in the interim he met me. I never expected to have these feelings and I'm telling you that they are there. And I'm not going to ever turn my back on him. Not for you or anyone because this man doubts his worthiness to be loved, and he shouldn't. He absolutely shouldn't. He's one of the most lovable men I've ever met, and I would be so lucky to have him in my life."

Brennan listened, and she didn't hate Emma. She couldn't. If she had lost Booth like that, if she was as alone as Emma was, she didn't know what it would be like to find someone who could make her whole again. Booth made Emma feel that way, and Brennan envied her because she knew how it felt to have  
Booth do that. He'd done it for her last night, and for a little while she had felt that way again, and it was so blissful. She had felt all the love again. She had let her heart open to his for a brief interlude.

"Look around you, Temperance. Is this what you want? A broken house with broken dreams, or do you want to salvage what still could be, a loving happy home with your husband and your child? You can have it happen if you want it, if you let it."

"He might not come back. I told him I hated him, and I'd never forgive him. Why would he come back? I've been so cruel to him." Brennan felt his pain now for the first time. She had an inkling of what all of this had cost him, and she knew how cold she had been to him.

"He'll be back, and what you do after he gets here will tell me what I need to do next. I won't desert him, ever. So be very sure before you send him away again. He can't let you break his heart anymore, and I won't let him." Emma's eyes defied Brennan to do it again, and her determination to protect Booth came through loud and clear.

"Why are you doing this?" Brennan couldn't believe Emma was so honest and so giving. She knew if Booth came back it would be because Emma asked him to. She hadn't said it, but Brennan knew it.

"I told you, because I love him. What I want most is his happiness and yours. Believe it or not, Temperance, I'm prepared to lose him if it means he gets his family back. It's what I want for him, more than I want him for me. I'll survive, but I'll take the love with me. That I know."

"He was lucky to have you, Emma."

"I'm lucky too, and Temperance you are the luckiest woman I know, even if you don't see it."

"I'm really sorry about your little boy," Brennan said as the tears streamed down her cheek.

"And my heart cries for you and your sweet little girl."

"But hearts don't cry," Brennan said seriously.

Emma was confused for a second, "What I meant was I'm very sorry about your baby girl."

They then did what neither of them intended or planned. Motherly arms opened and they hugged tightly, both sharing the numbing loss.

As they split apart, Brennan whispered, "I wish we could have been friends."

"Who knows, Temperance, maybe someday we can be." Emma smiled. "I see why he loves you so much."

"I see why he has feelings for you." Brennan tried to smile, but the idea she could lose Booth forever to this woman made it impossible to do.

"The feelings he has for me don't compare to the love he has for you. Trust me, I've witnessed it firsthand. That man is totally devoted to you, even now he's so desolated thinking you hate him, it crushed him. Don't crush his heart anymore, Temperance. Open your arms and let him back into your heart. Don't withdraw into that emptiness, because there is nothing worse, _I know_. It may hurt to give your heart again, but believe me, it's worse not to. That's why when Booth came along my heart gave in, and even though it probably won't happen, I know it can again now. I'm grateful to him for that, maybe that's the reason we were meant to meet. You know you have a good man, just don't let him go," Emma entreated her to see.

Brennan nodded. Tears rushed down her cheeks. What if she was too late? What if he didn't agree to come back?

"He'll be here," Emma assured her softly. "Good bye, Temperance."

"Good bye, Emma. Thank you for taking such good care of him when I couldn't." Brennan found that protective instinct she always had for Booth. The man she loved forever, the man she would always love.

Emma nodded holding back the burgeoning tears. She didn't look back because she knew there was no looking back.

_A/N: Two more chapters to go, and the epilogue. It's almost over, isn't that sad? I want to make this last as long as I can. So, another update in a week or so. _

_So, what did you guys think? Better or worse than you were expecting? What do you think of Emma now? Still hate her? _


	25. Goodbye To You

_A/N: Thanks again for reading and reviewing. We are almost done. One more chapter after this, and a huge epilogue. I'm not sure I'm ready to finish this fic, this has been such a good ride._

_Song "Goodbye to You" by Michelle Branch._

_Of all the things I've believed in__  
__I just want to get it over with__  
__Tears from behind my eyes__  
__But I do not cry__  
__Counting the days that pass me by_

_I've been searching deep down in my soul__  
__Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old__  
__It feels like I'm starting all over again__  
__The last three years were just pretend__  
__And I said,_

_Goodbye to you__  
__Goodbye to everything I thought I knew__  
__You were the one I loved__  
__The one thing that I tried to hold on to__  
__The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

_I still get lost in your eyes__  
__And it seems that I can't live a day without you__  
__Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away__  
__To a place where I am blinded by the light__  
__But it's not right_

_And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time__  
__I want what's yours and I want what's mine__  
__I want you__  
__But I'm not giving in this time_

_And when the stars fall__  
__I will lie awake__  
__You're my shooting star_

Chapter 25

Booth was still out cold on her couch when she returned, no more the wiser to her absence. She sat watching him quietly, indulging in a few selfish tears because she knew exactly what she had to do when he woke up.

She couldn't help remembering the silly times they had had, the sweet moments of fun, laughter, and those soul-wrenching moments of sharing about their loss and their grief. She would never forget what he had been to her. He had been her sign that there was life after death, her hope that she would find true love and happiness again someday. But now, just knowing that if Brennan could pull it together, it would never be with him, was a little overwhelming. She couldn't pretend this didn't hurt her profusely.

She fell into the temptation of what if for a few minutes. What if she told him to go back to Brennan, and he refused? What if when he awakened he saw she was there, and it was all he wanted? She smiled as she daydreamed about that unlikely possibility because for a few moments she succumbed to her selfish, needful wishes. She hoped she would see him rising from the sofa, smiling as he found her there, forgetting all the heartbreak, seeing her smiling back; then he would kneel by her chair and he would take her hand in his. He would say he had come home and he was not ever going to leave her again, and he was happy with her, and only her. They would kiss softly, sweetly with the promise of a new beginning, and a lovely life to share.

She was wearing the Pittsburgh Penguins jersey that stupefied him, and he would tease her, and tickle her into admitting the Pittsburgh Penguins were not good. They would cuddle and kiss; and soon before they knew it, they were admiring the new gold bands that showed their commitment to one another. They would be in bed showing each other the love they felt, the love they cherish dearly, because they both knew what it was to lose it and find it one more time. She would see him leaning over her, with their new born baby and the joy reflected in his chocolate eyes, as he gazed at them totally and irrevocably filled with love. It was a beautiful fantasy, and that was all it would ever be because Brennan had begun her journey back him. She could see it in her eyes, she saw the love and the fear that she was too late; but Brennan would never be too late because Booth would wait forever. That was how it should be.

"Hey…" Booth watched her with a regretful expression before she even knew he was awake.

"Hey there, how are you feeling?"

"I am, feeling I mean, I guess that's a good sign." He joked feebly.

"Yeah, you had quite a night." Emma felt for him, remembering the craziness evident in all the rooms of his home.

"I did, and now it's over. It's finally out in the open, and I'm glad. I'm relieved." He admitted he felt as though a huge burden had fallen off his back.

"Are you?" Emma whispered doubtfully.

"Yeah," he sat up, rubbing his sweet stubbly chin. "Are you okay, Emma? You looked a little sad when I opened my eyes."

"I'm not sad. Really I'm not. I think you did the most beautiful thing for your wife, Seeley. It was the most generous gesture of love I've ever seen."

"Emma… " Booth shook his head.

"No, please let me finish. I think you should go back this morning and check on her, see how she is doing. Don't just leave things the way they were last night. I know you went through a lot, but really Seeley, I'd be worried about Temperance there all alone, knowing the truth, you really need to go to her…"

"No." Booth's eyes denied the need to do that. "No. She made it perfectly clear, she detests me. She doesn't see it your way at all. She sees it as my most self-centered, self-preserving act ever. That's what she pretty much sees me as all the time. She'll _never_ forgive me." Booth's eyes closed as he accepted her rejection one last time.

"I thought you decided to fight." Emma wanted nothing more than to say 'okay', and let him think what he thought. But she couldn't let him stay here when his heart and soul longed to be somewhere else. And that very soggy, dusty, splintered house that was long overdue to become a happy home again.

"I did fight! I fought like a hellcat. But I know when to quit too." Booth said dejectedly.

"No. You don't. Don't tell me you're stopping so easily! This is not the Seeley Booth I know at all. What's wrong with you? Since when do you stop after one battle?" Emma urged him to get the courage to go back.

"I can't go back, I can't. I think I want to quit." Booth decided sadly. "I think it's best to let her go, and let her find her happiness with someone else."

"Are you crazy?" Emma plowed on, she never expected Booth to give up so easily.

"No, I'm realistic and I'm tired. I'm really just so tired. " His eyes implored her to understand. "Why are you so bent on sending me away, I thought you said you loved me. Emma, did you change your mind? I mean why are you pushing me to go back to Bones? Isn't that just a little strange?"

"Yeah, maybe it is. And yes, I love you, Seeley. That won't change just because you go back; and in fact, it will probably make me love you more. I'm not the woman you love, I'm not the woman you gave up your peace of mind for or the woman you've been suffering in silence for. Temperance is and Temperance will always be. You and I both know that. As easy as it would be for me to say 'yes, stay here and love me and as much as I love you,' it would never be the same. Because she isn't gone like Jeff, she isn't dead. Even though it feels that way to you, she's very much alive and she's very much in need of her husband; that's you, Seeley, and it will always be you. "

Booth listened with tears falling down his face. He wanted to rebel and prove Emma wrong. He wanted to forget all the anguish; he wanted so many things. He loved her. He knew what he was feeling was the stirrings of new love, and he knew he could find love with her. Here, she was telling him to go home. Why? How did she know Brennan needed him? He remembered waking up just enough to look to see if she was there; but she wasn't, she was gone. He was so exhausted he succumbed back to sleep. And now he knew for sure where she was. "You went to her, didn't you?" His eyes challenged her to deny it.

Emma nodded silently, her eyes shone with her resolve not to let him see what it had cost her.

"Oh Emma. Why would you want to subject yourself to her anger?"

"I subjected myself to her grief and her sorrow as a mother, and I didn't expect it to be easy, Seeley; in fact I was sure it wouldn't be."

"What happened?" His voice was filled with dread.

"At first she was hostile, as to be expected; but we talked, though I was the one who did most of the talking."

He smiled knowing when she had something to say, she wouldn't stop.

"And she listened." Emma said smiling a little at his renewed interest. His eyes were not daring to believe it.

"And?"

"And I think she understands a lot better, and she won't hate you anymore. In fact, she never has, Seeley. That woman loves you. She's afraid because you told her you felt something for me, but I told her about the night… in the car… and I think she actually thanked me for taking care of you when she couldn't... are those the words of a woman who hates you?" Emma asked softly, her heart blinking back the tears.

"She thanked you?" Booth couldn't believe his ears.

"Yes, and she actually said she wished we could have been friends."

Booth swallowed back the tears because he hadn't heard anyone talk of Brennan as if she were still behaving like Brennan in so long. This woman who Emma described was his Bones.

"She really doesn't hate me?" His eyes squeezed shut, holding to the hope.

"She loves you, Seeley, and she's waiting for you. Your wife is at home waiting for you. It's time you went home, don't you think?" Emma tried not to cry, but she already felt the tears coursing down her cheeks. They were a mix of happy and heartbreaking tears.

Booth cried, relieved with heartfelt tears of gratitude. But he knew in the midst of his joy, he was causing Emma untold anguish.

"What will you do?" Booth couldn't help himself; he did love this amazing woman in some way. He couldn't help the feelings he had for her. There was a thread between him and Emma, he couldn't ever deny.

"I've decided to go to Europe for Christmas. You know how I told you it was always a dream to study music there, and Jeff left me well taken care of. So I'm going to take my mom to help with Nick, and I'm going to spend a lovely few months pursuing what I love. Who knows, maybe I'll quit teaching and become a concert pianist." She smiled reassuringly showing him she would go on, and she would be okay.

"I won't see you." Booth realized she was making it easier on both of them.

"No, you won't. Not for a while, anyway."

"How will I ever thank you?" Booth's eyes showed her he felt much more than he could ever express to her.

"Be happy, be whole." Emma told him softly.

"I will because of you." He promised. "I want you to be happy too." Booth never meant anything more. She so dearly deserved to be happy. Her happiness was in his hands, and he felt it slipping through his fingers because he couldn't give her what he would like to. In another place or another time he would; he knew how sweetly he could. "I've never known anyone quite like you, you have this indomitable spirit that is healing and nourishing. I needed you so damn much; but now, I feel as though I'm deserting you, and you've become so important to me."

"You are important to me too, and that won't ever change, but you and I know we aren't meant to be now or ever." She laughed a little sweet longing-for-it-to-be-true laugh. "Maybe we were together in another time or another life, Seeley, and this is why we connected so perfectly now. But we both know this time; your life belongs with Temperance and that wonderful family of yours."

Booth nodded smiling through the tears. He stood, knowing this was the final goodbye. He knew he couldn't see her anymore. If he was going to give Brennan the life she needed and deserved, he didn't ever want to bring her pain again. He knew Emma wouldn't ever interfere with his happiness. "I'll always remember… "

"Me too." She gulped back a sob.

He went to her, hugging her hard, gratefully and longingly because he would miss her terribly. Then one last sweet kiss on the cheek, and he was gone. Emma walked to the window watching him go back to the life he was meant to have. "Be happy, Seeley." She whispered kissing her fingers and placing them on the window.

_A/N: So, what did you guys think?_


	26. Coming Home

_A/N: I want to thank everyone. This has been an amazing journey for me. I appreciate everyone who stood by me and kept coming back. This is the final chapter, but don't fear, there is also an epilogue on the way too, I just don't know when I will update that yet. The epilogue is with the beta, so I depend on her. Are you there __**jenlovesbones**__? Thanks for going through the novel, btw. I still very much appreciate you!_

_Also, I just wanted to point out that I was blackmailed into posting this early. You guys can blame or thank __**sunsetdreamer**__ and __**RositaLG**__ for making me update earlier. I think I should call Booth to arrest both of them, you know, for blackmailing me. _

_Song "Coming Home" by Diddy_

_I'm coming home__  
__I'm coming home__  
__Tell the World I'm coming home__  
__Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday__  
__I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes__  
__I'm coming home, I'm coming home__  
__Tell the World that I'm coming_

Chapter 26

Booth walked into the house. He felt a little apprehensive, because he couldn't help but remember how he left the night before. He saw the windows were still open; the fresh air had wiped out the scent of death. The house seemed more alive but he saw no sign of Brennan anywhere.

He went up the steps. First to her studio, he was surprised to find the mess of gray and black that he obliterated was gone. There were no signs of the wreckage he left there. There was one new white easel standing in the center of the room, and he went to it afraid; his mouth dropped open when he saw it was the beginning of a new painting on the canvas, but nothing like darkness she had been painting before. This was peace of heaven, a painting of one very unique angel, his Liz. He could see it would be beautiful when it was finished. He leaned in to touch the dear sweet face that he would never expunge from his soul.

"Be at Peace Liz, Mommy and Daddy are going to see you again someday." Tears ran down his cheek as he felt the pain mixing with renewed hope.

Booth went to the master bedroom next. He saw she had been in there too. He saw her clothing lying in stacks on the bed as if she was taking up residence again. Her perfume bottles and her makeup were back on the dressing table, a part of him registered this was new too. Booth realized she hadn't been here the whole time he was gone. His heart lurched as he grasped how lonely she had been. He walked to the bathroom; the flood had dried up, the bathtub showed no sign of the emotional voltage of the previous night. He saw them there, struggling with the grief and the pain washed away by the love that flourished again for a brief moment. It gave him renewed faith.

He heard sounds coming from down the hall; he followed them, not daring to believe Brennan was actually in that room. The morning sun casted a golden glow as it always had, and now it seemed brighter than ever as he saw that she was indeed there. He stood in the broken door watching as she packed Liz's belongings away, sadly.

Tears were pouring down her cheeks as she said her bittersweet goodbye to the little girl who lived forever in her heart. Booth felt his own tears falling and he knew how monumentally important it was that Brennan had chosen to do this. He saw it as a miraculous sign that she was coming back, his Bones was coming back. She was holding the silly bear Liz loved to fall asleep with and her hands clutched it unwilling to put it away. She struggled with the idea of taking it away from Liz. They should have buried it with her, and that thought brought out a gulping harsh sob.

He took a step forward and she heard the noise. She looked up and her eyes were filled with relief when she saw him. She really hadn't believed he would come back, but he has.

Her hands went up to her mouth to hold back the cries of regret. Before he even knew what was happening, he had moved and she was in his arms. Her hands melted into him as though they had been waiting for eons to touch him, and her body collapsed against his. She felt like she had been gone for a very long time, and now she had returned to something very different, yet no less precious. She felt as though she had been awakened from a long and terrible nightmare, but now she would find beauty in his arms again.

"I'm here, Bones… I'm here… " Booth wept with her, holding her as close as he could to him. He was holding her again. It was her; he felt it in every cell of his being, his beloved beautiful wife was in his arms.

"It's so damn hard to say goodbye." She cried against his chest.

"I know."

"I don't want to say goodbye." She wailed hitting against his chest with her fist in protest.

"I don't either, baby." He nodded, letting her get it all out, finally letting her express what she had been holding inside for months.

"I'm so sorry, Booth. You had to hold that inside and deal with it all alone." Brennan whispered into his ear. Her heart filled with love for him, she felt his grief beating against her and she knew what all of this had cost him.

"I… never wanted to keep it from you… you have to know it." She looked into his eyes seeing him as he was, knowing she had been looking at everything through warped vision. "Bones, I can't do anything to bring her back… God knows I would. I'd give up anything to have her back."

Brennan nodded unable to speak through her tears.

"If I could have made it there, I swear to you I would have… to think of her there without either one of us… I don't know why it happened that way… I can't understand it either." His thumb brushed her tears. "I can't make you any promises that nothing bad will ever happen again, and I can't stop you from doing what you want to do… but I can tell you this one thing… the only thing I can promise for certain is that I will always love you, whether you love me back or not, I will love you forever.

"I know you don't want any more pain, but I don't believe that our being together is wrong. I will never believe that. We were meant to be together, we were destined to have Cooper and Elizabeth. No matter how short it was for, I will never regret one moment of her existence."

Brennan knew he had been in as much anguish and sorrow as she had. She understood why he had to have someone help him and she knew Emma was a blessing for both of them. Without her, Booth wouldn't have been able to sustain the sorrow or the secret, and he might not have held it together as he had for her, and for Cooper and Parker. She knew he was right, if she had heard that her baby died alone the day of her death, she wouldn't have made it over those days with any sanity left. Now, after some time passed, she could digest it and try to accept it. She knew that Booth did it entirely out of love and concern. She also knew it in her heart and soul it was the most selfless gift of love he could give her.

She could feel the resolve she had made to stay away from him would never last. Who else but Booth would cover up the deepest heartache of his life to spare her hearing the worst news over a telephone? Who else would stand by and allow her to believe their little girl had a peaceful death filled with love surrounding her bedside? Who else would hold it all inside, worrying first about her healing and her grief before his? There was only one man who would do it for her.

She had seen the fear in his eyes the night before. The same fear she saw in his eyes when he rescued her from the gravedigger, when they found out about his brain tumor and so many other times. He had protected her, he had stood beside her. He had put his life on the line for hers yet again. They had made a life. It was not always filled with happiness and flowers. He never told her it would be. She knew what and whom she could count on. She knew who would always and forever be by her side. She knew how deeply he had loved Liz and still did, and how much Cooper and Parker meant to him.

"It hurts…" Brennan's tortured cry broke his broken heart to shreds.

"I know… " He felt helpless, unable to take away the pain, to give her what she wanted most in the world. "You think I don't know… I know. I know each day something will jog a memory, and each month as we go on, she will be there. Every birthday, we will be thinking of how old she would have been. How pretty she would have been. What kind of things she would be doing. It will be that way year after year, what it should have been her first crush, her first date, the prom. I will always wonder what she would have looked like, who she would have married. I will never walk my little girl down the aisle or hold her first child… " Booth choked in tears.

Brennan cried for all those lost moment, her heart felt like it was broken beyond repair. "I'm not sure… how can we go on without her?" Brennan's tears made her words both a plea and a question.

"We take it one day, one moment at a time and we talk about her, we laugh about the funny things and we cry, sometimes we cry our hearts out when it gets too painful."

"And we say goodbye… " Brennan looked into his eyes.

"Yes, Bones, we say goodbye." His voice was calming.

"I'm not sure how… I mean I thought packing up… "

"That painting you started is a beautiful goodbye, Bones." He was so proud of her for taking these steps, his eyes glowed with pride. "I can feel the love you have put into it emitting from the canvas."

"Angela was right. It certainly helps to paint. Although, I wasn't sure what to do. I could hardly hold the brush..." She looked away. She had to stop, because she was sobbing too hard to finish it.

His fingers under her chin brought her back to him. "I'm not sure either, Bones. I mean I had to say good bye to my mother and Pops, and now our daughter, I can't…" Booth's voice broke and he gave into the sobs rising inside.

Brennan held him tightly as they try to find a way to let go and move on with their lives. "Maybe we don't have to say goodbye really, because our love is with her, and hers is still with us."

"Yeah… maybe it's okay not to say it… she knew it would be too hard for us, maybe she knew she wasn't going to be here for very long, and that's why she went alone. We had her for a precious few years, but she brought us more in those years than we could ever imagine."

"Yeah, she was so perfect… " Brennan agreed lovingly.

"She's watching over her family too. I feel her sometimes when I'm really sad, I can feel her little hand patting my back..."

"I miss her…" Brennan took a deep breath, and then dissolved into more tears.

"It's okay baby, I miss her too. You will be with her, because you two exude the same beauty and the same love. I will never believe she's completely gone from us… and I'll see her in your smile, you two were so alike."

"Us? Is there still an us, Booth?"

"I'm here… I'm here, and it's the only place I want to be… "

"Are you sure?" Brennan looked away. "Emma was here… and I think I understand..."

"There's nothing between us, Bones. What I feel for you outshines anything for anyone else."

"I love you, Booth. I was so afraid to love you, because of… "

"I know… but baby, isn't it worse _not_ being together?"

"Yes… much, much worse… " Brennan gulped on a broken sob. She had missed him more than words could say. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry I haven't been here for you… "

"I know, I know…. it's all right… I know..." Booth hugged her tightly to him, he was going to be able to take care of her now, he would make sure she ate, and got better. They could get help if she needed, and they would get better. They had a little boy who needed them to be whole and happy again. He felt a little stirring of happiness and for the first time, not an ounce of guilt for feeling it.

"Booth, I know I don't have any right to expect you to do this now… I mean maybe you need time to get over… "

"What? Bones, ask me anything." Booth's eyes told her she could, and that he wasn't going to say 'no' to anything she asked.

"Come home, please come home. The idea of you never walking in that door again… I need you to come home. Whatever happens next, Booth… the only thing I know is that I don't want it to happen without you."

Brennan saw his need for her. She felt his eyes yearning for his family, his wife, and his sons. His home, he was home.

"Come home, Booth, please just come home." She begged for him.

"I'm home, Bones. I'm home." He promised as their lips met softly and sweetly and the tears fell.

They could almost hear a tinkling laughter in the room. The joyous sound of Liz's blessing as she happily watched her parents begin to heal. They hugged consoling one another, giving and receiving the love she radiated so beautifully into their hearts. Brennan looked up into Booth's eyes, they smiled through the tears as they fondly remembered the little happy soul that was, and would always be their little Liz.

_A/N: Thanks again for reading. Don't forget to tell me what you guys through. I hope this end was satisfactory for everyone. Epilogue will be up sometime in the next week._


	27. Epilogue Part 1

_A/N: I'm sorry it took so long to update. I was going to update last week, but then I decided to go to Bones Paley last minute, so I couldn't update. I had the best time ever. Seriously. All the cast were amazing. They were so nice and so outgoing. If you want to see pictures, you can find them at my tumblr:_

_http:/ biba79. tumblr. com/ post/ 5433652257/ my-time-with-the-bones-family (Just remove the spaces)_

_Anyway, my epilogue ended up being very long, so I split it into Epilogue Part 1 and Epilogue Part 2. I will post part 2 soon, I promise. Hopefully you will enjoy the last part of Stuck! _

_I wanted to thank **Rankor01** and **jenlovesbones** for their help on the epilogue. _

_Also, no music for the epilogues!_

_Thank you again for everyone for reading and reviewing. This ride has been amazing. _

Epilogue Part 1

After months apart, Brennan and Booth were finally on the road to redemption, and things were definitely falling into place. It surprised him that she asked him to move back in so soon.

When he had left her after their last fight he really thought their marriage was over. He believed that Brennan would never forgive him and he was ready to move on and he hoped he would still have a relationship with the mother of his children. But deep down he also knew that Brennan had a forgiving heart, and he hoped that she would give him another chance.

The moment she told him she had felt alone for the past few of months, it shocked him. He knew that it was almost all his fault. He promised silently to himself that Brennan would never feel like that again the minute the words came out of her mouth. On their wedding day, he had vowed to make her happy every single day and he already failed for the last year. He would not make the same mistake twice. He was going to do everything in his power to make sure she was happy for the rest of her life, even without their sweet little girl.

Booth also knew that they needed to talk more about their relationship, Liz, and what losing her felt like, instead of pushing it aside like they have been doing. He always loved Brennan more than life itself, but the minute she asked him to move out, was the day that he realized how much she really meant to him. Almost losing her like that, on top of losing Liz, and knowing that it was his fault, broke him completely. He vowed to spend more time with his sons; it made him realized just how much he missed them lately, and he didn't want to miss seeing his son grow up anymore. Cooper was growing up so fast, and Booth wanted to be there for them at every milestone. Booth also wanted to be the best father he could possibly be, even better than before.

He knew that work at the moment wasn't as important as before. He would never take for granted the little things in life again.

Every night for the last few months weren't as comfortable and sleep didn't come easy, especially because he didn't have Brennan to hold on to.

"I love you, Bones," he said softly to himself. Booth finally relaxed, and closed his eyes and allowed sleep to overcome him.

X-X-X-X-X-X

"When are you coming home?" Brennan asked.

"Soon." Booth promised.

"I need some things from the store for dinner tonight. I don't want to take Cooper to the store and I can't leave him here alone either. I was wondering if you could stop by the store on your way home."

"I can do that. I'm almost done here. What do you need?" Booth could almost hear a sigh of relief from the other end of the phone. Brennan quickly rattled off a list of items she needed and Booth repeated them back to her to make sure he didn't miss anything.

"Cooper was asking about you," Brennan added before saying goodbye. "He wants to play with you tonight. I just wanted to let you know."

"I'll see you soon, Bones…" He paused and took a deep breath, "I love you…" He whispered, unsure if she would return the familiar sentiment.

Brennan hesitated, she wanted to say the words back, but she just wasn't ready yet. They still had a long way to go. She just hang up the phone and kept herself busy for the next hour. She did some laundry and spent some time playing with Cooper.

Cooper didn't notice the quiet sounds of Booth's feet in the entryway. "I'm home," he shouted from the base of the stairs. Cooper abandoned the game of Chutes and Ladders he was playing with Brennan and raced to greet him. Booth set down the grocery bags he was carrying when he saw the stampede that was quickly approaching.

"Dad!" Cooper said happily as Booth picked him up and hugged him.

"I heard you wanted to play with me, Coop?" Booth said as he kissed his nose.

"It's been a long time since we played." Cooper said as Booth put him down again.

"Where's your Mom?" He asked his son when he saw she had not come to greet him.

"She's in my room," Cooper announced proudly. "We're playing Chutes and Ladders." He added.

"Why don't you go finish your game, and I'll come up to join you after I put away the groceries."

Cooper ran back upstairs and into his room to announce to Brennan that 'Dad was home'. Booth picked up the bags he had carried in and took them into the kitchen. After putting everything away he went to join his family in Cooper's room.

He entered the room to see Brennan and Cooper on the floor, circled around a game board in the middle of the room. He smiled at the sight and asked if he could play.

Brennan answered first. "You can take my place while I go start dinner." She offered.

"Do you need some help?" Booth asked.

"No. You just play with him." She insisted. Booth gave in and took Brennan's place at the board. Brennan heard him asking Cooper what piece was his as she exited the room and headed downstairs.

Brennan started boiling water for the noodles. She remembered when Cooper was little and would always say 'Noo Noos' instead of noodles. Cooper had come up with the word and taught Liz. Since then the word had stuck. Brennan often found herself calling them 'Noo Noos' now too, even though the kids had long since discarded the term.

Brennan heated up some hot dogs and sliced up some apples to complete the meal. After setting the table, she yelled 'Dinner' and soon heard a commotion upstairs that let her know she was heard.

The meal was simple, but Booth's presence made it remarkable and Brennan could see how much it meant to Cooper. The three of them sat around the table and enjoyed the meal. Booth was saddened that Liz's seat was empty, but he was happy to be home with his family.

"What do you want to do tonight?" Booth asked between bites.

"Can we watch Harry Potter Dad?" Cooper asked. Cooper had just gotten Harry Potter's seventh film on DVD and had been waiting to watch it with his Dad. Booth used to read to Cooper and Liz from the books each night before bed - before Liz's death. It had become somewhat of a tradition that they would watch the movies together after they finished a book. He hadn't read to Cooper or watched a movie with him since Liz's passing.

"Definitely," he smiled at his son. "After dinner, you can get the movie started and I'll make the popcorn."

Upon hearing this, Cooper quickly cleared their plates and excused himself. Brennan smiled approvingly at the spectacle. Brennan and Booth finished their meals in silence.

Cooper came back minutes later and announced that he was ready.

"I'm not done eating yet," Booth teased. "Give me ten minutes buddy." Cooper accepted his answer and returned to the lounge to wait.

Booth took one last bite and stood up, taking his plate to the sink. He placed his plate as well as Cooper's in the dishwasher and searched the cupboards for the microwave popcorn. By the time he found it and placed it in the microwave, Brennan had finished eating and was clearing the rest of the table. Booth moved to help her.

"I know this is hard, but I'm trying," he said apprehensively. "I just wanted to let you know." She stood at the sink and he came behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She noticeably stiffened. Brennan wasn't ready yet to be happily one hundred percent. It was still too soon, how could she tell him that she was still having a hard time adjusting to a house with her family without Liz?

"This is just hard." Brennan honestly answered him.

Booth released his hold on her and stepped back with a sigh. "Look, it will be hard for a very long time, but we can survive it together, Bones. Besides, we are going to therapy every week. It's going to take some time for us to adjust back to how it used to be."

"It will never be the same without her." Brennan said sadly.

"I know it won't. I want you to understand that I will always be here, no matter what." He said calmly, but still with conviction.

"I know, I know." She nodded softly.

The microwave beeped.

"I'm going to watch a movie with Cooper. I want you join us." Booth emptied the contents of the popcorn bag into three small bowls and placed them on a tray. On the way out of the kitchen he stopped to add one more thing. "Tomorrow will be better." He said and exited the room.

Booth settled down on the couch and started watching the movie with Cooper. He remembered how much he enjoyed spending time with his family. Before the opening credits rolled, Brennan was seated in the oversized chair next to the couch, wrapped in a blanket. Spending time with his son made him forget about work and about how much he missed Liz for a little while. Brennan was asleep before the movie ended. Booth and Cooper smiled triumphantly.

"Buddy," Booth whispered. "Go get ready for bed. I'll be there to tuck you in, and then I'm going to put Mommy in bed," Booth turned off the TV, and organized the room before turning to go to Cooper's room to tuck him in.

He entered Cooper's room to tuck him in before returning to the lounge for Brennan.

"Are you ready?" Booth asked. Cooper got into bed as Booth made his way and sat beside him.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?" Booth asked him as he pulled up the covers.

"Can we play hockey sometime this week? It's been a long time since we played." Cooper asked, hoping he would say 'Yes.'

"I will try to make time this week for that, buddy." He said as he kissed him goodnight. "I love you. Goodnight."

"I love you too Daddy." Cooper said as he got more comfortable. Booth left, turning the light off on his way out.

Booth returned to the lounge and saw that Brennan was still sleeping soundly. He carefully lifted her into his arms, trying not to wake her. Brennan instinctively wrapped her arms around him, causing Booth to smile.

He navigated the stairs easily and made it to their room quickly. He gently laid Brennan on the bed, and pulled the covers over her, similar to how he had with Cooper. He sat at her side for a moment, watching her sleep. He considered sliding into bed next to her. They had been married for almost eight years, and he still had trouble sleeping without her.

As much as he wanted to stay with Brennan, Booth decided he'd better sleep in the guest room a little longer. He knew that even though Brennan took him back, she wasn't ready to get back to how they used to be, they still needed some distance and he was willing to give that to her. He placed his lips softly on hers before standing to leave. "I love you," he whispered into her ear, hoping she would hear him in her dreams.

At the door, he took one last look at her before turning off the light and closing the door. Brennan turned to her side to get more comfortable, "I love you too." She whispered all the time smiling.

X-X-X-X-X-X

For Brennan and Booth, it was just their second Christmas after Liz's death. This year was special, however, because it was going to be the two of them and Cooper, and they were actually celebrating something. Parker was a Freshman at Duke University and he was going to spend his first Christmas as a college student with Rebecca. Booth was happy that at least they were going to spend New Year's together, as it felt like life was right again.

Brennan was excited that Booth had taken two whole weeks off from work to spend with his family. She still hadn't go back to work at the Jeffersonian; she wasn't ready just yet and she didn't know when she would be ready. She gave lectures and seminars occasionally to keep her skills sharp. And she was back to writing her novels again too. Slowly she was going back to what she was good at, and she gave up painting completely, telling Angela how grateful she was for it, but she didn't need it anymore. Besides, she knew she wasn't good at it; painting was Angela's thing. So, she gladly exchanged the canvasses for her novels.

December 25th was a beautiful day in DC. Brennan was still lying in bed while Booth was up and getting Cooper ready to open all the presents. Brennan opened her eyes and looked outside the window. She was glad that the sun was shining. She couldn't ask for a better day to spend Christmas with her family. Brennan sat up in bed and thought how much her life had changed in the last two years and how much she missed her little girl. Every day before she went bed and after she woke up, she would think of Liz. Her daughter never left her mind, even though the hardest time of her life had come and gone.

She still had a beautiful son and a wonderful husband, and for that she was thankful. It didn't take long before Cooper ran into the room and behind him was Booth. Cooper threw himself in Brennan's arms with the happiest smile on his face; he knew today was the day that he would get a lot of presents. It couldn't be a happier day for a 9-year-old. Booth didn't say anything; he was just watching Cooper interact with his wife.

"Mom, let's go open the presents!" Brennan knew it wasn't a question but more of a demand. She didn't argue with her son, but she instantly threw her legs over the side of the bed and got up.

"If you insist," she smiled at Booth, as she took Cooper's hand and they all started walking to the living room, where a big Christmas tree held a lot of presents underneath.

Cooper sat on the floor next to the biggest present; he hoped it was for him. Booth sat on the couch and Brennan passed by him and gave him a soft and tender kiss on his lips.

"Morning…" Brennan whispered on his ear. "Thank you for last night..." she said it as she giggled at him and moved over to sit next to Cooper, leaving Booth wanting more of what she was grateful for.

"Are you ready to open the presents, Cooper?" Booth asked from the couch. Cooper didn't need to say anything, his excitement was enough.

Brennan started passing out all the presents around. It didn't take a long time before Cooper was playing with his new toys. He wasn't paying attention to his parents anymore. He was too busy playing with the cars he got.

Brennan looked over at Cooper, and then she turned her attention to her husband. It felt like it was just the two of them in the room at that moment. "It's just us now." She said softly.

"You first..." Booth said wanting to go last.

She smiled and picked up a wrapped present from the floor. "Here," She handed it to him. "It's from the whole family."

Booth smiled as he started to open it. He looked at Brennan who was smiling from ear to ear. When he opened the box, he saw season tickets to see the Flyers and plane tickets to go to each of their home games. He was shocked and surprised to what he was holding in his hands.

"I thought you would enjoy something other than work." Brennan announced as she noticed that he was still speechless.

"I love it," he said as he moved closer to her and gave her a passionate kiss. "I will enjoy every moment of it, and I will make sure to clear my schedule with Margaret, so I won't miss any games."

"I'm glad you like it."

"Okay, it's my turn." Booth said with an eager smile on his face, even though he was a little insecure about it. Brennan looked at him suspiciously. He grabbed a wrapped box from one of the cabinets in the living room. "It's for the future," he said as he handed it to her.

Brennan grabbed the box but waited to open it. She looked at him studying his expression and trying to figure it out what he was up to. "You better have not gotten me any expensive jewelry; you know I don't need any of that." She said wondering what was inside the box, but deep down, it was exactly what she wanted. She loved getting jewelry from Booth, he had exquisite taste.

"Actually, it's not. Sorry to disappoint you," he said shyly, but not letting the smile leave his face. "Open it already." He demanded.

Brennan smiled at him. She started to open the wrapping paper, but not taking her eyes from his. When she saw what it was, her smile faded away. "Booth?" She asked curiously. "What's this about?" She looked from the baby Flyers jersey she was holding to her husband. "Is this some kind of way of telling me you want us to have another baby?" She asked nervously. They had talked about it, but it was always a tough subject for both of them now.

"No, it's not," he simply said. "We are going to have another baby in about 8 months, Bones." He told her. "You are pregnant; the little jersey is just the baby's first clothes, I wanted him or her to be part of our family already." He said with confidence in his voice.

"But I'm not pregnant," she said confidently and certainly not ready for it. "But we can talk about it later if you want to have another baby." She said as she looked over to Cooper, who was playing furiously with his new cars.

"Okay. First, yes - you are pregnant, and we are too late to have that talk." Booth said as he grabbed her hand and held it between his.

"Booth, I think I know my body." Brennan said as she argued with him.

"And so do I," he was not going to let her win this, but he knew he was right.

"We can talk about it if you want." She insisted as if she didn't believe him.

"Bones, come on. After two pregnancies, I think I can tell if you are pregnant or not. Besides, you have changed you eating habits; you are sleeping more every night. And you think it's coincidence that you have the flu this week? You don't believe in coincidences, remember?" He asked trying to convince her.

"Will you be happy if I go to the doctor first thing after the holiday? I want to prove you wrong." She said not trying to sound defeated, but she still didn't want to disappoint him or herself, he sounded so happy with the idea.

Booth looked at her, he knew it would be harder to convince her, but he was ready for anything. He walked over to the counter again, and grabbed something else; she looked at him curiously wondering what he was doing. "No, I don't want you to wait till next week to find out. I want you to find out right now." He said as he handed her a pregnancy test kit. She wasn't ready for this, that she was sure of.

It was then that Cooper ran over to Brennan and looked at both of them. "Mom, what did dad give you?" He asked as he took the pregnancy box from Brennan's hand.

She was caught off guard, but she found the perfect way to respond to her son. "Dad gave me a stick, Cooper." Brennan said looking at Booth, making sure he listened to what she said.

"So, it's a toy?" Cooper asked curiously. "Can I play with it?" He asked, not getting enough of his cars to play with.

"No sweetheart, it's a grownup's stick, you go play with your cars, and look, they are lonely already." Booth said as he pointed to the cars at the floor, Cooper was back to his toys instantly.

Brennan got up from the floor where she was sitting and walked over to the kitchen, Booth followed her; he was not going to give up.

She opened the fridge and took out some eggs to make herself an omelet.

"Bones, seriously…" he grabbed her arm and made her look at him. "This is good news; I know it's scary after Liz," he closed his eyes for a second, remembering their nightmare. "I'm scared too, but I think we are ready for another baby. Maybe this is exactly what we need. All you have to do is take the test, so we can go out for lunch today and celebrate it." He never thought it was going to be this hard. "And since when do you eat eggs in the morning anyway?" He asked knowing that they didn't allow Cooper to eat eggs for breakfast, and not even one of them ever ate eggs for breakfast either.

Suddenly it hit her, he was right. She had had eggs every day for the last week, and all different kinds of food that she never ate before. Even her mood had changed as well; maybe she was really pregnant. The smile on her face started to come back slowly, when Booth saw it, he knew that he had finally convinced her that she was indeed pregnant.

"Booth, what if I'm not pregnant?" She asked fully knowing she would be upset now if she wasn't.

"Just take the test babe; go pee on the stick, and if you are not pregnant then we will talk about it." Booth said as he handed her the box again. He looked in the direction of the bathroom. She took it, unsure, but there was only one way to find out. She walked over to the bathroom and did as the instructions on the box said to.

Five minutes later she came out of the bathroom. Booth couldn't tell whether she was pregnant from her expression. She just put her arms around him and hugged him. "I'm pregnant." She whispered as she started to cry in his arms. Booth knew she was crying because it was good news.

"I told you so." Booth said laughing, "I'm always right, Bones." Brennan laughed at his comment as well, they parted from the hug and he wiped her tears, "We are going to have another baby." He said as he kissed her, she couldn't help but kiss him back.

"I'm scared, what if..." Brennan's mind was going a million miles an hour with ways that this could go wrong again. She knew she couldn't go through another loss, she wouldn't survive it. But at least she knew that she had Booth by her side, no matter what.

"Don't even think that, Bones," he said as she grabbed his hand and put it on her stomach. "Everything is going to be fine." They smiled at each other.

X-X-X-X-X-X

"Ange. I promised Booth I wouldn't tell you until we had you over for dinner tonight so we could tell you together, but I don't think I can wait." Brennan pulled Angela away from the rack of drawstring pants so they could face each other.

"Bren, what is it?" Angela laughed at her friend's seriousness.

"I couldn't let you have all this fun by yourself," she started, while looking around at all the maternity clothes surrounding them. They were shopping for Angela, who was five months pregnant with her second baby.

"You're not!" Angela exclaimed before putting her hand over her mouth to halt the screams of joy that were sure to come.

"I am," Brennan smiled. She wrapped her arms around Angela and her slightly protruding belly and the two squealed in between the aisles of drawstring pants and maternity business suits.

"I'm a little hesitant and I'm not sure if I'm ready for this again," Brennan proclaimed after the celebration had ended.

"I know you are scared, Bren. But all you have to know is that your family is here for you no matter what." Angela squeezed her hand to reassure her.

"Yeah. Booth said the same thing." Brennan said, deciding to leave the fear behind and enjoy this marvelous moment with her best friend.

"And besides, we are having babies. Together." Angela squealed again.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Brennan loved summers. But now that she was pregnant, she was starting to hate it.

The pregnancy already left her feeling tired, and the summer sun only added to her exhaustion. Her feet had begun to swell in the last week, and she found that she needed to rest after only a short time on her feet.

The morning had been spent catching up on general housework. She had her feet up on the kitchen chair, giving them a well deserved break. Her swollen belly was tilted upwards, exposed for everyone to see.

There was no longer any mistaking that Brennan was very much pregnant. Her six-month belly stood out proudly against her small frame. Besides being hugely pregnant, Brennan had her hands full with work, her new book coming out in a few months, and Cooper. School had been dismissed for summer and Brennan's days had been full of activities. But she couldn't complain; things were finally settling down again.

"It's too hot." Brennan sighed, taking another sip of her cold lemonade. The house was air conditioned, but she still felt the heat.

"You don't seem comfortable." Angela commented, concerned.

"I'm not." She declared, shifting in her chair as if to emphasize her point.

"That's what you get for getting pregnant." Angela teased.

"Angela, you are nine-months pregnant, you should be feeling more uncomfortable than me." Brennan said matter-of-factly. She paused slightly, giving her best friend the Brennan glare.

"I know, but I'm not. I feel fine. I mean, I want this little one to come out already, but this is a way easier pregnancy than the one with Gracie. I'm sorry." She apologized sympathetically. Brennan resumed struggling with her chair and finally settled into a comfortable position.

"If the baby wouldn't move so much, it wouldn't be so bad." Brennan rested her hand on her belly to feel a kick, and another, and another.

"It's just an active one." Angela reasoned.

"This one is more active than Cooper and Liz put together. They were _never_ this active." Brennan felt another kick. "See." She laughed.

X-X-X-X-X-X

The baby kicked her; her hand touched her belly to feel the little one. "The baby is kicking." She told Booth.

He smiled at her; this just made him so happy.

"Here." She grabbed his hand and put his hand on her belly, allowing him to feel the kicks.

"We have a strong one." He said amused.

"You have no idea. This one kicks all the time." She told him proudly. "I gained four pounds since my last appointment." Brennan said disappointed.

"You look gorgeous with an extra four pounds." He joked.

She laughed.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Brennan was in the kitchen on a mission. For many it was simple, but for her it felt like the most important task of her life. She opened one of the cabinets, and started looking through it. What she was looking for was not in sight. So she started taking everything out of the cabinet, just in case Booth had put it in the very back. Chocolate chip cookies, chips, goldfish, animal crackers, Oreos, Munchies, and Cheese Nips were all sitting on top of the table now, and still Brennan didn't find what she was looking for.

"I knew I should have gone to the grocery store last night." She cursed to herself. She looked at her watch and realized it was already three in the morning.

Brennan knew she couldn't go back to bed if she didn't satisfy her craving right now. She would accomplish what she desired, even if she had to go to every 24 hour mini-mart and gas station in the city.

She walked into her room quietly, hoping not to wake up Booth. She needed to change. She grabbed a pair of pants and her sweater and put it on. After a few moments of maneuvering around her now enormous belly to put on her shoes, she was ready to leave.

She grabbed her keys and her wallet and looked at Booth; he wouldn't even know she would be gone for twenty minutes. She turned to leave, and walked to the door. She stopped suddenly as soon as she heard her name.

"Bones?" Booth asked tiredly.

She turned and knew she was busted. "Booth, go back to sleep." She said calmly.

Booth didn't listen to her; he sat up in bed and focused his eyes on her. "What's wrong?" He asked concerned.

"Nothing is wrong," she said firmly. "I'm just going to run to the store really quick and I will be back in 20 minutes." She said matter-of-factly.

"What?" Booth was out of bed in an instant.

"I have a craving." She shyly admitted.

"You should have woken me up Bones, it's three twenty in the morning." Booth walked to the closet to get ready.

"No, I shouldn't have. I didn't want to disturb you," she walked over to him and kissed him gently. "Go back to bed."

He returned the kiss, "Thanks, but you should rest." He said as he touched her swollen stomach.

"I can't sleep like this," she pointed to her almost seven-month-pregnant belly. "So I might as well do something."

"Then we will both go?" He compromised.

"Booth, you know we can't do that," she argued. "One of us has to stay here with Cooper and Grace." Angela and Hodgins' daughter was staying the night with them to give them time alone with their two-month-old baby boy.

"You're right," he agreed. "Just tell me what you want and I'll be right back."

"Booth, I can go to the grocery store by myself. It's not like I'm going to work or anything, I'm just going down the street and I should be back in 20 minutes."

"I know it's not work, but I worry about you anyway. I just want to do nice things for you." He smiled.

"You can do nice things for me, but I also want to do nice things for myself, even if I have to go to the grocery store at four in the morning." She was starting to get irritated. She hated being protected all the time, especially when it came to simple things like this.

"Okay, so how about this?" He took a step forward. "I go tonight, and you can go the next time you have a craving." He knew she wouldn't agree, but he enjoyed seeing her argue and get mad sometimes.

"I'm not crippled, I'm pregnant." She said definitely.

He took her hand. "I know that Bones. I just want your wellbeing, and I will do anything for you." He said sincerely.

"Yeah, I know and I appreciate it. But by willing to do anything for me, you will let me go to the store." She pleaded.

Booth knew he didn't have a way out and he didn't want to see a pissed-off, pregnant Bones. "Okay then, but promise me you will be careful?" Booth asked worried.

"I'm going to the store, not to the moon." She argued.

"Promise me." He said seriously.

"I promise." She kissed him and turned to leave, but she wasn't going very far.

Cooper was standing by their bedroom door staring at them, with his blanket under his arm.

Brennan walked over to her son, "Cooper, what's the matter?"

"I had a nightmare, Mom." Cooper cried.

Brennan bent down to Cooper's level. "It's over now." Brennan kissed his forehead.

Cooper threw his arms around Brennan's neck. Booth watched mother and son interact. He always enjoyed watching Brennan take such good care of their son.

"Can I sleep with you now?" Cooper asked eyeing Brennan.

Brennan looked up at Booth, "Help me up?" She asked fully knowing that her belly would make it harder to stand up on her own.

"You can lay with me, Coop." Booth said as he helped Brennan stand up.

"Or how about if we take a trip to the grocery store?" Brennan offered.

Cooper's face grew with excitement, forgetting his nightmare, but Booth on the other hand was completely shocked.

"Bones?" Booth asked concerned. He didn't like the idea of Brennan going to the store alone, now he didn't like the idea of Brennan going to the store with Cooper.

"Don't you trust me?" She asked seriously.

"Of course I do." He said, but he was still worried.

"I have my cell phone if I need anything. Don't worry." Brennan said and gave Booth a kiss.

"I can't help it, it's natural for me to worry Bones. You're my family." Booth said.

"I know." Brennan turned to Cooper. "Give your father a hug, sweetie."

Cooper walked over to Booth and gave him a father/son hug. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, Coop." Booth gave him a hug back. "Take care of your mom okay?" Booth asked eyeing Brennan.

"Okay Dad." Cooper said as he took Brennan's hand.

Brennan and Cooper started walking towards the door.

"Bones…" Booth called back before she left. "So, what are you craving this time?" He asked curiously.

"Banana Muffins." Brennan said simply before leaving for the store.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Brennan woke up with a start in the middle of the night. The pain was coming from her stomach. She sat up slowly in bed, she tried not to disturb Booth or wake him up as he was still sleeping peacefully. She touched her stomach with her fingertips to palpate her pain. She closed her eyes and tried to relax. She started breathing slowly through the pain. After about 40 seconds, the contraction subsided. When the pain was over, Brennan rested on the back of the bed. She decided to get up and walk around a little bit, she hoped it would help and the contractions would go away. In her previous pregnancies, every time she had Braxton Hicks contractions, walking would usually help them go away. But this time, walking wasn't helping; the contractions kept on coming, every contraction more painful than the one before. She kept a close look at the clock, and half hour passed since the first pain hit her. She returned to bed to be more comfortable.

Another contraction hit her and she gritted her teeth, grabbing the sheets with her fingers. She tried to breath as she remember from her other pregnancies but she found herself powerlessness to do much except get through the enormous discomfort. "Booth." Brennan said as the pain subsided again.

Booth stirred in bed and turned to Brennan. "Bones." He called her name without opening his eyes.

"Something's wrong," she said with nervousness in her voice.

Booth sat up in bed immediately. Although he was still drowsy, he was fully at her disposal now. "What's wrong?" He asked worriedly.

"I have been having contractions for the last half hour." She announced something that she was purposely trying not to believe it.

Booth rubbed his eyes trying to focus on Brennan, "Are you having Braxton Hicks?"

Brennan shook her head, "No, they're real contractions." She breathed heavily. "Ten minutes apart." Tears of fear were falling down her face.

"It can't be… it's too early." Booth said in denial.

"I know, it is too early, I'm only 28 weeks, I can't have the baby now, please make it stop." Brennan cried when another contraction hit. "This can't be happening."

Nervously, Booth didn't know what to do first, "We should just head to the hospital." Booth said as he got up from the bed and got dressed pretty quickly. "It's going to be okay Bones."

Brennan nodded and waited until the contraction subsided and then threw a dress over her head. Tears were still flowing down her face. She was trying to stay calm through this ordeal, but the knowledge that their baby might be born prematurely scared her. Hadn't they faced enough heartache in their lives?

She was sitting on the bed waiting for Booth to finish gathering a few things together. He came over to her and set the bag on the floor, "I already called Dr. Warren and she will meet us at the hospital."

"Okay." Brennan nodded and wiped her tears, but kept on crying.

"Bones, try to stay calm." Booth reminded her and kissed the top of her head.

"I know." Brennan closed her eyes. "We were supposed to have a relaxing day together, just the two of us, this can't be happening now." She said in disbelief.

"You are going to be okay." He soothed her and helped her up, and they walked to the car and were on the way to hospital. Even though Booth was trying to keep Brennan calm, he was a wreck himself. He couldn't believe that when things were finally going right, something always went wrong.

X-X-X-X-X-X

The ride to the hospital felt like forever for Brennan. There shouldn't be any traffic on a Saturday morning, but there was a bad accident on the freeway on the way to the hospital and there was more traffic than Booth expected. "I'm sorry I took the freeway, I should've known better." He said reaching for her hand, trying to keep her calm.

Brennan breathed heavily, "I'm fine." She tried her hardest to keep her tears at bay.

Booth squeezed her hand, "It's going to be okay." Saying it out loud, didn't make him feel any better.

"You don't know that." Brennan challenged wiping the sweat off her forehead with her hand.

"No, I don't. But I have to believe it will be." Booth finally saw the sign indicating their exit was one mile ahead. "We are almost there." He reassured her.

Another contraction hit as soon as Booth took the exit, Brennan gritted her teeth and grabbed the sides of her seat. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing. As soon as the contraction was over, she opened her eyes and the hospital came into view at the end of the street.

"We're here." Booth announced as soon as he parked the car by the emergency entrance. He hurriedly got out of the car and walked around to Brennan's side. He opened her door and helped her out of the car gently.

They started to walk to the entrance slowly, Brennan setting the pace. Booth put his hand on her back for support. Suddenly Brennan stopped walking abruptly and turned pale.

"Booth..." Before she could say anything else, she went limp into his arms.

Booth held on to her on reflex before she could hit the floor. "Bones." The nervousness in his voice was unrecognizable. He slowly got down to his knees and held her gently. He placed his shaking hand on her face, "Bones." He tried again, but she didn't move. "Wake up!"

He gently snaked his arms around her and picked her up. Booth walked in a hurried pace, but carefully not to drop her. As soon as the doors of the emergency room opened, he started yelling, "My wife! Help!"

Nurses and Doctors rushed to them with a gurney, Booth gently laid her down. "She's 28 weeks pregnant and her contractions started about two hours ago." He explained as they walked towards one of the awaiting team to assist Brennan.

Booth stayed a few feet away watching the doctors and nurses work on Brennan. He watched every move back and forth around Brennan and everything they were doing to her. He started breathing again when he saw Brennan open her eyes and slowly started moving again. He could see the color slowly come back to her face.

A short blonde haired nurse started walking towards him, "Sir, I'm Amy, one of the nurses on shift this morning. I need to ask you a few questions."

"Okay." Booth didn't take his eyes off of Brennan. "How's she?"

"We're still evaluating her condition Mr.?"

"Booth."

"Mr. Booth. The doctor will come to talk to you as soon as he knows something." Nurse Amy answered gently.

"My wife's doctor, Dr. Warren, should be on her way, I called her before we left." He informed her.

"We will page Dr. Warren saying Mrs. Booth has arrived. But right now, I need you to fill out some paperwork and I'm going to need the insurance information as well."

Booth refused to go, "I'd like to stay with my wife."

"Mr. Booth, they are still treating her. I will get you back to your wife as soon as I can, I promise." Nurse Amy persisted.

Booth hesitated but reluctantly agreed. He followed her to a nurse station not far from where Brennan was. He explained everything that happened, from how relaxed their night was to Brennan waking up having contractions. He was handed a stack of paperwork to fill out, "I will be back in ten minutes, Mr. Booth." Nurse Amy left him alone for a few minutes.

Booth was staring blankly towards the room Brennan was being treated. The knowledge that he could lose Brennan and their baby at the same day scared him to death, especially after losing Liz. He didn't know what to do to help. As Deputy Director of the FBI, he had the power to resolve everything and anything, he felt empowered, strong, and authoritarian. Right now sitting at the hospital waiting to know the faith of his wife and child, he felt weak, helpless, powerless, and useless. At the hospital, he was just Seeley Booth, husband and father. His profession and status didn't matter in this situation. Today Booth was just a regular guy and that alone frustrated him to no end. Booth slowly snapped out of his trance, and started filling out the paperwork.

By the time he was done filling them out, he decided to call Angela and tell her what was happening. Angela wanted to drop everything she was doing and go to the hospital. Booth told her that there was nothing she can do there, and told her to stay with Cooper and her kids and make sure they were okay. She assured him they would make sure Cooper was taken care of, and asked to call her as soon as he heard anything new. As soon as Booth ended the call, Nurse Amy returned. He handed her all the paperwork. "Where's my wife?" He asked urgently.

"She was taken to room 411." Nurse Amy said.

Booth took off running without even waiting for directions.

"I will take the paperwork to Dr. Warren, and she will be in to see Mrs. Booth in a little bit." Nurse Amy yelled from a distance.

Booth jogged through the halls of the hospital. It was seven in the morning already, and he spent the last thirty minutes filling out the paperwork. Thirty minutes away from Brennan.

He opened a door and found a stairwell and ran up the stairs two at a time until he reached the fourth floor. He burst through the door and nearly run over a nurse, he stopped to steady the startled woman, "I'm sorry." he apologized, "Which way is room 411?" He asked hurriedly.

"It's down the hall to the right." The nurse pointed at a room down the hall.

"Thank you." He said breathlessly and took off running again.

He stopped in front of the room for a few minutes to catch his breath. He pushed through the door and found Brennan lying in bed, her sweat soaked hair spread across the pillow. Her eyes were closed and she appeared to be sleeping. He step forward with care, noting the IV in her arm, an oxygen tube in her nose to help her breath, and the fetal monitor attached to her abdomen.

Booth sat down in the chair next to her bed. He sat there like a statue, afraid of the noises of his breathing, afraid to disturb her during what appeared to be a peaceful rest.

Brennan looked so completely exhausted.

"I'm sorry they kept me away from you." His own need took over and he reached over to take her hand in his.

Brennan slowly opened her eyes and looked at him with fear.

"How are you doing?" He asked concerned.

"I'm fine." She lied, more to her benefit than his.

"You scared me Bones. You passed out right in front of the hospital. I thought…" Booth cried unable to finish.

"I'm sorry." She apologized, "They told me my blood pressure was really low, but it's back up again." She reassured him.

"I love you." He whispered in her ear.

"I love…" Before she could finish another contraction hit. She closed her eyes and grabbed the sheets with her fingers grimacing in pain.

Nurse Amy peeked in the door and saw Brennan straining through the contraction and slipped in. "How are you doing, Mrs. Booth?"

Brennan did nothing but grimace at her. Nurse Amy walked over to Brennan and checked her IV and her pulse. There was also a baby monitor around Brennan's abdomen, checking the baby's vitals. "Good job, Mrs. Booth. Just ride it through."

Brennan puffed her way through, and began to relax again. "Call me Temperance."

Nurse Amy smiled at her, "You are doing really well, Temperance."

Brennan squeezed Booth's hand, "I can't have this baby yet." She cried in desperation.

Nurse Amy took a washcloth and gently patted the cool fabric onto Brennan's sweat soaked face.

Booth looked into Brennan's eyes, "I know Bones, but we might not have a choice..." He whispered softly.

Brennan shook her head in frustration. "The baby's too small."

Nurse Amy had a profusion of freckles on her short, wide nose. "Temperance, you are in the best place you can be right now. We have seen our share of little babies; we have a very good facility and we have excellent doctors."

"Isn't there anything we can do? Please, I will do anything." Brennan begged desperately through her tears.

"I'm sorry, nothing to do right now but wait." Nurse Amy always felt bad in this kind of situations, especially because she could never do anything about it. "Dr. Warren should be in to see you soon."

Brennan set her mouth in a grim line to try to hold back her tears, but it didn't help. Another contraction seized, and Brennan groaned audibly and grimaced tightly against the pain. Booth leaned over and scooped one arm under her neck and the other resting on her arm. Gently, he talked her through the pain, whispering softly words of love and compassion and telling her everything was going to be alright. Even though the physical pain had subsided, the emotional pain only grew.

He reached over and gently kissed her forehead. Her mouth bent into a frown as she chocked back sobs. Booth laid his cheek against hers and wrapped his arms around her. Her whole body seemed to sob, and he let her bury her teary face in his neck. "Bones… shhhhh! It's going to be alright." He softly kissed her cheek. "We will get through this, I promise." He whispered softly.

Her sobs went on for quite some time, and Booth couldn't have been happier to be there for her every tear. He actually felt like he was being useful to her, and he didn't feel as powerless and helpless as he thought he would. Booth wanted nothing more than to keep her and their baby safe at the moment. If all he could do right now was be her emotional support, than that was what he was going to give her. He wanted to ask her about the baby, but right now all he cared about was Brennan. He would have to content himself with the fact that she was strong enough to hug him back and let him comfort her. Their contact somehow comforted him, knowing that she was conscious enough to need him. The knowledge that she wanted him there beside her through her current ordeal proved to him that their relationship was definitely back on the right track. This could have been a lot worst.

One more contraction hit, and Brennan breathed in sharply and learned forward. Booth changed his grip around her shoulders and worked to support her as she struggled through the painful contraction. Her face turned red and she grimaced in pain. She held her stomach tightly, and for the first time she screamed in pain, echoing through the room.

"Breathe through it, Bones." Booth encouraged. "You're doing really well." Booth tried to encourage her, although he had no idea what was happening.

Brennan finally collapsed back into Booth's arms and he gently lowered her back onto the pillow. Brennan was quiet for a few minutes, just enjoying the little comfort she was getting from him. He grabbed the cool washcloth that Nurse Amy used before and patted Brennan's soaked forehead again. The minimum he could do right now was to try to make her as comfortable as possible.

At that moment Dr. Warren walked into the room. "I'm sorry it took me a little bit to get here." She apologized. "Amy here filled me in, let me take a look at you and then we will discuss our options." Dr. Warren didn't waste any time and asked Brennan to open her legs to examine her properly.

While Dr. Warren examined her, Booth took Brennan's hand in his, he brought it to his mouth and kissed her fingers.

"You contractions started about three hours ago, and you are only one centimeter dilated." She inscribed down the information on Brennan's file. "How long apart are the contractions right now?"

"Still the same interval since she arrived here. Nine minutes apart." Nurse Amy answered.

"Good news is your water hasn't broken yet. We might be able to stop the contractions." Dr. Warren informed hopefully.

"I will do anything; just tell me what I need to do." Brennan said desperately.

"We will try to stop the contractions with a medication called Terbulatine. It's the best medication for your condition, though I'm warning you that it works differently from woman to woman. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't." Dr. Warren tried to explained as simply as possible.

"So, it might not work at all?" Booth asked worriedly.

"It might not."

"What are the chances that it will work?" Brennan asked with fear in her voice.

"Like I said, it depends on the woman. There isn't an exact number, and I don't want to give you hope if it doesn't work. Although there is a chance it might not work, this is the most successful medicine to stop pre-labor contractions."

"What are the side effects?" Booth asked and squeezed Brennan's hand.

"Side effects can include nervousness, restlessness, insomnia, headache and nausea." Dr. Warren listed the most common side effects.

"What about the baby?" Brennan asked concerned for her child.

"The baby might experience a fast heart rate, but nothing serious. And we will be monitoring, so it shouldn't be a problem at all."

"Do it." Brennan ordered anxiously.

"You do understand Temperance that you also need to stay calm and relaxed to help the medicine do its job." Dr. Warren warned.

"I will stay calm, I promise." Brennan cried as one more painful contraction hit.

"Alright." Dr. Warren inscribed something on Brennan's chart and handed it to nurse Amy. "One dose for the next two hours." Dr. Warren ordered. Nurse Amy stepped out of the room to go pick up the medication.

"If the medication doesn't work, we will know in the next two to three hours. Although, if it doesn't work in the next three hours, we will have to deliver. So, it is very important that you stay relaxed." She warned carefully. "We will be checking on you regularly though. Any other questions?"

Booth looked at Brennan and she shook her head. "No, not right now." Booth answered for both of them.

"Alright, I will be around if you need me and remember, and try to stay calm." Dr. Warren said and stepped out of the room leaving Brennan and Booth alone.

The room was silent for a few minutes, both of them afraid to say what they were thinking. The silent in the room was broken when Nurse Amy walked in with the medication in hand. "This medication will go through your IV, it might burn a little." Amy smiled at Brennan as she injected the medicine into Brennan's IV.

"We gotta call Angela to let her know that she will need to keep Cooper a little longer." Brennan said as she placed her hand on her lower abdomen.

"I already called and talked to Angela and she said not to worry about him." He informed her, taking her hand and kissing it gently.

The next two hours were incredibly tense. Booth's mind was racing but he knew he had to stay in control and be calm for Brennan's sake. There was always a nurse or a doctor walking in and out of the room, keeping a close eye on Brennan's contractions and her vital signs, as well as the baby's. Although, her contractions weren't even slowing down, Brennan kept a close eye on the baby's monitor to make sure everything was okay with their baby. She would feel a few kicks between contractions.

Dr. Warren walked into the room one more time and the expression on her face scared Brennan.

"Contractions still constant and strong?" Dr. Warren asked.

Brennan nodded nervously.

Dr. Warren examined Brennan one more time, checking all of her vitals and the baby's as well. Booth stayed by Brennan's side holding her hand. Keeping an eye on Dr. Warren and checking everything she was doing. When she was done, she removed her gloves and threw it in the trash, and then she turned to Brennan, "If these contractions don't stop in the next hour, unfortunately we will have to deliver."

"No." Brennan shook her head venomously. "The baby isn't old enough yet."

"We may not have a choice, Temperance. The baby would have to be in the NICU until it catches up developmentally, but if the contractions continue without delivery this could become dangerous, not only to your baby, but to you as well."

"Give me more medication then. Anything, Dr. Warren." Brennan begged. "Please?"

"We talked about this. Your womb is making the decision for you, and we are only along for the ride." Dr. Warren said looking from Brennan to Booth.

"There has to be something you can do for her." Booth's desperation was obvious.

"Medically we have done everything we can. More medication won't help at this late in the game, it might only make things worse. If Temperance advances any further, we are going to have to deliver this baby." The reality of the situation was disappointing even for Dr. Warren.

"What are the chances of the baby being healthy this early?" Booth wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. He regretted asking the minute the question left his mouth.

Dr. Warren nodded, "Your baby is smaller than we would like and there are a great number of risks associated with early delivery. But recovery is possible."

Booth's face turned pale, "So, we have about one more hour?"

"Temperance has another hour to struggle with this, but after that, if she is still having contractions, we won't be able to do anything else but deliver the baby." Dr. Warren repeated. The reality of it was just sinking in.

"Do you have the neo-natal unit ready if you have to deliver?" Booth never thought this would be a question he would need to ask.

"Of course, everything is ready for whenever we need to deliver the baby." Dr. Warren.

"No." Brennan shook her head. She put her hand over her eyes to try to stop the tears from falling. "I won't push."

"Temperance…"

Dr. Warren started but got cut short by Brennan, "No, I won't have this baby today, no matter what you say." Brennan said with warm tears falling down her face.

"You still have one hour, you have to stay calm. If you keep this up, your contractions won't stop. Is that what you want?" Dr. Warren challenged.

"No, of course not." Brennan sobbed. "But I want to keep our baby safe too."

"The only advice I can give you is to stay calm and relaxed. I know it's so hard to do, but you have to try. For your baby."

"Okay." Brennan controlled her sobs. She found that she couldn't handle any more information, so she merely accepted the challenge.

Dr. Warren walked over to the food tray and grabbed a cup and walked over to Brennan and handed it to her. "Ice chips, it will help you hydrate a little."

Brennan took the cup and rested on her abdomen. Booth saw the exhaustion deep in her eyes as she stared past him at the ceiling. He gently took the cup of ice chips from her hand, "Tell me what I can do to help her right now?" Booth asked concerned at Brennan's present state. He took an ice chip and placed it on her lips.

"Well, you are off to a good start. Make sure she gets hydrated a little with the ice chips; you might want to massage her belly or even her back. The more relaxed Dr. Brennan becomes, the better the chance she has at stopping her contractions and eventually stopping this labor all together. I'm going to let you two be alone for now and I will be back in a little under an hour. If you need anything, call Nurse Amy at the nurse's station; just press the button on the side of her bed. Alright?"

Booth mumbled his thanks as Dr. Warren quietly walked out of the room. Booth squeezed Brennan's hand for support. The next hour would certainly be tense for both of them.

_A/N: I know, it's a cliffhanger and the angsty muse kind of got back in the game... Not my fault. So, what did you guys think?_


	28. Epilogue Part 2

_A/N: This is it. This story is finally complete. I can't believe it's over. It has been such an amazing ride. Thank you guys. You have all been so amazing._

Epilogue Part 2

Brennan and Booth were quiet for a few minutes, then Brennan shifted her eyes to his, "I'm so sorry, Booth. I'm just so scared. I can't go through this again…" Brennan cried. Her words barely made sense through her sobs.

"Shhhh Bones…" He stroked her hair softly. "It's okay. Don't say anything else." He ordered. "Dr. Warren just gave us some pretty specific instructions and I suggest we follow them to the letter."

"But…"

"No." Booth put a finger to her lips. "I'm serious, Bones. We are not going to talk about anything stressful." He laid down the rules. "Understood?"

Brennan nodded slowly.

"Good." He kissed her cheek gently. "I'm going to give you some ice chips and you can take your time with them." He placed another ice chip on Brennan's lips. "I'll do all the entertaining right now."

Brennan crunched the ice chip and her eyes never left his face.

"Booth..."

"Hey! No talking, remember?" He warned her. "I know this is hard. You've done this a million times before. I know you, Bones. You can do it again. You can compartmentalize all of this if you want to. Just set your mind to it."

Brennan nodded, finally giving in and obeying him.

Booth gave her a gentle kiss on her lips. "Your lips are cold." He teased her. He reached for another ice chip when she was done with her second one.

Brennan started to mumble through the ice again, but this time Booth put his fingers gently over her mouth. "I think, Bones, that I have you at my mercy right now. No talking. No responses. In fact honey, feel free to nod in agreement with everything I say." He ordered cheerfully.

Brennan wrinkled her cute nose at him. Booth reached over and began to stroke the side of her face with the back of his hand. "There is nothing that will ever compare to these moments when I truly see you. You are a great person, a great wife, a perfect mother. I look at you, and all I see is love in your eyes, I see your soul and your heart. With you, there are always no worries, or defenses, or insecurities, you know exactly what you are doing in life. You open up worlds to me that I never thought possible Bones…" He softly kissed the top of her head. "With you I have to climb mountains, swim oceans, and I still love every moment of it, and I will never regret meeting you and risking my life for you every time I have to save you. I would do it all over again if I had to, or if you just asked me to. You have given me the most beautiful children ever. I can feel joy when I'm with you: intoxicating joy, exhilarating joy, Bones." Booth brushed her hair behind her ear and placed a kiss on her forehead.

Booth pushed another ice chip between her lips, "Every minute that I'm with you, I'm scared that I'm not good enough for you, I'm scared that I'm not the perfect husband you deserve, but none of that matters because you touch my soul, you show me what love is all about, you teach me how to be a better father every day and you make me want to be a better man, someone deserving of your love." Booth brushed the tears that were falling from her face with his fingers.

Her eyes were wide and intent on his every word, even if she wanted to speak right now, she was out of words, speechless.

"I spent almost a year miserable when we were apart, knowing how much I love you and not being able to touch you, kiss you and make love to you. I couldn't seem to get through my day without waking up next to you or falling sleep with you. It hurt me when I woke up every morning and I would remember that you were not there with me. I don't deserve you or your love. Please don't _ever_ question my love for you. It lives inside me as if a part of my flesh, blood and bones. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Bones. We will always be incomplete without Liz, but I'm glad that things are better, because you make me so happy."

Every word that came out of his mouth brought one more tear to Brennan's eyes.

Booth gave her the last ice chip.

He stood up and put one of his hands under her neck, and the other hand under the small of her back. Slowly he turned her, until she was lying on her side. He untied her hospital gown and opened the back to him. Then he slowly slid onto the bed beside her. He draped one arm over her belly, and he used the other one to massage the tight spots on her back. Brennan groaned, and Booth wondered if she was having another contraction. She stayed relaxed, urging him to continue with the massage and he move lower on her back.

Booth took his time; he massaged all of her back, from her shoulder blades and down her spine. She relaxed even more when he found a big knot in her lower back. While he massaged her back, he softly whispered possible names for their baby. Brennan laughed at his picks. She made it clear to him that he wasn't going to name their child after some hockey player. He also tried popular and common names like John, Anne, Matthew, Emily, James, Ashley, and she brushed those off too. Every name he chose, Brennan either shook her head in denial or laughed at it.

"I already have a name for our baby." Brennan spoke for the first time in a long time.

Booth let it slip since Brennan was relaxed and calm. "Oh, you do, do you?" He challenged. "But we don't even know what we are having yet."

"So? I picked two names: one for a girl, and one for a boy."

"Are you going to tell me?" He leaned over and he started to massage her belly. Brennan closed her eyes, and let him take over her back. She felt hypnotized by his small movements around her belly.

"No. I want to wait until our baby is born. I want to see if the name fits him or her." She explained.

"No previews at all?" He continued to massage her belly gently, feeling a few kicks from their baby.

"I don't know if I'm ready. Our baby is not ready yet." She said firmly.

Booth let silence take both of them for a few minutes. He rested his chest against her back as he massaged her belly back and forth and tried to help her relax as best he could.

Brennan slowly turned her head and whispered both names into his ears; even though there was no one else in the room, she felt like this was their little secret for now.

He smiled at her, and sighed deeply with joy. "I like them. Now if only we were having twins, a boy and a girl, we could use both of the names." He joked.

Brennan shook her head, "I don't think I could ever handle twins at once. Don't even joke about it."

"You used to tell me you could handle anything." Booth teased her and out of the corner of his eyes, he watched the clock closely, aware of every minute that ticked by without a contraction.

"Yeah, that was when I was still young." She defended herself. "Now I'm a mother. It's the toughest job I ever had, but also the best." She explained.

"You excelled at being a mother and a wife, you know." Booth said proudly. "You make it seem so easy."

Before Brennan could reply to him, the door opened and Dr. Warren walked in. "How are you doing?" She asked as she walked towards the bed.

Booth got up from the bed slowly and closed her hospital gown. And he gently helped her lay on her back again.

"I'm okay." Brennan answered tiredly.

"When was your last contraction?" Dr. Warren asked afraid of the answer.

"I don't know, I wasn't paying attention." Brennan said trying to remember her last contraction; she was so focused on Booth's voice that she completely forgot to pay attention.

"Forty minutes ago." Booth filled in for her.

Dr. Warren started to examine Brennan, taking Brennan's wrist to take her pulse first. "That's a very good sign, Temperance."

Brennan breathed in relief.

"We are not out of the woods yet," Dr. Warren reminded them.

"Bu they seemed to have stopped." Brennan argued placing a hand on her belly.

"Yes, they seemed to have stopped, but they can come back at any minute." Dr. Warren informed. "I would like to keep you at the hospital for a few days for observation."

The worried lines resurfaced on Booth's face. "But Bones and the baby are going to be okay, right?"

"I can't guarantee anything, Mr. Booth." Dr. Warren said. "If you are under our watch for a few days, we are going to make sure that everything runs smoothly, but there will be a few things you will need to do once you go home."

"A few days can't be that bad, Bones." Booth encouraged.

"I know." Brennan agreed. "I will do anything to keep our baby safe."

"Since your pregnancy is high risk, and you just went into preterm labor, I'm demanding bed rest for one month." Dr. Warren said seriously.

"What?" Brennan asked surprised. "I can't just sit in bed all day when I have a son to take care of. He needs me. And I have work too."

"Your baby needs you more right now, Temperance. It is imperative that you follow that to the letter. If you do that, then you will have a higher chance of delivering this baby full term." Dr. Warren explained the serious of their situation.

"She'll do it." Booth sat down next to Brennan and took her hand into his. "I will take a leave of absence from work right now, and our friends will help. She won't need to worry about anything." Booth said confidently, already planning in his mind what he needed to do to make sure Brennan wouldn't have a reason to get out of bed.

Brennan sighed. She knew he was right. If this was best for their baby, she would do anything. "Okay, I guess I can spare a month for our baby." Brennan agreed easily.

"Good." Dr. Warren smiled.

Nurse Amy walked in the room rolling an ultrasound machine, placing it next to the bed.

"I would like to do an ultrasound before I leave to make sure everything is okay with the baby." Dr. Warren said and lifted Brennan's gown and removed the fetus monitor.

Brennan felt the cold gel make contact with her belly, and she squeezed Booth's hand.

As soon as the prong touched her belly, the image of their baby appeared on the monitor of the ultrasound.

"Still want to know the sex of your baby?" Dr. Warren asked as she moved the prong around Brennan's belly.

Brennan looked at Booth and nodded, "Yes, we would love to know."

Dr. Warren pressed the prong a little harder and stopped at a certain spot on her belly. "Looks like she's not hiding anymore."

"It's a girl?" Booth asked surprised. He was sure they were having a boy this time.

Brennan's eyes filled with tears, even though they had done before, this baby was just as important to them as Cooper and Liz.

"Yes. It's a baby girl." Dr. Warren announced. "Everything looks good." Dr. Warren announced and picked up a piece of paper to clean the gel out of Brennan's belly. She placed the fetus monitor back into position.

Brennan and Booth smiled at each other; the tension in the room of the last four hours was definitely gone. They knew they still had a long road ahead of them, but at least things turned out to be okay for now.

"It's almost eleven in the morning, I will ask them to send you a light meal, in case you are hungry. I have to see a few more patients, but if you need anything, just ask one of the nurses to page me." Dr. Warren said.

"Thank you Dr. Warren." Booth said.

"I should be back around four o'clock to check on you again before I leave." Dr. Warren said and stepped out of the room.

Booth turned his attention to Brennan, "Are you comfortable?" Even though the contractions had stopped, Booth was still concern about his wife and daughter.

"As comfortable as I can be."

Booth cupped her chin, "Bones, I know this is hard, but everything is going to work out. We just have to re-arrange our lives a little bit."

"That's what I'm afraid of." Brennan said avoiding his eyes. "Everyone will have to step up and change their lives to accommodate me, to take care of me. While all I can do is sit around and do nothing. How is that fair?" Brennan started crying again. She had lost track of how many tears she cried today. Her eyes already looked puffy and red from all the crying.

Booth sighed deeply. He understood her frustration, but he didn't want her to feel like she was a burden to take care of. Booth wiped her tears away with his fingers. "Remember our vows?"

Brennan nodded tearfully.

"For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health." Booth reminded her.

"I was there, I remember them." Brennan said frustrated.

"Remember when I had the brain tumor?" Booth asked firmly.

"Of course I remember. You were in the hospital and you almost died Booth." Brennan's voice trembled. Remembering how she almost lost him was always painful for her and she began to tense in her bed again.

"And after I left the hospital, you took care of me before you left for your dig. You never complained. You did it because you wanted to, because you loved me…"

"Booth…" Brennan glared at him with her arms crossed defiantly.

"No, let me finish." Booth put a finger to her lips. "When Cooper got sick for the first time, you wouldn't leave his side for a week. You hardly slept, and you took care of him because it was your job. You didn't even think twice." Booth massaged his temple. "It's about sharing. Give and take Bones. You have to let us take care of you now." Booth argued strongly.

Brennan closed her eyes and nodded in agreement. She buried her face in his neck and continued to cry. Booth held her tight in his arms. "Shhh, it's not that bad you know." He whispered softly in her ear. "I get to spoil you rotten."

Brennan laughed through her tears and her cries began to subside. "It's going to be okay, right?" She asked looking at him again.

"Everything is going to be okay, Bones." Booth was still unsure how everything was going to be work out. Taking a leave of absence from work was going to be easy. Taking care of Brennan and running after Cooper wasn't going to be easy. Keeping Brennan in bed was also going to be a challenge, along with making sure she was stress free and calm throughout the rest of her pregnancy. He sure had a big task ahead of him.

"We are having another girl." Booth said trying to lighten the mood.

Brennan smiled and placed a hand at her belly, feeling a kick at her lower abdomen. "I know."

Brennan gave him a lazy smile. Not having a good night of sleep, waking up during the night in labor and the last four hours having painful contractions definitely made Brennan exhausted. She yawned and put a hand to her mouth.

"Maybe you should try to sleep a little bit."

"I'm fine." Brennan protested.

"Maybe we should call Angela and she could bring Cooper in later to see you." Booth suggested. "I'm sure he misses you."

"I would like that."

"Go to sleep." He demanded. "While you are sleeping, I can make some phone calls and talk to Angela. Cooper will be here by the time you wake up."

"Okay." Brennan moved to get more comfortable. "Will you stay until I fall asleep?" Brennan asked with her pleading eyes.

"I will." Booth said.

Brennan moved over and turned on her side, and Booth joined her. He draped one arm over her belly, feeling the kicks of his soon-to-be daughter. "I love you, Bones."

"I love you too Booth." Brennan said and minutes later she was sound asleep.

X-X-X-X-X-X

After a month in bed rest, she was much better and could do anything she wanted. The big scare had passed. She was back to the old busy Temperance Brennan, seemed like the worst had come and gone.

Brennan gave birth to Sophia Rose Booth on August 11th 2020. She went into labor during Booth's Best Man Toast at Paul and Cam's wedding. Brennan hadn't been due for another three weeks. Since Cooper and Liz had both been late deliveries, they hadn't been concerned. They always joked that Sophie had known there was a party going on, and she wanted to be a part of it too.

Brennan had been the best-dressed mother in the maternity ward that night. Although her bridesmaid dress had been replaced with a hospital dressing gown, her hair was still swept up with flowers. The picture of Booth, Brennan and Sophie right after she was born was always one of Booth's favorites - Brennan with her hair up, and Booth in his tux.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Brennan awoke feeling strangely relaxed.

She made her way to the kitchen, and on her way she noticed that Cooper and Sophie were already awake and busy watching cartoons. "Are you guys hungry?" She asked.

"No." Three-year-old Sophie answered. "Daddy made us breakfast before he left." She continued on to the kitchen to fix herself breakfast. She decided on some cinnamon toast and milk. Last time she had had cinnamon toast was with Liz, but it sounded really good this morning. Reaching in the fridge, she saw a note from Booth.

_Bones,_

_ I had some things to take care of today at work, but I will be back in time for dinner. _

_I love you,_

_Booth_

She finished making breakfast and joined Cooper and Sophie, who were watching cartoons as she ate. After breakfast, she took a shower and got dressed. Returning downstairs she saw that Cooper and Sophie hadn't moved from their place in front of the TV.

Brennan crossed the room and turned off the TV. "I won't let you two spend your vacation in front of the TV." She told them.

"But Mom!" They started to protest.

"Don't do that." She said. "Get dressed and we'll go to the beach." Defeated, Cooper and Sophie trudged up the stairs to their rooms. By the time they emerged twenty minutes later, the TV had been forgotten and they were excited to be going to the beach.

Brennan carried a bag full of sandwiches, towels and other supplies for their time at the beach. The trio piled into the car and pulled out of the driveway. They arrived at the beach about one hour later, Brennan put down a large blanket for them to sit on and a set of shovels and buckets for the kids to build a sandcastle with. Sophie was the first to go for the toys with Cooper close behind. Brennan grabbed a shovel and joined them.

Sophie dug the moat, complete with water from the ocean. Cooper built the tower. Brennan worked on the castle walls. When they finished an hour later, the structure was impressive. Brennan retrieved a camera from the bag and had the kids pose next to the castle.

Satisfied that they couldn't improve on the castle any more, they headed back to the blanket. They ate a lunch of sandwiches and juice. After lunch, Brennan took a book from her bag and started to read. Cooper had a book report due after the vacation was over and pulled out a copy of _The Catcher in the Rye_ that he had selected.

"Did you bring a book for me?" Sophie asked when she saw that everyone had a book but her.

"Of course, Sophie," Brennan said. She reached in her bag and pulled out a coloring book and some crayons. Sophie was extremely pleased and began choosing a page to color immediately.

Brennan was able to get through a few chapters before she saw that the kids were getting restless. She marked the page she had been reading and asked if they were ready to head home. Brennan called Booth on his cell phone before leaving to let him know they were headed home.

X-X-X-X-X-X

It was Sophie's fourth birthday; Brennan had prepared a special little party for her daughter. It was an intimate party - only close friends and family. Sophie was the one who choose the theme for her party; everything was pink. Pink balloons. Pink tablecloth. Pink cake with a pink Barbie on top. And of course Sophie was in a cute little pink dress, and in a ponytail with a pretty pink bow. Everyone was there, Angela and Hodgins, with their kids, Grace and little Jack. Paul and Cam with Michelle and their one-year-old son Christopher. Sweets and Daisy, and even Russ and Amy with their daughters.

Sophie was extra hyper; she was running around and playing with everyone. The one person she wanted to see most of all hadn't arrived yet.

She ran to her mom and sat at her lap. "Mommy?"

"Yes little one?" Brennan asked with a huge proud smile on her face.

"He is not here yet." Little Sophie said with a sad smile on her face.

"Who?" Brennan knew whom Sophie was talking about, but she asked just to make sure.

"Grandpa Max." Sophie said as Brennan tied the bow on her hair tighter.

"Oh." Brennan said as Sophie confirmed her suspicion.

"Where is he?" Sophie repeated again.

Sophie was the closest granddaughter to Max. Sophie adored him, and Max felt the same way. When they were together, they were inseparable.

"He is coming." Brennan said.

"Really?" Sophie asked with a big smile on her face.

"Yes, really. He just called and said that he is in his way. He should be here in about ten minutes." She answered and noticed that Sophie only got happier.

Sophie jumped down from Brennan's lap giggling. "Where are you going little one?" Brennan asked as she grabbed her hand stopping her from going anywhere.

"I'm going to wait for him in the drive way." Sophie said very excited.

"Can I come too?" Brennan asked.

"Of course Mommy. He is your daddy." Sophie said as she started walking and pulling Brennan along with her.

Meanwhile everyone else was enjoying themselves. The adults were talking about important stuff the kids had no idea what it meant. The kids were playing games with each other.

Outside Brennan and Sophie were just hanging out waiting for Max to arrive. When Sophie saw Max's car at the corner of the street, she recognized it instantly. She started jumping up and down of happiness. Brennan had to hold her hand to avoid from Sophie running into the street. "He is here. Grandpa is here." She yelled. "Let go Mommy." She said as she tried to break free, but Brennan's hold of her hand was stronger than Sophie's struggle to be free.

Max parked the car and got out and it was then that Brennan let go of Sophie's hand. It took Sophie a second before she threw herself at Max's arms. "Grandpa." She yelled as she received many kisses from her dear Grandpa Max.

"Hi little one." Max said as he put her back down again but Sophie didn't dare to let go of his hand.

"Today is the birthday of a very beautiful princess." Max said.

"It's my birthday Grandpa Max." Sophie announced. They walked hand in hand into the living room where everyone was.

"Yes, I know. And I got a present for you." Max said as he kneeled down to be at the same height as her.

"You did? Really?" Sophie asked in surprise.

"Of course." Max said and handed her a medium size present box. She took it from his hand slowly; unsure of what was inside. "Open it." Max said as he helped her rip apart the paper and open the box.

"It's a bear." Sophie exclaimed. Brennan was watching her closely. She saw the expression on her daughter's face and it made her smile.

"What do you say Sophie?" Brennan asked.

"Thank you Grandpa." Sophie said as she hugged his neck with her tiny arms and gently kissed his face.

X-X-X-X-X-X

"Daddy," Four-year-old Sophie called from her bed. Booth was with the kids for the night while Brennan was at a lecture overnight.

"Yes, Sophie Bear?" Booth asked her.

"Can you please tell me a story?" She begged him; this was her favorite part of the day, when Daddy told her bedtime stories.

Booth walked over to her bed and sat on the corner of it. Sophie moved over a little bit to the side of the bed so he could be more comfortable. Sophie held the teddy bear that Max had given her a year ago. The teddy bear had been her best friend ever since.

Booth looked at her, he saw how excited she was and then he started telling her a story. "There was this beautiful Princess named Sophia." He said, as her eyes grew wider.

"Daddy, that's my name too." She said in surprise, not realizing that Booth was telling a story about her.

"What a coincidence." Booth whispered sarcastically, but loud enough for Sophie to hear and it backfired on him.

"What is coincidence Daddy?" Sophie asked curiously, not understanding what he was saying.

Booth regretted saying it, now he would have to explain it as well. He was going to try the simple approach. "Coincidence means when things are the same on accident, like your name is the same as the pretty Princess."

"Oh!" She exclaimed, satisfied with his explanation. Booth was happy because he didn't know any other way to explain what coincidence meant to a five-year-old.

"Now back to the story. Princess Sophia lived in a very charming country house, with two loving parents and her two big brothers." He said with a soft voice, which it made her pay more attention to him.

"I have big brothers too!" Sophie exclaimed again. "Is that coincidence too?" She asked proudly that she understood the use of the word.

"Yes it is. Very good," he said. He knew that Sophie had gotten the brains from Brennan; she was very intelligent just like her mother. She continuously surprised her parents with how quickly she was able to grasp what they expected to be difficult.

Returning to the story, Booth continued. "And then one day, an Evil Sorcerer came to take Princess Sophia away." He said with suspense in his voice. "The princess was so beautiful, that he wanted to lock her in a tower and keep her all to himself." Sophie frowned at the story's turn of events. She clutched her teddy bear closer to her, and waited for Booth to continue.

"Princess Sophia was taken away from her family, to a far away land," he paused again to let the suspense sink in. "The Evil Sorcerer locked her in his castle where no one would find her." Booth saw that Sophie was starting to be scared. "Don't worry sweetheart. The best part is coming up." Sophie relaxed a little. "Just when Princess Sophia thought she would never see her family again, Prince Charming came to the Evil Sorcerer's castle to rescue the Princess. Prince Charming bravely fought the Evil Sorcerer and won." Sophie smiled as Booth spoke of the heroic rescue. "Prince Charming freed Princess Sophia from the tower and took her back to her family who were very worried. Princess Sophia married Prince Charming and they lived happily ever after." Booth finished the story and he saw a huge smile on Sophie's face.

"Is that going to happen to me too?" Sophie asked. She wondered if the rest of the story was a coincidence too.

"What part?" Booth asked curiously, not sure what she was referring to.

"Will a bad man take me away too?" She asked, worried.

"Of course not, Sophie." Booth tried to convince her, but the worry in her face didn't disappear.

"But what about the coincidence?" She asked him. "I don't know any prince to rescue me."

"If something like that ever happened to you, you know I would come and rescue you. I would be your Prince." He said as he pulled the covers over her, tucking her in. Still her expression didn't change.

"I promise," he finally said, and her face changed from a frown to a smile.

"Does that mean that I will have to marry you too?" Sophie asked confused.

"No, Sophie." Booth laughed at the question. "You will find another Prince Charming someday. Just like I found your mommy." He smiled at her.

"Good, because I didn't want to marry you Daddy!" She meant every word of it too.

"Oh really?" Booth asked. "Why is that?"

"Cause you're my Daddy!" She sheepishly shouted, as if he had forgotten.

"I'm glad that's settled then." He smiled and kissed his daughter's forehead. "I think it's time for bed now, pumpkin."

"Okay, thank you for the story. Goodnight Daddy. I love you." She said as she turned on her side and hugged her teddy bear tighter.

"Goodnight." Booth said as he got up from the bed, "I love you too." He turned off the light, and left the door slightly open. He then made his way to Cooper's room to tuck her in as well.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Booth sat on the living room couch watching his weekly Flyers game. Sophie sat quietly beside him. She had asked to stay and watch the game with Booth while Brennan and Cooper went to Angela's house.

Five-year-old Sophie sat quietly, watching Booth watch the game. She silently watched his every move. She didn't dare speak while the game was on; he was much too excited. She wanted to understand what was happening in the game, but didn't want to interrupt Booth's concentration in the game to ask. She had watched Booth watch hockey every week now for as long as she remembered, and she longed to be part of it.

Sophie sat, with one hand in her lap and another holding her orange juice. She watched as her father's mood would change from angry to happy within seconds, and she wondered what was happening in the game to cause the change. There would be times he would be sitting on the edge of his seat. The anticipation she felt while wondering if he would stand up and start cheering or fall backwards into the couch with frustration was as intense for her as the game was for Booth.

After a few moments of tension, Booth relaxed into his seat. It was halftime. Booth turned to Sophie and noticed how quiet she was. "Are you enjoying it, pumpkin?"

Sophie nodded enthusiastically. "Yes," Although she was enjoying watching him more than the game itself. "Daddy?"

He tucked her hair behind her ear and then turned down the volume of the TV to give her his full attention. "What pumpkin?"

"You really like hockey?" Sophie asked shyly. She looked intensively into his eyes, waiting for an answer.

"I love hockey," he smiled at her. It was obvious to everyone.

Booth took her now empty orange juice from her hand and put it on the coffee table. Then he pulled her into his lap, so she could be closer to him.

"Why?" She asked curiously.

"Well, Pops thought me how to play and how to enjoy the game when I was little boy, I was about your age." He said and then he got a napkin and cleaned the orange juice on the side of her mouth.

She looked at him intensively, thinking of another questions to ask him. "Can girls play hockey Daddy?"

"Of course they can." Booth laughed. He quickly checked the TV to see if the game was back on. "Mommy plays hockey too sometimes," Booth paused and leaned in close to Sophie's ear like he was about to tell her a secret. "But she is not that good," he added in a whisper with a huge smile.

"Mommy is not good?" She asked in surprise.

"No, but you can't tell her I said that, okay. Promise?" Booth knew Sophie wouldn't say anything. She would probably forget in the next ten minutes anyway, but he liked that she was so interested in hockey.

"Can I play hockey Daddy?" She asked, expecting him to say no.

"You want to play hockey?" Booth was taken aback by her question; he never thought that his daughter would ever be interested in his favorite sport.

"Yes," She said, confirming his doubt.

"Of course you can, pumpkin." He answered happily. He just hoped that Brennan wouldn't mind having her daughter playing hockey; it tended to be a rough sport.

The smile on Sophie's face told him that she was excited, "Thank you," She hugged him.

"But first you need to learn how to skate," Booth grew more and more excited at the prospect of teaching his daughter how to skate. He was going to have fun teaching her everything about hockey. "Then I will teach you about the game, okay?"

She nodded in agreement.

"Why are you so interested in hockey all of a sudden?" Booth asked curiously.

Her hands were resting on his arms that were holding her. She looked from her hands to him unsure of what to answer him, "Because I want to be like you Daddy."

Booth smiled, kissed her in the forehead, and lifted her up off of his lap so he could stand. After sitting her back down on the couch, he stood facing her with his arm outstretched. "Let's go get you some skates!" He announced enthusiastically.

She smiled back at him and nodded, "Okay."

Booth turned off the TV and grabbed her hand. "What about the game?" She knew that the game was not over yet, and he had never missed one game before.

"It's not important," He said as they went on their way to get her started on her life of hockey.

They would go to the skating rink together once a week after school to work on her skating. Sophie was happy to be able to spend some time alone with her father and Booth loved that he was able to share his favorite pastime with his daughter.

Sophie learned to skate very quickly. She moved easily on the ice – much more easily than Booth remembered himself at that age. Sophie became a regular fixture at his side during every hockey game. He would explain the rules as the game went along, and Sophie would eagerly ask question after question.

As Sophie's sixth birthday approached, Booth prepared a special surprise for Sophie – tickets to a Flyers game. Until that point, she'd only seen games on TV. She'd become as big of a fan as him. They set off for the game together, both wearing Flyers jerseys.

The game was close. Both teams were still scoreless heading into halftime. Booth shouted to the nearest vendor for two hot dogs when he felt Sophie tugging at his jersey for his attention.

"What's that?" She asked, pointing out to the ice. Booth shifted his attention to the rink and couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"That's a zamboni pumpkin. It cleans the ice."

Sophie sat back down and watched in wonder. After paying for the two hot dogs, Booth resumed to his seat next to her. He handed Sophie a hot dog, which she accepted without taking her eyes off of the zamboni.

"You know, that's your Mom's favorite part of hockey," Booth informed her as they ate.

"Really?" Sophie scrunched her nose in disbelief. "I still like the skating best," Sophie announced.

"Me too," Booth told her. They shared a smile and returned to eating their hot dogs and discussing the game. The second half was as exciting as the first, but the Flyers were finally able to score in the final minutes and came away with a victory. Sophie had bugged him to go to another game for weeks afterwards. Since that day she'd been hooked.

X-X-X-X-X-X

"How are the kids doing?" Brennan asked, suppressing a giggle. It was Cooper's fifteenth birthday, and the house was full of guests.

"Good." Max smiled. "Sophie was asking about the cake."

"It's cooling now. Have her come to the kitchen in a half hour." Brennan responded still smiling. Max nodded approvingly, and then exited the room, heading into the backyard. Brennan's smile grew as she thought about her father babysitting all ten children running around outside.

She felt a pair of eyes watching her and raised her head. Her eyes connected with Booth's. She held his gaze and continued to smile.

She had to admit. The past few years had been nothing like she had expected.

Booth turned and looked out the window where the group of children could be seen playing hide and seek. Sophie was seated on Max's lap, having already been tagged out. She cheered the others on as they ran away from Cooper.

The laughter continued outside, and soon the kitchen erupted in laughter too. When Sophie and Max appeared at the doorway to the kitchen 30 minutes later, the muscles in Brennan's face ached from overuse. It felt as if she hadn't smiled so much in years. And she probably hadn't.

Sophie positioned a chair next to the counter and climbed on it to match the height of the cake. Brennan handed her a spatula and a bowl of frosting. Feeling the urge to be with their children, the other parents dispersed and made their way outside.

Max took a seat at the table. Max nodded a hello to Booth who stood watching his wife and child side by side at the counter. Booth acknowledged Max's presence, but remained focused on the scene in front of him.

Brennan guided Sophie's hand over the still warm cake, showing Sophie how to spread the frosting without destroying the cake. After a few strokes, she removed her hand and allowed Sophie full control. Sophie's face contracted. Brennan noticed that she would bite her lips whenever she concentrated.

Brennan watched proudly until the entire cake was covered with the creamy white frosting.

"Done!" Sophie announced after inspecting her work.

Brennan smiled widely. She reached for the bag of pink frosting at her side, and handed it to Sophie. "Now you hold the bag like this," Brennan moved her daughter's hands into position, holding the bag of frosting gently and pointing the tip down at the cake.

Sophie concentrated on the cake, intent on making it perfect. Brennan showed her how to gently squeeze the bag, allowing the pink frosting the exit through the tip. She guided Sophie, spelling out each letter slowly, and asking Sophie to help her spell out the words.

"Do you know how to spell birthday?" Brennan asked.

Sophie nodded eagerly.

"What's the first letter?" Brennan smiled.

"B!" Sophie moved the bag into position to show Brennan she knew how to form the letter B as well, but her hand slipped, sending pink frosting across the counter, and covering Brennan's blouse.

Brennan's face went wide with surprise.

Sophie looked frightened.

Booth and Max looked up from the table and were shocked at the mess of pink they saw before them.

And then, Brennan laughed.

The small chuckled grew slowly. Max stood from his chair and walked over to investigate. Brennan hunched forward, overcome with giggles. Feeling a hand on her back, she turned quickly and ran straight into Max, covering him in the same pink frosting that coated her clothes.

Seeing the astonishment on Max's face, Brennan attempted to suppress further laughter. But she couldn't help herself. She looked at her father, his face like stone, and his suit covered in pink frosting, and erupted into even more laughter.

A small giggle reached her ears. Brennan turned to see Sophie attempting to hold back a smile.

"You think that's funny?" Max asked seriously. Sophie nodded. She was probably the only person who could have remained unintimidated by Max's cool voice.

"Really?" Max rushed forward, picking Sophie up off the chair, and pressed her against his frosting covered suit. Sophie squirmed with giggles in his arms as he spun her in circles tickling her sides.

Booth stood laughing at the table. Brennan, noticing his cleanliness, discreetly palmed the bag of frosting from the counter. "What's so funny, Agent Booth?" Brennan asked.

"The three of you," Booth teased.

"Oh, you think it's funny that the three of us are covered in frosting?" She asked.

"Very funny," Booth agreed. Brennan slowly approached the table.

"Umhmmm…." Brennan continued walking forward, hands behind her back.

"What do you think you're up to, Bones?" Booth asked, backing away.

"Nothing…" Brennan responded, not too convincingly.

"And why don't' I believe you?" Booth's smile reached ear to ear.

"You shouldn't." Brennan pulled the erupted bag of frosting out from behind her back and made a leap forward.

Booth attempted to dodge, but Brennan anticipated and he received a face full of frosting.

"I win!" Brennan announced softly. Booth's arms surrounded Brennan as she had lunged and he now held her squarely against him.

"So it would seem." Booth's eyes locked with Brennan's. He embraced her. He held her in his arms, and he kissed her. She kissed him back. "Seems like I won too." Booth said and kissed her again.

X-X-X-X-X-X

After two hours of peace, Booth and Sophie returned. Sophie was limping and using Booth for support.

"What happened?" Brennan gasped when she saw them.

"It's nothing, Mommy." Sophie insisted. Booth helped her to the couch and put a pillow under her foot.

"I knew she was too young to play hockey." Brennan scolded. "You were too rough with her."

"Actually she was amazing on the ice." Booth admitted. "You should have seen her skate circles around guys twice her age." Booth was beaming with pride. "The ankle happened after we were done. She was just skating around and twisted her ankle in the fall all by herself."

"What?" Brennan asked nervously. She walked next to Sophie to check her out more properly, making sure only her ankle was hurt.

"I'm fine, Mommy. It wasn't a bad fall." Sophie informed her. "Dad was by my side instantly." Brennan was continuously impressed by the strength of her youngest child.

"I still don't like it. Maybe we should schedule an appointment to make sure everything is ok." Brennan glanced at Booth at the same time she took Sophie's ankle in her arms delicately and checked it herself. There wasn't any bones broken, that she was sure of, but she was still very concern about it, because it was startling to swell and bruise.

"She's one tough cookie, Bones." Booth said on his way to get some ice and an ace bandage. Booth put the ice on Sophie's raised ankle and beamed with pride. "You shouldn't worry. She's going to be fine." Booth looked at his wife. "But if you want to take her to a doctor, maybe you should make the appointment." Booth turned back to Sophie and worked on bandaging her swollen ankle.

Brennan stared in awe at the interaction. It was obvious how much Sophie adored her father. Brennan sat down, reassured that Booth could handle tending to Sophie's ankle. She decided to make an appointment anyway. '_Better safe than sorry'_ She said to herself. After Liz, she hardly took any risks with the health of their kids.

While Booth worked on bandaging her ankle, Sophie gave Brennan details about the morning. Most of the morning was spent playing one on one against each other, which Brennan was surprised to learn that Sophie was able to win a few games of. Booth insisted that he didn't even let her win.

Later in the morning, a few others had joined them on the ice and they were able to get a pickup game with some of the other parents with their kids. The teams were evenly matched. Sophie loved playing on the same team as Booth. Their team ended up winning 2-1. Neither Sophie nor Booth made any goals, but they both had a blast.

When Sophie had finished retelling the events of the day, Brennan left to get her something to drink. Booth had finished bandaging Sophie's ankle and started putting the hockey equipment away.

Brennan brought Sophie a glass of water and asked if there was anything she could do. Sophie asked for her book, and Brennan went upstairs to get it.

After giving Sophie her book, Brennan saw that Booth had finished putting the equipment away and was getting himself some water in the kitchen.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Today was Liz's birthday or would have been her birthday if she was still alive. She would have been fourteen years old. Booth and Brennan visited her grave every year on her birthday with the whole family. It started out just accidentally, but then it became a tradition for them, and they never missed it. If someone is away, they went back to DC just to spend the day together celebrating Liz's life.

Parker was 24 year old. He was almost done with medical school at Duke University. He had taken the day off to spend it with his family on this special day. Cooper was 16 years old and almost a senior in high school already.

They parked the car at the cemetery. Everyone was quietly missing Liz.

"Come on, Sophie. Let's go see your sister." Brennan said as she helped her six-year-old daughter from her car seat.

"We are going to see Lizzie?" Sophia asked as her mother held her hand as they walked.

"We are going to say hi to her Sophie." Parker said as they all walked towards her grave together.

"Like last year, remember pumpkin?" Booth asked taking her other hand.

"No, Daddy." Sophia shook her head. She knew about Liz, and what had happened. Her parents would always tell stories about her sister.

"It's okay Sophie; we will say hi to her and tell her how much we miss her." Cooper said as they kept on walking.

They arrived at her gravestone and they were all silent for a while as they started at it. Brennan bent down to touch the top of the gravestone. When she had told Booth that she didn't believe in talking to the dead all those years ago, she would never have believed that she would change her mind and be here talking to her dead daughter.

They put down the flowers they brought, lilies, Liz's favorite.

"What was she liked Mommy?" Sophia asked. She loved hearing stories about the sister she never met.

Being here, and thinking about her baby, broke her heart, like always. Tears pooled in her eyes just thinking about it.

"She was sweet and cuddly like you, Sophie." Brennan took a deep breath to compose herself. "She liked butterflies and she liked to dance and sing. She laughed all the time. She looked a lot like you."

"I like to dance and cuddle too."

They stayed there talking about her and how happy they had made them for another hour.

Booth picked Sophia up. "Come on; let's give mommy some time alone with Liz."

"But I didn't say good bye yet." She whined and Booth put her back down.

"Okay, say good bye and then we will wait for Mommy in the car."

Sophia walked to the gravestone and put her hand on top of it carefully. "I will come back Lizzie to visit you soon, and I will take very good care of your Barbie's. I promise to take care of Mommy, Daddy, Coop and Park. I love you." She turned around and took Booth's hand. "Okay, now I'm ready Daddy."

"Take your time, Bones. We will be over there waiting for you." Booth said and they walked away leaving Brennan alone.

Brennan turned back to Liz's gravestone. She just looked at it for a few minutes, letting the tears spill from her eyes. Every day it got easier, but she still missed her so much and she knew that would never change.

"Hi baby. I'm sorry I haven't been here in a while, I always tell myself I will come visit you more often, but it just hurts too much to come." She wiped the tears from her face. "You would have been fourteen years old today, and I know you would have been such a beautiful girl and smart. I remember when you were born, it was the happiest day of my life. You were so little and so fragile, I was afraid you would break in half." Every time she talked about it she couldn't help but cry through it.

"I never told you this, but for the first year you were gone, I was so devastated that I wanted to die. And now I'm ashamed of it. I was lost and not even your father was able to help me through it. It took me a long time to let him in again, but he never gave up on me. Things are good again, but I still miss you every day. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you."

She took a deep breath and tried to control herself.

"Your sister is so much like you, you would have been so proud to have been her big sister. She's always asking about you, and even though she has never met you, she wants to be exactly like you. You would have liked her."

Brennan was silent for a few minutes, just letting her tears fall and feeling the pain tug at her heart.

"I miss you, Liz. So much sometimes it's hard to breathe. I love you and I will never forget you. I promise to come back and visit you again."

She composed herself and turned around and walked towards her family.

"Are you okay, Bones?" Booth asked her when she reached them.

"Yes. I'm good. Thank you for giving me sometime alone with her." Brennan kissed him softly on the lips.

"You're welcome. Are you ready to go home?" Booth asked as they started to walk towards the car.

"Yes." Brennan took Sophia's hand in hers. "Are you ready Sophie?"

"I was waiting for you Mommy." Sophia turned to Parker. "Are you leaving again today Park?"

"No, I'm staying until tomorrow morning, but then I have to get back Soph."

"Good, then we can play tonight."

They put Sophia in her car seat and made their way home.

Brennan looked at her family. She was definitely in a better place now.

_The End_


End file.
